A review of "Cooties"

Much in the same way* This Is The End was spawned from the sentence "I want to see Jonah Hill raped by a demon", Cooties was* spawned from the sentence "children are fucking monsters".
You ever watch "Glee" and then, for whatever reason, one of the Saw movies and then think, "you know, I'd like to see these folks get together and do something"? If you said "yes" to this**, then you should probably see Cooties.
Cooties is a grisly horror comedy which tackles the zombie apocalypse from a pretty novel microcosm: grade school, with Patient Zero portrayed as a young girl who has eaten a tainted chicken nugget. Although the tried and true zombie movie beats do, eventually, rear their undying heads (Jump scares abound! Hey! The lights are out!) they, at least, seem lovingly crafted and are spaced out nicely by some pretty sharp writing. The entire cast does a great job of being the typical horror movie ensemble, with Elijah Wood as the Timid Protagonist, Rainn Wilson as the Slightly Grizzled Badass Weirdo, and Alison Pill as the Adorable Spunky Love Interest, although poor Jack McBrayer is, yet again, cast as Jack McBrayer.***

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how excellent writers Leigh Whannell (of Saw and Insidious) and Ian Brennan (of Glee) performed as Doug (the Awkward Science Guy) and Vice Principal Simms, respectively. Then there's the fantastically horrid**** opening as well as a post-mayhem, slow motion playground montage that will make you cry with laughter and then chill your tears.

The only real downside to Cooties is the ending, specifically in the sense that it doesn't really have one*****. Seriously, it just ends. But, if you can accept the non-ending and just want something not quite as funny, clever, and scary as Shaun of the Dead or Housebound, then rub your eyes all over Cooties, because it was made for you.

Cooties will be in select theaters and available on VOD Friday, September 18th.

* I'd imagine.

** Especially if you said "yes" out loud.

*** Anderson! Tarentino! Fincher! Coens! Please help this dude before it's too late!

**** Fantastically horrid mainly because of its accuracy.

***** Oh, also the kinda racist cameo by Peter Kwong as Ninja Janitor, Mr. Hatachi.