7.23.2013

I got to see The Wolverine tonight. And here's how it went.

Remember how X-Men: Last Stand was garbage and Wolverine: Origins was mostly garbage and ruined Deadpool and how X-Men: First Class was pretty good, but, since it was set in the 60's it sort of didn't really have anything to do with the trilogy and also how awful January Jones was?

Never mind.
I just saw The Wolverine and it was fucking awesome.

In a nutshell: Wolverine fights ninjas.

But there is more to this movie than Wolverine fighting ninjas...

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!




The intro was fantastic, opening with Logan in a prison camp at Nagasaki, minutes before the bomb dropped.
Very dramatic stuff, although Logan still has those magic pants we first saw in Last Stand, you know, the ones that can withstand the Phoenix fire?
Turns out they can also withstand A FUCKING ATOMIC BLAST.

After executing her in Last Stand, it seems that Jean Grey is still with Logan, in his mind.
This is done well and I'm glad of it, as the "haunted by the interactive memory of my dead love" trope can get pretty boring and cheese.

Logan's reintroduction to society is pretty great also: it involves a bar fight.

Then, Yukio, the super tight Japanese badass, brings him to Japan and things get...well, Japanese.

Wolvie is offered a chance to lose his healing factor and live the rest of his life like a human and, thankfully, this whole thing isn't the focus of the entire movie. Plus, he doesn't become a totally normal human, the efficacy of his healing factor is just greatly reduced. He can still take a bullet (or a thousand fucking arrows*), but he feels it.

Once Wolverine gets his mojo back, we learn that one of the villains is Viper.
Now, I do not know a lot about Viper; I always thought she was the chick with the green hair who worked under Red Skull and lead...Hydra...later? But, in this world (unless there is a different Viper) she is a hot blonde mutant chemist who is immune to all poisons and also able to spit acid, steal peoples' life force and shed her skin.
Yeah, it was weird, but not bad weird.

The big showdown is between Wolverine and the Silver Samurai, who looks fucking awesome, almost  combination between the Silver Samurai we all know and love and Shiva, and, at the end of it, Wolverine has lost his adamantium claws...and grows the bone claws.

Loved what they did with Yukio (who can now see how people die...) and Mariko, specifically how Mariko wasn't just a kidnap victim the whole time...although she did get kidnapped...twice.
They made her a competent fighter, just not that competent.

It was also nice to see a comic book movie where the stakes weren't so high, as with Iron Man 3 and Man Of Steel.

So.
I dug The Wolverine.
Very well made, satisfying movie.
But.
After the credits...
You know how, in all the recent Avengers movies they'll have a cute little teaser at the end?
Oh, look, Thor's hammer! Hey hey, Loki is controlling that dude!
This time around...

We see Logan in an airport, about to go through a metal detector.
A title appears and lets us know it is two years later.
As he is walking towards the checkpoint, he notices a commercial for a company called Trask Industries.
As he is about to walk through, he notices that things are acting weirdly; the metal detector is freaking out, coins are vibrating, keys rattling in their trays...his eyes widen, he pops his claws and swings behind him...but is stopped...by Magneto.

Magneto: There are dark forces gathering that seek to destroy our kind
Wolverine: How can I trust you?
Magneto: You can't.

At this point, you notice that time has apparently stopped moving behind the two of them.
And up rolls Charles Xavier.

Wolverine: How is this possible?
Xavier: As I told you long ago, my friend...there are others out there with gifts.

In the span of twenty seconds we get Sentinels, Magneto and Professor fucking X!

Fucking take that, shawarmas!





* Effectively becoming The Porcupine.

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