A decision.

1.31.08

8:59pm

Yes.

I have made a decision.

I have made it on my own and, I'm sorry Christina, there will be no bending on this.

No matter HOW talented or smart or sexy we consider our child/children to be, he/she will not be allowed to answer the phone until they can understand and respond accurately to the question, "Is your mother/father there?".

Now, I'm sure you're wondering how I came to make this irreversible, unbending decision.

Well, I'll tell you how.

One of my co-workers just called some goddamn relative of hers and, for at least three minutes, her side of the conversation consisted of: "Put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone,  <idiot fucking laughter at just how CUTE and FUNNY the child on the other end of the phone is for NO PUTTIN' GRAMMA 'N THE PHONE>, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, <idiot fucking laughter at how NOT obnoxious the aforementioned child is>, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, <idiot fucking laughter at just how CLEVER this little bundle of joy and teeth is> put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, put Gramma 'n the phone, <burbling noise as my index finger enters the brain>.

I like the last part.

I have nothing against kids but I'm REALLY not a fan of the "my kid is better/more special/etc. than yours simply because it's mine" sentiment.

I guess it's more that I have a problem with the parents of said children.

There are three types of children: the normal ones (who should not be heard from or seen by anyone but those in the child's IMMEDIATE family, and even then only by choice, until they can handle the phone as mentioned above), the stupid ones (like brain defect stupid) and the terrifying prodigies.

The prodigies should be worshipped as Gods so they don't get the wrong ideas and destroy humanity, but other than that?

Keep them in a box until they can function (at least on the telephone) like well trained dogs...that can talk.

Or just don't fucking make me listen to your uninhibited mirth and joy at reveling in the innocent retard ramblings of your should-have-been-aborted fuckling.

Whichever.

Anyway, TMBG this weekend.

Rock on.

Also, I'm planning on filming the third installment of  'The Inchoate Trilogy', entitled 'sextodecimo' in the next week or so.

Now, I know I'm occasionally guilty of hyperbole, but, seriously, this is going to cause the moon to explode and send the earth spinning either into the sun or off into the black depths of space, I'm not sure.

Will should know.

Will?

I'll keep you updated...   

Oh, also, if anyone wants to join me and others at either the Saul Williams show on Wednesday the 9th of April at Irving Plaza or eels at the Highline Ballroom on Tuesday the first or Wednesday the second of April, let me know.

Should be fun...