They're not just a band...they're a social club.

6.23.09

5:21 pm

The Street Sweeper Social Club album came out last week.  They opened for NIN and were excellent so I decided to check it out. 

Wow.  SO flat on wax.  Not even worth mentioning.

See them live or don't bother yourself with them at all.

Chris is away with massive Dad issues.

Things are very confusing at the moment.

Lots of trepidation.

Pulp Fiction...but not at all.

6.19.09

7:28 pm

Today I recorded this thing in which I played Eric Stoltz from Pulp Fiction.

It's way to hard to describe so...sorry.

Before that I had an audition.

It was a radio ad for GNC.

I couldn't stop thinking of Bearblasting and Humpcatting.

I have been up a LONG time today.

But I took two cabs while listening to my "mellow" playlist.

It was...mellow.

I also listened to the new Regina Spektor and I only really dig a song or two (Dance Anthem of the 80's and Human of the Year) .

She's lost a lot of that underground appeal from the first album.

Very slick and commercial this time around, more so than Built to Hope.

I'd now describe her music as a less trippy Tori Amos meets a more balanced Fiona Apple with some bucktoothed teddy bear thrown in for the Awkward Yet Cuddly factor.

Wow.

That was fucking apt.

At the recording this morning I was informed that the Tecate Light commercial is on the radio in the Southwest.

As is my Burger King commercial.

Now if only I ever listened to the radio.

In the Southwestern United States.

Wednesday I bought some Rasinets.

They were excellent.

Today I bought some David's Sunflower Seeds.

So I can spit them everywhere.

Whee.

I also bought some more Rasinets and Goldfish for Danielle and Lauren who have earned them and then some.

You SAY he's just a friend...

6.16.09

9:57 pm

But I digress.

I was a Cinematic Sailor this weekend! 

Yes I was! 

I saw Drag Me To Hell on Saturday with Sunny D which makes me more angry and more sad about Sam Raimi's continued involvement with  those horrible, horrible Spiderman movies.  He's wasting his talent.  Afterwards D and I hung out for like 8 hours!!

The words "barely" and "tolerable" swim to mind...
I kid.
Badly.
She taught me about Punk.
I like SoCal Punk.
Also, I think I missed the magic of Army of Darkness.
Total bummer.

Sunday was Lauren and I celebrating our tradition of seeing Night At The Museum and its sequels together.  So we went to some outdoor mall in Queens and saw it.  There was a moment when Tom Lennon and Ben Garant (The State, Reno 911!, Viva Variety etc) showed up cameo style.  I was puzzled.  Turns out, those fuckers wrote BOTH N@TM movies.  Cha-ching!  Honestly, not bad movies.  I have to say the Onion (whose opinion I usually accept without much question) gave it a bum deal.  They said the plot was convoluted.  I say they weren't paying very close attention if they were seriously led astray during this movie.  The children in the audience were with it the whole time; stop texting your friends about how big Ben Stiller's ears are the movie is while you're in the theater and maybe you won't get confused, dumbass. After that, she and I enjoyed some Japanese food prepared and named after a man called simply...Shiro.

Shiro...you are an honorable and tasty man.

Then we had dessert at this nearby fondue place.

For $10, I ate more than my heads' weight in dark and milk chocolate and got a tummy ache.

A $10 tummy ache.

It was worth it.

It was good to catch up with Lawn since I hadn't really seen her for a bit.

Then I went home to find Christina sleeping.

So I let her sleep.

Today I set out to purchase the Ghostbusters video game only to find it sold out at both Best Buy AND GameStop.

Good for the game's sales, bad for me.

I will try to hunt one down tomorrow.

Not sure what is happening this weekend.

Both Lauren AND Danielle have expressed interest in seeing The Hangover, but Lawn might be busy and Danielle might just have had her fill of Paul for the month of June.

I fully understand.

I may still have people over to watch the Ghostbusters movies, or I might just say y'all can take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut and watch them by myself, naked, with a jar of peanut butter and a dream.

Either way: I WIN.

Finally, I am maybe 7% still sick and I can fully function now. Good thing, because that VO is recording Friday morning.

Love the timing, folks.

Love it.

Oh, and also: Will's bachelor party is happening in my apartment some time in July.

Or August.

Or sometime before the wedding.

Whether he is here or not.

We're going to watch the Big Lebowski for five hours and...do things that never happened.

Of which there are not photos.

None.

An review of Hombre Lobo

6.12.09

9:12 pm

 

I've had this album for a few weeks (I downloaded a copy maybe four days before it came out...way to copyright protect, E...I think four days is a new record) and, although I haven't dedicated hours and hours of time to it, I think I'm formulating opinions.

 

First off, I had higher expectations because this was the last album to be released in this Summer of Music and it's eels, so I had a lot riding on it, but then again, I also had lower expectations because anything coming off of a four year wait and the most recent album (33 tracks, 2 disc, epic etc.) was going to be a bit of a let down.

 

Short answer: it's a good eels album, but only a few of the tracks are really notable; the rest are just "okay eels songs".

The problem is, with a 12 song, 40 minute album, if four of your songs aren't great, that's a third of the album.

Luckily, only three songs really don't jive with me.  Of the other nine, three are excellent and the rest are merely good.

All in all, not a bad record, but...four years for twelve songs....arg.

Maybe a bit too lean.

Plus the fact that there's not a whole lot of production here makes everything feel even more sparse.

Some songs do have some cool elements here or there, but overall, this just sounds a bit...demo-y.

One or two more layers to most of these songs could have done them some good.

 

Long answer: Here's a track by track break down.

 

Prizefighter

This is one of the songs I don't really like.

Not for the content, more for the form.

It's bad "simple eels" as opposed to good "simple eels".

I mean, the whole album is pretty simple, but this one just doesn't have the notes in the right order for me.

The message is great though, "let me be there for you, I'll listen and help out", good feeling for an opener, but don't dig the sound.

 

That Look You Give That Guy

Perfect example of good "simple eels".

Not only that, but E is so wonderfully shy and vulnerable that you can't not "awww" at this song.

You want to see the girl in this song give him a chance.

 

Lilac Breeze

Ah...the rock, how E does love it.

A sweet love song with some nice straight up bass riffs and rock drums.

The twist at the end of each chorus adds some nice nuance to what could have been a simple song.

I also enjoy the backing harmonies.

That's what I'm talking about, it's spare, but not boring.

The lyrics are a bit simple, as are quite a few on the album, but the meaning comes through better without too many words...sometimes.

 

In My Dreams

One of my favorites.

Great "simple eels" song.

Sweet and sad, the very definition of a good eels track and the band itself.

 

Tremendous Dynamite

Man oh man was I excited when I saw this song title.

STOP JUDGING BOOKS BY THEIR COVERS.

The tempo really rubs me the wrong way.

And the repetition as well.

Some good lyrics here and there ("being the bomb is her birthright") but not enough to salvage the song.

Something kind of interesting starts to happen with the beat towards the end, but, again, not interesting enough.

Oh well, not every eels song can be perfect.

I enjoy the swagger behind the song, but not the song itself.

 

The Longing

Here we go.

Sad, beautiful and creepy, but in a totally relatable, understandable way.

I pity the person who hasn't felt this way about someone at some point in their lives.

It's a dark, yearning song that speaks of a pain that, if you haven't felt at one point or another, you've not truly lived or loved.

"...when I say I would die for her/it's not just words/I really would/and to make the world a safer place for her/well I believe I really could"

E might be one of the only artist's out there than can make that sound sincere.

"Her tears/her sorrow/her faults/her doubts/I love them all"

A perfect eels track.

 

Fresh Blood

Remember in the mid 90's, before you knew about mp3's and you would hear one track off a CD (the Radio Song) and then you'd go and buy that CD, only to find out that the Radio Song sounds NOTHING like the rest of the album or even the band itself?

Yeah, eels does that too.

Drum machines, dark synths, spooky echoes...this song is everything every other track on the album is not.

I was going to buy this album anyway, but to hear this as the first new eels song off the new album in four years?  I'll admit, my hopes were misled up the ladder of expectation...by this song and this song alone.

Don't get me wrong, it really is great, just misleading.

I wonder if E ever planned to treat every song on the album to the "Fresh Blood" production...what an album THAT would have been...

 

What's A Fella Gotta Do

More rock.

Great little high energy track to bring you out of the mournful chill of "The Longing" and the creepy, red depths of "Fresh Blood".

Not a lot to the track, more flash than substance, but E does it well.

"You're so fine/If you were mine I'd love you up"

I would LOVE to be loved up; by E, by you, by anyone.

It sounds fun.

This should be a good one live.

 

My Timing Is Off

Ack.

I really do not like this song.

Something so b-side and throw off about it.

It's just bland is all, no interesting music or style or lyrics.

Instant skip.

 

All The Beautiful Things

This song is just a few steps above the blandness that spoiled "My Timing Is Off".

It's just too sweet and heartfelt to ignore.

Not the sweetest or most heartfelt eels song, but it counts for something.

Also the strings help.

It is my opinion that most songs can be made better with strings.

Especially eels' songs.

 

Beginner's Luck

A happy bouncer of a song with a jaunty gait and a fun li'l bass line.

Nothing so amazing about it, but it's a solid track.

Yeah.

 

Ordinary Man

A truly fitting eels album closer.

Honestly, it reminds me of Xanthus' "Go It Alone Song" from People Are Wrong.

I'm sure that helps everyone.

A sad, hopeful recitation made by a guy who's tried eleven different approaches.

Here he's just listing the facts and waiting for an answer.

No characters, no bluster, just "here I am, here's why we should be together, give me a chance and you'll see for yourself".

Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't.

You want it to, but nice guys don't often finish first.

 

I can't really tell if this is an album for people who are in safe, stable, happy relationships or for those who aren't.

On one hand, those in relationships might appreciate the fiction but they might not latch onto the sincerity.

On the other hand, those not in relationships, who might relate too closely to our narrator might get lost in the intricacies of it all.

There are some powerful emotions expressed here and, if you're in the wrong state of mind, that could result in disaster.

Again, this is a good eels album, a bit lean after the feast of Blinking Lights, but not so lacking in substance as to not count as a meal.

I am, however, already getting my hopes up for the other new eels album, the second of two E wrote during his four year absence, so I guess that doesn't say too much for this one.

It's simple and beautiful at times, but a bit too simple at others.

One or two more layers would have made this a better album.

Oh Weekend...(part 2)

6.08.09

First things first: the state I'm in right now, I should NOT be on the streets.

I almost killed three people today, merely for walking slower than me.

This does not bode well for humankind...

Now, the Second of the Two Most Busy Weekends of My Summer.

Friday went better as far as waking up and spending all goddamn day at work, apparently I had gotten more sleep.

BUT

I was starting to feel low energy and sicky poo.

"Excellent timing, God," I said to God, "excellent timing you celestial cockhole".

So after work, I went home and then traversed my way with Li'l Miss Birthday to Khyber Pass.

Fun fun!

Good food, got to meet Natalia's finance, Tim, who is excellent, saw Amy Pugh who I haven't seen for about 6 years, got to welcome Jeannie (the Jean Genie to those in the know) back and again, the food was stellar, pumpkin turnovers with yoghurt sauce, meat with meat dumplings and yogurt sauce and remarkable baklava.

And more yogurt sauce.

Afterwards some of the diners walked through the drizzly night to Mahenata's (or however those Godless Heathens pronounce/spell their Temple of False Moustaches) where we met up with a few more birthday soldiers as the night pashed on.

Sadly, I did not have as much fun since my head was beginning to feel like the guy head from MTV's The Head...you know? and the brilliant electric oboe player had his death machine set on the Kill Paul's Fucking Head setting.

He and his jubbly butt buddy played for a solid hour and a half or two hours.

Jess and Danielle arrived with their respective entourages (Libby, Gautham, Robert, others),  in tow, my headache got worse, Danielle shared some wonderful news, Jess projected some of her insecurities onto me and I went home.

I'll skip the constant interjections involving the status of my health and just tell you that the whole of the weekend could have been more fun it I were not sick.

Duh.

Saturday and Sunday both felt the same as far as waking dozens of times during the night, then rising around one or two, feeling unrested and put upon.

"Fucking Nine Inch Nails" Christina and I muttered back and forth to one another "...not having a fucking show in New York City...fucking Trent fucking Reznor...have to take the fucking train to the fucking bus...fucking fuck..."

Etc.

For both shows, we arrived at our seats just as the opener, Street Sweeper Social Club (Boots Reilly and Tom Morello from RATM's side project...think RATM without Zach Dela Roche making you feel like an asshole who slaughtered his people of the Sun, who were, despite what Dela Roche would have you believe, not all that cool) came on.

They put on a great show including an excellent cover of M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes".

We had just enough time beforehand to pay $6 for water, $7 for a hot dog, $4 for a cup of coffee and $40 for a t-shirt that Christina felt the urge to complain about the quality of loudly in front of the merch people.

I don't really care about their feelings per se, I'm sure they're lovely people, but it just makes me feel more like an American Asshole spending $40 on a shirt.

But then again, women like to shop!

They shop like crazy!

And they're bad with money and cars!!

There...how about that?

Sucks don't it.

Where the fuck was I?

Oh yes, since this production was nothing compared to the other four or so tours I've seen them on (no screens or moving lights, maybe a handful of LED strips etc.), there was a fifteen minute change over between SSSC and NIN.

I'll spare you the details since none of you give a shit and just say that I enjoy the bells and whistles of NIN a lot (especially when the bells and whistles include gigantic fucking mobile LED screens and interactive set pieces) and I think that both shows were lacking a certain...flair.

BUT

that was almost fully compensated for by the ridiculously varied set lists.

Between the two nights, we got over half of The Downward Spiral, three quarters of Broken, a Gary Neuman cover, a David Bowie cover (no Bowie though, I am crushed to say) and some other really great shit.

Seats for the first show were alright, a bit right of the stage and maybe fifty feet away, but the second night was worth the exorbitant ticket price: a hair off center and maybe 25 feet from the stage.

There were one or two songs I had heard they were playing that I would have freaked if I'd seen them, but all in all, not a bad send off for Nine Inch Nails.

Highlights included "Metal", "I Do Not Want This", "Mr. Self Destruct", "1,000,000", "Burn", "The Way Out Is Through" and "The Downward Spiral".

Boy howdy and damn betcha.

We skipped Jane's Addiction the first night and watched two or three songs the second night.

Meh.

Heroin is SO passé.

Then we went home and ate some delicious homemade chicken chili.

Thus ends My Busy Weekends for the Summer.

From this point on, you come to me or you go and fuck yourself.

Look at my gorgeous choppers!!

6.3.09

3:22 pm

Show of hands: who would not LOVE getting a blowjob from a succubus?
Be honest, at least with yourself if not with me.

Went to my new dentist today.

Neal Auerbach (that means "gold Bach" in German).

Doesn't he just sound like a dentist?

He looks like one too, got a smock and everything.

X-rays and exam confirmed what I always tell strangers on the subway: my teeth are in great shape, all knobbed and white.

I am set for a cleaning next Thursday at noon in case, you know, anyone want's to hang out with me at my dentist appointment.

Sigh.

No one ever does, but I'll keep on asking.

Hope floats.

And some poop.

5:16 pm

Sitting here, sort of drifting...

Over the radio I hear one of the security guards saying "...fanny..." again and again, just catching it through waves of static.

I know that he is requesting that Fanny, the lady from Housekeeping, respond to him over the radio, but to a random bystander, it would sound funny and to a random British bystander, it would sound even more funny.

"...ksssssh....minge...sssshhhhhhttz.....minge......"

I'm about to go on lunch, but since I had lunch after the dentist (some innate,  self destructive urge to sully the teeth that have just been deemed perfect...) I have nothing to do for the next hour and a half.

I wish I had a helicopter.

I think it may be raining as well.

Starbucks does little to sustain me, but I may trot over there anyway.

Just for some basic, human interaction.

When I say thank you to the dead eyed ape behind the counter, they will FEEL my sincerity.

Or they will feel my fury.

Oh Weekend...(part 1)

6.2.09

7:14 pm

And thus it came to pass...the Busiest Weekend of My Summer.

Actually, the First of the Two Most Busy Weekends of My Summer.

By the end of work I was knackered.

Literally.

But I ate some Thai food and became a ninja, making it to Terminal 5 one minute after doors opened.

I entered with a throng of cynical, smarmy people and ended up dead center maybe fifteen feet back.

Then I stood and waited from 8:30 to 9:45 while goddamn nothing fucking happened.

No opener doesn't actually mean you get to see the band you want to see earlier, it just means and extra forty minutes standing in a darkened room.

Or so opines Terminal 5.

The fucks.

By 9:15, my back was aching and I was getting ready to just bite some of the people crammed into the place around me, but then, finally, Cake.

They opened with "Sad Songs and Waltzes" which is a down tempo, slow waltz and it seemed an odd choice, but then everything afterwards was jeweled gold.

They broke their 21 song set into two parts and that was a mistake because leaving you're slavishly dedicated audience (not only was the place sold out but EVERYONE was singing along with EVERYTHING) in the dark for twenty goddamn minutes tends to unexcite them; and then they came back on with "Daria", not a bad song, but it did nothing to get the energy back up. After that slower song that had another and another but eventually they kicked things back into gear.

Highlights included: "Guitar", "Love You Madly" (one of my favorite Cake songs), "Wheels" (ditto), "Italian Leather Sofa" (probably my favorite Cake song) and "The Distance" (not a favorite, but the band and the rest of the crowd seemed to think it was and they did give it their all so...).

Five of the songs ended in massively extended audience sing alongs conducted and orchestrated by John McCrea who cajoled, begged and commanded the audience to sing along.

They played two new songs (one sounding very "good Cake song" and the other very "Cake music for a popular movie soundtrack") and then said they were never releasing the album the songs were on because "people only want goddamn fucking ringtones".

Although McCrea was dour at times, talking about the apocalypse and the failing economy and "goddamn fucking ringtones", we wasn't as abusive towards the audience as he was eleven years ago.

Toward the end of the show they did their tree giveaway thing and that was...Cake-like.

They finished with "Jolene".

Oh boy did they.

During the sing along section, while the audience was getting into it, they turned off all the lights but some dark orange ones and two silver body painted girls wearing silver bikinis can out and proceeded to do a synchronized routine with hula hoops full of lights.

It was hypnotizing to the sober and world ending to the stoned.

Very interesting choice.

And their guitarist (named Xan) was a fucking animal.

He made love to that guitar and let us all watch.

I'd love to see him and Dan Miller in a Shred Off.

Aaaaaaaand speaking of Dan Miller...

Saturday was TMBG, but, before the show was dinner.  Mark (Brubaker, Ange's hubby), Lisa and I went to Bamboleo, the same Mexican place Chris and Lawn and I went to for an earlier TMBG show at Le Poisson Rouge (it's practically next door).

It was...slightly awkward to be frank. Probably won't set that up again.

As we walked out, doors had just been opened and we went right in and took our place ten feet from the Linnell side.

Then we were subjected to Mixel Pixel.

Waaay to hippy/psychedelic for TMBG fans.

Eventually, they cawed their last and after a brief wait, TMBG took the stage.

It's hard to really be surprised at a TMBG show after you've seen them 50+ times, but they still managed to pull out some revamped chestnuts like "Subliminal","Thunderbird", "Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes" and "I Am Not Your Broom", performed by Flans, behind a broom, talking as the broom for a good five minutes.

It really isn't about surprise, more just entertainment.  I know I'm going to have good fun at a TMBG show and it has yet to happen.

They also threw in "Birdhouse", "Don't Let's Start", "New York City", "The Guitar" and a few other songs of which I'll never get tired.

Didn't get "Drink!", thank God.

So sick of that fucking song...but they still slipped in "Damn Good Times".  Not a horrible song, but if you don't get a show with "Drink!", you get a show with "Damn Good Times".

Oh well, I only have myself to blame.  Maybe I shouldn't have seen them 20 times in three months that one time...

Then Lisa and I shared a cab with the first woman driver I'd ever had...and hopefully the last one.

She made such a fucking stink about making two stops, but when we said, "okay, if you don't want to take us to our destinations, let us out" she said, "and then I'll have to pay the meter" (which was at $2.50 plus $.50 for the thirty seconds we'd been in the cab).

This went on for about five blocks until I said, "Yes or no, are you going to take us to our destinations, yes or no?"

Eventually she grudgingly agreed to take our dirty, filthy money in exchange for, you know, a service that we were purchasing with our dirty, filthy money and we were off.

What a cunt.

You're a cab driver, shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

Then, silly billy goat, I played Infamous until sixish, then went to bed only to wake up again...

...for Colin's BBQ/house warming.

I awoke at 1:30, showered and left.

Then I ate a hundred hot dogs, hamburgers, corn on the cobs, grilled corn muffins (a stroke of nostalgic genius conceptualized by me and carried out by Lawn) and just everything.

Good times.

Met Colin's new roommates and the people that live above them.

One of them is a stone fox.

A fox templar to reuse a term coined, copyrighted and owned in perpetuity by me.

ME, MOTHERFUCKER, ME!

Then Lawn drove me and the Gold Berg back to my place for the fireworks commemorating the 45th anniversary of the Queensboro Bridge.

Yay?

It was wonderful on the roof, the fireworks were shiny and the gay folks on the top floor were stoned and flouncy.

All I could ever ask for.

Yesterday I played three hours of Scorched Earth.

Today I purchased the new EELS (because if I don't, who will?).

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment (all covered by my not-really-for-White-Folks-but-we-can't-come-right-out-and-say-that insurance).

Thursday I will record something with the Tecate Light guys producers who liked my voice so much they want to use it on their own thing (THAT is how I know I'm doing well).

Friday I'm killing myself with another 11 am - 4:30 pm for to so I can to be present at my Nouf's birthday.

Saturday I'm going to New Jersey to see Nine Inch Nails.

Sunday I'm going to Long Island to see Nine Inch Nails.

I just read an interview in Mojo in which Reznor says this could be the last tour for A DECADE.

Jesus.

Hopefully he'll get bored and change his mind.

He did say there's a new album coming that will be less of an experiment in this or that and just have a lot of well-written songs.

Hey, after five years for "The Fragile" and six years for "With Teeth", as long as he has this one in before 2014, I'll be happy.

All right.

That's all.

Go away.

Movie's over.

So. Much. Nothing.

5.29.09

11:59 am

Recently:

Finished the fourth to last published Discworld book - Fun as ever. Worried what I'll do once I've craved though the last three...  Phil has suggested a series by Joe Butcher or something along those lines, the Dresden Books?  The man hasn't steered me wrong yet.

Finished Battlestar Galactica - Have quite a few questions.  Three actually.  But, in case anyone who reads this is watching or planning to watch the show, I will not raise them here.  Overall, a great show, but the ending felt a bit lacking, but like most things that are massive and amazing, it's hard to get an ending that reflects, retains and etc. all the epic glory of the show itself.  Unless you're the Shield or the Wire.  In which case you do it and do it well.

Finished the Simpsons Game - Some pretty damn hilarious stuff there (bosses include Will Wright...the actual Will Wright, creator of the Sims and Spore, Matt Groening and God...who challenges you to a DDR Showdown), but nothing about the gameplay really makes me want to go back through it.  Good game though.

Reached the point in the Simpsons television show where I can see (without any argument) what people are complaining about.  It was a series of THREE SHITTY EPISODES IN A ROW towards the back half of the 19th season.  One was a badly written and disjointed episode sort of kind of referencing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the next was a shoehorned 90's story that just felt odd and incongruous with the ENTIRETY of the show thus far and the third was another disjointed election '08 themed episode which seemed more to be a collection of gags without any through line.  Then there was one of those let's-Simpsonize-three-stories-that-share-a-theme episodes about Valentine's Day and love.  Just shit.  And last night, there was actually an anti-smoking episode.  They tried to be irreverent and etc. with it, but an anti-smoking episode starring the Simpsons is as transparent as an anti-drug episode starring a team up between G.I. Joe and Cobra..  On the other hand, show me something that lasts 18 years which is more good than bad.  Asshole.

Watched The Promotion, an hilarious movie starring John C. Reilly and Seann William Scott.  It's a subtle (at times) comedy which makes you understand why Seann William Scott keeps getting work and why people are always going off about how awesome John C. Reilly is.  It also features the first off-screen gay banjoist jokes I have ever heard.  God, I'm sheltered.

Watched The Amazing Screw On Head.  Fucking excellent.  I wish there was more. 

Downloaded the Wolverine movie as well.

Why is Deadpool Cyclops?

Started reading the third to last Discworld book.  Not too far into it, but it's pretty much exactly what I've come to expect based on the previous twenty four.

Started playing the new PS3 game, Infamous.  This game...it's going to keep me up...  Hopefully it heralds the coming of the Age Where Playstation Is No Longer Xbox 360's Bitch.  Apparently there's a slew of really truly enjoyable games coming out exclusively for the PS3 this year and it may actually put a slight damper on Xbox 360's towering sales disparity.  Uncharted 2, Infamous, Project Trico (although that's probably 2010), God of War 3 and Heavy Rain to name a few.  You can do it Sony, you can do it.

Found out on Tuesday, in an oddly State heavy day that the comedy album they recorded back around the show had leaked (it's as brilliant and stupid as the show itself) AND that finally, the goddamn DVD is coming out July 14th.  Day One motherfuckers, Day One.

Had a few weeks with the new Marilyn Manson album.

Meh.  Not as horrible as the most recent, but hardly memorable.  Here's a hint, when you have the guy who did programming for Nine Inch Nails for two albums and then went on to create Tweaker...let him go nuts.  Manson is done.  And, incidentally, there is a line on the new one where he calls the listeners "rapists werewolves".

"Rapist werewolves".

Think about that.

Ah...so poignant.

BUT the new eels is up on their Myspace and a lot of it is already growing on me.  Obviously I'm going through the same kind of withdrawal I did when NIN took six years to put out a single disc after taking five years to put out their double album, but these things happen.

Unless you are Prince.

However, I must not listen to the new eels until after tomorrow night.  For tonight is Cake (was feeling pretty mellow about this until I started listening to them today) and tomorrow is TMBG.  I'd be more excited if I weren't so tired.  To get to the show tonight, I have to work early today.  All in all, not a bad trade off, the more obnoxious employees aren't here until three or so but it still knocks the shit out of me.  Another problem is the building excitement over the two NIN concerts next weekend.  That shit is going to be off the hook, to use the parlance of our times.

There's rumors that Bowie is going to join them for a song or two.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

There's also some new hotness up on RSPS and Dead Ends.

You should take it.

Oh, and there's a barbeque this weekend at Colin's new place.

That's bacon.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

http://www.the-state.com/

For The Greater Good

5.22.09

7:15 pm

Getting off the train today, I saw two morbidly obese people (a man thing and a woman thing) sitting at opposite ends of those uncomfortable wooden Subway benches that are basically a slab of wood with little wooden dividers ever two feet or so.  Each of them was occupying about two seats with the divider nestled snugly between the unspeakable oblivion of their respective ass cracks.

My first thought at seeing these...shapes filling out their clothes and just...BEING FAT was that they should marry and then try to have children so that they would both die mid-coitus, thus preventing them from multiplying and further fattening our already-bloated Nation.

Does that make me a bad person?

They were reeeeeeally fat.

Not chubby, portly, stout, porky, rotund, zaftig, chunky, swelled, callipygian or anything else; they were goddamn morbidly fucking obese.

These are the people you see in "America Is Obese" stock footage on the news, neck down only to protect their "dignity".

These are the type of people that left walking behind years ago as well as waddling.

They lumber.

They lumber like trees.

Sloppy, jelly trees.

That smell like butter tarts.

And have trouble breathing because you mentioned butter tarts to them and now they want butter tarts.

I also watched "The Prophecy" a night or two ago.

Christopher Walken as a killer angel...whew.

God would never make that mistake because He'd be killed within a week.

I'm sure I'm not the first to say so, but I believe "gleefully psychotic" describes Mr. Walken best.

But then I watch the video for Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" and things get...hm...muddled?

It's like a spell...

Anyway.

It had better not rain tomorrow...

Grrrr......

Jouncy!

5.19.09

4:48 pm

Working straight through 4:30 to 11 today.

Phil and I are going to try to recreate his lost memories regarding the Grind Show series.

I'll like a muse, but with stuff that's been forgotten...who's the saint of forgotten stuff?

Chuck?

Harold?

Eh. Whaeva.

Been listening to a band called Other Lives recently.  Discovered them while searching for leaked eels.  Really great stuff.  Very simple, sad and beautiful.  One of the guys in the band worked with eels and the producer has worked with Beck, Radiohead and Outkast, although there is NO Outkast flavor on this,

Guitar, piano, drums, violin and that's pretty much it.

I wouldn't usually dig the guy's voice, but it just fits with the melancholy tone of the music.

Melancholy yet hopeful at times.

Also a bit on the short side, both the individual songs and the album as a whole, but really moving from start to finish.

I highly recommend it.

Getting pretty hard about the upcoming NIN shows (SO many new/unplayed songs...).  In fact, I think it may be sort of obscuring my enthusiasm for the Cake and TMBG shows.

But this is the path I choose and I shall walk it, hard and resolute.

Don't FUCK with the Lords of Hell!

5.18.09

7:08 pm

Watched "Let The Right One In" this weekend.  Seriously one of the sweetest movies I'd seen in a long time.  Yes the setting and actions are the main characters are, at times, really fucked up, but there is such an innate sincerity to the relationship between Oscar and Eli that my heart just wiggled.  I had the worst feeling that this was going to end in tragedy, but when the ending finally arrived, I was all smiles.

Such a well done movie too.  Why can't people in America make a good movie like that involves vampires?  Why must we turn to the Russians?

*sigh*

Saturday was physically and emotionally draining, but in a good way.  I guest walked Louis and Eloise for Josh and Linza and those pups slept they night, yes they did.  Then I retuned home with Danielle in tow and we talked for a while before putting on "Adventures In Babysitting", a movie I hadn't seen in about 15 years but which I'd rented obsessively (as I did with a set of about 25 or 30 movies) when I was a kid.  I miss the formulaic "What could POSSIBLY go wrong NEXT???!?!?!?!?!?" comedies.  So predictable, so soft.  And there's this guy in it who is scary as fuck.  I believe Danielle made some comparison to an evil Steve Buchemi.  Christ he's frightening.

Finished Dollhouse and, although I'd dig a second season, you could almost see the cancellation of the show telegraphed on the actor's faces in the season finale.  Poor Joss Whedon...will Fox EVER stop ass raping him?

The Picnic is this Saturday and YOU HAD BETTER HOLD YOUR WATER, GOD! OR YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH!

That's that.

dance on

5.15.09

7:15 pm

No, you can NOT haz popular website!!1

Anyway, just watched the remake of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" last night. I'd never seen the original, but the heavy-handedness was unbearable at times. As was Will Smith's son. I fear what he will become... It is impressive, however, to see how Hollywood can keep finding roles in which Keanu Reeves doesn't act. His performance in Day made his performance in The Matrix look like his performance in Bill & Ted.

You with me?

Also, checked out the new Tori Amos and Eminem albums respectively.

Tori, Tori, Tori...I think her fire may be out. Except for maybe three or four interesting tracks (Give, Strong Black Vine, Police Me and the title track), the rest ranges from meh-ish to the soul scalding Adult Contemporary I thought she had turned away from with American Doll Posse.

But I was WRONG.

It's an all right Tori Amos album, but nothing really amazing there sadly.

And as for Eminem's first album in four years? He seems not to have changed much and although he is literally just turning up the Offend-O-Meter, it still works. He is still shocking without apparently trying while Marilyn Manson is just rambling on about the WEIRDEST shit. There is a song in which "Christopher Reeve" does a verse (complete with affected voice and neck tube noises) which includes the chorus "I guess it's time for you to hate me again" (Medicine Ball), a song in which he kidnaps, drugs, rapes and/or kills Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan (Same Old Song and Dance) and just a plethora (literal definition of the word) of things that are so shocking they're funny. He's doing the same thing he's always done and, unless you didn't like that in 1998, he continues to do it well. But I have to admit that I am confused. The album is called "Relapse". On it he mentions that he was in rehab and is now back on drugs (namely Valium...a LOT of talking about Valium), that he's been clean for a year and that he never went to rehab. It doesn't keep me up and night, but, you know...what the fuck Marshall?

Had lunch with Jess and Danielle today. Never seen Danielle so happy. Dan has been an incredibly positive influence on her life it seems and that's awesome. Rock on, you two.

Meanwhile, Jess's Dave Man has just learned to sew humans in Doctor School.

Watch how this skill has NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER in Jessica Wade's very own Dead End.

Go absolutely fuck yourself, you maladjusted and frigid bitch.

5.14.09

7:09 pm

My faith may have been misplaced in Seattle Cafe...at least in their paninis.

Had an audition for Sunny D this morning.

They're still making Sunny D.

Way to go, guys.

In other news, Chris and I are but one hour and thirty five minutes away from the end of Battlestar Galactica (save one final made-for-TV movie coming out in November) and we're terrified of what may transpire.

After BSG, we may pick up the fifth season of Lost. May hopes are now that They have decided on an ending for the show, the shit will start to become less....annoying IS the right word, yes. And personally, I am four episodes away from the end of the first (of many hopefully) season on Joss Whedon's Dollhouse. They seem to be getting better as they progress... After that, I still have the new season of Rescue Me to get immersed in, but only after I've finished the last episode of Volume 3 of Heroes and the end of the 18th and totality of the 19th seasons of The Simpsons.

Busy busy busy.

Busy.

Facetious.

Then, I have Cake, TMBG and two Nine Inch Nails shows in two weeks. I've been somewhat good about not spoiling the setlists for NIN but from what I'm trying not to see, they have some CRAZY shit on there. Songs they haven't played in over 14 years and some they've never played at all. Literally a different show every night...for at least a few nights of course. They learned over 70 songs for this tour, plus some covers that...well...who gives a shit but me anyway.

It's going to be good. Just take comfort in the fact that I'll be enjoying myself. Not that I need to be at a NIN concert to enjoy myself, I'm enjoying myself right now, but I will enjoy myself even more so at the aforementioned concerts.

Yes.

And finally, Scorched Earth is MELTING the hours here. I am a sick, sick, lazy genius.

And please check in on RSPS and Dead Ends, as there has been new shit added that will help you to further get ur freak on.

Una TECATE LIGHT por Hombre del Pajaro!!

5.7.09

9:58 pm

Today worked out well.

I had to go back for a re-record of the Tecate Light thing from last week and found out I am getting paid double what I was told (nice) and, at one point, the guys in there needed me to do something deep but different than what I had been doing.

I asked what exactly they wanted and amidst the general muttering, one man said "Birdman".

I said, "Roll it."

I said the product name is the Gary Cole Birdman voice and actually received applause from the studio.

Things like this don't happen often and man was my ego swoll.

Felt pretty nice.

Afterwards, I got a call from the producer who wants to use me on an internal video his company is doing.

Double nice.

And finally, I have problems finding stuff to do here at work, as you know.

I also fell in love with a game called Scorched Earth back in 95.

Whenever I try to play it on my machine at home, it bugs up and closes.

Then I thought...the computers at work are about fifteen years old!

And guess what I've been doing for the last hour?

Oh hell yes.

I love this goddamn game.

Again, today worked out well.

All Typesa Shit

4.29.09

3:29pm

Why the hell are copy machines so BIG?

Seriously.

8:04pm

Also.

Garbage's "Supervixen" is a very hot song.

While I was on the Subway about and hour and a half ago, I heard a new system announcement about giving pregnant women your seat (as if you really have assholes that massive and puckering that wouldn't).  It ended with the line "Stand up for what's right".

Now, I have always said that I will give my seat to two types of people, the pregnant and the super elderly (unless they get pushy and stare at me like it's my fucking job to make sure they're sitting, they can go fuck themselves until they die in like a week or whatever).  And when I say "super elderly" I mean the shaking, milky-eyed old fucks who aren't even aware they're on the Subway, not those GODDAMNED ANNOYING 60-somethings that bring with them that sense of entitlement, that unspoken declaration that I OUGHT TO (not should, but OUGHT TO) surrender (and don't misunderstand, when you give a 62 year old woman your seat you are indeed surrendering) my seat to them.

Anyway, that capper, "stand for what's right", just made me think of a scenario that will, most likely, never happen:

A pushy pregnant woman gets on the train, sees me, stands in front of me and then asks for my seat, quoting the PA's last line.  I look at her, her distended belly, smile and say, "How do I know you're baby won't grow up to be the next Hitler."

It was a long train ride, give me a break.

And.

Just started reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".

In the battle of Jane Austen Vs. Zombies, I am very sad to say that Ms. Austen is winning.

Not even zombies can make Jane Austen readable for me.

I am truly a heterosexual man.

Finally,

I got another booking today for tomorrow and there is an eels' line that's been bouncing around inside my head ever since:

"The psychic joy/of living in this world/is overwhelming me/again and again"

And I think I figured out why upbeat eels music is more powerful to me than upbeat other artists' music.

The fact that E as had SUCH amazing traumatic shit happen in his life and he is STILL ABLE to function just gives his upbeat stuff more weight and sincerity.

As in, if HE can go to sleep and wake up the next morning, I certainly can.

Beck has a lot of upbeat shit, but it can seem silly next to E's stuff.

Double ditto for TMBG.

Speaking of which, planning on seeing TMBG on Saturday, May 30th.

Anyone want to jump in my boat?

4.30.09
3:41pm

I...am all typesa tired.  It's a happy tired, a good tired, but a very tired tired nonetheless.  It's as if my soul had just had excellent, brain-shattering sex...with twins.

I woke at nine this morning (fuck you Daylighters, that's like waking up at 3am) and went to Chromavision (which is just as swathed in false grandeur as the name indicates) and recorded a radio spot for Tecate Light beer.  Which is, apparently, some kind of beer.

For the first time since the Burger King commercial, this was an actual script with me and this other guy, Matt, playing the roles.

It was just fun as hell and after a few takes, the guys in the booth (all six of them) wanted us to improv some stuff.  Man, did we improv.  Hopefully, this will be on the air in a few weeks and, even more hopefully, I will be able to get a copy and, if I'm lucky, some of the outtakes.  Afterwards, I had a boilerplate car insurance audition and it was...thrilling.  No wait...not thrilling is what  meant, but I sounded good and that's what the people up top pay no attention to.  In the bag, baby...in the bag.

There was a wonderful moment before the recording when I was standing on a corner, waiting for the light to change, alternately looking at the Flatiron and the Empire State Building; the weather was a perfect 60 something (not to be confused with the "60 something"mentioned in the previous post), the eels were telling me I'd better get out now or at least keep my eyes down, and everything was just Golden, you know?

God damn am I tired.

Unless I get mucho auditiones for manana, I plan to sleep lots this evening and tomorrow during the day, right up until 2ish.

Jub Jub.  

7:50pm

One final thing.

A few months ago, Britney Spears released a new album, Circus.  On it there was a track called "If You Seek Amy".  The chorus goes: love me/hate me/say what you want about me/but all the girls and all the boys/are begging to if you seek Amy.

Get it?

Eff yew cee kay me?

Fuck me?

Because people want to fuck Britney Spears?

Baby-bald vagina and all?

Yeah?

So, I was obviously shocked when today at Subway I heard, through my pop music-filtering headphones, the beginning of the song.  At first I thought, way to go America, loosening up you collective asshole, Obama 4 Ever, all right.  Then the chorus rolled around and something sounded a bit off.  Mind you, I was listening to a podcast and not really paying attention, but something snagged my ear.  I took off my headphones in order to hear it more clearly and here's what happened...they changed "if you seek Amy" to "if you see Amy".

Now, the chorus made very little sense to begin with, "begging to if you seek Amy"?  What the fuck does that mean?  But changing it to "if you see Amy" not only makes it complete and utter nonsense, but it removes what little teeth Britney (or whichever sweaty 50 year old pedo is writing her lyrics now) put into the song.  Britney, if you really think people want to fuck you, just get out there.  Lose the bodyguards and start fucking!  No one's stopping you but you!  You're willing to have your bare vagina lips photographed by complete strangers, why not put your money where your crotch is?  What are you, afraid?  And here I thought that EVERYBODY wanted to if you seek Ahew...

Quite frankly, when everybody wants to fuck you, you don't have to sing a song about that fact, you just know.

Trust me. 

You just know.

12.21.12 = WE ARE FUCKED

4.27.09

7:53 pm

On Sunday, Chris and I joined Bill and his friend at a warm up show of sorts for Bill's friend, Chris Rush.

Apparently, Chris Rush was a molecular biologist who spent five years at Harvard and so on and so forth, and he s now doing stand up comedy (he and George Carlin were friends and, apparently, he is one of the only comics that George Carlin actually endorsed).

He has a one man show coming to the Bleecker Street Theatre called "Bliss".

Quite frankly, he was funnier than his show, but an old woman DID fall down and crack her head open just as he started.

That was not part of the show.

Anyhoo, we all went out to Acme Underground after the show and I learned a lot about the end of the world.

Apparently, it's going to be on December 21st, 2012.

And here's why.

First off, the Aztec calendar (which is apparently THE most accurate and blah blah one) is going to end (and, for some strange reason, it doesn't just start up again, it just ends. I personally don't get that. When one cycle ends, you start another one. But then again, I'm not Aztec).

That's something we've know since 1994 though, right? When EVERYONE said that THIS calendar was more accurate than THAT calendar. I believe we've had three apocalypses thus far? WE'RE STILL HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Next, (and alllll this stuff comes from Chris, who I really don't know from a hole in the ground, but he seemed pretty learned...sort of) 12.21.12 is the day when the sun, moon and Earth (I may be misquoting) are going to be in perfect alignment with the black hole at the center of our universe.

THEN, there is also going to be MAJOR sunspot activity that will, at best, fuck up all our electric shit and, at worst, release the thing will ostensibly to do us what whatever-it-was did to the dinosaurs.

And also, the magnetic poles have been losing their polarity and by 12.21.12, they might be switched, which also means a whole electrical apocalypse as well.

So...yeah, again, I don't know this guy from Adam (who is taller), but he's got some credentials.

I'm glad I've got Will as one of my two readers so he can chime in on all this eschatological hibble bibble.

Will?

Please?

Some light on this end times stuff?

Personally, I'm not going to worry until the Zombie Apocalypse which is, by far, going to be the most fun and marketable.

Go Shuffling Dead!!

WOO!!

Twits.

http://twitter.com/THE_EELS

Right on, E.
Right on.

I, Iterator.

4.23.09

7:52 pm

In all complete seriousness and honesty...why do all American Apparel models look like quirky rape victims?

Today I finally sealed the deal with the Davidoff folks.

After being put on hold for over a week due to "copy issues", I went in at 10 this morning, to the exact same studio with the exact same director and exact same sound engineer and was in and out in a little over a half hour.

Because they wanted deep and sexy and they fucking got it.

I may not be a morning person, but my voice sure is.

As I thought there were three versions of exactly the same sentence with different syntax.

The video looks like a porn directed by David Lynch and my voice provides the money shot.

Boosh.

There are two versions of the ad, a thirty second and a fifteen second.

The fifteen will air in the U.S. on all the networks and the thirty will run in Europe and in the UK forever according to the lady from the casting agency.

Apparently they love cologne and perfume commercials over there.

You should be seeing this around the end of summer.

Or not.

I get paid either way, but this thing might just be trashed or made exclusive in India or some other bit of corporate fuckery.

But again: I get paid.

Now that this thing is finally over, I feel as if a weight has lifted off of me.  This weekend I will record the "Children of Aruf" script with Bill and Gen, and then I will sleep.

A lot.

Oui.