Vote or Cake or Death

4.25.11

4:42 pm

I'm going to try to limit the bitching about the voting to a minimum here.

*breath in, breath out*

Okay.

Last week, I saw Cake for the third time in as many years, and this may have been the best of the three.

In 2009 it was the first time I'd seen them since 1998 at Firestone in Orlando, FL, so I was understandably wowed by how awesome they still were.

In 2010, they performed at Central Park's Summer Stage which was also great, but lacked a certain something, perhaps because they played quite a few songs from the 2009 show, played them well, but the same ones nonetheless.

Last week's though, they switched up just enough to keep it fresh and nailed everything.

The only ones missing that I would have jumped at were Love You Madly, Italian Leather Sofa and either The Winter or Easy To Crash, both off their new effort.

They played pretty much the "good" songs off third new album, Sick of You, Long Time, Federal Funding (great live), Moustache Man (also great live) and Bound Away, and since I actually knew the words to these this time, they were fully enjoyed.

Along with a few hits (Never There, The Distance, Short Skirt/Long Jacket, Shadow Stabbing), they stepped into the way-back machine and whipped out a few gems from their first album, namely Pentagram, Ruby Sees All and Rock And Roll Lifestyle (full snark enabled).

There were five, count them, five songs which ended in massive, mandatory sing-alongs, including Jolene, Satan Is My Motor and Sheep Go To Heaven. Maybe could have done with one or two less, by I'm not running the band.

And speaking of the band, the Tree Giveaway was in full, we're-aware-that-fans-kind-of-hate-how-long-we-take-with-this-so-we're-going-to-take-twice-as-long-just-to-rub-it-in-your-face-and-remind-you-who-exactly-this-is-an-evening-with-bitch effect.

It was a plum tree.

They rounded the evening out nicely with Opera Singer, Guitar and Frank Sinatra, all solid songs.

And, as usual, the band played excellently, Xan doing things to his guitar that most people can only dream of.

I found myself unable to focus on just one instrument in fact, distracted by the bass, then the trumpet, then the guitar, then the bass again.

I suppose that's the benefit of having the same band members since their formation in the mid-90's.

They still do not use set lists; there's just a look and a nod that goes through them and the next song begins.

It's almost telepathy...smug, solar-powered telepathy.

In a recent interview, John McCrea stated that they're getting a bit sick of touring and would like to stop soon, hopefully to make a new record before 2018, but, this is Cake, and they'll make a new album when the damn well fell like it.

Other than my Cake Day, I've been mostly consumed by the new Mortal Kombat.

I sincerely hope that my being inured to this ridiculous level of horrendous violence has less to do with some burgeoning darkness within me and more to do with the fact that I'm completely centered in reality and understand that this is just a game and not real life.

I'm not nearly as attractive as Michael C. Hall and I'm a lot easier to pick out of a crowd.

On the shoulders of MK, Chris and I finally got around to watching Machete over Easter weekend.

Meh.

Honestly, I felt that Rodriguez should have gone further.

Anyone remember Planet Terror?

Yeah, THAT is what I was expecting.

Maybe in Machete Kills...or Machete Kills Again.

And it's good to know that not even nudity can make Lindsey Lohan worth watching.

She's is just as awful as staples in a penis.

But, with the help of God and luck, she'll be dead in a few months anyway, so, no worries.

Tomorrow marks the release of the They Might Be Giants preview EP for their new album (coming out in fucking July) 'Join Us'.

Four tracks, the first four off the album, in fact, and not hits three minutes.

I was fine when TMBG had minute and a half long songs...when there were 20 per album, but 14 two minutes songs? A thirty minute album?

Jesus, guys, come on.

But, like I keep telling my tear soaked pillow and Jade, I'm desperately holding out any judgment until after I've heard these new tracks and full judgment until July when the full album drops.

Head's up: that probably won't happen.

Expect a review of these four tracks later this week.

I must say, I wish they'd taken a more 'Indestructible Object' approach with this EP and put out one or two tracks from the new album and three b-sides.

I miss TMBG b-sides.

They were weird and fun and what SHOULD be their a-sides...

Anyway.

Yeah.

And, finally, the Voting.

I have a mixture of Hope and Defeat roiling inside me as I watch these (mostly) untalented fucks' votes rise like rapists' erections while mine vacillate between the same and twitching sadly like a quadriplegic's wang.

People.

Vote.

There is a week left and hardly anyone did their duty over this Holy weekend.

I blame Jesus and his whining for that, but there's nothing to excuse you this week.

ONCE A DAY, EVERY DAY (12:00AM to 12:00AM, 24 hours from vote to vote), EVEN ON THE WEEKEND, UNTIL MAY 2ND.

Tell your friends, tell you family, tell those people who Facebook Friended you who you may have met once at some thing somewhere you can't quite recall.

I need your help.

I need it hard.

Help me hard, people.

Help me hard.

THE WEEKEND...BEGINS...NOW

10.4.10

3:30 pm

FOOOLED YOOU!!!

The weekend does not, in fact, begin now, or any time NEAR now.

Fool.

Heh.

Anyway, over the weekend, aside from nursing my sickness, I finished Dead Rising 2, to my delighted surprise, with an "S" rank!

Lemme break it on down fuh yuh...

Way back when, when Capcom used to make Resident Evil games where your character moved like a goddamn tank, you'd receive different grades at the end of the game, based on your performance and such factors as how long you took, how many times you saved your game, how many health items you used, etc.

The possible grades were "A" through "F" and, above an "A"...the "S" rank, "S" standing for "Superior".

Superior to what, I do not know.

Certainly not the Japanese as even their most retarded retard could utterly destroy any Gaijin dog in any video game ever.

Whatever the case, "getting an 'S' Rank" has become synonymous with doing the best one is able to do in a game.

And, despite not defeated every enemy or saving every survivor in the game, I received the "S" rank my first time through.

On the other hand, my character is only level 33 of 50 and I've only achieved 24% of the games trophies.

Not that I'm much of a trophy guy, this is just to show how winning a game and finishing a game these days can be two totally different things.

Another indication: at the end of my first playthrough, I had killed just about 5,000 zombies.

There is a trophy for killing 72,000.

Yeah.

DR2 allows one to restart the game after you've finished at the same level with the same equipment and skills so it should be more fun this time round.

Less difficult and more zombie-killy.

Aside from the unique save system, the game was wholly enjoyable.

I highly recommend it.

Any one want to play co-op?

Along with the slaughter of zombies, I watched Where The Wild Things Are.

What a wash.

I never worshipped the book when I was a kid so watching it was...kind of pointless, empty.

Nothing happened in it.

They romped.

I have nothing bad to say about romping, God knows, but why are they romping?

It's fun to have fun, yes, we know, but, come on, you can't make a whole movie based on that fact!

Unless you're Spike Jonze, apparently.

I'd heard great things about this movie as well so that probably had some negative impact too.

Eh.

Whatever.

In the end, Max remained a little shit.

Excellent moral, Spike.

Sadly, I did NOT see The Social Network this weekend as I was sick and couldn't be bothered, but I might just set out early some day this week and catch it on 86th.

Still hearing good things.

I might even eat a hot dog and indulge in some papaya dust juice.

Anyone want to join me?

At noon?

In the middle of the week?

To watch a movie?

No?

Anyone?

God damn it.

You fucking Daylighters...

Anyway, despite my sick, I had (what I thought) to be an okay audition this morning.

It had almost the exact same feel and thrust as the thing I recorded last week, so maybe that's a good sign?

This one is about Double Tree by Hilton.

Apparently, when you check in, they give you a cookie.

Christina, you'll be happy to know as soon as I read that, I asked the recording engineer what if you're gluten and dairy allergic.

Blank stare.

What do we do at the barbeque, if we're vegan xmax.

And there isn't even hot-house corn.

After the audition, I asked the guys if, if I get this, I get to meet Paris Hilton.

That lead us to a truncated discussion of her infamous fuck tape.

Did you know she takes a phone call in the middle of it?

And the guy gives this brilliant look to the camera like, "yeah, she did just takes a phone call but I'm erect and she's willing".

Such expression.

Love it.

Finally also again, as I furiously twittered this afternoon (although, often times, I find that 140 characters is not nearly enough to fully express my fury), Cake is accepting callers for this beautiful, pendant key chain.

Or might as well be.

I got an e-mail that ACTUALLY said "Holy cow! Cake is taking pre-sale orders for their new album!"

IT ISN'T COMING OUT FOR FOUR MONTHS!!!

AND, here's the thing (Note: there will be more than one thing) that bothers me:

For $15 you get the CD, autographed by the band (whatever).

For $25 you get the autographed CD, a t-shirt (limited edition, although I could buy the same one off their website now if I wanted) and the album on vinyl.

For $30, same as the $25, but with a 7" single (the b-side is just another track from the album, nothing new or unreleased)...and a digital download of the album.

NO!

WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

You have the digital for cheap, maybe $10, because it's just a file on a computer, there's nothing physical, it isn't costing you any money, THEN the CD for $15 INCLUDING A LINK TO THE DIGITAL DOWNLOAD THE MOMENT THE ALBUM COMES OUT BECAUSE YOU LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR FANS AND THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE STUCK WITH YOU THROUGH SIX YEARS OF RELEASING SWEET FUCK ALL! NOT AT HIGHER PRICE POINTS!!! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ONLY GIVING OUT THE DIGITAL WITH PACKAGES OF THIRTY DOLLARS OR MORE?! THE MORE PHYSICAL STUFF YOU HAVE, THE HIGHER THE PRICE!!! WHAT KIND OF 21ST CENTURY, INTERNET BUSINESS MODEL IS THAT, YOU FUCKING ECO-SNARK ASSHOLES???!!!

AND ELEVEN MOTHERFUCKING TRACKS?! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR POCKET-MULCHING MINDS?!

THAT'S LESS THAN TWO FUCKING SONGS PER YEAR SINCE YOU LAST RELEASED ANYTHING WORTH LISTENING TO!!!!!!!!

YOU GODDAMN FILTHY DOG PENISES! YOU HAVE MADE AN ECO-VILLAIN OF ME!

FROM THIS POINT ON, I PROMISE TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO COUNTERACT EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE AND CONTINUE TO DO TO BETTER THIS WORLD!!!

EVERY TREE YOU'VE GIVEN OUT AT EVERY SHOW I SHALL FIND AND BURN DOWN!!!!!

FOR EVERY SWEATSHOP-FREE SHIRT YOU SELL, I WILL BUILD A SWEATSHOP!!

AND FOR EVERY YEAR YOU DO NOT RELEASE AN ALBUM FROM THIS POINT ON I WILL ERADICATE AN ENTIRE SPECIES FROM THE PLANET!!!!

YOU COULD HAVE RELEASED A DOUBLE ALBUM, YOU COULD HAVE THROWN THE LIVE ALBUM IN AS A BONUS, BUT NOOOOOOOOOO AND NOW THIS IS HAPPENING!!!

MY CARBON FOOTPRINT SHALL STAMP YOU OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!!!

Anyway, the pre-order page had clips from the album and there's some good sounding stuff on there.

I'll keep you updated.

Think that's all.

Oh, and Will and I need to come to an agreement about that thing.

Tick tick tick, my friend, tick tick tick.

Cake, No Sodomy*

9.17.10

3:32 pm

Yes. Cake.

Yesterday, I took off from work to see Cake perform at Summerstage IN Rumsey Playfield. Up until Monday I didn't know the two were the same thing.

Thank you Central Park Recreations Committee, you scum.

Anyway, my sister and I showed up unnecessarily early (about 4:45 for the 8 o'clock show) and were STILL 5th and 6th in line after three people who were fast asleep on the ground when we got there and two guys sitting on a rock trying to look interesting.

Things were fine for a while, the power was being switched on and the instruments plugged in and then Cake started sound checking.

Then came the Thunder.

Then came the Lightning.

Then came the Flood.

For a solid ten minutes, the world kind of ended...all with Kathy and I huddled under umbrellas.

The sky was green/yellow/gray.

And wet.

Then it stopped.

Eventually, the music started again and Cake played about five songs (missing a horn or vocalist here or there) and we knew things were going to be okay.

Soon, a lot more people showed up including Lisa and her sorority sister, Lindsey, who, apparently, has been hearing stories about me for ten years.

I certainly hope I delivered, although without my army of dildos and whatnot, I don't know if that was possible.

All the more reason to have a few on me at all times.

More the fool I.

Lisa came equipped with four cup cakes in order to have cake...at Cake...get it?

Well, some guy announced that that was "clever", although his subtext was so clear he might as well have just screamed "I WANNA CUPPY CAKE!! ME ME ME!!!!" while tearing his face off with his teeth.

Pseudointellectual smarminess is no substitution for cup cakes.

Fucker.

Anyway, we were dead goddamn center on the railing for the whole show.

It was very much along the lines of their show last year at Terminal 5, except it wasn't raining inside Terminal 5.

A few tracks I didn't hear last time like Pentagram (a real treat as it's one of my favorites from their first ), Shadow Stabbing and a new new one called Away (which has a very Mexico feel to it) although I would have loved to hear Italian Leather Sofa and Short Skirt Long Jacket again.

They had the typical long-ass-sing-along to Jolene, Sheep Go To Heaven and Sick of You as before, plus the tree giveaway, all of which could have been replaced with an extra song or two, but, whatever, it's their show and it was fun.

Plus, fina-fucking-lly, they announced the new album title and, praise the Bulbous Melon of Goodness, a release date.

"Showroom of Compassion" will be released on January 11 or 18th, 2011.

Why it's taking them over four months to release an album which has been done for six weeks and anticipated for six years is something I'll never accept, especially in the age of Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Beck and a ton of other artists just self releasing their new works the moment they're mixed over the Internet.

Come on, releasing it on the Internet with save some trees.

You like trees, don't you?

You whiny ass hippy fucks...

Whatever.

The date has been set and it'll be Day One for me whatever the case.

I have to say though, getting twelve or thirteen new tracks (three of which you're pretty familiar with from their live show) after six years?

That's kind of harsh.

I understand that Cake aren't really the "double album" kind of guys, but throw us a bone here, please?

I was thinking of just asking them last night what took them so long, but that probably wouldn't have been received as the well-meaning, genuinely curious question it is.

Meh.

We'll see.

After the show, we staggered home and watched Clue.

That movie is still one of my favorites and, check this shit out, Tim Curry wasn't the actor originally considered for Wadsworth.

Now, I can imagine what you might or might not be thinking, who else could possible do as great of a job with role as Tim Curry?

Rocky Horror Picture Show?! Hellooo? Helllooooo?

How about Rowan Atkinson.

Or maybe John Cleese.

Yeah.

I suddenly wish I could dimensional hop and see those two versions of Clue.

Can...you...just...imagine...?

Augh.

Pain.

BUT, I take solace from the fact that, in some other quantum eventuality, another version of myself is, at this very moment, writing about how cool it would have been to have Tim Curry as Wadsworth.

*quantum sigh*

Changing the subject.

Reznor has been teasing us with the promise of hearing new music this week and, sure enough, this morning the Null Corporation, Reznor's new self run label, posted a new link on their website (http://www.nullco.com/) to the Social Network soundtrack pre-order page.

As usual, you get some free stuff.

Namely, five tracks from the score (which feature heavy titles like Pieces Form the Whole, Eventually We Find Our Way and The Gentle Hum of Anxiety).

You can also pre-order the soundtrack in its three physical forms: a CD for $8, a 5.1 surround sound Blu Ray disc for $20 and a double vinyl for $25.

With each pre-order you receive the five track sampler and the promise of the entire soundtrack delivered to your e-mail via a link at midnight on September 28th, four days before the movie drops.

AND from the 28th to the 30th, the whole thing will be available on Amazon as mp3's for $2.99.

19 tracks for $2.99.

Hey, Cake?

Fuck you.

I've been able to listen to those five tracks once or twice and they're good. A bit more involved that some of the Ghosts stuff, which feels a bit linear at times, and a bit more surprising as well.

Reznor seems to have followed up on his promise to "practice piano more" in his spare time.

But, how excited can I really get about a movie's score?

I'm excited for new Reznor music, but, no matter how compelling an instrumental piece of music is, I really have never found myself that into the genre.

Even now, I'll only listen to a handful of Ghosts tracks when I'm feeling...I don't know...atmospheric?

Whatever.

The music is good and, apparently, the movie is great.

Quite a few reviews have popped up for The Social Network and all of them speak well of it, most mentioning the soundtrack favorably as well, specifically, there's a rowing scene that keeps getting brought up.

So I guess Reznor, Ross and Fincher found a way to make all this dark-ass, moody music work with the story of Facebook.

Way to go guys.

I think that might bring me up to today.

Oh, I also picked up Space Invaders Infinity Gene from PSN yesterday.

Basically, it's Space Invaders fallen through a black hole and into the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey and everyone had done acid and cracked techno music to 11.

Mind.

Blowing.

One last thing, I downloaded a HUGE torrent of Warren Ellis graphic novel and comic stuff.

This man...is sick.

He also writes angry Brits better than anyone I've read.

He has his own Zombie Apocalypse title called BlackGas.

I've read the first mini-volume (three issues) and it's different from the typical zombie thing already. Hard to do these days.

I recommend it to any zombiephiles.

Also, his Emma Frost is the truest I've ever read, I can't imagine anyone voicing her better than him.

Going to Eels alone next Saturday.

Bummer.

Okay.

Fin.

*A little sodomy.

Crunchings And Munchings

7.7.10

4:34 pm

Some bits.

Yes, some bits and pieces.

First, apologies for any incoherence you might experience, sleep has not been coming easily with this weather.

I yearn for Canada.

I yearn for icy death.

All right, let's go.

As expected, eels has put up a second track from their new album; soon a video will follow, and then, the opportunity to pre-order the album which will come with an mp3 download of said second track.

Plus, pink shirts reading "tomorrow morning" on them

Then the album and then a second video and maybe a third.

None of the songs will feel distinctly "single-y", but they will, nonetheless, be released as such.

Ah, the arbitrary nature of E.

The first track, "Looking Up", was a straight-up gospel track with cheesy lyrics and evangelical hooting provided by E and the aforementioned choir.

I was unimpressed.

The latest track, "Spectacular Girl", which appeared on the web site today, is EXACTLY what I've been waiting for.

It has all the elements of a perfect eels song: sampled drum beats, Rhodes piano (or maybe electric piano?), some string work and the celesta. Eels and the celesta go together like something or other.

Don't believe me?

Check out "Trouble With Dreams" on their my space page.

It's Celesta City up in that sock hop.

Anyway, while the lyrics aren't as earth-shatteringly good as his other stuff, they're solid.

Still looking forward to this album.

And speaking of albums...guess who finally took a few minutes from their busy schedule of berating their fans for destroying the earth to finish their fucking album, you know, the first album they've done in over six years?

That's right, Cake.

In this case, the cake is not a lie.

Unless they are lying.

They sent out a message about looking for a means of distribution since they are on their own label now.

Hey, Cake, you ever heard of Radiohead and how they handled releasing "In Rainbows"?

Do that.

You fucking eco-whiners.

I swear, for every song on this album that isn't great, an Instant Cake Classic, worth the wait, I'm burning down one of those tress you're always giving out (along with a heapin' helpin' of snark, guilt and apocalyptic doomspeak) at your shows.

You've been warned.

But, seriously, kudos for finishing the album, I'll sure it'll be good.

You fucking jaded hippy fucks.

I think this weather might just be making me a little irascible.

Since I'm already rambling about albums, TMBG has announced that their new (adult) one is dropping in 2011.

Kind of surprised at that. Again, hopes are high since Flans has said this is going to be a return to their "insane, home recording sound".

Whatever.

Just take a break from the kids stuff.

No more of that for a bit, please.

Unless it's "No!" good.

Not a pun.

I mean TMBG shouldn't do any more kids' stuff unless it's as good or better than "No!".

The party on Sunday was a massive success, even without fireworks.

Malibu does very little to me, even in large amounts.

A bit concerned about the big one later this month.

We're expecting almost 80 people.

That's about 20 people per room.

Including the bathroom.

Rock.

We gonna do the Stomp.

And kill the chicken.

And chop the hell out of fruit.

Maybe not the chicken thing.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Hm.

There's someone in the hallway just yelling "Puerto Rico!".

I should do that more often.

"Connecticut!!!!"

Yeah, that's going well.

All this week I'm working straight through 3pm to 11pm, so I plan to read a lot of comics.

Just a heads up.

Also, I plan on seeing Inception, possible when Phil comes up with Lady Grace.

Chris Nolan...that man can do things.

To my miiind.

Freak things.

Speaking of Grace, I haven't quoted William Hickey from Christmas Vacation at her yet.

"The bleeeeee-sssssing!"

Time enough for that, my friend, time enough for that.

Remember when Benicio Del Toro was trying to get Christina Ricci to kiss him in Fear & Loathing?

That was hilarious and creepy as allll get on out.

BRANDED!!!

How come something rambling like this is sometimes considered Stream of Consciousness and sometimes a blog?

Phil?

You got some literary science you can drop on me?

I have to read your new short....

Maybe I'll do that tomorrow.

Okay.

Focus up!

...

Hm, I really have nothing to 'focus up' on.

Nuts.

All right.

Never mind then.

Oh Weekend...(part 1)

6.2.09

7:14 pm

And thus it came to pass...the Busiest Weekend of My Summer.

Actually, the First of the Two Most Busy Weekends of My Summer.

By the end of work I was knackered.

Literally.

But I ate some Thai food and became a ninja, making it to Terminal 5 one minute after doors opened.

I entered with a throng of cynical, smarmy people and ended up dead center maybe fifteen feet back.

Then I stood and waited from 8:30 to 9:45 while goddamn nothing fucking happened.

No opener doesn't actually mean you get to see the band you want to see earlier, it just means and extra forty minutes standing in a darkened room.

Or so opines Terminal 5.

The fucks.

By 9:15, my back was aching and I was getting ready to just bite some of the people crammed into the place around me, but then, finally, Cake.

They opened with "Sad Songs and Waltzes" which is a down tempo, slow waltz and it seemed an odd choice, but then everything afterwards was jeweled gold.

They broke their 21 song set into two parts and that was a mistake because leaving you're slavishly dedicated audience (not only was the place sold out but EVERYONE was singing along with EVERYTHING) in the dark for twenty goddamn minutes tends to unexcite them; and then they came back on with "Daria", not a bad song, but it did nothing to get the energy back up. After that slower song that had another and another but eventually they kicked things back into gear.

Highlights included: "Guitar", "Love You Madly" (one of my favorite Cake songs), "Wheels" (ditto), "Italian Leather Sofa" (probably my favorite Cake song) and "The Distance" (not a favorite, but the band and the rest of the crowd seemed to think it was and they did give it their all so...).

Five of the songs ended in massively extended audience sing alongs conducted and orchestrated by John McCrea who cajoled, begged and commanded the audience to sing along.

They played two new songs (one sounding very "good Cake song" and the other very "Cake music for a popular movie soundtrack") and then said they were never releasing the album the songs were on because "people only want goddamn fucking ringtones".

Although McCrea was dour at times, talking about the apocalypse and the failing economy and "goddamn fucking ringtones", we wasn't as abusive towards the audience as he was eleven years ago.

Toward the end of the show they did their tree giveaway thing and that was...Cake-like.

They finished with "Jolene".

Oh boy did they.

During the sing along section, while the audience was getting into it, they turned off all the lights but some dark orange ones and two silver body painted girls wearing silver bikinis can out and proceeded to do a synchronized routine with hula hoops full of lights.

It was hypnotizing to the sober and world ending to the stoned.

Very interesting choice.

And their guitarist (named Xan) was a fucking animal.

He made love to that guitar and let us all watch.

I'd love to see him and Dan Miller in a Shred Off.

Aaaaaaaand speaking of Dan Miller...

Saturday was TMBG, but, before the show was dinner.  Mark (Brubaker, Ange's hubby), Lisa and I went to Bamboleo, the same Mexican place Chris and Lawn and I went to for an earlier TMBG show at Le Poisson Rouge (it's practically next door).

It was...slightly awkward to be frank. Probably won't set that up again.

As we walked out, doors had just been opened and we went right in and took our place ten feet from the Linnell side.

Then we were subjected to Mixel Pixel.

Waaay to hippy/psychedelic for TMBG fans.

Eventually, they cawed their last and after a brief wait, TMBG took the stage.

It's hard to really be surprised at a TMBG show after you've seen them 50+ times, but they still managed to pull out some revamped chestnuts like "Subliminal","Thunderbird", "Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes" and "I Am Not Your Broom", performed by Flans, behind a broom, talking as the broom for a good five minutes.

It really isn't about surprise, more just entertainment.  I know I'm going to have good fun at a TMBG show and it has yet to happen.

They also threw in "Birdhouse", "Don't Let's Start", "New York City", "The Guitar" and a few other songs of which I'll never get tired.

Didn't get "Drink!", thank God.

So sick of that fucking song...but they still slipped in "Damn Good Times".  Not a horrible song, but if you don't get a show with "Drink!", you get a show with "Damn Good Times".

Oh well, I only have myself to blame.  Maybe I shouldn't have seen them 20 times in three months that one time...

Then Lisa and I shared a cab with the first woman driver I'd ever had...and hopefully the last one.

She made such a fucking stink about making two stops, but when we said, "okay, if you don't want to take us to our destinations, let us out" she said, "and then I'll have to pay the meter" (which was at $2.50 plus $.50 for the thirty seconds we'd been in the cab).

This went on for about five blocks until I said, "Yes or no, are you going to take us to our destinations, yes or no?"

Eventually she grudgingly agreed to take our dirty, filthy money in exchange for, you know, a service that we were purchasing with our dirty, filthy money and we were off.

What a cunt.

You're a cab driver, shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

Then, silly billy goat, I played Infamous until sixish, then went to bed only to wake up again...

...for Colin's BBQ/house warming.

I awoke at 1:30, showered and left.

Then I ate a hundred hot dogs, hamburgers, corn on the cobs, grilled corn muffins (a stroke of nostalgic genius conceptualized by me and carried out by Lawn) and just everything.

Good times.

Met Colin's new roommates and the people that live above them.

One of them is a stone fox.

A fox templar to reuse a term coined, copyrighted and owned in perpetuity by me.

ME, MOTHERFUCKER, ME!

Then Lawn drove me and the Gold Berg back to my place for the fireworks commemorating the 45th anniversary of the Queensboro Bridge.

Yay?

It was wonderful on the roof, the fireworks were shiny and the gay folks on the top floor were stoned and flouncy.

All I could ever ask for.

Yesterday I played three hours of Scorched Earth.

Today I purchased the new EELS (because if I don't, who will?).

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment (all covered by my not-really-for-White-Folks-but-we-can't-come-right-out-and-say-that insurance).

Thursday I will record something with the Tecate Light guys producers who liked my voice so much they want to use it on their own thing (THAT is how I know I'm doing well).

Friday I'm killing myself with another 11 am - 4:30 pm for to so I can to be present at my Nouf's birthday.

Saturday I'm going to New Jersey to see Nine Inch Nails.

Sunday I'm going to Long Island to see Nine Inch Nails.

I just read an interview in Mojo in which Reznor says this could be the last tour for A DECADE.

Jesus.

Hopefully he'll get bored and change his mind.

He did say there's a new album coming that will be less of an experiment in this or that and just have a lot of well-written songs.

Hey, after five years for "The Fragile" and six years for "With Teeth", as long as he has this one in before 2014, I'll be happy.

All right.

That's all.

Go away.

Movie's over.

CLOSURE! (part 3)

Depeche Mode: Songs of Faith and Devotion
Drugs are bad. Drugs are used to alter ones state of mind. Some people use them to “find new artistic places in themselves”. Many musical artists do this today, but very few stop. Too many drugs can kill such an artist, such as Shannon Hoon of Blind Melon, the guy from Sublime and numerous others. Too many drugs are bad, but just the right amount? Now that can produce some amazing shit. The specific amazing shit I refer to is Depeche Mode’s album Songs of Faith and Devotion. During the writing and recording of this album, Dave Gahan (the lead singer) was chasing the dragon, performing oral sex on Lady H, sucking the horse’s dick etc. This album, of the dozen or so that Depeche Mode has put out n over 20 years is their best. Plus, his hair was the sexiest during “Songs”. The themes of this album are religion compared and contrasted with love and sex, but outside the theme of the album is the fact that all three main members of the band believed this would be their last album. The heroin was destroying them all. The music on the album is years a head of its time in my opinion and it all has a heavy, dark feeling to it. The instruments are nothing special but it all comes together so well in forming the theme of the album and the feeling of impending nothing outside the album. There is one track, sung by Martin Gore called “One Caress” where he is alone in a studio with a live orchestra and he is conducting and singing along with them, very good stuff. The track Condemnation is amazing. The quality of Gahan’s voice is so clearly affected by emotion and drug use that you can’t help but feel every word he crows. These songs all have some sort of religious feel to them, either a personification of God or a hymn-like feel to it or something along those lines. In the end, Gahan has asked for forgiveness, rallied against God and finally, given up. This would have been a sad ending to the career of Depeche Mode, but luckily it wasn’t. They made three or four albums after his one then broke up a few months ago. Their solo shit sucks, but hey surprise, surprise. At least we’ll always have Songs of Faith and Devotion.

Guns N Roses: Use Your Illusion II
I was given this album on my 10th Birthday by Will Marsh who later died. He gave me Use Your Illusion I and II on tape. I put it into my tape player the moment I got it and the tape player ate the tape and self destructed at the same moment. I was pretty pissed off, but I didn’t have there words to express how angry I felt. I had to use my father’s stereo that was in the living room to listen to the album. Once I listened to it, I suddenly found my vocabulary expanded by about 7 words: motherfucker, cocksucker, shit, piss, ass, fuckhead and pussy, I have NEVER taken to a set of words more swimmingly in my life. Suddenly, I was getting in trouble at school, mortifying my older cousins and impressing my schoolyard chums. Did I know what all these words meant? No, but that didn’t stop me. Thanks to W. Axl Rose, my life was changed.
Onto the album. I love Guns N’ Roses ability to be mature one moment and then revert to grade school insults the next. It’s refreshing to see a band be so popular yet so offensive. This is without a doubt their best album. Lies and Appetite for Destruction had the hits and the catchiness and the staying power, but they lacked nuance and variation. Not just on the album as a whole, but in most of the songs, you’ll find a change in tempo and tone. You can actually FEEL Axel going from sad to frustrated to angry to pissed off in Civil War. And the cover of Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door?! Jesus, Dylan must be pissed, he was totally shown up. Get in the Ring provided most of the explicit language on the album and I say thank you again to W. Axel for the pleasure of hearing people I don’t know get cursed at. Then…the album is going well, you might not like all the tracks but there is a definite sense of continuity and cohesion to the whole thing…until…My World. I can’t even describe this song…actually I can. Throbbing, pulsing, marching, stomping synthesizer (that you’ll find NOWHERE else on the album) chew your face along with screeching subway noises and the sound of women moaning. Then…the lyrics:

You wanna step into my world
It's a sociopsychotic state of bliss
You've been delayed in the real world
How many times have you hit and missed?
You cat-scan shows disfiguration
I wanna laugh myself to death
With a misfired synapse
with a bent configuration
I'll hold the line while you gasp for breath
You wanna talk to me
So talk to me
You wanna talk to me [7 times]
You can't talk to me
You don't understand your sex
You ain't been mindfucked yet
Let's do it [3 times]
Oh my distorted smile

Guess what I'm doing now

Yeah, wow. Think of early Nine Inch Nails, but much more angry and creepy. Total mindfuck (as coined by Axel in said song). The working formula for G’N’R for me involves Axl’s screeching/nasal/downright fucking irritating vocals, Slash’s numerous guitar solos (try counting them some time) and the use of the piano in kick ass hard rock. Great combo. And how about tat amazing indecipherable video trilogy they released with the albums? What the fuck was going on there? I thought I had an idea up until the final video (Estranged, which is one of the most excellent songs they do) in which everything just kind of fell apart. I love almost every track on this and it still remains one of the only albums I can just put on and enjoy even if I can’t understand half of what Axel Rose says. Knowing, at this point in my life would just ruin something, so fuck it, as Axel himself might say. The downside to the whole thing is that what makes this album so much greater and me so much sadder is that this was the last good thing GNR did. After this (which came out in 9/91) they released The Spaghetti Incident? (question mark is their idea, not mine) which was a cover album of punk songs. It sucks. The problem was that GNR has the ability to create stuff with so many nooks and crannies that it’s like a musical English muffin, but the music they were covering had no dimensions to t. It was flat. After that everyone died or left but Rose, and his recent appearance at that MTV thing was fucking ridiculous. His voice, looks, and songwriting abilities are gone. As is Slash. God what a downer. This is the most tragic of my favorite albums because of what it represents: the first great album of the 90’s and the last great Guns N’ Roses release.

Wu Tang Clan: Enter the Wu Tang (36 Chambers)
This was the first release from the Wu. It came out in 1993 and I had the cassette. This was when rap was good, but starting to get too focused on bling and hanging out. Also, rappers were polishing their albums to the point of slick, same soundingness. Then there was the Wu Tang. Nine different members with nine different voices and nine different styles of rapping. And for a kid 13 years old, how cool is it to talk about guys with names like Rza, Ghost Faced Killa and, of course, the one and only Ol’ Dirty Bastard- god bless. They used samples from old Hong Kong action movies and it added so much to their music and the feel of the album. Everything felt so prophetic. Plus, you never got bored because there were 9 different people who could jump in at any time. To give you an idea of how attached to this album I was, I had every song memorized word for word. I had their vocal intonations down. God damn I was White. This album made me respect Black people and their culture. See, I don’t consider rappers like Puff Daddy and Ludacris and any of the other popular ones out there today Black people. They are Celebrities. There’s nothing real about them or creative about their music. But the Wu’s first album was so real. So gritty. They were Black people talking about friends of theirs that had died, who they had to do to survive growing up on Staten Island which isn’t very different from shit that’s out today, but it was a lot more sincere back then. They didn’t need to fucking sample a Sting song to express sadness, they used their voices as empathetic tools, not celebrities listing the makes of their BMW’s and the type of champagne they like to spit on naked women. I heard the Wu Tang and thought, this takes so much effort and ability, these are some of the most talented people I have ever known of. Anyway, like most artists, they went downhill from here. Before they put out their second album in 1997, pretty much every one of them released a solo album. None of them were very good save Method Man’s and ODB’s. And you can really only listen to ODB for so long before you realize he’s serious and get freaked out. The second album was a double album and had some cool stuff on it, but it also showed indications of the Typical seeping in. The third album was pointless and the fourth even more so. By the fourth, ODB was in jail and the Wu Tang without Big Baby Jesus is like Depeche Mode without Personal Jesus or Christianity without Regular Jesus. Oh well. At least we’ll always have Enter the Wu Tang.

Cake
These guys are so formulaic, you could compile a mix CD consisting of tracks from all five of their albums (released in 1994, 1996,1998, 2001 and 2004) and not be able to tell which was which or even that the songs were from different albums. Why the pissy shit would someone like me who likes albums and bands such as those listed above like something so predictable and unchanging? Quite simply because these guys know what they’re doing and I like what they’re doing. On almost every one of their sixty-two songs, you will find acoustic guitar, electric guitar, a trumpet hook, smart, cynical, allegorical lyrics and an unenthused John McCrea singing/speaking/reciting them. On about half you might find a drum machine beat and a distinct feeling of “almost Country” that aspect of Beck’s Sea Change possess, but all in all you will think that Cake put out a five disc set with slight variations to the aforementioned formula. But the formula doesn’t stop there… each album has one “out of character song” namely Mr. Mastodon Farm (first album), Race Car Ya Yas (second album), Cool Blue Reason (third album), Comfort Eagle (fourth album) and End of the Movie (fifth album). Each album has an “accessible to everyone” track that is usually released as a single. Each album has a sad, “leave you feeling down” song at the end and each album title seems to have something in common with the others, but I have yet to put my finger on it. Something on a subconscious level: Motorcade of Generosity, Fashion Nugget, Prolonging the Magic, Comfort Eagle and Pressure Chief Only true fans can determine what each song is within the first 10 seconds and believe me it is a lot harder than it seems. Also, Cake is perfect driving music. 90% of their tracks go perfectly with the turning wheels of a motor vehicle, although a semi-trailer or pick up truck are the types of vehicles that pop into my head. The band just seems to have so much disdain to share with the world it’s a wonder they have any fans at all. The perfect Cake song that really sews them up, quirky, sarcastic, disdain for American society, tounge-in-cheekedness and all is called “Wheels”. It’s the first track of their brand new album.

In a wooden boat in the shipping lanes with the freighters towering over me
I can hear the jets flying overhead making lines across the darkening sky
And when the sun is going down I can take a taxi into town
And the waiter at the restaurant sets a table just for one

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

So I hired a plane to take me to a place so far away from you
Eventually we began to see that we could be completely free
And I could get away from you and you could get away from me
And we could live each separately in our cities in the sun

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

In a seedy karaoke bar by the banks of the mighty Bosporus
Is a Japanese man in a business suit singing ”Smoke Gets in Your Eyes”
And the muscular cyborg German dudes dance with sexy French Canadians
While the overweight Americans wear their patriotic jumpsuits

Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round spinning round
Wheels keep on spinning round spinning round and round

(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me
(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me
(I don't know)
Why you say you are not in love with me

So to the point, I have no favorite Cake album, so I’m going to pretend they did release a five disc set spanning their whole career, call it “Smarm”, that’s my favorite Cake album. To finish up with Cake, I recall the very first interview conducted with them around the release of the first album over ten years ago. The lead singer said something that also describes them perfectly and still holds true today. . John McCrea (lead singer) looks right into the camera and says, “We’re here to make sure bands stop having fun.” He wasn’t smiling.

eels: Electro Shock Blues
This was a tough one. Eels has five albums and three of them were up for favorite, but I had to go with this one. First off, eels is actually one man with a pretty constant drummer and other musicians he gets to play this and that. The lead singer and songwriter is Mark Oliver Everett III also known as E. His father, Dr. Hugh Everett III, was a quantum physicist who authored "Everett's Many Worlds Theory" in the 1950's, Everett inspired countless science fiction books, movies and Star Trek episodes with the concept of parallel universes. As a young teenager he traded letters with Albert Einstein, debating whether it was something random or unifying that held the universe together. He was a certified genius. Long story short…E began writing songs when he was about 6. When he was older to he moved to L.A. and worked shitty jobs during the day while writing songs during the night. He did this for seven years. Eventually he got someone to hear a demo and put out a solo album in the early 90’s. He put out another after that then met Butch, the drummer for eels. Anyway, this album “Electro Shock Blues” is centered on the events of basically everyone in his life dying. He found his father dead, his sister killed herself and his mother died of lung cancer. This album is the saddest and most sincere thing I have ever heard. Yeah Trent Reznor feels the pain of the world in his blood or whatever, but E’s entire family dies and he’s left to deal with it. So he does by writing this album. The first track is called “Elizabeth on the Bathroom Floor” and has lyrics like “laying on the bathroom floor/kitty licks my cheek once more/and i could try but waking up is harder when you wanna die

My name is Elizabeth
My life is shit and piss

The album also has songs like “Baby Genius” that addresses his father and the pressure he felt being a genius and the pressure E felt having to live up to that and “Dead of Winter” which is about his mother and her cancer.

so i know you're going pretty soon
radiation sore throat got your tongue
magic markers tattoo you
and show it where to aim
and strangers break their promises
you won't feel any
you won't feel any pain.

Aside from songs about his family there are also songs about his mindset and reaction to everything. The impressive thing about this album is it isn’t just E standing there crying the whole time. There are barbs of satire and humor throughout it. And, the final track, after all the tears are dry and you feel like joining Elizabeth on the bathroom floor, E’s includes a song called “P.S. You Rock My World” that opens with the line “I was at a funeral the day I realized I wanted to spend my life with you” and the whole masterpiece ends with the hopeful line “maybe it’s time to live” showing that even though these terrible things happened to him, he found a away to go on and thrive in the face of blah blah blah. It’s really less sappy if you listen to it.