So. Much. Nothing.

5.29.09

11:59 am

Recently:

Finished the fourth to last published Discworld book - Fun as ever. Worried what I'll do once I've craved though the last three...  Phil has suggested a series by Joe Butcher or something along those lines, the Dresden Books?  The man hasn't steered me wrong yet.

Finished Battlestar Galactica - Have quite a few questions.  Three actually.  But, in case anyone who reads this is watching or planning to watch the show, I will not raise them here.  Overall, a great show, but the ending felt a bit lacking, but like most things that are massive and amazing, it's hard to get an ending that reflects, retains and etc. all the epic glory of the show itself.  Unless you're the Shield or the Wire.  In which case you do it and do it well.

Finished the Simpsons Game - Some pretty damn hilarious stuff there (bosses include Will Wright...the actual Will Wright, creator of the Sims and Spore, Matt Groening and God...who challenges you to a DDR Showdown), but nothing about the gameplay really makes me want to go back through it.  Good game though.

Reached the point in the Simpsons television show where I can see (without any argument) what people are complaining about.  It was a series of THREE SHITTY EPISODES IN A ROW towards the back half of the 19th season.  One was a badly written and disjointed episode sort of kind of referencing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the next was a shoehorned 90's story that just felt odd and incongruous with the ENTIRETY of the show thus far and the third was another disjointed election '08 themed episode which seemed more to be a collection of gags without any through line.  Then there was one of those let's-Simpsonize-three-stories-that-share-a-theme episodes about Valentine's Day and love.  Just shit.  And last night, there was actually an anti-smoking episode.  They tried to be irreverent and etc. with it, but an anti-smoking episode starring the Simpsons is as transparent as an anti-drug episode starring a team up between G.I. Joe and Cobra..  On the other hand, show me something that lasts 18 years which is more good than bad.  Asshole.

Watched The Promotion, an hilarious movie starring John C. Reilly and Seann William Scott.  It's a subtle (at times) comedy which makes you understand why Seann William Scott keeps getting work and why people are always going off about how awesome John C. Reilly is.  It also features the first off-screen gay banjoist jokes I have ever heard.  God, I'm sheltered.

Watched The Amazing Screw On Head.  Fucking excellent.  I wish there was more. 

Downloaded the Wolverine movie as well.

Why is Deadpool Cyclops?

Started reading the third to last Discworld book.  Not too far into it, but it's pretty much exactly what I've come to expect based on the previous twenty four.

Started playing the new PS3 game, Infamous.  This game...it's going to keep me up...  Hopefully it heralds the coming of the Age Where Playstation Is No Longer Xbox 360's Bitch.  Apparently there's a slew of really truly enjoyable games coming out exclusively for the PS3 this year and it may actually put a slight damper on Xbox 360's towering sales disparity.  Uncharted 2, Infamous, Project Trico (although that's probably 2010), God of War 3 and Heavy Rain to name a few.  You can do it Sony, you can do it.

Found out on Tuesday, in an oddly State heavy day that the comedy album they recorded back around the show had leaked (it's as brilliant and stupid as the show itself) AND that finally, the goddamn DVD is coming out July 14th.  Day One motherfuckers, Day One.

Had a few weeks with the new Marilyn Manson album.

Meh.  Not as horrible as the most recent, but hardly memorable.  Here's a hint, when you have the guy who did programming for Nine Inch Nails for two albums and then went on to create Tweaker...let him go nuts.  Manson is done.  And, incidentally, there is a line on the new one where he calls the listeners "rapists werewolves".

"Rapist werewolves".

Think about that.

Ah...so poignant.

BUT the new eels is up on their Myspace and a lot of it is already growing on me.  Obviously I'm going through the same kind of withdrawal I did when NIN took six years to put out a single disc after taking five years to put out their double album, but these things happen.

Unless you are Prince.

However, I must not listen to the new eels until after tomorrow night.  For tonight is Cake (was feeling pretty mellow about this until I started listening to them today) and tomorrow is TMBG.  I'd be more excited if I weren't so tired.  To get to the show tonight, I have to work early today.  All in all, not a bad trade off, the more obnoxious employees aren't here until three or so but it still knocks the shit out of me.  Another problem is the building excitement over the two NIN concerts next weekend.  That shit is going to be off the hook, to use the parlance of our times.

There's rumors that Bowie is going to join them for a song or two.

Jesus Fucking Christ.

There's also some new hotness up on RSPS and Dead Ends.

You should take it.

Oh, and there's a barbeque this weekend at Colin's new place.

That's bacon.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

http://www.the-state.com/

For The Greater Good

5.22.09

7:15 pm

Getting off the train today, I saw two morbidly obese people (a man thing and a woman thing) sitting at opposite ends of those uncomfortable wooden Subway benches that are basically a slab of wood with little wooden dividers ever two feet or so.  Each of them was occupying about two seats with the divider nestled snugly between the unspeakable oblivion of their respective ass cracks.

My first thought at seeing these...shapes filling out their clothes and just...BEING FAT was that they should marry and then try to have children so that they would both die mid-coitus, thus preventing them from multiplying and further fattening our already-bloated Nation.

Does that make me a bad person?

They were reeeeeeally fat.

Not chubby, portly, stout, porky, rotund, zaftig, chunky, swelled, callipygian or anything else; they were goddamn morbidly fucking obese.

These are the people you see in "America Is Obese" stock footage on the news, neck down only to protect their "dignity".

These are the type of people that left walking behind years ago as well as waddling.

They lumber.

They lumber like trees.

Sloppy, jelly trees.

That smell like butter tarts.

And have trouble breathing because you mentioned butter tarts to them and now they want butter tarts.

I also watched "The Prophecy" a night or two ago.

Christopher Walken as a killer angel...whew.

God would never make that mistake because He'd be killed within a week.

I'm sure I'm not the first to say so, but I believe "gleefully psychotic" describes Mr. Walken best.

But then I watch the video for Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" and things get...hm...muddled?

It's like a spell...

Anyway.

It had better not rain tomorrow...

Grrrr......

Jouncy!

5.19.09

4:48 pm

Working straight through 4:30 to 11 today.

Phil and I are going to try to recreate his lost memories regarding the Grind Show series.

I'll like a muse, but with stuff that's been forgotten...who's the saint of forgotten stuff?

Chuck?

Harold?

Eh. Whaeva.

Been listening to a band called Other Lives recently.  Discovered them while searching for leaked eels.  Really great stuff.  Very simple, sad and beautiful.  One of the guys in the band worked with eels and the producer has worked with Beck, Radiohead and Outkast, although there is NO Outkast flavor on this,

Guitar, piano, drums, violin and that's pretty much it.

I wouldn't usually dig the guy's voice, but it just fits with the melancholy tone of the music.

Melancholy yet hopeful at times.

Also a bit on the short side, both the individual songs and the album as a whole, but really moving from start to finish.

I highly recommend it.

Getting pretty hard about the upcoming NIN shows (SO many new/unplayed songs...).  In fact, I think it may be sort of obscuring my enthusiasm for the Cake and TMBG shows.

But this is the path I choose and I shall walk it, hard and resolute.

Don't FUCK with the Lords of Hell!

5.18.09

7:08 pm

Watched "Let The Right One In" this weekend.  Seriously one of the sweetest movies I'd seen in a long time.  Yes the setting and actions are the main characters are, at times, really fucked up, but there is such an innate sincerity to the relationship between Oscar and Eli that my heart just wiggled.  I had the worst feeling that this was going to end in tragedy, but when the ending finally arrived, I was all smiles.

Such a well done movie too.  Why can't people in America make a good movie like that involves vampires?  Why must we turn to the Russians?

*sigh*

Saturday was physically and emotionally draining, but in a good way.  I guest walked Louis and Eloise for Josh and Linza and those pups slept they night, yes they did.  Then I retuned home with Danielle in tow and we talked for a while before putting on "Adventures In Babysitting", a movie I hadn't seen in about 15 years but which I'd rented obsessively (as I did with a set of about 25 or 30 movies) when I was a kid.  I miss the formulaic "What could POSSIBLY go wrong NEXT???!?!?!?!?!?" comedies.  So predictable, so soft.  And there's this guy in it who is scary as fuck.  I believe Danielle made some comparison to an evil Steve Buchemi.  Christ he's frightening.

Finished Dollhouse and, although I'd dig a second season, you could almost see the cancellation of the show telegraphed on the actor's faces in the season finale.  Poor Joss Whedon...will Fox EVER stop ass raping him?

The Picnic is this Saturday and YOU HAD BETTER HOLD YOUR WATER, GOD! OR YOU'LL HAVE ME TO DEAL WITH!

That's that.

dance on

5.15.09

7:15 pm

No, you can NOT haz popular website!!1

Anyway, just watched the remake of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" last night. I'd never seen the original, but the heavy-handedness was unbearable at times. As was Will Smith's son. I fear what he will become... It is impressive, however, to see how Hollywood can keep finding roles in which Keanu Reeves doesn't act. His performance in Day made his performance in The Matrix look like his performance in Bill & Ted.

You with me?

Also, checked out the new Tori Amos and Eminem albums respectively.

Tori, Tori, Tori...I think her fire may be out. Except for maybe three or four interesting tracks (Give, Strong Black Vine, Police Me and the title track), the rest ranges from meh-ish to the soul scalding Adult Contemporary I thought she had turned away from with American Doll Posse.

But I was WRONG.

It's an all right Tori Amos album, but nothing really amazing there sadly.

And as for Eminem's first album in four years? He seems not to have changed much and although he is literally just turning up the Offend-O-Meter, it still works. He is still shocking without apparently trying while Marilyn Manson is just rambling on about the WEIRDEST shit. There is a song in which "Christopher Reeve" does a verse (complete with affected voice and neck tube noises) which includes the chorus "I guess it's time for you to hate me again" (Medicine Ball), a song in which he kidnaps, drugs, rapes and/or kills Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan (Same Old Song and Dance) and just a plethora (literal definition of the word) of things that are so shocking they're funny. He's doing the same thing he's always done and, unless you didn't like that in 1998, he continues to do it well. But I have to admit that I am confused. The album is called "Relapse". On it he mentions that he was in rehab and is now back on drugs (namely Valium...a LOT of talking about Valium), that he's been clean for a year and that he never went to rehab. It doesn't keep me up and night, but, you know...what the fuck Marshall?

Had lunch with Jess and Danielle today. Never seen Danielle so happy. Dan has been an incredibly positive influence on her life it seems and that's awesome. Rock on, you two.

Meanwhile, Jess's Dave Man has just learned to sew humans in Doctor School.

Watch how this skill has NO EFFECT WHATSOEVER in Jessica Wade's very own Dead End.

Go absolutely fuck yourself, you maladjusted and frigid bitch.

5.14.09

7:09 pm

My faith may have been misplaced in Seattle Cafe...at least in their paninis.

Had an audition for Sunny D this morning.

They're still making Sunny D.

Way to go, guys.

In other news, Chris and I are but one hour and thirty five minutes away from the end of Battlestar Galactica (save one final made-for-TV movie coming out in November) and we're terrified of what may transpire.

After BSG, we may pick up the fifth season of Lost. May hopes are now that They have decided on an ending for the show, the shit will start to become less....annoying IS the right word, yes. And personally, I am four episodes away from the end of the first (of many hopefully) season on Joss Whedon's Dollhouse. They seem to be getting better as they progress... After that, I still have the new season of Rescue Me to get immersed in, but only after I've finished the last episode of Volume 3 of Heroes and the end of the 18th and totality of the 19th seasons of The Simpsons.

Busy busy busy.

Busy.

Facetious.

Then, I have Cake, TMBG and two Nine Inch Nails shows in two weeks. I've been somewhat good about not spoiling the setlists for NIN but from what I'm trying not to see, they have some CRAZY shit on there. Songs they haven't played in over 14 years and some they've never played at all. Literally a different show every night...for at least a few nights of course. They learned over 70 songs for this tour, plus some covers that...well...who gives a shit but me anyway.

It's going to be good. Just take comfort in the fact that I'll be enjoying myself. Not that I need to be at a NIN concert to enjoy myself, I'm enjoying myself right now, but I will enjoy myself even more so at the aforementioned concerts.

Yes.

And finally, Scorched Earth is MELTING the hours here. I am a sick, sick, lazy genius.

And please check in on RSPS and Dead Ends, as there has been new shit added that will help you to further get ur freak on.

Una TECATE LIGHT por Hombre del Pajaro!!

5.7.09

9:58 pm

Today worked out well.

I had to go back for a re-record of the Tecate Light thing from last week and found out I am getting paid double what I was told (nice) and, at one point, the guys in there needed me to do something deep but different than what I had been doing.

I asked what exactly they wanted and amidst the general muttering, one man said "Birdman".

I said, "Roll it."

I said the product name is the Gary Cole Birdman voice and actually received applause from the studio.

Things like this don't happen often and man was my ego swoll.

Felt pretty nice.

Afterwards, I got a call from the producer who wants to use me on an internal video his company is doing.

Double nice.

And finally, I have problems finding stuff to do here at work, as you know.

I also fell in love with a game called Scorched Earth back in 95.

Whenever I try to play it on my machine at home, it bugs up and closes.

Then I thought...the computers at work are about fifteen years old!

And guess what I've been doing for the last hour?

Oh hell yes.

I love this goddamn game.

Again, today worked out well.

All Typesa Shit

4.29.09

3:29pm

Why the hell are copy machines so BIG?

Seriously.

8:04pm

Also.

Garbage's "Supervixen" is a very hot song.

While I was on the Subway about and hour and a half ago, I heard a new system announcement about giving pregnant women your seat (as if you really have assholes that massive and puckering that wouldn't).  It ended with the line "Stand up for what's right".

Now, I have always said that I will give my seat to two types of people, the pregnant and the super elderly (unless they get pushy and stare at me like it's my fucking job to make sure they're sitting, they can go fuck themselves until they die in like a week or whatever).  And when I say "super elderly" I mean the shaking, milky-eyed old fucks who aren't even aware they're on the Subway, not those GODDAMNED ANNOYING 60-somethings that bring with them that sense of entitlement, that unspoken declaration that I OUGHT TO (not should, but OUGHT TO) surrender (and don't misunderstand, when you give a 62 year old woman your seat you are indeed surrendering) my seat to them.

Anyway, that capper, "stand for what's right", just made me think of a scenario that will, most likely, never happen:

A pushy pregnant woman gets on the train, sees me, stands in front of me and then asks for my seat, quoting the PA's last line.  I look at her, her distended belly, smile and say, "How do I know you're baby won't grow up to be the next Hitler."

It was a long train ride, give me a break.

And.

Just started reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies".

In the battle of Jane Austen Vs. Zombies, I am very sad to say that Ms. Austen is winning.

Not even zombies can make Jane Austen readable for me.

I am truly a heterosexual man.

Finally,

I got another booking today for tomorrow and there is an eels' line that's been bouncing around inside my head ever since:

"The psychic joy/of living in this world/is overwhelming me/again and again"

And I think I figured out why upbeat eels music is more powerful to me than upbeat other artists' music.

The fact that E as had SUCH amazing traumatic shit happen in his life and he is STILL ABLE to function just gives his upbeat stuff more weight and sincerity.

As in, if HE can go to sleep and wake up the next morning, I certainly can.

Beck has a lot of upbeat shit, but it can seem silly next to E's stuff.

Double ditto for TMBG.

Speaking of which, planning on seeing TMBG on Saturday, May 30th.

Anyone want to jump in my boat?

4.30.09
3:41pm

I...am all typesa tired.  It's a happy tired, a good tired, but a very tired tired nonetheless.  It's as if my soul had just had excellent, brain-shattering sex...with twins.

I woke at nine this morning (fuck you Daylighters, that's like waking up at 3am) and went to Chromavision (which is just as swathed in false grandeur as the name indicates) and recorded a radio spot for Tecate Light beer.  Which is, apparently, some kind of beer.

For the first time since the Burger King commercial, this was an actual script with me and this other guy, Matt, playing the roles.

It was just fun as hell and after a few takes, the guys in the booth (all six of them) wanted us to improv some stuff.  Man, did we improv.  Hopefully, this will be on the air in a few weeks and, even more hopefully, I will be able to get a copy and, if I'm lucky, some of the outtakes.  Afterwards, I had a boilerplate car insurance audition and it was...thrilling.  No wait...not thrilling is what  meant, but I sounded good and that's what the people up top pay no attention to.  In the bag, baby...in the bag.

There was a wonderful moment before the recording when I was standing on a corner, waiting for the light to change, alternately looking at the Flatiron and the Empire State Building; the weather was a perfect 60 something (not to be confused with the "60 something"mentioned in the previous post), the eels were telling me I'd better get out now or at least keep my eyes down, and everything was just Golden, you know?

God damn am I tired.

Unless I get mucho auditiones for manana, I plan to sleep lots this evening and tomorrow during the day, right up until 2ish.

Jub Jub.  

7:50pm

One final thing.

A few months ago, Britney Spears released a new album, Circus.  On it there was a track called "If You Seek Amy".  The chorus goes: love me/hate me/say what you want about me/but all the girls and all the boys/are begging to if you seek Amy.

Get it?

Eff yew cee kay me?

Fuck me?

Because people want to fuck Britney Spears?

Baby-bald vagina and all?

Yeah?

So, I was obviously shocked when today at Subway I heard, through my pop music-filtering headphones, the beginning of the song.  At first I thought, way to go America, loosening up you collective asshole, Obama 4 Ever, all right.  Then the chorus rolled around and something sounded a bit off.  Mind you, I was listening to a podcast and not really paying attention, but something snagged my ear.  I took off my headphones in order to hear it more clearly and here's what happened...they changed "if you seek Amy" to "if you see Amy".

Now, the chorus made very little sense to begin with, "begging to if you seek Amy"?  What the fuck does that mean?  But changing it to "if you see Amy" not only makes it complete and utter nonsense, but it removes what little teeth Britney (or whichever sweaty 50 year old pedo is writing her lyrics now) put into the song.  Britney, if you really think people want to fuck you, just get out there.  Lose the bodyguards and start fucking!  No one's stopping you but you!  You're willing to have your bare vagina lips photographed by complete strangers, why not put your money where your crotch is?  What are you, afraid?  And here I thought that EVERYBODY wanted to if you seek Ahew...

Quite frankly, when everybody wants to fuck you, you don't have to sing a song about that fact, you just know.

Trust me. 

You just know.

12.21.12 = WE ARE FUCKED

4.27.09

7:53 pm

On Sunday, Chris and I joined Bill and his friend at a warm up show of sorts for Bill's friend, Chris Rush.

Apparently, Chris Rush was a molecular biologist who spent five years at Harvard and so on and so forth, and he s now doing stand up comedy (he and George Carlin were friends and, apparently, he is one of the only comics that George Carlin actually endorsed).

He has a one man show coming to the Bleecker Street Theatre called "Bliss".

Quite frankly, he was funnier than his show, but an old woman DID fall down and crack her head open just as he started.

That was not part of the show.

Anyhoo, we all went out to Acme Underground after the show and I learned a lot about the end of the world.

Apparently, it's going to be on December 21st, 2012.

And here's why.

First off, the Aztec calendar (which is apparently THE most accurate and blah blah one) is going to end (and, for some strange reason, it doesn't just start up again, it just ends. I personally don't get that. When one cycle ends, you start another one. But then again, I'm not Aztec).

That's something we've know since 1994 though, right? When EVERYONE said that THIS calendar was more accurate than THAT calendar. I believe we've had three apocalypses thus far? WE'RE STILL HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Next, (and alllll this stuff comes from Chris, who I really don't know from a hole in the ground, but he seemed pretty learned...sort of) 12.21.12 is the day when the sun, moon and Earth (I may be misquoting) are going to be in perfect alignment with the black hole at the center of our universe.

THEN, there is also going to be MAJOR sunspot activity that will, at best, fuck up all our electric shit and, at worst, release the thing will ostensibly to do us what whatever-it-was did to the dinosaurs.

And also, the magnetic poles have been losing their polarity and by 12.21.12, they might be switched, which also means a whole electrical apocalypse as well.

So...yeah, again, I don't know this guy from Adam (who is taller), but he's got some credentials.

I'm glad I've got Will as one of my two readers so he can chime in on all this eschatological hibble bibble.

Will?

Please?

Some light on this end times stuff?

Personally, I'm not going to worry until the Zombie Apocalypse which is, by far, going to be the most fun and marketable.

Go Shuffling Dead!!

WOO!!

Twits.

http://twitter.com/THE_EELS

Right on, E.
Right on.

I, Iterator.

4.23.09

7:52 pm

In all complete seriousness and honesty...why do all American Apparel models look like quirky rape victims?

Today I finally sealed the deal with the Davidoff folks.

After being put on hold for over a week due to "copy issues", I went in at 10 this morning, to the exact same studio with the exact same director and exact same sound engineer and was in and out in a little over a half hour.

Because they wanted deep and sexy and they fucking got it.

I may not be a morning person, but my voice sure is.

As I thought there were three versions of exactly the same sentence with different syntax.

The video looks like a porn directed by David Lynch and my voice provides the money shot.

Boosh.

There are two versions of the ad, a thirty second and a fifteen second.

The fifteen will air in the U.S. on all the networks and the thirty will run in Europe and in the UK forever according to the lady from the casting agency.

Apparently they love cologne and perfume commercials over there.

You should be seeing this around the end of summer.

Or not.

I get paid either way, but this thing might just be trashed or made exclusive in India or some other bit of corporate fuckery.

But again: I get paid.

Now that this thing is finally over, I feel as if a weight has lifted off of me.  This weekend I will record the "Children of Aruf" script with Bill and Gen, and then I will sleep.

A lot.

Oui.

A Quantum of Sexxy

You know that feeling you get when everything is perfect, like a Universal Click that just makes all those things that need to be, be?
Well, I got that.
And it's cool.

Back off man, I'm a scientist.

4.21.09

8:17 pm

Comcast.

Comcast, Comcast, Comcast.

I will say this:

I give you points for trying SOMETHING different.

Now let's see about giving me some of your infinite marketing cheese.

Had a Comcast audi today at Hobo.

Hobo is the place I did the 56 Plavix rerecords which bought me my TV.

It's run by a guy named Howard, who happens to be the only Howard I have ever actually met and spoken to.

And he goes right up there with Philip Lovecraft and the Duck as excellent Howard's.

This Comcast thing today called for a HAL 9000 voice.

I listened to some clips last night, just to be exactly sure HAL 9000 was who I thought he was.

He was.

So, I did the first read through, and Howard says take a little more time and make it a bit less whispery.

I do so and he says I nailed it.

Actually said, "You nailed it.  What's your availability next week?"

Now, you will hear this often times in "the business" (or, if I were a rapper, "the biz-NASS") and, when you hear it, it is good to remember it is usually worth the paper it is printed on, by, I feel like I DID actually nail this bitch and to have Howard confirm my nailing just made me feel good.

Not that my good feelings or Howard's kind words mean fuckall to the High & Mighty Shit Filled Condoms at Comcast who have been hearing and rejecting my beautiful, buttered leather voice for the PAST FIVE YEARS, but,  whatever, I had a good audition today.

Elsewhere in the realm of me talking, Bill and I and some other person (named Gen, I believe) are FINALLY getting together this Saturday to record that script he's adapted, possibly for an animated thing in the works.

Bill's been in the biz-NASS for over 40 years, so...he's the nozz.

At this particular moment, I am a bit high strung because this project I've been on hold for for over two weeks is about to (or not to) come to fruition either tomorrow afternoon or Thursday morning.

Once it is in the bag, I will feel, once again, like God's Own Boner.

Until then, I remain, as always, a Jesus Queef.

Elan!

'Scuse me gul I know 's a bit...embarrassin' bu' I cane hep bu' noticethem blogs...on yuh shirt

4.17.09
3:38 pm

To those who grok the reference in the title...we salute you.
And it's APPLICABLE.
Oh sweet buttery corn it's APPLICABLE.
I am now contributing to TWO massively homoerotic blogs stored RIGHT HERE, on the Internet!
The first is the Really Simple Pun Aggregate started by one Colin Goldberg a few weeks ago.
It's an aggregate, see...of puns...really simple puns...that give worms...to ex-girlfriends!
It's pretty groan and cringe worthy stuff.
Aaaaaand speaking of words that rhyme with "groan"....

Originally conceptualized as a book by Dan "The Slim, Fatal Blade" Delgado (no relation to Denise "The Butcher" Delgado) and then RE-conceptualized as a blog by Philip "Thundercat" Tucker, I am also happy to be named as a contributor to "Dead Ends", a blog that takes snapshots from people living in various stages of the Zombie Apocalypse...snapshots which would be included on the last page of the photo album...if you catch my drift.
At the time of writing, there are only four entries up, three from myself and one from Dan "The Dancing, Flickering Blade" Delgado (again, no relation to Denise "The Butcher" Degado) but there is another entry of Dan's and the same from me on the way.
Plus, we are open to adding contributor's.
No holds barred.
So, if you are into the Zombie Apocalypse and want to write about some poor, unfortunate bastard's end...you are welcome to join.
Just drop one of us an e-mail and start getting eschatologic on our asses.

In other, less bloggy news, about 7 of the 15 Manson tracks have leaked and it looks like this is going to be another disappointment.
Not as horrid and unlistenable as "Eat Me, Drink Me", but just a collection of unimpressive, easily forgotten Manson tracks.

In the realm of music that doesn't suck, this Saturday I will be "dropping some lyrics" onto Duck Jam/Duckernauts with Ray.
Prepare for testicular/labial puckering.

7:04 pm
Just got back from lunch.
Turns out, today was Spring.
Enjoy.

Tuna fish biscuits and Capathian kitten loss

4.14.09
10:09 pm

I wish I had an excellent entry to go with this excellent title.
But I do not.
So I'll just mumble a bit.
This weekend I did some work on Jess' song and it's going to be a winner.
A Grammy winner.
As in her Grammy will like it.

Had me first fun VO audition in recent memory today.
It was for some Canadian Internet provider called Shaw.and it consisted of three separate paragraphs, all tongue in cheek and clever.
I was directed to be a wiseass.
Oh Canada indeed.
Shaw makes Comcast look like...well...Comcast.

BUT, I actually had Y E T  A N O T H E R  Comcast audition on Monday (bringing my total to approximately "go fuck yourself Comcast") and, holy wet shit, they didn't have me read it.....friendly...not announcery...but with a hint of a smile...it was actually several different character voices talking about several different areas of Comcast's whatever it is they do and I got to do a wide variety of voices.
Way to go Comcast.
Let's see if you can't keep making good commercials or just stop bothering me.
Either way, I'm good.

Also, earlier today, a resident with dementia shambled into the Security office and demanded "tuna fish biscuits" get sent up to his floor.
I have latched onto that phrase, "tuna fish biscuits", like a lamprey and I want you to say it out loud once or twice and then just...groove.
It dances on your tongue like a tiny, tiny ballerina...

Also, for the next few days, I will be suffering from Carpathian kitten loss, thanks to Philip, who will also share in the grieving process.
Anyone else?
Will?
Are you a god?

Hi, we're New Zealand. We've seen Napoleon Dynamite. See?

4.10.09

3:43 pm

Before I got balls deep into Battlestar Galactica I had added the movie "Eagle Vs. Shark" to my Netflix.

It came in and Chris and I watched it over the weekend.

I later did some research and found out that the original title was to be "Napoleon Dynamite In New Zealand" and it was going to be the second in the Napoleon Dynamite series (here's a spoiler: they were going to have him spout off a lot of facts about Australia while in New Zealand).

It was going to be your typical fish out of water story but with that awkward character acting and 70's/80's/90's timesmear that Napoleon Dynamite forced a nation to fall in love with and quote incessantly for two years or so.

("Like Crocodile Dundee meet Napoleon Dynamite in reverse sort of" was one of the actual lines used in the original pitch).

Then the American studio said, "This is a god-awful retarded idea" and killed the project.

But New Zealand wanted the world to know how much they weren't just for jerkin-clad gay midgets and CG and how much they loved Napoleon Dynamite, so they got the most awkward, so-quirky-you'll-fart cast they could find and threw in some curse words and sex and violence ("America-ed it up" they said) and some overly indie, thinly veiled allegorical stop animation (the apples...represent the main characters!) and, voila, "Eagle Vs. Shark".

Or at least that's what I thought after seeing it.

Pour your sandwiches down on me.

4.9.09
10:04 pm

You know how people say "you learn something new every day"?
Well, I don't.
I really, really don't.
But today...I do.
I learned that, when it comes to being forced to order food delivered to my place of work, I no longer have to settle for greasy Chinese, greasy Italian, greasy Mexican or greasy deli.
I have discovered Seattle Cafe.
LAUGH!
SCOFF!
MAKE LIGHT!
"Ooooh, way to join 2002, Paul!  Do you like coffee?  Have you heard of this place Starbucks?  They make homosexual coffee! 'Tall' means 'small' there!"
I don't really care WHAT you think of me.
I have discovered a wonderful new alternative to my take out regimen.
They make paninis.
I like paninis.
They are not horribly overpriced nor are they greasy.
Hey Food Rut...prepare to become a notch deeper.
Bring on These Economics Times...I've got grilled chicken club sandwiches on focaccia, bitches.

In non-gastrointestinal news, I just finished the 7th or 8th to last Discworld book.
Man this guy is a brilliant humorist.
And he's going to die not knowing who he is or where he is.
That is utterly undeserving.
Why can't my enemies get the degenerative brain diseases?
Or even just some random asshole?
Why Terry "I'm Smart and Funny" Pratchett?
Hey, I know a certain crackhead who'd look just great lying in a gutter covered in his own bodily waste...

Had seven auditions last week ranging from Com-goddamn-motherfuckin'-cast legal copy to eating a fake burger and yelling "DANGUS!" at the top of my voice on camera.
May have snagged one, but who knows...
One in seven, people keep telling me, is pretty impressive.
At some point, I might even believe them.

Going back to all that music blither blather: the new Depeche Mode has leaked and it is some of their best stuff in years, plus six of the fifteen new Manson tracks have also leaked...they're...hm.
They're better than everything off  'Eat Me, Drink Me' (which, apparently Manson also thought sucked, because on his most recent tour he played only TWO songs from it each night), but none of them can hold a candle to anything off 'Antichrist Superstar'.
One or two Tori tracks leaked as well.
Straight up adult contemporary.
I hope the whole thing doesn't sound like them.
Still chomping at the bit RE: the new eels.
There's some half hour "making of the album" doc that will probably come out with the album.
Looks pretty masturbatory, but E has made his career out of having people watch him bleed and cry and masturbate, so no problems here.
The trailer to it has some of another new song, "Tremendous Dynamite", a song whose title has, sadly, written a check the song itself cannot cash.
But "Fresh Blood" is BEATING BEYONCE on AOL's Top 40 this week.
THAT is something to freak out about as eels has always been a smaller band, even though you've probably heard they're music in ALL the Shrek movies, Road Trip and a bunch of other places you wouldn't expect to hear it.
This just means more people for E to isolate.
Way to do it, E, you bearded cantankerous old misanthrope.
I say okay.

I Just Got Punched By A Crackhead

classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui>

4.7.09

9:32 pm

This is all absolutely goddamn true.

Coming back into my job after my lunch break, I approached the swinging doors in the vestibule that lead me into the hallway outside the security office, in which I work.

I reached the doors and pulled the left one open.

A short man with his head down came barreling out and ran right into my chest.

I said, "Excuse m-" then I felt something hit my stomach.

A man behind this punchy little fellow said,"Whoa, whoa, calm down man!"

It was right around then I realized that this fucking cunt rag had punched me!

Punched!

ME!

I was SO utterly SHOCKED!

No one has consciously tried to punch me since the 4th grade so I was literally standing there gape-mouthed while this scrappy thing was slowly backing away (I don't think he had seen who he'd hit as his head was down and he may have, just then, noticed that he'd struck a guy two and a half times his size).

I said, "What the fuck?!" more out of genuine puzzlement that belligerence.

"Got in my WAY, man..." he reasonably explained.

Then Sergeant Mann came into the vestibule and told him to get the fuck out.

I asked Sarge who this guy was as we went back inside.

He told me he was a crackhead who had come in with his friend  to smoke crack in the bathroom.

He'd noticed that they looked...well, like actual crackheads, people addicted to crack, and told them they could use the bathroom if they left their coats and bags at the security station.

They had agreed and went to the bathroom.

The Sergeant, having a pretty clear idea that they were, indeed, going to try to use drugs in the bathroom, stood outside the door and overhead the short, scrappy gentleman asking, in Spanish, for the stuff.

The other one said it was in the bags that they'd left at the security station.

You see the problem?

So, apparently, I had just walked in as Sarge told them they'd have to leave.

I then asked Sarge if he saw that guy hit my in the gut.

His eyes widened.

"When?!"

"Just now.  The little fucker."

"Why didn't you tell me then?!"

"Why? What were you going to do?"

"Kick his punk ass!"

Then came the lengthy discussion about what I should have done: taken him apart, pretended to fall down and get hurt thus getting paid disability or receiving compensation from the Hospital, restraining him while the police were called (since the Sarge knew these guys had drugs on them that would have been pretty detrimental I'd imagine), a combination of all three and a variety of other ploys and tactics.

Oh, to have those 30 seconds back.

I am still, three hours later, just shocked.

This chickenhead little cocksucker!

Hitting me!

Man.

I must say my general good feeling towards the crackhead community has greatly been reduced.

A Weensy Addendum

4.2.09
8:09 pm
Forgot to mention the last track on "LotusFlow3r", 'No More Candy 4 U' is fucking awesome.
If Prince could be MORE like Little Richard...well, this is that song.

And also that the first single Manson plans to release from "The High End of Low" (as in the song that will herald a new Marilyn Manson album and be played on the radio and have a music video to be shown...wherever music videos are now shown) is called 'Arma-goddamn-motherfucking-geddon', which, of course, on the radio and TV will be called Arma-*******-*************-geddon and will obviously have a huge silence in the middle of the chorus, which features Manson yelling the song's title four times in a row.
He did this a few albums ago when he released 'This Is The New Shit' as the first single off "The Golden Age of Grotesque' as either 'This Is The New ****' or (and this is worse) 'This Is The New Hit'.
*sigh*
Way to shoot yourself in the goddamn motherfucking foot.