Sinister.
Sinister.
Sinister.
Quick lead up: a few days ago, I was trying to remember a movie that involved demonic possession and which had a truly frightening trailer. I did a search for recent movies involving demonic possession on Doogle* and, although I found what I was looking for**, my eye was drawn to another title.
Sinister.
I saw that it starred Ethan Hawke (no problems with him) and had been rather well received , plus, any movie title based on Latin makes me sweat, so I decided to check it out.
They had me at the opening shot.
I'm not going to spoil it, in case you haven't seen it, but I am going to share with you how great I thought it was.
First things first: the music and sound design.
The overall score, by Christopher Young, is very, very solid, not your typical strings and boring bullshit that you see in every other horror movie out there, but, where things really worked were during the home movies.
So, minor spoiler, the main character finds a box of 8mm films and, of course, since this is a horror movie and no one ever has any clue as to how bad an idea it is to watch a random box of fucking 8mm films, he watches them. While the films themselves don't have any sound, the director chose to score each one with a different piece of music.
I. Have never. Ever. Been more unsettled by anything. EVER.
The films, in complete silence, would have been disturbing, but, paired with these soundscapes?
I wanted the films to end so the music would stop and I wanted the music to stop so the films would end.
Then, there were the actors and their acting.
We've all seen horror movies where, clearly, something is wrong and yet the only people unable to sense this are the people in the movie; hence those ridiculous assholes who actually feel a need to yell at the screen.
Not the case with Sinister.
They all know something is wrong, but are held there for completely believable (to some extent) reasons.
As for the actors, Ethan Hawke does an excellent job of falling apart on screen while Juliet Rylance does an excellent job trying to hold him together. The kids playing their children also do a great job at not being child actors, although the decision to cast a boy with the most womanly hair I've seen in a while puzzled me.
There's even a quirky cop who plays it just quirky enough to neither stand out nor be forgotten.
Although I didn't love the ending, this has been the only horror movie to really get under my skin since In The Mouth Of Madness back in the 90's.
People, I was scared to be alone in my darkened apartment.
And, now that I have completely built it up, feel free to check it out and be disappointed.
Although...you know...even if you find everything else cheesy as hell...I challenge you not to be utterly undone by the sights and sounds of those god damn 8mm films.
I plan on having some people over soon to watch this.
With the lights out.
And with the 5.1 cranked.
BYO adult diapers.
Oh, yeah, and, before I took in this screaming bit of psychosis, I watched the director's cut of Daredevil, a.) because I haven't seen it in a while and I do enjoy me a superhero movie and, b.) because Jim fucking Potenza said that the director's cut made the movie better.
Silly, gullible hatchling that I am...I thought he was telling the truth and that an extra fifteen or twenty minutes of "darker" footage could make this movie less of a piece of shit.
I was wrong.
And Jim was wrong.
And Jim. Was wrong.
Best part of the movie was the (almost 100% improved) banter between Affleck and Favreau.
Worst part...hm.
Toss up between the bleeding edge Nu-Metal gub and the trite ass action movie dick-swinging.
I'd love to see a woman direct a dick-swinging action movie; a woman who gets it and is a fan of the genre but who also rolls her eyes at the shitty big dong schlock with which Daredevil was dripping.
Oh, and it was pretty clear that they wanted Brad Pitt for Bullseye but couldn't get him.
And that was last night.
Very soon, I plan to watch the last episode of Batman: The Brave and The Bold and then move onto either Young Justice (first few minutes look pretty cool) or the first season of Arrow, of which I am far more pensive since I'm not up on my Green Arrow mythos and because live action superhero stuff is always a lot harder to nail...especially on TV.
BUT!
We will take this adventure together!
And together we- oh, you've left.
Okay.
Hm.
Well.
* Demonic Google
** The Devil Inside, which, apparently, is a piece of shit.
6.28.2013
A review of Joe Meek's "I Hear A New World"
Hoo boy.
I saved the fucking out-of-this-solar-system weirdest for last.
So, a while back, They Might Be Giants had a service called the TMBG Clock Radio, which would stream music (mainly by TMBG but, occasionally, by someone that TMBG dug) and, one such song was "I Hear A New World" by Joe Meek and the Blue Men. It was trippy and reverby and spacey and overly 60's sounding; sci-fi surf rock. Jump forward about a decade to Rough Trade East, where Christina decides to grab some weird albums that she's never heard of, one of which...is this album. Jump forward a month or two to when I finally get around to listening to it.
And, finally, jump forward a few weeks to right this very instant, as I sit, typing this review.
Good.
Let's go!
Rather than break down each song and go on, at length, listing what I did or didn't like about it, I'm going to approach this differently, as the album itself is different from most anything I have ever heard.*
What follows is Joe Meek's musical formula, utilized on each of the twelve tracks that constitute this album.
I discovered this formula after about...oh...two songs.
First, between 20 and 45 seconds of blippy, swooshing space noise.**
Next, (if the song features vocals) chipmunk the hell out of said vocals, throw in some Monty Python sound effects and then soak everything in reverb.
Then, add more reverb.
Finally, give the track a 50's pulp sc-fi title following a strict "(blank) Of The (blank)" format such as "Valley of The Saroos", "March of the Dribcots", "Disc Dance of the Globbots" or "Love Dance Of The Saroos".
Or, you know, something along those lines.***
Congratulations! You have made a Joe Meek album!
WAIT! STOP! Before you chuckle bitterly at my scathing wit, I want to make one thing very clear: I enjoyed the hell out of this album. It was a total gas. Was I annoyed at times? Sure, but not nearly as much as I was pickled tink.
Some notes on specific songs:
Track 2 ("Globb Waterfall"): Is the bridge from "Apache".
Track 9 ("Love Dance Of The Saroos"): Ooooo! Moody!
Track 11 ("Disc Dance of the Globbots"): Is one note off from "Polly Wolly Doodle".
And there you have it.
I cannot stress enough how much I think everyone should experience this album.
A lot.****
* "Different", not "better", not "worse", "different".
** On this album, there is one (1) track longer than three minutes and fourteen seconds...and it is three minutes and fifteen seconds.
*** If you'd like, feel free to add more reverb at this time.
**** But first, find the "Reverb" knob on your set up and crank it to 11.
6.27.2013
A review of Deptford Goth's "Life After Defo"
I don't know anything about Deptford Goth and I'm going to keep it that way.
This was yet another find that I picked up at The Drift Record Store in Totnes, simply based on the first track.
I don't think I've been this happy with a serendipitous purchase since I accidentally found Walkmen while looking for something by Eels.
The album starts off great and each track actually seems to get better until about halfway through ("Guts No Glory" and "Objects Objects" being some of the best on the album), at which point the quality drops from excellent amazingness to slightly less excellent and amazing. The first half is just...wow. Everything you need.
Each track is swaddled in soft, warm cotton and has an intrinsic beauty to it.
The singer sounds a bit like Chris Martin, Dave Matthews and the lead singer from Primitive Radio Gods but less whiny.
While more subtle than what I'm used to, I find the simplicity allows me to listen to and focus on how well the elements work in concert.
The first track, "Life After Defo", comes in like a long, slow, calming breath. "Bronze Age" has a strange little noise in the background that makes the song feel handmade and tribal and small and ancient, right before it blossoms like some Asian flower. The harp-like synth sounds like pink pebbles being dropped into a puddle and everything has a slow, sensual feel, like making love.
Things get a bit darker with "Feel Real", which has a more distinctly 80's feel to it.
The simple guitar and bass does so much on "Guts No Glory", a tragic, tear soaked song about dealing with loss. Like a sunrise viewed through fog; fresh and clean and reborn. "Lions" is another high point, pleading with the listener to "say you remember this", sounding a bit like Thom Yorke, but, as I said, the first half of the album is really the star here.
The three words that best describe this album are hope, sadness and celebration, and sometimes they occur all at once.
This was a really stellar find.
6.26.2013
A review of Young Magic's "Melt"
Almost done with the Totnes Haul Reviews...
This one was all Chris, but, in the spirit of completionism and all that, I decided to check it out as well.
The whole album feels very mythic and wide open, with the first track ("Sparkly") perfectly setting up the whole work for the listener. The second track, "Slip Time", one of my favorite tracks, has some really great programming and sampling going on, sounding a bit chaotic at times, but bringing everything together beautifully. "You With Air" has a strong feeling of Beck-ishness which is always fine with me.
The entire album feels very barefoot. It also makes me think that I don't want to meet the members of Young Magic. I don't know...something about the wide-eyed earnestness and sincerity inherent in the lyrics and the music itself makes me think I would be rolling my eyes the whole time. Doesn't mean I don't like what they've created here though...
After "Jam Karet", which is a bit clacky for my tastes, the album tends to blur together a bit, although it finishes strong with "Sanctuary" and "Drawing Down The Moon".
Something interesting I picked up on was that, in most of the songs, the music took precedence over the lyrics, sometimes to the point where you could barely hear them. I found that to be a very telling choice; it made me think that these guys are humble, something refreshing in this genre of music.
That or someone fucked up the mix in ProTools*.
Whatever.
This was an interesting album; not for everybody, but with a pretty high degree of aaccessibility.
If I don't seem to really have a strong opinion about this, it's because, as I mentioned before, I'm just sort of doing this to wrap things up, it doesn't reflect on the album or anything.
* Dirty Beaches has a funny story about a ProTools mishap...
6.24.2013
Today's News
Earlier today, I had an audition that, based on the script, was for a company that manufactures and sells meaningful hugs.
The text was simple, short and just the way to start the week.
I then boogied over to Nutmeg here I recorded some really niche shit for folks who know about shipping things via trains. The company is called CSX and I said the words "intermodal rail transportation" more times than I would like to remember.
I'm talkin' to MAGNATES, PEOPLE!!!
So, that happened.
Then there is the new podcast I'm involved with, The Electromagnetic Theater. It launches on July 1st and will release one episode per week for...five weeks? Of the five episodes, I believe I'm in all of them in some capacity or other.
Think...radio plays...
As for MY podcast, digressive_obscenity, two episodes of the second wave have been recorded, one of which has been edited and, at the moment, four more are scheduled, with one or two more still in the works. Very exciting stuff...maybe.
Then, there is media!!!!!
I have since finished Remember Me and, while the game was way too short, in my opinion, I did enjoy myself. I'd like to see what they'll do with a sequel set in the same world, this time with a lot more remixing of memories, perhaps with a bit more subtlety.
Alongside that, Chris and I are now four episode out from the end of the new season of Arrested Development. While things have gotten much, much better (thank you Maria Bamford, Ben Stiller and Tommy Tune(!)), there is now almost too much going on, although I'm sure they'll find some strange way to wrap things up. Seeing as everybody seems to want a fifth season, I'm hoping that'll happen...within this decade. Honestly, I think it was just the shock of watching season three and going right into season four, when all these people are suddenly ten years older. It's like that scene from Flight of the Navigator when the kid meets his family and they are all hella old.
By which I mean to say, creepy.
Very creepy.
The things freaking me out the most are how thick David Cross' neck has gotten and how less hot Portia De Rossi is.
Also, the best episodes are those that focus on Gob.
This is not an opinion, this is truth.
Other than that, there are mung beans.
The text was simple, short and just the way to start the week.
I then boogied over to Nutmeg here I recorded some really niche shit for folks who know about shipping things via trains. The company is called CSX and I said the words "intermodal rail transportation" more times than I would like to remember.
I'm talkin' to MAGNATES, PEOPLE!!!
So, that happened.
Then there is the new podcast I'm involved with, The Electromagnetic Theater. It launches on July 1st and will release one episode per week for...five weeks? Of the five episodes, I believe I'm in all of them in some capacity or other.
Think...radio plays...
As for MY podcast, digressive_obscenity, two episodes of the second wave have been recorded, one of which has been edited and, at the moment, four more are scheduled, with one or two more still in the works. Very exciting stuff...maybe.
Then, there is media!!!!!
I have since finished Remember Me and, while the game was way too short, in my opinion, I did enjoy myself. I'd like to see what they'll do with a sequel set in the same world, this time with a lot more remixing of memories, perhaps with a bit more subtlety.
Alongside that, Chris and I are now four episode out from the end of the new season of Arrested Development. While things have gotten much, much better (thank you Maria Bamford, Ben Stiller and Tommy Tune(!)), there is now almost too much going on, although I'm sure they'll find some strange way to wrap things up. Seeing as everybody seems to want a fifth season, I'm hoping that'll happen...within this decade. Honestly, I think it was just the shock of watching season three and going right into season four, when all these people are suddenly ten years older. It's like that scene from Flight of the Navigator when the kid meets his family and they are all hella old.
By which I mean to say, creepy.
Very creepy.
The things freaking me out the most are how thick David Cross' neck has gotten and how less hot Portia De Rossi is.
Also, the best episodes are those that focus on Gob.
This is not an opinion, this is truth.
Other than that, there are mung beans.
6.21.2013
A review of Dirty Beaches' "Water Park OST"
Well...less of a review and more of an indictment.
Because it's not very good.
I don't know why Christina likes this so much.
Maybe she's autistic?
Water Park Theme (Take 2)
Okay, let me set the scene: Dirty Beaches is/are in the studio, making notes or running some sequencer or whatever, and then, oh look! It's his/her/their friend, Meredith! She has come to visit and bring hin/her/them raspberry scones! She comes in and makes herself at home, handing Dirty Beaches a big basket of delicious, oven-warm treats and sets her huge purse down on a nearby keyboard. They talk for a few minutes; the weather, the sports, you know, stuff, then she picks up her purse (Dirty Beaches can keep the basket until the scones are all gone!) and leaves. Dirty Beaches reflect(s) on how wonderful Meridith is and how yummy those scones are, but, then, it's back to work!
Only...what's this? It seems that ProTools has not only been recording the past few minutes...but that there are waveforms! What on earth could this be?! So, Dirty Beaches hits stop and listens to what's been recorded. It sounds kind of like a toneless wash of noise...almost as if someone has set something heavy on a keyboard and left it to...wait a minute! That Meredith! It turns out that, when she set he big purse down on that keyboard that the resulting "music" was recorded! Ha ha ha! You know what would be funny? If, as sort of a little joke and as a secret thank you to Meredith for the lovely scones, we kept this awful, boring noise and made it the first track on the album! And! And! We'll call it "take 2"! Oh, you guys!!!!
Seriously though, having this droning piece of bland as the intro to the album is a stroke of genius.
The expectations cannot get any lower.
Nowhere to go but up.
Floating Underwater Watching Waves
Or so you'd think.
Ocean noises and a piano note? Really? At this point, if I'm to judge the film by its soundtrack, I'd say it's a documentary about a bucket of water with some sand at the bottom. At the three minute mark, something happens. Not huge, but at least it's better than Beach Noises, Vol. 5: A Few Pebbles.
But then...joke's on me!!!! At the seven minute mark (this "song" is over nine minutes long), the ocean noise comes back in and my patience runs out. I skipped the last two minutes of this song.*
Phases
Sounds like the first track. Ugh.
Canadian Prairies
While neither are being played very well, those are recognizable as drums and a guitar with a lot of reverb.Like The Wind**
It seems as if whoever was playing the drums badly on the last track is now playing the bass badly on this track. I have since gleaned that the film is about diarrhea. And learning to play instruments.
Good Bye Edmonton
Okay, all right, here we go. Some xylophone, some nice keyboards, I could maybe the song ended before I could finish that thought.
Water Park Theme (Reprise)
Reprise? There's a smarmy, shitty joke here, but I'd rather be done with this than think of it.
Ambient is an understatement.
Subtle is an understatement.
Listenable music is an overstatement.
I would rather roll around naked on...you ready?...dirty beaches.
* Probably where all the trombone solos were hiding.
** More aptly: "Like The Wind Blowing Over Some Guitars"
6.18.2013
The Time Has Come To Speak Of Media
And the consumption thereof.
In the recently:
I have finished Bioshock Infinite.
And I have some questions.
THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.
I'm well versed in the whole "infinite, parallel universes" device. The fact, FACT that there exists at least two different universes in which the movie Clue stars Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese (respectively) as Wadsworth is something I look to for solace more often than you'd imagine.
So...first and foremost, how does killing Booker before he becomes Comstock in ONE universe cause everything to be all right? I mean, Elizabeth said there are a million million worlds that have Comstock in them and we only killed ONE Booker, thus eliminating ONE Comstock from being created.
Although people had a lot of issues with it, King's solution to this problem in the Dark Tower series to have a "key world" where things happened for good would have been helpful here.
Then there are the handful of times when Elizabeth opened tears into other worlds when something was totally insurmountably in the world they were in; when the gunsmith was dead or when the gunsmithing equipment was locked up. The idea that these worlds were different yet similar enough to continue with everything pretty much the way they were going...I don't know...didn't really work for me. Too much of a con incidence.
And then there's the lucky coincidence that, every time she opened a tear, it was into a world that had a Columbia and, more specifically, a Columbia right under their feet. I would have enjoyed once or twice her opening a tear into some patch of sky, tens of thousands of feet above the earth and then, maybe throwing an enemy through it or something.
All in all though: I really loved the game, I loved the world, I loved the detail and the time and space stuff, even if there were little strings for me to pick at. That final chapter, The Sea of Doors? Wow. Wow. Wow. Very cool stuff.
I'm hoping against hope that the DLC for Infinite is going to straight up be different worlds, each one starting from that sea of doors as a different set of Bookers and Elizabeths. It writes itself and would let them just have a fun time, like what Blood Dragon was to Far Cry 3.
Very excited for what comes next.
THUS ENDS THE SPOILERS FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.
After finishing Bioshock, rather than dive back into my growing pile of games I've had for months, I picked up Remember Me. I'm one or two episodes out from the end and, so far, I've been enjoying myself immensely.
The world is so rich and detailed and the story has kept my attention up to this point.
The combat is much like that from the recent Batman: Arkham games, but rougher and less good. Then again, you're Nilin, not Batman*. Like most people who have played this, the parts that stick out the most are the sections where you must "remix" a person's memories. It's a lot of fun and I've never really experienced anything like it in a game before. Some reviewer called the language "pretentious", but, you know what? I find it refreshing. I have yet to roll my eyes once during any dialog.
Oh, except for the insults the guards throw at the female protagonist.
*sigh*
While they aren't as creepy and horrible as when I was Catwoman in Arkham City, they're still pretty badly written and limited.
My only real problem with Remember Me is that, when you aren't slowly and methodically going through each level, looking in every darkened alley and obscured nook for collectibles that either expend the world or enhance your abilities, the game feels rather short.
Also, that boss fight with Madame.
Fuck that shit right off the bus.
Other than that; good stuff and I'm curious as to how they'll wrap this up...although I kind of have an idea.
Once I've completed Remember Me, I'm probably going to dive, face first, into The Last Of Us, despite that aforementioned ever-growing pile of games.
Because I want to.
Aside from interactive media, I have been taking in the kind one does NOT interact with.
Specifically: Batman: The Brave and The Bold.
The very first time I tried to watch this, it could not hold my interest. It was too silly. I think I may have been craving some Batman because Arkham City was about to come out...or Dark Knight Rises or something and I just was not in the mood for "stop you cad! And feel the righteous wrath of my justice fist!" or whatever. But, now that I have nothing to look forward to until October or November when Arkham Origins comes out, I have been able to enjoy the show fully for what it is.
Campy fun.
I also love the random, RANDOM ass C and D-list heroes and villains that pop up from time to time.
Hopefully this will keep me until Beware The Batman comes out, and, hopefully, Beware The Batman won't suck Penguin balls.
Then, there's the new season of Arrested Development. Chris and I had been plowing our way (slowly plowing our way) through the first three season in order to fully appreciate any callbacks or references or whatever and so we jumped right into season four after the final episode of season three.
Hm.
"Disconnected" is the word that comes to mind.
I understand that not everyone was there to shoot everything together, but, still, it feels very disconnected. We're still in the midst of the "catch up" episodes and, while you really do need those (it has been a decade), that amazing ensemble energy is sorely lacking. And there are still at least six more catch up episodes to go before the actually show can start, leaving us with only six or seven full on episodes that don't need to play catch up or spend time explaining things.
Quite a letdown so far.
And, finally, I saw Now You See Me a few days ago. Had some strong moments at the beginning, and then it stopped having strong moments. Overall, it felt like Ocean's Eleven with some magic and twists and the government.
I was also distracted by the fact that Lucius Fox, Alfred Pennyworth and the Hulk were all in this movie.
With Mark Zuckerberg and Mickey Knox.
I watch too much stuff.
Oh! Also! Reading! I have finally stopped reading comics, moving on to Phil's copy of TalesFrom The Dying Earth.
I've just started "Cugel's Saga" after finishing "Eyes of the Overworld".
It's good to get back into Vance after all these years. The guy really knew how to spin a yarn.
Also, how to write a book.
About a shitty little prick named Cugel.
I've also been doing quite a bit of business with the whole voice acty talk money thing.
But more on that later.
For I fear the something is something and now I must something.
* Of course, the game developers can't actually SAY that...
In the recently:
I have finished Bioshock Infinite.
And I have some questions.
THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.
I'm well versed in the whole "infinite, parallel universes" device. The fact, FACT that there exists at least two different universes in which the movie Clue stars Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese (respectively) as Wadsworth is something I look to for solace more often than you'd imagine.
So...first and foremost, how does killing Booker before he becomes Comstock in ONE universe cause everything to be all right? I mean, Elizabeth said there are a million million worlds that have Comstock in them and we only killed ONE Booker, thus eliminating ONE Comstock from being created.
Although people had a lot of issues with it, King's solution to this problem in the Dark Tower series to have a "key world" where things happened for good would have been helpful here.
Then there are the handful of times when Elizabeth opened tears into other worlds when something was totally insurmountably in the world they were in; when the gunsmith was dead or when the gunsmithing equipment was locked up. The idea that these worlds were different yet similar enough to continue with everything pretty much the way they were going...I don't know...didn't really work for me. Too much of a con incidence.
And then there's the lucky coincidence that, every time she opened a tear, it was into a world that had a Columbia and, more specifically, a Columbia right under their feet. I would have enjoyed once or twice her opening a tear into some patch of sky, tens of thousands of feet above the earth and then, maybe throwing an enemy through it or something.
All in all though: I really loved the game, I loved the world, I loved the detail and the time and space stuff, even if there were little strings for me to pick at. That final chapter, The Sea of Doors? Wow. Wow. Wow. Very cool stuff.
I'm hoping against hope that the DLC for Infinite is going to straight up be different worlds, each one starting from that sea of doors as a different set of Bookers and Elizabeths. It writes itself and would let them just have a fun time, like what Blood Dragon was to Far Cry 3.
Very excited for what comes next.
THUS ENDS THE SPOILERS FOR BIOSHOCK INFINITE.
After finishing Bioshock, rather than dive back into my growing pile of games I've had for months, I picked up Remember Me. I'm one or two episodes out from the end and, so far, I've been enjoying myself immensely.
The world is so rich and detailed and the story has kept my attention up to this point.
The combat is much like that from the recent Batman: Arkham games, but rougher and less good. Then again, you're Nilin, not Batman*. Like most people who have played this, the parts that stick out the most are the sections where you must "remix" a person's memories. It's a lot of fun and I've never really experienced anything like it in a game before. Some reviewer called the language "pretentious", but, you know what? I find it refreshing. I have yet to roll my eyes once during any dialog.
Oh, except for the insults the guards throw at the female protagonist.
*sigh*
While they aren't as creepy and horrible as when I was Catwoman in Arkham City, they're still pretty badly written and limited.
My only real problem with Remember Me is that, when you aren't slowly and methodically going through each level, looking in every darkened alley and obscured nook for collectibles that either expend the world or enhance your abilities, the game feels rather short.
Also, that boss fight with Madame.
Fuck that shit right off the bus.
Other than that; good stuff and I'm curious as to how they'll wrap this up...although I kind of have an idea.
Once I've completed Remember Me, I'm probably going to dive, face first, into The Last Of Us, despite that aforementioned ever-growing pile of games.
Because I want to.
Aside from interactive media, I have been taking in the kind one does NOT interact with.
Specifically: Batman: The Brave and The Bold.
The very first time I tried to watch this, it could not hold my interest. It was too silly. I think I may have been craving some Batman because Arkham City was about to come out...or Dark Knight Rises or something and I just was not in the mood for "stop you cad! And feel the righteous wrath of my justice fist!" or whatever. But, now that I have nothing to look forward to until October or November when Arkham Origins comes out, I have been able to enjoy the show fully for what it is.
Campy fun.
I also love the random, RANDOM ass C and D-list heroes and villains that pop up from time to time.
Hopefully this will keep me until Beware The Batman comes out, and, hopefully, Beware The Batman won't suck Penguin balls.
Then, there's the new season of Arrested Development. Chris and I had been plowing our way (slowly plowing our way) through the first three season in order to fully appreciate any callbacks or references or whatever and so we jumped right into season four after the final episode of season three.
Hm.
"Disconnected" is the word that comes to mind.
I understand that not everyone was there to shoot everything together, but, still, it feels very disconnected. We're still in the midst of the "catch up" episodes and, while you really do need those (it has been a decade), that amazing ensemble energy is sorely lacking. And there are still at least six more catch up episodes to go before the actually show can start, leaving us with only six or seven full on episodes that don't need to play catch up or spend time explaining things.
Quite a letdown so far.
And, finally, I saw Now You See Me a few days ago. Had some strong moments at the beginning, and then it stopped having strong moments. Overall, it felt like Ocean's Eleven with some magic and twists and the government.
I was also distracted by the fact that Lucius Fox, Alfred Pennyworth and the Hulk were all in this movie.
With Mark Zuckerberg and Mickey Knox.
I watch too much stuff.
Oh! Also! Reading! I have finally stopped reading comics, moving on to Phil's copy of TalesFrom The Dying Earth.
I've just started "Cugel's Saga" after finishing "Eyes of the Overworld".
It's good to get back into Vance after all these years. The guy really knew how to spin a yarn.
Also, how to write a book.
About a shitty little prick named Cugel.
I've also been doing quite a bit of business with the whole voice acty talk money thing.
But more on that later.
For I fear the something is something and now I must something.
* Of course, the game developers can't actually SAY that...
6.17.2013
Doing My Duty...heh heh heh...
Several months ago, I received a questionnaire for jury duty qualification.
I completely ignored it for two reason: the first, fuck you, no one summons me except for the Lord our God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, and, second, because of that episode of The Simpsons when Apu becomes a citizen and then, at the very end, receives a summons for jury duty and then throws it out.
Some time later, I received a more threatening questionnaire, stating that they had sent me one before this and that I had not responded and that, by doing so again, I'm open to jail time and fines and molly flogging, etc.
So, I responded with the following message, jotted on the back of their smug little declaration:
Some time after that I received my actual summons instructing me to call a robot after office hours on a Friday, at which point I found out that I had to appear at 9 am on the following Monday.
You clever, fucking shitbags.
As I was scheduled to record for a NYSE voice over, I was, understandably,. perturbed when every single number listed, even the emergency numbers which were printed in big, red numbers all directed me to offices that would open a half hour before I had to be at the courthouse which, because fuck you, was NOT the courthouse within walking distance from my home, but, rather, the one forty minutes away.
Well played.
You fucks.
Luckily, the producer was super-awesome and, after an e-mail or two, we rescheduled for 6 pm on Tuesday evening.
Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details of what transpired during my two days involved with jury duty*, I'll just touch on some of the things that really blew me away.
First, there was the vast amount of time that was wasted. Now, I am aware that I've never been on the other side of certain events; concerts, jury duty and other occurrences in life that seem to take an inordinate amount of time to those not involved, but I cannot wrap my head around the staggering amount of time it took to actually accomplish anything! I was there from 9 am until 3:45 pm. In that time, there was maybe...sixty solid minutes of something actually happening. The person who was to be tried, was arrested in November of 2011. What the fuck is taking so long?!
But, again, I have no idea what's going on behind the scenes...maybe I need to talk to a lawyer or something.
So, there was the fat and sludgy misuse of time; then, there were the people.
I don't know if it was the people in charge or the potential jurors, but somewhere along the line, either the chicken or the egg got real stupid. We were treated partially like 2nd graders and partially like cows with learning disabilities but, the thing is, everyone was acting like 2nd graders and/or cows with learning disabilities. At no point did I feel like anything other than a cog. A dumb, blunt cog. Who wasn't sure if you wanted my date of birth or today's date or where are my hands, I forgot.
The phrase that kept coming back to me was "a jury of one's peers".
I was too sad to laugh.
This continued into the court room. Here, it makes a little more sense; these laywers don't know who their potential jurors are or if they've veer watched television or seen a movie or read a book, and, therefore, explained everything as slowly and as clearly as they could...it was like...you know what it was like? Back when it looked like I might lose the sight in both my eyes, my parents looked into the St. Augustine School for the Deaf and Blind and I was sent to their summer program, in order to see what the place was like. However, the majority of the other kids there also had development disabilities that had occurred with the loss of their eyesight. Not all of them, but a good number.
As a result, I felt like I was in an asylum at times. It was horrible and terrifying and, after two weeks of the eight week program, I told my parents to get me the fuck out of there, which, thankfully, they did.
Anyway, once the lawyers (well, one was a lawyer who happened to look and sound exactly like George Bluth's surrogate from Arrested Development** and the other was an assistant DA) were done finding out if we had to poo poo or knew what poo poo was, they began to ask the potential jurors THE MOST THINLY VEILED QUESTIONS EVER. Such as "if you saw me with an umbrella and then drop it and run away and then you asked me if this was my umbrella and I said it wasn't and that I had just found it...who's umbrella would it seem to be?"
Forgot to mention, the case centered around a dude who was caught with, not one, not two, but with THREE loaded guns on his person, one of which had the serial number defaced.
Golly golly gosh, I wonder if his story is going to sound something like "I picked up the three guns but then put them down and walked away".
There was a lot more stuff like this which was just silly and I'll spare you the details.
Partly because I think I may be breaking some law or other just typing this here...I think.
But, hey, based on how slow everything works, I would be caught and called on charges until I've been dead for forty years.
So, after watching these people be pandered to, on my second day I was called into the box and given a bunch of questions. In the end, I answered them all truthfully and was let go. Along with everyone else who answered intelligently and with a touch of basic understanding of the events unfolding around them.
It appears that the lawyers wanted the slowest and/or non-thinking people in the group...I guess. Again, I've never been on the other side of these proceedings, and, beyond simple logic, the voir dire process is a mystery to me.
Some random things and then I'll gavel you:
Utter astonishment at the effort and expense put into wasting the time of over a thousand people every day. I am floored.
As it so happened, Bill Zeiser (a year behind me at Fordham, think I met him once at a party thrown by Christina Andrews) ended up sitting about ten feet behind me in the initial jury/cattle room. We were in the same group throughout and thus, hung with each other. Also, as it happened, one that first day, he and I had both worn bright orange shirts. At the end of our first day, we decided to wear navy blue shirts the next day, purple shirts the third day and, finally, if things went on this long, full on black suits the fourth day. Although we only made it two days, we did have a woman comment "you guys must color coordinate or something". Phase one was complete. Now...we take them down from the inside...
Or we would have if we'd been there more than two days.
And, speaking of shirts***, the navy blue shirt I decided to wear that second day was my one and only Cake shirt. It has a picture of a tree and the word "cake" on it. When I was being questioned by the assistant DA, he looked at my shirt and said, "Cake...the band, not the food, right? They're good" I nodded and responded, "They are. The food is also good."
If this weren't fun enough on its own merit...the above exchange is now in the official transcript of those proceedings. Forever.
I'll leave you with that.
Also: Matlock. Perry Mason. Lionel Hutz. The noise from "Law & Order".
* Too late.
** Yeah, could not make eye contact with the guy for fear of laughing like a mad man in his face.
*** TOTALLY NOT A BULLSHIT SEGUE! OH CHRIST I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO CONTINUE READING TO SEE HOW APT THIS SEGUE REALLY IS!!!!!!!
I completely ignored it for two reason: the first, fuck you, no one summons me except for the Lord our God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, and, second, because of that episode of The Simpsons when Apu becomes a citizen and then, at the very end, receives a summons for jury duty and then throws it out.
Some time later, I received a more threatening questionnaire, stating that they had sent me one before this and that I had not responded and that, by doing so again, I'm open to jail time and fines and molly flogging, etc.
So, I responded with the following message, jotted on the back of their smug little declaration:
Some time after that I received my actual summons instructing me to call a robot after office hours on a Friday, at which point I found out that I had to appear at 9 am on the following Monday.
You clever, fucking shitbags.
As I was scheduled to record for a NYSE voice over, I was, understandably,. perturbed when every single number listed, even the emergency numbers which were printed in big, red numbers all directed me to offices that would open a half hour before I had to be at the courthouse which, because fuck you, was NOT the courthouse within walking distance from my home, but, rather, the one forty minutes away.
Well played.
You fucks.
Luckily, the producer was super-awesome and, after an e-mail or two, we rescheduled for 6 pm on Tuesday evening.
Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details of what transpired during my two days involved with jury duty*, I'll just touch on some of the things that really blew me away.
First, there was the vast amount of time that was wasted. Now, I am aware that I've never been on the other side of certain events; concerts, jury duty and other occurrences in life that seem to take an inordinate amount of time to those not involved, but I cannot wrap my head around the staggering amount of time it took to actually accomplish anything! I was there from 9 am until 3:45 pm. In that time, there was maybe...sixty solid minutes of something actually happening. The person who was to be tried, was arrested in November of 2011. What the fuck is taking so long?!
But, again, I have no idea what's going on behind the scenes...maybe I need to talk to a lawyer or something.
So, there was the fat and sludgy misuse of time; then, there were the people.
I don't know if it was the people in charge or the potential jurors, but somewhere along the line, either the chicken or the egg got real stupid. We were treated partially like 2nd graders and partially like cows with learning disabilities but, the thing is, everyone was acting like 2nd graders and/or cows with learning disabilities. At no point did I feel like anything other than a cog. A dumb, blunt cog. Who wasn't sure if you wanted my date of birth or today's date or where are my hands, I forgot.
The phrase that kept coming back to me was "a jury of one's peers".
I was too sad to laugh.
This continued into the court room. Here, it makes a little more sense; these laywers don't know who their potential jurors are or if they've veer watched television or seen a movie or read a book, and, therefore, explained everything as slowly and as clearly as they could...it was like...you know what it was like? Back when it looked like I might lose the sight in both my eyes, my parents looked into the St. Augustine School for the Deaf and Blind and I was sent to their summer program, in order to see what the place was like. However, the majority of the other kids there also had development disabilities that had occurred with the loss of their eyesight. Not all of them, but a good number.
As a result, I felt like I was in an asylum at times. It was horrible and terrifying and, after two weeks of the eight week program, I told my parents to get me the fuck out of there, which, thankfully, they did.
Anyway, once the lawyers (well, one was a lawyer who happened to look and sound exactly like George Bluth's surrogate from Arrested Development** and the other was an assistant DA) were done finding out if we had to poo poo or knew what poo poo was, they began to ask the potential jurors THE MOST THINLY VEILED QUESTIONS EVER. Such as "if you saw me with an umbrella and then drop it and run away and then you asked me if this was my umbrella and I said it wasn't and that I had just found it...who's umbrella would it seem to be?"
Forgot to mention, the case centered around a dude who was caught with, not one, not two, but with THREE loaded guns on his person, one of which had the serial number defaced.
Golly golly gosh, I wonder if his story is going to sound something like "I picked up the three guns but then put them down and walked away".
There was a lot more stuff like this which was just silly and I'll spare you the details.
Partly because I think I may be breaking some law or other just typing this here...I think.
But, hey, based on how slow everything works, I would be caught and called on charges until I've been dead for forty years.
So, after watching these people be pandered to, on my second day I was called into the box and given a bunch of questions. In the end, I answered them all truthfully and was let go. Along with everyone else who answered intelligently and with a touch of basic understanding of the events unfolding around them.
It appears that the lawyers wanted the slowest and/or non-thinking people in the group...I guess. Again, I've never been on the other side of these proceedings, and, beyond simple logic, the voir dire process is a mystery to me.
Some random things and then I'll gavel you:
Utter astonishment at the effort and expense put into wasting the time of over a thousand people every day. I am floored.
As it so happened, Bill Zeiser (a year behind me at Fordham, think I met him once at a party thrown by Christina Andrews) ended up sitting about ten feet behind me in the initial jury/cattle room. We were in the same group throughout and thus, hung with each other. Also, as it happened, one that first day, he and I had both worn bright orange shirts. At the end of our first day, we decided to wear navy blue shirts the next day, purple shirts the third day and, finally, if things went on this long, full on black suits the fourth day. Although we only made it two days, we did have a woman comment "you guys must color coordinate or something". Phase one was complete. Now...we take them down from the inside...
Or we would have if we'd been there more than two days.
And, speaking of shirts***, the navy blue shirt I decided to wear that second day was my one and only Cake shirt. It has a picture of a tree and the word "cake" on it. When I was being questioned by the assistant DA, he looked at my shirt and said, "Cake...the band, not the food, right? They're good" I nodded and responded, "They are. The food is also good."
If this weren't fun enough on its own merit...the above exchange is now in the official transcript of those proceedings. Forever.
I'll leave you with that.
Also: Matlock. Perry Mason. Lionel Hutz. The noise from "Law & Order".
* Too late.
** Yeah, could not make eye contact with the guy for fear of laughing like a mad man in his face.
*** TOTALLY NOT A BULLSHIT SEGUE! OH CHRIST I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO CONTINUE READING TO SEE HOW APT THIS SEGUE REALLY IS!!!!!!!
6.05.2013
I just Saw Iron Man 3, And I Have Some Complaints
SPOILERS AHOY!!!
But first, some not complaints...what are those pesky things called...?
Anyway.
Advanced Idea Mechanics has been introduced into the world of the Marvel film universe and that is awesome.
Now, "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." doesn't have to constantly rely on third and ffourth string Marvel super villains for antagonists!
Also, the door is now wide open for M.O.D.O.K.
And other stuff, but, mainly M.O.D.O.K.
Uh...okay, now to the complaints.
First and foremost, the fact that there was no Mandarin.
Yes, yes, what a twist, and he did a great job as both "the Mandarin" and Trevor, but, seriously?
No.
You don't cast Ben Kingsley as this character and then cut his balls off.
What a fucking waste.
This like having the Joker turn out to be a hologram or a bad dream in The Dark Knight.
Still (obviously) seething about that.
And, since there is no Mandarin, does that mean that Aldrich Killian has been behind the "Ten Rings" organization since the first movie?
What up, grudge?
What up, doesn't really work when you think about it?
Secondly, Tony happening to run into a supergeniusboy in the middle of Tennessee? This isn't about there not being any intelligent people in Tennessee, this is about the random luck of the situation. And the way they were first talking to one another, I was just waiting for one of them to refer to a past friendship or something.
A bit too deus ex machina for me.
Or sloppy, if you want to call it what it is without using Latin.
Third, we have the whole Pepper/Extremis thing.
For a moment, I thought, okay, let's see where this goes, you've given her some really amazing powers and a chance to oh never mind "it was tough, but during this end-of-the-movie montage, we made her uninteresting again".
*sigh*
Then, and this is totally a fourth-on-the-list complaint: Jon Favreau...dude...lose some weight.
You're a high-powered, high-paid Hollywood director; get a personal trainer.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but, please, you knew there was going to be a third movie and you knew that you looked like a red sausage man* in a suit on camera.
Just the idea that he was able to land one punch on that crazy Extremis solider...silly.
Also, that last battle was a 50/50 split of too action-y and pretty cool and, while they didn't need to be in the movie at all, I would have dug some S.H.I.E.L.D. presence.
So...yeah, other than those...admittedly rather huge sticking points, I enjoyed myself and am curious as to where things are taken next.
One last thing I will add: the previews for IM3 were absolutely stuffing my 12-year old self with candy; the new Thor, the new Wolverine and the new Superman.
God damn it feels good to be me, here, now.
* That's a man made entirely out of red sausages.
But first, some not complaints...what are those pesky things called...?
Anyway.
Advanced Idea Mechanics has been introduced into the world of the Marvel film universe and that is awesome.
Now, "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." doesn't have to constantly rely on third and ffourth string Marvel super villains for antagonists!
Also, the door is now wide open for M.O.D.O.K.
And other stuff, but, mainly M.O.D.O.K.
Uh...okay, now to the complaints.
First and foremost, the fact that there was no Mandarin.
Yes, yes, what a twist, and he did a great job as both "the Mandarin" and Trevor, but, seriously?
No.
You don't cast Ben Kingsley as this character and then cut his balls off.
What a fucking waste.
This like having the Joker turn out to be a hologram or a bad dream in The Dark Knight.
Still (obviously) seething about that.
And, since there is no Mandarin, does that mean that Aldrich Killian has been behind the "Ten Rings" organization since the first movie?
What up, grudge?
What up, doesn't really work when you think about it?
Secondly, Tony happening to run into a supergeniusboy in the middle of Tennessee? This isn't about there not being any intelligent people in Tennessee, this is about the random luck of the situation. And the way they were first talking to one another, I was just waiting for one of them to refer to a past friendship or something.
A bit too deus ex machina for me.
Or sloppy, if you want to call it what it is without using Latin.
Third, we have the whole Pepper/Extremis thing.
For a moment, I thought, okay, let's see where this goes, you've given her some really amazing powers and a chance to oh never mind "it was tough, but during this end-of-the-movie montage, we made her uninteresting again".
*sigh*
Then, and this is totally a fourth-on-the-list complaint: Jon Favreau...dude...lose some weight.
You're a high-powered, high-paid Hollywood director; get a personal trainer.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but, please, you knew there was going to be a third movie and you knew that you looked like a red sausage man* in a suit on camera.
Just the idea that he was able to land one punch on that crazy Extremis solider...silly.
Also, that last battle was a 50/50 split of too action-y and pretty cool and, while they didn't need to be in the movie at all, I would have dug some S.H.I.E.L.D. presence.
So...yeah, other than those...admittedly rather huge sticking points, I enjoyed myself and am curious as to where things are taken next.
One last thing I will add: the previews for IM3 were absolutely stuffing my 12-year old self with candy; the new Thor, the new Wolverine and the new Superman.
God damn it feels good to be me, here, now.
* That's a man made entirely out of red sausages.
5.31.2013
A review of Purity Ring's "Shrines"
Yet another Totnes find...I think...details are beginning to get blurry for me.
This is one of the half dozen or so purchases that I consider Christina's, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to give it a spin.
What's the fucking point of getting married if you can't listen to your spouse's music?
Exactly, there is none.
At first, I'm struck by how fresh and bright the album sounds, sunlight on water, but I am well aware that, at any moment, her voice could get terribly annoying.
Eventually, I realize that the lyrics are really quite dark, clashing with the warm, fuzzy sounds.
The reverse keyboard thing gets tiresome after the third song, and yet, despite my dislike of this choice, continues throughout the majority of the album.
WT fuck, Purity Ring?
At one point, I decide that Megan James (lead singer of Purity Ring) sounds like a young Inara George (lead singer of The Bird and The Bee), but only a moment or so before I decide that she actually sounds like a young GladOS (at least at the beginning of "Cartographist").
Up to this point (three tracks from the end), while I haven't been annoyed, I haven't really been staggered with this album either. There is variety here, but a lot of it seems to rely way too heavily on "sort of 80's" synths and that tiresome-after-the-third-song reverse keyboard thing, but James breaks out of her usual cadence on "Obedear" and I find myself paying attention again, even more so with the penultimate track, "Lofticries", which adds some really great chord progression to that new found cadence.
The album ends with what might be the darkest track, "Shuck" and then I go back and listen to the whole thing again, just to solidify my opinion that, yes, the whole thing is okay, but that it really shines at the end.
It's a delightful surprise that, at no point, was I so annoyed by her voice that I had to stop listening.
And I mean that as a compliment.
A shitty compliment from a shitty person.
5.30.2013
End of the Month Music Bitchfest - May 2013
Nine Inch Nails
As people's attention slowly drifts away from How to destroy angels' debut album and their mind-blowing live show and back towards the upcoming Nine Inch Nails Hurricane of Stuff and as the band begins rehearsals for their 2013-2014 "Wave Hello" tour (minus Eric Avery, who pulled out of the touring line up around the middle of the month but plus Robin Finck, who joined up about a week afterward, but minus Adrian Belew* who might or might have ever been a part of the touring line up), I have decided to write a tour rider of my own, for the band**.
1. SETLIST
Some people might find this harsh, but, really, do we need to hear "Head Like A Hole" again? Probably not, but we're most likely going to.
I'm only one man.
Whose blog Trent Reznor does not read.
The Hand That Feeds
Or, as I like to call it, "The Song That Indicates The Concert Is Almost Over".
Hurt
Not a bad song at all, still very powerful, but, not only has NIN been playing it since 1994, but I'm never able to enjoy it because I am TERRIFIED that some bro who only came to hear the "fuck you like an animal" song is going to scream "play the 'fuck you like an animal' song!", causing Grammy and Oscar award winner and composer, Trent Reznor, to throw down his microphone/keyboard and storm off the stage.
Guys...we all need to grow up.
Wish
For as long as I can remember, this song has (mostly) been utilized in the set list as the "we've just had out quiet, AV moment of the show, time to get excited again for more Nine Inch Nails music!!!!! WOO! They're GOOD!" During their 2009 Wave Goodbye tour, they replaced this with "1,000,000" or "Mr. Self Destruct"; either of which would continue to count as a suitable replacement, especially the latter.
Terrible Lie
Unless it's preceded by "Now I'm Nothing". The fact that they only opened with NIN=>TL at the start of the NINJA tour and that I was not there to see/hear it just makes me sad. Again, it isn't a bad song, and I love screaming along with everyone just fine, but, this tour (again) is about "reinventing Nine Inch Nails live", and, opening with one of the songs you've been opening with since the late 80's (unless it's some drastic reinterpretation of the song) doesn't ring of reinvention.
Dead Souls
It's dead. Souls.
And we've heard it enough.
Somewhat Damaged
I love The Fragile, it might be my favorite Nine Inch Nails album, but, for the past few tours (since 2006 or so) this has become just another in the small rotated pool of openers (Terrible Lie, this, and Home). Like most of the other songs on this list, it isn't bad, it's great, but, reinvention and all that.
Surprise me.
These should help.
The Perfect Drug
No more excuses. You're going to have SIX fucking musicians on stage, one of which (Josh Eustis) is solely doing electronics, one of which is a drummer that can totally blow our faces off with that solo and one of which is Adrian fucking Belew. Play this god damn song and MAKE ME CUM.
Mantra
While a bit sparse at times, I really like this track that Reznor sort of improv'd with Josh Homme and Dave Grohl and think it would be an excellent live addition.
So fucking play it.
Zoo Station
What better way to remind people that you're still relevant than by performing your kick ass cover of a twenty year old...song...by...U2...
Hm.
Okay.
Whatever, look, if you're serious about reinventing etc etc, then you want songs that you haven't played live but that don't feel like a weird stretch (i.e. March of the Fuckheads), so, here you go.
Sheesh.
Ringfinger
Now, just hear me out! I know this is from the same album as "Kinda I Want To" and "That's What I Get"...but it's also from the same album as "Terrible Lie", "Head Like A Hole"***** and "Something I Can Never Have", all three of which have been reimagined and modified over the years to sound fresh and clean and decidedly NOT 80's. So, along with some stuff you've never played before, I'd like to hear some stuff completely reworked to fit into this reinvented version of Nine Inch Nails.
And All That Could Have Been
With the deluxe version of The Fragile right around the corner*******, what better time to toss this gem out there? This could be a fitting replacement to the "end of the AV section that swells and segues into a fast song" song, or, dare I say, maybe a potential replacement for "Hurt"?
Yes! I dare!!!
Sex Dwarf
Bottom line? It's time.
Set us free, Trent.
Set us free.
Demon Seed
It's strong, it's multifaceted and everyone on stage gets to go insane.
What are you waiting for?
New Nine Inch Nails music
I can't think of a more exciting time than those early With Teeth dates; the ones where NIN was playing most of the new album before it was out. I want that thrill again. So, throw those two new NIN songs that are going to pop up on the 'best of' and, sure, you can invite some of your friends from that new Nine Inch Nails triple album coming out "later this year", I'm fine with that.
Starfuckers, Inc.
I don't know about you, but I think I'm ready for this again...just...different...
Sorry I can't give you more, but I'm not the one reinventing Nine Inch Nails live.
Non-Entity
This always struck me as a bit of a weird fit on the summer leg of the With Teeth tour...not fast, not really slow, kind of lacking in energy...but...that React Now piano version? Utterly, fucking beautiful.
The Day The World Went Away
I'll never get tired of this, but maybe it's time to mix it up a bit? The "Still" version perhaps or, if you really want me as your friend, the "Quiet" version.
2. PERSONNEL
4. STAGE VISUALS
I'd like a shirt and a poster too.
Aside from all that noise, there's Reznor's appearances on the new Queens of the Stone Age album, ..Like Clockwork, specifically "Kalopsia" (one of the only songs I can think of that Reznor guests on that doesn't sound overly NIN-esque) and "Fairweather Friends"...where he sings (yells) with Nick Oliveri, Mark Lanegan, Alain Johannes, Brody Dalle...and Elton John.
So...that happened.
Whatever.
Hm...was there something else...oh, yeah, something about Reznor finishing the new Nine Inch Nails album in secret and setting it for release later this year.
Or something.
Please excuse me while I joyscream and happypoop until my eyes smilebleed.
Beck
Uh...yeah.
Did I mention the concert in August? The one in Brooklyn?
I did?
Okay.
Well.
Uh...carry on then.
They Might Be Giants
After just having returned home from their first tour of Australia, New Zolland and Tasmania since...ever? 2001?...they are about to set out ONCE AGAIN for the far corners of the U.S., returning home AGAIN in August for a free show in Brooklyn on Saturday, August 10th...six days after that aforementioned Beck show.
Hopefully, they'll soon announce a b-side companion to the kickass Nanobots a la Album Raises New And Troubling Questions.
Because the best album they've put out in years just isn't enough for some me.
And there are those last two 2012 IFC vinyl EPs (one a kids' disc and the other by the Avatars of They) they promised at the end of March...which...aren't a thing yet...although, the tiny taste Flans sent out last month was pretty awesome.
More on that (or maybe not) soon (or not soon).
Also, just a few days ago, the St. Vincent/David Byrne collective, Love This Giant, posted a free, five-track EP (entitled Brass Tactics) featuring an unreleased song (pretty solid), two remixes (meh) and two live tracks from their recent tour (tasty good good).
And it's free.
Seriously, if you haven't heard this fucking album yet...ah, go fuck yourself.
And.
Yes.
See you in a month when Reznor reveals a second finished and "frankly fucking great" Nine Inch Nails album.
* Really bummed about this because I wanted that motherfucker dressed in black rubber, covered in cornstarch, and destroying AT LEAST three guitars A NIGHT. And one drum kit. Using a keyboard.
** Honestly, less of a "tour rider" and more of a "To Do List".**
*** Even more honestly, less of a "To Do List" and more of a "List of Demands"***
**** Reference to Saul Williams NOT intended.
***** Which I was considering adding to the "Don't Play" list, but Nine Inch Nails NOT playing HLAH live? Well...I just don't believe that will ever happen.******
****** PROVE ME WRONG.
******* RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER, YOU HEAR ME?! RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!!
******** Check out MOTP from Beside You In Time...it's...fucking weird.
As people's attention slowly drifts away from How to destroy angels' debut album and their mind-blowing live show and back towards the upcoming Nine Inch Nails Hurricane of Stuff and as the band begins rehearsals for their 2013-2014 "Wave Hello" tour (minus Eric Avery, who pulled out of the touring line up around the middle of the month but plus Robin Finck, who joined up about a week afterward, but minus Adrian Belew* who might or might have ever been a part of the touring line up), I have decided to write a tour rider of my own, for the band**.
- Do Not Play The Following Songs
Some people might find this harsh, but, really, do we need to hear "Head Like A Hole" again? Probably not, but we're most likely going to.
I'm only one man.
Whose blog Trent Reznor does not read.
The Hand That Feeds
Or, as I like to call it, "The Song That Indicates The Concert Is Almost Over".
Hurt
Not a bad song at all, still very powerful, but, not only has NIN been playing it since 1994, but I'm never able to enjoy it because I am TERRIFIED that some bro who only came to hear the "fuck you like an animal" song is going to scream "play the 'fuck you like an animal' song!", causing Grammy and Oscar award winner and composer, Trent Reznor, to throw down his microphone/keyboard and storm off the stage.
Guys...we all need to grow up.
Wish
For as long as I can remember, this song has (mostly) been utilized in the set list as the "we've just had out quiet, AV moment of the show, time to get excited again for more Nine Inch Nails music!!!!! WOO! They're GOOD!" During their 2009 Wave Goodbye tour, they replaced this with "1,000,000" or "Mr. Self Destruct"; either of which would continue to count as a suitable replacement, especially the latter.
Terrible Lie
Unless it's preceded by "Now I'm Nothing". The fact that they only opened with NIN=>TL at the start of the NINJA tour and that I was not there to see/hear it just makes me sad. Again, it isn't a bad song, and I love screaming along with everyone just fine, but, this tour (again) is about "reinventing Nine Inch Nails live", and, opening with one of the songs you've been opening with since the late 80's (unless it's some drastic reinterpretation of the song) doesn't ring of reinvention.
Dead Souls
It's dead. Souls.
And we've heard it enough.
Somewhat Damaged
I love The Fragile, it might be my favorite Nine Inch Nails album, but, for the past few tours (since 2006 or so) this has become just another in the small rotated pool of openers (Terrible Lie, this, and Home). Like most of the other songs on this list, it isn't bad, it's great, but, reinvention and all that.
Surprise me.
- Play These Songs Or Your Claim Of 'Reinvention' Is Bunk
These should help.
The Perfect Drug
No more excuses. You're going to have SIX fucking musicians on stage, one of which (Josh Eustis) is solely doing electronics, one of which is a drummer that can totally blow our faces off with that solo and one of which is Adrian fucking Belew. Play this god damn song and MAKE ME CUM.
Mantra
While a bit sparse at times, I really like this track that Reznor sort of improv'd with Josh Homme and Dave Grohl and think it would be an excellent live addition.
So fucking play it.
Zoo Station
What better way to remind people that you're still relevant than by performing your kick ass cover of a twenty year old...song...by...U2...
Hm.
Okay.
Whatever, look, if you're serious about reinventing etc etc, then you want songs that you haven't played live but that don't feel like a weird stretch (i.e. March of the Fuckheads), so, here you go.
Sheesh.
Ringfinger
Now, just hear me out! I know this is from the same album as "Kinda I Want To" and "That's What I Get"...but it's also from the same album as "Terrible Lie", "Head Like A Hole"***** and "Something I Can Never Have", all three of which have been reimagined and modified over the years to sound fresh and clean and decidedly NOT 80's. So, along with some stuff you've never played before, I'd like to hear some stuff completely reworked to fit into this reinvented version of Nine Inch Nails.
And All That Could Have Been
With the deluxe version of The Fragile right around the corner*******, what better time to toss this gem out there? This could be a fitting replacement to the "end of the AV section that swells and segues into a fast song" song, or, dare I say, maybe a potential replacement for "Hurt"?
Yes! I dare!!!
Sex Dwarf
Bottom line? It's time.
Set us free, Trent.
Set us free.
Demon Seed
It's strong, it's multifaceted and everyone on stage gets to go insane.
What are you waiting for?
New Nine Inch Nails music
I can't think of a more exciting time than those early With Teeth dates; the ones where NIN was playing most of the new album before it was out. I want that thrill again. So, throw those two new NIN songs that are going to pop up on the 'best of' and, sure, you can invite some of your friends from that new Nine Inch Nails triple album coming out "later this year", I'm fine with that.
- Play These...But Different/Better AKA 'Reinvent' Them
Starfuckers, Inc.
I don't know about you, but I think I'm ready for this again...just...different...
Sorry I can't give you more, but I'm not the one reinventing Nine Inch Nails live.
Non-Entity
This always struck me as a bit of a weird fit on the summer leg of the With Teeth tour...not fast, not really slow, kind of lacking in energy...but...that React Now piano version? Utterly, fucking beautiful.
The Day The World Went Away
I'll never get tired of this, but maybe it's time to mix it up a bit? The "Still" version perhaps or, if you really want me as your friend, the "Quiet" version.
2. PERSONNEL
- Full Utilization Of All Band Members On Stage
- I want Josh Eustis adding something to every song, whether it's as ephemeral as "ambiance" or "depth" or as specific as dry humping a Kaos Pad in order to fuck our minds up.
- I want Alessandro Cortini to focus on the keyboards. Trent's been having this poor bastard playing guitar, singing back up, playing bass etc. for years. Let the man rest and destroy our souls with some mad synth skillz. But...he is not to do that weird panting thing during "March Of The Pigs"********
- Robin Finck - Kill the guitar.
- Ilan Rubin - Kill the drums.
- Get Danny Lohner
- Get Danny Lohner
- How to destroy angels
4. STAGE VISUALS
- On a scale of NINJA to Lights In The Sky, I'm leaning more towards something between Fragility 2.0 and Live: With Teeth as far as the crazy interactive laser stage set up. While LITS was, without a doubt, jaw dropping, I found myself forgetting that there were people up there too.
- Or, you know, whatever Trent wants to do.
I'd like a shirt and a poster too.
Aside from all that noise, there's Reznor's appearances on the new Queens of the Stone Age album, ..Like Clockwork, specifically "Kalopsia" (one of the only songs I can think of that Reznor guests on that doesn't sound overly NIN-esque) and "Fairweather Friends"...where he sings (yells) with Nick Oliveri, Mark Lanegan, Alain Johannes, Brody Dalle...and Elton John.
So...that happened.
Whatever.
Hm...was there something else...oh, yeah, something about Reznor finishing the new Nine Inch Nails album in secret and setting it for release later this year.
Or something.
Please excuse me while I joyscream and happypoop until my eyes smilebleed.
Beck
Uh...yeah.
Did I mention the concert in August? The one in Brooklyn?
I did?
Okay.
Well.
Uh...carry on then.
They Might Be Giants
After just having returned home from their first tour of Australia, New Zolland and Tasmania since...ever? 2001?...they are about to set out ONCE AGAIN for the far corners of the U.S., returning home AGAIN in August for a free show in Brooklyn on Saturday, August 10th...six days after that aforementioned Beck show.
Hopefully, they'll soon announce a b-side companion to the kickass Nanobots a la Album Raises New And Troubling Questions.
Because the best album they've put out in years just isn't enough for some me.
And there are those last two 2012 IFC vinyl EPs (one a kids' disc and the other by the Avatars of They) they promised at the end of March...which...aren't a thing yet...although, the tiny taste Flans sent out last month was pretty awesome.
More on that (or maybe not) soon (or not soon).
Also, just a few days ago, the St. Vincent/David Byrne collective, Love This Giant, posted a free, five-track EP (entitled Brass Tactics) featuring an unreleased song (pretty solid), two remixes (meh) and two live tracks from their recent tour (tasty good good).
And it's free.
Seriously, if you haven't heard this fucking album yet...ah, go fuck yourself.
And.
Yes.
See you in a month when Reznor reveals a second finished and "frankly fucking great" Nine Inch Nails album.
* Really bummed about this because I wanted that motherfucker dressed in black rubber, covered in cornstarch, and destroying AT LEAST three guitars A NIGHT. And one drum kit. Using a keyboard.
** Honestly, less of a "tour rider" and more of a "To Do List".**
*** Even more honestly, less of a "To Do List" and more of a "List of Demands"***
**** Reference to Saul Williams NOT intended.
***** Which I was considering adding to the "Don't Play" list, but Nine Inch Nails NOT playing HLAH live? Well...I just don't believe that will ever happen.******
****** PROVE ME WRONG.
******* RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER, YOU HEAR ME?! RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!!
******** Check out MOTP from Beside You In Time...it's...fucking weird.
5.23.2013
Spongebob Drinks Bud Light While Transporting Goods Via Rail For Business
Mulch.
My body feels wrapped in mulch.
Wet, dirty, hot mulch.
But I smell fine.
Morning started with me waking up BEFORE I WANTED TO FUCK YOU GOD FOR THIS.
Then a shower (the result of which was undone and soaked in sweat mere minutes later), then out to my busy day.
First, a trip to Nutmeg to audition for some powder dry industrial for some company that...hm...you know? I have no fucking clue. The text was all about "we have a code and it helps us help our clients. With the future and business and plans and future business and our clients" it didn't actually say what, exactly, the fuck, it is that they do.
It would be awesome if this place (McBladders? MacLadders?) was just a shell company for Hustler or something.
Hustler shows you the insides.
After I read that thing with all the warm, supportive hugs my voice could muster, I tackled the script for the CXS Rail Transportation Navigator.
And it does exactly what it says it does.
Remember some months ago when I stupidly agreed to read about four hours worth of Dell Cloud shit for investors? The thing where I had to say words that I knew were words, but that's I'd never spoken before?
This was not nearly as bad as that, so I was easily able to make it sound like I knew what the fuck I was talking about.
It's called voice acting, folks...and I'm good at what I do.
After that, I headed over to Just Voices where I had a wonderful chat with Roger about the wedding and how nothing (to my neverending shock and delight) got fucked up and then I read a bunch of lines in my 75-80% Spongebob Squarepants voice.
I feel pretty comfortable about it, but, who knows?
CERTAINLY NOT I!
Next, my last minute session for Bud Light...for which I was already 12 minutes late (something runs two minutes late, then you miss a train, then something else runs five minutes late etc.).
This took place at a studio on Varick called White House and I don't think I've been to a swankier set up...well...the offices were swanky, the booth, not as much.
But, god DAMN this industry is doing just fine.
I drank two wine bottles full of water (I tend to perspire), jumped in the booth and did this intense read, then a less intense read, then a different kind of intense read, then some wild lines, then another read with more wonder, less anger and then, they decided to just go with my very first read, no edits, no nothing.
"One Take Jake" they called me, but I corrected them and told them my name was Paul, so it would be "One Take Paul".
And we laughed.
Then, without nothing but my iPod and the sodden clothes on my back, I set out for work where I sit now as the horrible beast slowly chews its way through my door, drawing sluggishly yet inexorably closer to mine form, just inches away now! If only I could flee, but nay, I just record these events in case of
You get it.
Lovecraft was silly.
Yeah.
Aside from all this, I have been informed by the Powers That Be Philip Maniaci, that "Too Tall" (the recent 24 Hour Film Race entry on which I worked) will be available for public consumption around June 6th.
And I will probably be able to scratch up a link.
But it'll be a secret...just for you...
shhhhhhhh...
My body feels wrapped in mulch.
Wet, dirty, hot mulch.
But I smell fine.
Morning started with me waking up BEFORE I WANTED TO FUCK YOU GOD FOR THIS.
Then a shower (the result of which was undone and soaked in sweat mere minutes later), then out to my busy day.
First, a trip to Nutmeg to audition for some powder dry industrial for some company that...hm...you know? I have no fucking clue. The text was all about "we have a code and it helps us help our clients. With the future and business and plans and future business and our clients" it didn't actually say what, exactly, the fuck, it is that they do.
It would be awesome if this place (McBladders? MacLadders?) was just a shell company for Hustler or something.
Hustler shows you the insides.
After I read that thing with all the warm, supportive hugs my voice could muster, I tackled the script for the CXS Rail Transportation Navigator.
And it does exactly what it says it does.
Remember some months ago when I stupidly agreed to read about four hours worth of Dell Cloud shit for investors? The thing where I had to say words that I knew were words, but that's I'd never spoken before?
This was not nearly as bad as that, so I was easily able to make it sound like I knew what the fuck I was talking about.
It's called voice acting, folks...and I'm good at what I do.
After that, I headed over to Just Voices where I had a wonderful chat with Roger about the wedding and how nothing (to my neverending shock and delight) got fucked up and then I read a bunch of lines in my 75-80% Spongebob Squarepants voice.
I feel pretty comfortable about it, but, who knows?
CERTAINLY NOT I!
Next, my last minute session for Bud Light...for which I was already 12 minutes late (something runs two minutes late, then you miss a train, then something else runs five minutes late etc.).
This took place at a studio on Varick called White House and I don't think I've been to a swankier set up...well...the offices were swanky, the booth, not as much.
But, god DAMN this industry is doing just fine.
I drank two wine bottles full of water (I tend to perspire), jumped in the booth and did this intense read, then a less intense read, then a different kind of intense read, then some wild lines, then another read with more wonder, less anger and then, they decided to just go with my very first read, no edits, no nothing.
"One Take Jake" they called me, but I corrected them and told them my name was Paul, so it would be "One Take Paul".
And we laughed.
Then, without nothing but my iPod and the sodden clothes on my back, I set out for work where I sit now as the horrible beast slowly chews its way through my door, drawing sluggishly yet inexorably closer to mine form, just inches away now! If only I could flee, but nay, I just record these events in case of
You get it.
Lovecraft was silly.
Yeah.
Aside from all this, I have been informed by the Powers That Be Philip Maniaci, that "Too Tall" (the recent 24 Hour Film Race entry on which I worked) will be available for public consumption around June 6th.
And I will probably be able to scratch up a link.
But it'll be a secret...just for you...
shhhhhhhh...
5.21.2013
Script writers! A moment of your time!
I'd like to take a moment to talk about writing and the evolution of an idea.
During the recent 24 Hour Film Race for which I wrote, the original idea for our script centered around this:
But. after a few hours of tinkering and too many chefs in the kitchen, it became this:
During the recent 24 Hour Film Race for which I wrote, the original idea for our script centered around this:
But. after a few hours of tinkering and too many chefs in the kitchen, it became this:
The moral?
Be true to yourself and your artistic vision, otherwise you will never get to see a penguin fuck a butterfly princess on camera.
Don't dream it.
Be it.
5.20.2013
Time Travel Mother Fucker
Over the weekend, while my two close friends, Lisa and Alan, were getting hit with cars, I took part in a 24 Hour Film Race with Philip "The Maniac" Maniaci, Ray "The Maniac" Zablocki, my lovely wife, Christina "The Maniac I Married" Bryant, many others and a dude named Nestor L. Marmol.
The guidelines were announced at 10 pm on Friday the 17th (theme: time travel, prop: an egg, action: crumpling a piece of paper) while Ray and I were in a car on our way to the location (Castle Braid in Bushwick, Brooklyn), and, after meeting most everyone who we'd be working with, Phil, Ray, Cecilia and I came up with, to be totally modest, some really fucked up shit.
At 3:30 am or so, the script was locked and we returned to our respective places for sleep, in my case, two and a half hours thereof.
I met Ray in front of his place the next morning at 7 or so and we headed back over to Castle Braid.
Shooting began around 10 am with me and my lovely co-star, Cayla Buettner, together in bed.
It was totally not scandalous!!!
Then, things progressed through the day, bleary and blurry, until we wrapped at just after 8 pm.
Then, those poor bastards had to edit this pile of gooey brilliance into something a normal human could comprehend.
As there was, at one point in the film, a dance party, I whipped up some music and, after I arrived home, threw in some ridiculous lyrics and sent the whole thing over to Phil, who dropped it, as if it were hot...
Late on Sunday night, we all got the link and...well, you'll see the results soon.
Needless to say that I am very proud of what everyone was able to put together for this and I'm just floored by the resulting film.
It's called Too Tall and has several lines of dialogue addressing the size of my penis.
And I cannot wait to show it to you.
Stay tuned.
The guidelines were announced at 10 pm on Friday the 17th (theme: time travel, prop: an egg, action: crumpling a piece of paper) while Ray and I were in a car on our way to the location (Castle Braid in Bushwick, Brooklyn), and, after meeting most everyone who we'd be working with, Phil, Ray, Cecilia and I came up with, to be totally modest, some really fucked up shit.
At 3:30 am or so, the script was locked and we returned to our respective places for sleep, in my case, two and a half hours thereof.
I met Ray in front of his place the next morning at 7 or so and we headed back over to Castle Braid.
Shooting began around 10 am with me and my lovely co-star, Cayla Buettner, together in bed.
It was totally not scandalous!!!
Then, things progressed through the day, bleary and blurry, until we wrapped at just after 8 pm.
Then, those poor bastards had to edit this pile of gooey brilliance into something a normal human could comprehend.
As there was, at one point in the film, a dance party, I whipped up some music and, after I arrived home, threw in some ridiculous lyrics and sent the whole thing over to Phil, who dropped it, as if it were hot...
Late on Sunday night, we all got the link and...well, you'll see the results soon.
Needless to say that I am very proud of what everyone was able to put together for this and I'm just floored by the resulting film.
It's called Too Tall and has several lines of dialogue addressing the size of my penis.
And I cannot wait to show it to you.
Stay tuned.
5.16.2013
iRant
While I hope this is the first and last fuckrant involving my new iMac, I'm almost certain it won't be.
Because I'm just a bubbling cauldron of Pissy Bitch Stew*.
I arrived home with my massive, so-goddamn-huge-that-it-doesn't-safely-fit-on-my-desk 27" iMac last night after work having stopped to pick it up from the Apple Store on 5th.
I unboxed this monster, marvelled at how spartan/smug their lack of stuff that's actually in said box, and then started clearing space.
I plugged everything in and then began the migration from my PC to my Mac.
Now, this isn't on the Mac, this is on the PC, but, don't worry, I'll aim my piss cannon back in Apple's direction in just a moment.
Realizing that it is about to be kicked to death as soon as I have everything I need off of it, at some point during the file transfer process (I was asleep), my PC (cute, little rascal that it is) decided to do one of those "hey, unless you click this thing RIGHT NOW we're going to restart your computer for some really really important updates that you need because they are important really, no matter what you're doing, is that cool? Too late we already did it!" things.
The fucker.
You'd think that in the year 2013, someone would fucking program a computer to first check if anything else is happening (if a program is running, if something is downloading, if fucking god damn motherfucking data is transferring) before it restarts itself or, if it absolutely MUST MUST MUST NOW OR IT WILL DIE do whatever it has to do that it thinks is SO fucking important, program it to start these interrupted operations back up.
But, no.
"Oh, you got a new Mac, huh? Niiice. What the processor speed? Oh wow, that is, like, 400 times faster than me! Hard drive? Oh, yes, very nice. And how big is the screen? Holy SMOKE that is big! And HD?! Phew! Well, enjoy that, I'm just going to shit in your closet before I go, thanks!"
So, I had to set all that shit up again, losing, oh, eight hours that could have been spent, you know, using my new computer.
But, as we all know, 8 is not as bad as 14.
Man.
What a random statement.
What could that pertain to?
Well...I will tell you.
14 is the number of hours it is going to take to transfer the scraps of music that I have on my old PC (I keep the bulk of it on an external hard drive) to my new one. Both are wired to the same network, so there's nothing in the way there, and, we're talking about, MAYBE 35 GB.
That's ABOUT two and a half GB AN HOUR.
What in the screaming wet FUCK would possibly cause this ti take 14 fucking hours?!
Is it goblins?
Pirates?
So.
There you have it; I'm bitching myself bloody BEFORE THE FUCKING THING IS EVEN SET UP.
When I left the house today, things looked as if they were going to be transferred by the time I arrived home this evening, so I'm expecting to find some cute little message on either the PC or the Mac (although, most likely the PC) letting me know that it forgot what data is and now it's going to restart itself, just to feel like it has accomplished something.
And it has.
It has cemented my decision that it will not be donated or refurbished, but, rather, stuffed with feces and explosives, and then thrown from the roof.
Because that is how I view my PC at this moment: an exploding ball of shit, falling through empty space.
* Which is called "Sklümpëšk" in Iceland.
Because I'm just a bubbling cauldron of Pissy Bitch Stew*.
I arrived home with my massive, so-goddamn-huge-that-it-doesn't-safely-fit-on-my-desk 27" iMac last night after work having stopped to pick it up from the Apple Store on 5th.
I unboxed this monster, marvelled at how spartan/smug their lack of stuff that's actually in said box, and then started clearing space.
I plugged everything in and then began the migration from my PC to my Mac.
Now, this isn't on the Mac, this is on the PC, but, don't worry, I'll aim my piss cannon back in Apple's direction in just a moment.
Realizing that it is about to be kicked to death as soon as I have everything I need off of it, at some point during the file transfer process (I was asleep), my PC (cute, little rascal that it is) decided to do one of those "hey, unless you click this thing RIGHT NOW we're going to restart your computer for some really really important updates that you need because they are important really, no matter what you're doing, is that cool? Too late we already did it!" things.
The fucker.
You'd think that in the year 2013, someone would fucking program a computer to first check if anything else is happening (if a program is running, if something is downloading, if fucking god damn motherfucking data is transferring) before it restarts itself or, if it absolutely MUST MUST MUST NOW OR IT WILL DIE do whatever it has to do that it thinks is SO fucking important, program it to start these interrupted operations back up.
But, no.
"Oh, you got a new Mac, huh? Niiice. What the processor speed? Oh wow, that is, like, 400 times faster than me! Hard drive? Oh, yes, very nice. And how big is the screen? Holy SMOKE that is big! And HD?! Phew! Well, enjoy that, I'm just going to shit in your closet before I go, thanks!"
So, I had to set all that shit up again, losing, oh, eight hours that could have been spent, you know, using my new computer.
But, as we all know, 8 is not as bad as 14.
Man.
What a random statement.
What could that pertain to?
Well...I will tell you.
14 is the number of hours it is going to take to transfer the scraps of music that I have on my old PC (I keep the bulk of it on an external hard drive) to my new one. Both are wired to the same network, so there's nothing in the way there, and, we're talking about, MAYBE 35 GB.
That's ABOUT two and a half GB AN HOUR.
What in the screaming wet FUCK would possibly cause this ti take 14 fucking hours?!
Is it goblins?
Pirates?
So.
There you have it; I'm bitching myself bloody BEFORE THE FUCKING THING IS EVEN SET UP.
When I left the house today, things looked as if they were going to be transferred by the time I arrived home this evening, so I'm expecting to find some cute little message on either the PC or the Mac (although, most likely the PC) letting me know that it forgot what data is and now it's going to restart itself, just to feel like it has accomplished something.
And it has.
It has cemented my decision that it will not be donated or refurbished, but, rather, stuffed with feces and explosives, and then thrown from the roof.
Because that is how I view my PC at this moment: an exploding ball of shit, falling through empty space.
* Which is called "Sklümpëšk" in Iceland.
5.15.2013
Here's A Little Movie 'Bout Dongs...And Hearts
I'm trying very hard to remember just why I wanted to check out Magic Mike...
But I cannot.
So let's just get this thing going: I watched Magic Mike last night. Originally, I was planning to watch it on my own (in case there were any embarrassing and confusing boners), but Chris ended up watching it with me.
See, she didn't get the appeal of male strippers (neither did I), but, by the end of this two hour movie...she kind of did.
I still do not.
A few things regarding Magic Mike: Tampa was the best setting for this; it was always washed out and seedy and desperate...just like Tampa.
When Mike casually mentions that, over the past six years he has only socked away $13,000, the movie lost a lot for me.
Let's break this down: Mike HAS to be making AT least $400 a night at the strip club (and that is a conservative estimate), the cost of living in Florida is dirt fucking cheap, he's running three other businesses and yet he only manages to put away a little over two thousand a year? Break that down even further and that's about $183 a month, about $42 a week and about $6 a day! That's, like, two less beers when you go out at night!
Then, there's the fact that all Mike wants it to stop stripping and make his silly furniture...even though you only see three pieces in the entire film and you NEVER see him building ANYTHING!
Wait.
Ami I missing the point of this movie?
It's that male strippers have it a LOT easier than female strippers, right?
Yes?
Okay, good.
Anyway, I've never seen him in anything else, but Tates is just the charmingest stripper I have ever seen.
Along with Magic Dong, I also finished the sixth and seventh season of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, the last two episodes of which reveal A LOT.
The Waitress' name*, Mac's name and that Dennis, after all the hinting and dancing around it, really DOES appear to be about two bad sexual encounters away from being an actual serial killer.
Other highlights from these seasons include the entirety of "Chardee MacDennis" (they need to do one of these per season), Charlie's simple question to Santa Claus, the manifestations of some of the...things from Charlie's "Dram Bok", the Jersey Shore episode (mainly beause they shot most of it in Ocean City, NJ, the site of BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX ), plus the addition of both Mary Lynn Rajskub as Gail the Snail (SUCH A FUN PERFORMANCE) and Jason Sudeikis as Smitty.
Looking forward to seeing where they go with the serial killer thing...
Along with all this television and film that I've been watching like a PRO, I'm happy to announce that The Electromagnetic Theater will be launching soon and available on iTunes in a month or so.
This is the podcast/radio show thing I worked on a few months ago in which I play a whole bunch of different characters.
You can head over to http://electromagnetictheater.com/ for more info, although the site isn't up yet.
Don't worry, I'll let you know.
DON'T WORRY.
DON'T.
Shhhhh....
* It's inferred and I wouldn't be surprised if turns out to be a red herring.
But I cannot.
So let's just get this thing going: I watched Magic Mike last night. Originally, I was planning to watch it on my own (in case there were any embarrassing and confusing boners), but Chris ended up watching it with me.
See, she didn't get the appeal of male strippers (neither did I), but, by the end of this two hour movie...she kind of did.
I still do not.
A few things regarding Magic Mike: Tampa was the best setting for this; it was always washed out and seedy and desperate...just like Tampa.
When Mike casually mentions that, over the past six years he has only socked away $13,000, the movie lost a lot for me.
Let's break this down: Mike HAS to be making AT least $400 a night at the strip club (and that is a conservative estimate), the cost of living in Florida is dirt fucking cheap, he's running three other businesses and yet he only manages to put away a little over two thousand a year? Break that down even further and that's about $183 a month, about $42 a week and about $6 a day! That's, like, two less beers when you go out at night!
Then, there's the fact that all Mike wants it to stop stripping and make his silly furniture...even though you only see three pieces in the entire film and you NEVER see him building ANYTHING!
Wait.
Ami I missing the point of this movie?
It's that male strippers have it a LOT easier than female strippers, right?
Yes?
Okay, good.
Anyway, I've never seen him in anything else, but Tates is just the charmingest stripper I have ever seen.
Along with Magic Dong, I also finished the sixth and seventh season of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, the last two episodes of which reveal A LOT.
The Waitress' name*, Mac's name and that Dennis, after all the hinting and dancing around it, really DOES appear to be about two bad sexual encounters away from being an actual serial killer.
Other highlights from these seasons include the entirety of "Chardee MacDennis" (they need to do one of these per season), Charlie's simple question to Santa Claus, the manifestations of some of the...things from Charlie's "Dram Bok", the Jersey Shore episode (mainly beause they shot most of it in Ocean City, NJ, the site of BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX ), plus the addition of both Mary Lynn Rajskub as Gail the Snail (SUCH A FUN PERFORMANCE) and Jason Sudeikis as Smitty.
Looking forward to seeing where they go with the serial killer thing...
Along with all this television and film that I've been watching like a PRO, I'm happy to announce that The Electromagnetic Theater will be launching soon and available on iTunes in a month or so.
This is the podcast/radio show thing I worked on a few months ago in which I play a whole bunch of different characters.
You can head over to http://electromagnetictheater.com/ for more info, although the site isn't up yet.
Don't worry, I'll let you know.
DON'T WORRY.
DON'T.
Shhhhh....
* It's inferred and I wouldn't be surprised if turns out to be a red herring.
5.14.2013
A Few Paragraphs On Steve Mason's "Monkey Minds In The Devil's Time" & Damon Albarn's "Dr. Dee"
I'm not a huge fan of Beta Band*. I enjoyed The Three EPs and...one of their other albums, but, as I'm not really a drug person, I don't think I fully got them.
If you've heard Beta Band, you've heard Steve Mason's Monkey Minds In The Devil's Time. It's less electronic and potty and more political and pretentious, but, other than that, yeah.
There are some stand outs here, such as "Lonely", "Fire!" and some other tracks, the names of which I forget because a lot of this sounds alike to me; both like itself and like Beta Band. It's disappointing to see how little Mason's sonic scope has expanded since Beta Band dis(Beta)banded in 2004, but, whatever, I bought this on a whim along with about twelve other albums so...yeah, whatever.
As far as the lyrical content, I've been told that this album is politically charged.
Okay.
Cool.
Also, about half the tracks on the album are more soundscapes or interludes rather than full blown songs.
I suppose I should say that what he's doing is interesting, but not the way he chose to do it.
If you love Beta Band but wish they had used less electronics, then this is right up your alley.
Straight up: I mainly listened to this to find tracks that would fit on a Gorillaz playlist.
And there are some...if Gorillaz ever made a Medieval album**.
This is the music from the opera that Albarn wrote about Dr. John Dee, the alchemist, mathematician astronomer and other stuff back in the 1500's.
Here's the Wiki entry.
He was a pretty interesting guy.
Listening to this music without context was mucho dislocatingo, but, for my purposes, that really didn't matter.
I don't like opera, but that's only because I've never really listened to it because it annoys me so...yes. Complications.
Aside from the Albarn songs, which I enjoyed, I was actually quite smitten with one other track called "Watching The Fire That Waltzed Away", which features this dude singing in crazy falsetto...like...no balls on this guy at all.
Much like Albarn's funk project, Rocket Juice and The Moon, I don't think I'm the intended audience for this.
That Venn diagram would include fans of alchemy, opera and Gorillaz.
However, in this brave new world of people who have intimate relations with balloons***, I'm pretty sure that demographic not only exists, but that they absolutely love this album.
Damon, please get over your shit with Jamie and make some more fucking Gorillaz music.
* Mason founded and was one half of Beta Band.
** Which I would buy.
*** They're called "looners", look it up.
5.09.2013
The Master...And MORE!!! But Not Much!!!
I have been meaning to watch The Master and, between PSH in Mr. Ripley and my friend Bill telling me how awesome both he (PSH, not Bill) and Wakanda Fenix were in it, I did that very thing!
Just the other night!
And the next afternoon!!!*
The very first thing that kept coming back to me: Jamiroquai's character sounds a lot like Buffalo Bill throughout the whole movie...which both lent something and took something away from it.
Phil Sey Hoff was, as always, perfect. This guy's reel has GOT to be pretty impressive by now. I mean, I don't imagine that he still has to audition for things, but, if he does, wow, you know, I think he's gonna be all right.
Pump, pump, pump.
Plus, Amy Adams! Way to not do the typical Amy Adams thing!
You know what?
I'm done talking about it.
Really good stuff.
Picked IASIP back up (last episode I'd seen was The Nightman Cometh) and I am just staggered by a.) how awful all of these people are and b.) why I keep watching, knowing that they are just going to continue doing awful things/being awful/never succeeding at any of the awful things they attempt to accomplish.
It's like a car crash with Danny DiVito.
DeVito?
The Penguin.
That waitress is pretty cute though.
And the episode with Mary Lynn Rajskub? Holy fucking shit.
Her phlegm choice was just utterly perfect.
Unrelated to the above statement: I have officially been booked for another round of VO for the Target Everyday Collection campaign. Three more national radio spot recording next week.
What what.
Plus, I have finished the recording of my second audio book...which...I think is a surprise?
I don't know.
Either way, it's not going to be released (at first) as a typical audio book that no one will listen to, but, rather, in a different format to which no one will listen!
WOO WOO WOOOO!
BIIIIG MUUUUNNY!!!
There is also a Le Pain Quotidien that's JUST opened up near where I work.
I look forward to eating there.
Ugh.
This was boring.
Sorry.
* The movie was long and I was SLEEPY!!!!
Just the other night!
And the next afternoon!!!*
The very first thing that kept coming back to me: Jamiroquai's character sounds a lot like Buffalo Bill throughout the whole movie...which both lent something and took something away from it.
Phil Sey Hoff was, as always, perfect. This guy's reel has GOT to be pretty impressive by now. I mean, I don't imagine that he still has to audition for things, but, if he does, wow, you know, I think he's gonna be all right.
Pump, pump, pump.
Plus, Amy Adams! Way to not do the typical Amy Adams thing!
You know what?
I'm done talking about it.
Really good stuff.
Picked IASIP back up (last episode I'd seen was The Nightman Cometh) and I am just staggered by a.) how awful all of these people are and b.) why I keep watching, knowing that they are just going to continue doing awful things/being awful/never succeeding at any of the awful things they attempt to accomplish.
It's like a car crash with Danny DiVito.
DeVito?
The Penguin.
That waitress is pretty cute though.
And the episode with Mary Lynn Rajskub? Holy fucking shit.
Her phlegm choice was just utterly perfect.
Unrelated to the above statement: I have officially been booked for another round of VO for the Target Everyday Collection campaign. Three more national radio spot recording next week.
What what.
Plus, I have finished the recording of my second audio book...which...I think is a surprise?
I don't know.
Either way, it's not going to be released (at first) as a typical audio book that no one will listen to, but, rather, in a different format to which no one will listen!
WOO WOO WOOOO!
BIIIIG MUUUUNNY!!!
There is also a Le Pain Quotidien that's JUST opened up near where I work.
I look forward to eating there.
Ugh.
This was boring.
Sorry.
* The movie was long and I was SLEEPY!!!!
5.07.2013
A review of Hervé's "The Art of Disappearing"
Yet another Totnes purchase; Chris and I heard the first track being played over the sound system in Drift and added this to the stack. Aside from the music itself, we also liked saying Hervé*...try it...Hervé...Heeeervé...good.
Pretty much everything on The Art of Disappearing feels open and big and humid; a summer scene viewed through a steaming dew drop. It also all reminds me of Clams Casino's amazing 2011 EP, Rainforest...like...a whole lot...a real whole lot.
After repeat listenings though, things get less and less impressive. The vocals on "Lose Control" are almost silly, but not quite. Definitely cheesy though and probably would have been better without vocals.
Or if I had been having sex while on drugs.
Yeah.
Either one of those.
The fourth track, "Gold" (featuring vocals from Maria Minerva) works very well though. It has this great, sleepy energy that reminds me of the last track off Tweaker's 2 a.m. wakeup call, "Crude Sunlight".
"Mountains" is pretty much just a mash up of Clams Casino and the theme from Halloween. Creepy, but laid back in a jungle funk sort of way.**
The vocals on the next track, "Save Me", did NOT work.
Ugh. I almost skipped this, but that wouldn't have been fair to Herve...or me...or you.
"Red Tractor" has some nice chords, but, nothing really galvanizing about it.
And, finally, while the vocal treatment on the last track, "Mother Protect", has some cool stuff going on, the rest of it kind of doesn't. It starts off sounding out of sync with itself but then finds its own groove. Etc.
Almost everything on this is like an ocean or a swamp, complete with animals to match the surroundings; very visual.
Another plus is that none of the songs overstay their welcome, they present themselves, do what they've got to do, and then evaporate, heat shimmer.
There's some nice programming and some interesting textures, but there always seems to be something missing, and, whatever it is, it's the thing that would have made this a good album as opposed to an okay album. As it is, it's worth a listen or two, but not for more than that.
Put this on in the background when you have drug sex while floating in the ocean and getting a sunburn.
Or don't.
I really don't care.
Honestly, this just makes me want to bug Clams Casino about putting out his LP.
* Pronounced "hurve".
** Don't front, you know exactly what I mean.
5.06.2013
Media Salve
This weekend...aside from almost wrapping up my second audio book...I just soaked myself in media...
Chris and I finished the third season of Walking Dead...Spoilers!!!...the fact that they are stretching out the Governor plot line gives me a sinking feeling that they've kind of run dry for season four...despite the, literally, hundreds of issues of the graphic novel that are out.
I'm very happy that Andrea has finally shuffled off this mortal coil as she was just retarded this season.
"Muuuuh, mebbe I can haz help the Gubberber be nice and gud agen!!!! Fistanks full up HEDZ?! Naw...no warning signs there..."
Idiot.
Glen and Maggie getting married?
Meh.
Zombie fodder you have an emotional attachment to is still zombie fodder.
Carl losing every shred of his soul?
Now THAT is good* TV! And, when he called out his father for being a pussy and not doing what was best for the group?
Nice.
Seriously though, they could have killed the Governor, like, six times before THEY LOST HIM.
Ugh.
Never mind.
We also took in the remake of Total Recall.
Pretty solid.
Really cool design and future stuff. Didn't hate Jessica Biel. Lens flares used abundantly yet appropriately, J.J. I'm looking at you...
I liked the nods here and there to the first movie and was totally okay with the fact that Mars had NOTHING to do with anything.
Also, Bryan Cranston: elect him President than have him punch some guys.
On the whole, I liken this to the remake of Judge Dredd which I squirted over recently.
Mindless, yet well done action, cool future design etc.
If any of you saw TR and dug it, you'll probably dig Dredd.
Finished the fourth season of Archer in, what, two days?
More.
More, more, more.
And Jon Hamm was amazing.
Also watched the Comedians of Comedy Live thing on Netflix. Actually cried with laughter during Eugene Mirman's set.
I need to see him so I can feel emotions again.
Rewatched The Talented Mr. Ripley since the first time I saw it in theaters with Jeannie in Miami.
Very solid. Although Jesi Mullins and I discussed later on how neither of us get Paltrow as the most beautiful anything in the world. She's just too plain. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but, come on, the world is pretty freaking big.
Don't know if I've straight up come out and said this but: I enjoy Matt Damon.
I'm going on record.
I enjoy Matt Damon.
I also think Jude Law did a great job as a vain, overprivileged asshole.
And he has a great ass.
Unless that was a body double, in while case, shame on you, Jude.
Shame.
Tease.
Oh, and, Philip Seymour Hoffman!
I love to hate you!!!
Then, I finally got around to watching the RZA's movie, The Man With The Iron Fists.
Wow.
Wow wow wow.
This film is made of two things: kung fu and ridiculous.
He finally got to make his kung fu movie and holy fucking god shit does it deliver.
It is EXACTLY what you would expect from RZA, Tarentino and Eli Roth.
Seriously.
Think of what a kung fu movie made by these three would consist of and you have thought of this movie.
Oh, but first, add Russell Crowe as an oversexed, opium addicted government agent/assassin.
There you go.
Now you have thought of the movie.
Something interesting that I picked up on...there is hilariously graphic violence in this, violence to rival and overcome that which was seen in the Kill Bill films, but, although there is a whorehouse (run by a fucking bad ass Lucy Liu who comes equipped with a fucking blade fan), there is no nudity whatsoever.
There is a comment here...somewhere...I don't know where and I don't quite know what...but there is a comment there...
Maybe something about how violence is more commonplace and accepted than boobs.
Which is dumb.
I'd rather watch boobs than violence any day...then again, if Chris came home and saw me playing a video game that consisted of boobs rather than horrendous violence...actually, I have no idea how that would go down...
Let's move on.
Check out The Man Etc Fists.
It's just stupid great.
...and they're hoping to do a sequel!!!!!
Going back to horrendous violence for a moment, since I returned from the honeymoon, I have been digging into my pile of purchased yet unplayed video games.
I have finished Metal Gear Rising on both easy and normal and when I tried to play it on heard, I realized, once again, that I am not good at video games.
I think I might be finished with that game.
My time with it was short and mostly enjoyable, although it felt way too short to be a real Metal Gear game. I enjoyed the characters and story and all that, but, yeah, there needed to have been more Kojima-ness.
I might run through it once more, just to see if I missed anything (codec conversation whore...right here) and, although the first piece of DLC was panned, I might check that out as well.
I'm not really ready for the game to be over, I suppose...especially since the next real Metal Gear game isn't coming out for years.
One thing I will say: when you take out a fucking Metal Gear Ray with nothing but a SWORD and your massive balls in the fucking TUTORIAL?
Nice.
Aside from MGR, I jumped into Bioshock Infinite a few weeks ago and, while it is still just a god damn FPS, the story is SO intriguing...parallel universes have been introduced and I have been to three (that I know of) at this point. Have not finished it yet but I am wildly excited to do so.
By that time, Remember Me should be out and then The Last Of Us is right around the corner...even though I have a solid stack to make my way through along with those...sheesh.
BUT I have not just been soaking my balls in media since I got home!
I am one recording and editing session away from completing my second audio book, which will be released as a 13-part podcast before normal distribution as a complete work on the retail sites (Amazon, Audible, iTunes). Very, very excited for you to hear this.
It's hot.
Like...sexy hot.
So, if you've ever wanted to hear me read a sex scene...yeah...his one is for you...and decidedly not for members of my family.
So, do me a big up and don't mention this one to them.
Much thanks.
Also on this front, in eleven days, I shall pick up my brand new iMac from the Apple Store, at which point I shall install the new ProTools and begin the second wave of digressive_obscenity.
Why, you ask? Is it, perhaps, because of the thunderous response I received from my first wave of episodes?
Not at all! As far as I can tell, maybe 15 people have listened to said episodes! I'm doing this because I have a lot of fun and, as it turns out, its pretty easy to get in touch with the publicists for the bands/artists that you really like.
So, hopefully, the second wave should have a bit more...mass appeal, but, if it doesn't?
Fuck it.
I still have cool and interesting friend with whom I want to talk about things...and stuff...and boobs...
Aside from all this media-ball-soakage and DIY fame and fortune hunting, I'm also about to show up on a different podcast AS TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! It's called Electromagnetic Theater and it should be up soon...I'll keep you posted.
Then there's the Speakaboos iTunes app, which should (hope hope hope) be launching at the end of May if everything goes well. I am ALL OVER Speakaboos.
Then, more Target radio spots starring me and my sexy voice mouth, plus a huge thing that might or might not happen!!!
HUGE!!!
MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT!!!!
And, as mentioned at some point before, we are finally commencing with shooting the pilot for Becca Kopec's web series, Just Super, in which I will wear a trenchcoat and might (OR MIGHT NOT!!!) be a pervert.
Whew.
Such busy!!!!!!
Such busy is me!!!!!!!
WOO WOO!!!!!!
* Read "horrifying and sad"
Chris and I finished the third season of Walking Dead...Spoilers!!!...the fact that they are stretching out the Governor plot line gives me a sinking feeling that they've kind of run dry for season four...despite the, literally, hundreds of issues of the graphic novel that are out.
I'm very happy that Andrea has finally shuffled off this mortal coil as she was just retarded this season.
"Muuuuh, mebbe I can haz help the Gubberber be nice and gud agen!!!! Fistanks full up HEDZ?! Naw...no warning signs there..."
Idiot.
Glen and Maggie getting married?
Meh.
Zombie fodder you have an emotional attachment to is still zombie fodder.
Carl losing every shred of his soul?
Now THAT is good* TV! And, when he called out his father for being a pussy and not doing what was best for the group?
Nice.
Seriously though, they could have killed the Governor, like, six times before THEY LOST HIM.
Ugh.
Never mind.
We also took in the remake of Total Recall.
Pretty solid.
Really cool design and future stuff. Didn't hate Jessica Biel. Lens flares used abundantly yet appropriately, J.J. I'm looking at you...
I liked the nods here and there to the first movie and was totally okay with the fact that Mars had NOTHING to do with anything.
Also, Bryan Cranston: elect him President than have him punch some guys.
On the whole, I liken this to the remake of Judge Dredd which I squirted over recently.
Mindless, yet well done action, cool future design etc.
If any of you saw TR and dug it, you'll probably dig Dredd.
Finished the fourth season of Archer in, what, two days?
More.
More, more, more.
And Jon Hamm was amazing.
Also watched the Comedians of Comedy Live thing on Netflix. Actually cried with laughter during Eugene Mirman's set.
I need to see him so I can feel emotions again.
Rewatched The Talented Mr. Ripley since the first time I saw it in theaters with Jeannie in Miami.
Very solid. Although Jesi Mullins and I discussed later on how neither of us get Paltrow as the most beautiful anything in the world. She's just too plain. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but, come on, the world is pretty freaking big.
Don't know if I've straight up come out and said this but: I enjoy Matt Damon.
I'm going on record.
I enjoy Matt Damon.
I also think Jude Law did a great job as a vain, overprivileged asshole.
And he has a great ass.
Unless that was a body double, in while case, shame on you, Jude.
Shame.
Tease.
Oh, and, Philip Seymour Hoffman!
I love to hate you!!!
Then, I finally got around to watching the RZA's movie, The Man With The Iron Fists.
Wow.
Wow wow wow.
This film is made of two things: kung fu and ridiculous.
He finally got to make his kung fu movie and holy fucking god shit does it deliver.
It is EXACTLY what you would expect from RZA, Tarentino and Eli Roth.
Seriously.
Think of what a kung fu movie made by these three would consist of and you have thought of this movie.
Oh, but first, add Russell Crowe as an oversexed, opium addicted government agent/assassin.
There you go.
Now you have thought of the movie.
Something interesting that I picked up on...there is hilariously graphic violence in this, violence to rival and overcome that which was seen in the Kill Bill films, but, although there is a whorehouse (run by a fucking bad ass Lucy Liu who comes equipped with a fucking blade fan), there is no nudity whatsoever.
There is a comment here...somewhere...I don't know where and I don't quite know what...but there is a comment there...
Maybe something about how violence is more commonplace and accepted than boobs.
Which is dumb.
I'd rather watch boobs than violence any day...then again, if Chris came home and saw me playing a video game that consisted of boobs rather than horrendous violence...actually, I have no idea how that would go down...
Let's move on.
Check out The Man Etc Fists.
It's just stupid great.
...and they're hoping to do a sequel!!!!!
Going back to horrendous violence for a moment, since I returned from the honeymoon, I have been digging into my pile of purchased yet unplayed video games.
I have finished Metal Gear Rising on both easy and normal and when I tried to play it on heard, I realized, once again, that I am not good at video games.
I think I might be finished with that game.
My time with it was short and mostly enjoyable, although it felt way too short to be a real Metal Gear game. I enjoyed the characters and story and all that, but, yeah, there needed to have been more Kojima-ness.
I might run through it once more, just to see if I missed anything (codec conversation whore...right here) and, although the first piece of DLC was panned, I might check that out as well.
I'm not really ready for the game to be over, I suppose...especially since the next real Metal Gear game isn't coming out for years.
One thing I will say: when you take out a fucking Metal Gear Ray with nothing but a SWORD and your massive balls in the fucking TUTORIAL?
Nice.
Aside from MGR, I jumped into Bioshock Infinite a few weeks ago and, while it is still just a god damn FPS, the story is SO intriguing...parallel universes have been introduced and I have been to three (that I know of) at this point. Have not finished it yet but I am wildly excited to do so.
By that time, Remember Me should be out and then The Last Of Us is right around the corner...even though I have a solid stack to make my way through along with those...sheesh.
BUT I have not just been soaking my balls in media since I got home!
I am one recording and editing session away from completing my second audio book, which will be released as a 13-part podcast before normal distribution as a complete work on the retail sites (Amazon, Audible, iTunes). Very, very excited for you to hear this.
It's hot.
Like...sexy hot.
So, if you've ever wanted to hear me read a sex scene...yeah...his one is for you...and decidedly not for members of my family.
So, do me a big up and don't mention this one to them.
Much thanks.
Also on this front, in eleven days, I shall pick up my brand new iMac from the Apple Store, at which point I shall install the new ProTools and begin the second wave of digressive_obscenity.
Why, you ask? Is it, perhaps, because of the thunderous response I received from my first wave of episodes?
Not at all! As far as I can tell, maybe 15 people have listened to said episodes! I'm doing this because I have a lot of fun and, as it turns out, its pretty easy to get in touch with the publicists for the bands/artists that you really like.
So, hopefully, the second wave should have a bit more...mass appeal, but, if it doesn't?
Fuck it.
I still have cool and interesting friend with whom I want to talk about things...and stuff...and boobs...
Aside from all this media-ball-soakage and DIY fame and fortune hunting, I'm also about to show up on a different podcast AS TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! It's called Electromagnetic Theater and it should be up soon...I'll keep you posted.
Then there's the Speakaboos iTunes app, which should (hope hope hope) be launching at the end of May if everything goes well. I am ALL OVER Speakaboos.
Then, more Target radio spots starring me and my sexy voice mouth, plus a huge thing that might or might not happen!!!
HUGE!!!
MIGHT OR MIGHT NOT!!!!
And, as mentioned at some point before, we are finally commencing with shooting the pilot for Becca Kopec's web series, Just Super, in which I will wear a trenchcoat and might (OR MIGHT NOT!!!) be a pervert.
Whew.
Such busy!!!!!!
Such busy is me!!!!!!!
WOO WOO!!!!!!
* Read "horrifying and sad"
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