The Second Half of 'The Wrestler'

4.7.10

10:18 pm

So:

1. No.

2. Sort of.

3. I don't know.

4. Yes, lots.

Just finished the fifth and final book of The Hitchhiker's Guide.

The last book, Mostly Harmless, was a bit like diarrhea.

It seems to just keep going and going, then you think it's over, then it keeps on going.

And, when it's done, you have an unpleasant, brown sludge left behind and your ass is bleeding.

I don't blame Douglas Adams; it's common knowledge that he didn't want the last book published, I blame the asshole(s) who thought money was more important than keeping this turd safely tucked away somewhere.

Like at the bottom of a septic tank.

Had an audition today.

But I signed a non-disclosure agreement.

So I can't tell you anything.

What I will say is that it reminded me of an audition I had years ago for some toilet paper commercial.

In it, I was playing the voice of Elvis.

I said something about how "tender" I was and how this toilet paper was good, and the last line was a woman announcer saying "Elvis has left the bathroom."

Obviously, the commercial was never made.

You don't have Elvis hawking toilet paper...especially since he died on the toilet.

This thing today had nothing to do with Elvis or toilet paper, but it just felt like something that...might not be made.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm completely off base.

I suppose we'll see.

Don't think I got it though.

I woke with a fever today, 99.4 and then woke later with a higher fever, 100.7, so I definitely didn't bring both guns to this audition.

Which is a bummer.

Oh well.

Shit happens.

And Elvis has left the bathroom.

In a body bag.

Because he shit himself to death.

True story.

Burn and Burn Notice

4.1.10

3:53 pm

I started watching Burn Notice last night since nothing is going to move on my Netflix queue unless I do something about it, goddamnit.

I was misinformed about this show.

I was under the impression that Bruce Campbell was the star, playing a CIA agent type who was totally cut off from the Government and his adventures from that point on.

I was wrong; he's like the friend of the guy who gets cut off etc. etc.

He's playing Bruce Campbell, a little toned down, and loving it, so I'm happy.

The lead, Jeffery Donovan, looks like Val Kilmer's less gay brother and his ex-girlfriend/soon-to-be girlfriend, Gabrielle Anwar (King Henry's sister from The Tudors) is insanely hot in that Miami model sort of way.

You know, fake but you'd still make sex with it?

The show isn't too bad, I'm enjoying it, but their style...well, they almost have their own style, but right now there's nothing really setting it apart from any other Miami crime show.

The music, the transitions, the random hitching of the camera...nothing really interesting about it.

But he's like a funny MacGyver, so I'm in.

And plus, Bruce Campbell.

Oh, but the show has made me decide that pedophiles should NOT be allowed within 100 miles of Miami.

Or, if they must be, that their penises and testicles are removed, chemically.

Jail bail ahoo hoo!

If this creepy Pedo-Commune under the highway Phil was going on about a while ago is real, I now totally understand the need for it.

Some many boobs and bottoms!!!!!

And syphilis, I'd imagine.

I'm now on the last fifth of Douglas Adams' epic Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy "trilogy".

Josh (who lent me his copy of the Ultimate Guide about, no kidding five years ago) mentioned that I could probably stop reading after the second book.

I can see what he means.

It's not that the writing gets bad, it's pure Douglas, it's just that each book seems to be more and more a collection of tiny adventures with nothing connecting them.

Like he should have written thirty short stories rather than five books.

It's good to see some character development with Arthur Dent though.

Glad he dropped the puzzled, unwilling bystander role.

Once I've finished the short story Young Zaphod Plays It Safe and the final book, Mostly Harmless, I'm going to re-watch the movie which I remember being good for about an hour before they decided to throw out the other 600 pages of Douglas Adams' books and just start making shit up.

Malkovich as an evil, spider-legged, head robot thing or no, they did these books a disservice.

Xmax.

But Sam Rockwell as Zaphod?

Perfect casting.

And Alan Rickman as Marvin?

Jesus, amazing.

That guy's voice...::munch::

And that musical number was pure, shimmering brilliance.

Haven't played Fallout for a couple days...getting the shakes...but in a good way.

And finally, seeing as it is April Fools, I posted something on my Facebook about Vagrant Records contacting me regarding George Washington Diarrhea.

As if ANYONE ON THIS WORLD would be interested in SPREADING my "music" to a wider audience...

This stuff is POISON, man.

And I'll hopefully have two more ampoules of cyanide for you all to rub on your ass neck soon.

Psst...they're going to be awful...