2.24.06
4:26 PM
I just discovered there is something out there called “muffin loaf”. I’m not sure how this will affect my life in the long run.
2.24.2006
2.25.06
11:26 AM
Working the 11am to 7pm today in order to start my weekend earlier. On my quick walk from my door to the shadow of the Hospital, I noticed the sun was lighting things in a different way. I thought that was nice. I have been noticing the sun and its interaction with things recently. I like it.
I had a dream last night in which Christina and I were taking a Philosophy class taught by John Linnell. Christina was sleeping during his lecture and he sneered at her. He and I talked after the class and he wasn’t scared of me at all. That’s how I knew it was a dream.
I awoke at 9:10 having to pee and since my alarm was at 10:30, I went back to bed. I started another dream but it was interrupted by my alarm. I use “alarm” simply to indicate “something that wakes me up”. I enjoy being able to have whatever music I want wake me up.
On the periphery of my hearing, I’m picking up a typical tale of male aggression that probably goes back to the Stone Age. Some Housekeeping guy is bragging about how some other Housekeeping guy kind of “came up” on him and “looked to start sumpin’”. The first Housekeeping guy blah blah blah. Now he just keeps going on about how he’s lucky the guy “squashed the beef” because “it just comes naturally…BOW!” I’m assuming that means that usually he would have fought the guy but because he didn’t push it, it was resolved. Jesus. You fucking retard. YOU EMPTY MY GARBAGE! I would be aggressive if the middle phase of my life focused on emptying someone’s garbage. He probably gets pugilistic in hopes that someone will kill him and end his sorrow or that he’ll be able to sue someone and live the rest of his life in money. Great. Now he’s talking about his strategy for taking me down because I’m so tall. Christ. He said he’d use a bat and work on my “technical parts”. Doth he mean my testicles? Doth he mean my engineering degree? What in the bleeding hell is this mongoloid talking about?! I’m floating in a sea of massive neurological dysfunction. I wonder if my immersion in this environment will affect me through osmosis or something. When I went from comics to Harry Potter to the Count of Monte Cristo it was evident that something was wrong. Was it indeed Harry Potter or has this atmosphere been slowly killing of my thought processes and higher brain functions? I’m not challenged by my work at all so I’m not receiving any stimuli except for that which I present myself…could this place be devolving my mind? This could be serious. I need to spend my time here writing, thinking, reading things that aren’t Harry Potter…I’m glad I caught this before something irreversibly happened…
12:42 PM
Here’s something interesting…I just noticed that when someone calls me to make an outside call, I will always repeat the number and say the opposite of their pronunciation of the word/number zero/0. In other words, if someone calls up and says “four oh seven” I will repeat it as “four zero seven” and if someone calls with “three zero one” I will say “three oh one”. Is it because I am a disagreeably prick or because certain numerical phrases have a better cadence when the zero and oh are switched? Hey, why can’t it be both? Excellent.
11:26 AM
Working the 11am to 7pm today in order to start my weekend earlier. On my quick walk from my door to the shadow of the Hospital, I noticed the sun was lighting things in a different way. I thought that was nice. I have been noticing the sun and its interaction with things recently. I like it.
I had a dream last night in which Christina and I were taking a Philosophy class taught by John Linnell. Christina was sleeping during his lecture and he sneered at her. He and I talked after the class and he wasn’t scared of me at all. That’s how I knew it was a dream.
I awoke at 9:10 having to pee and since my alarm was at 10:30, I went back to bed. I started another dream but it was interrupted by my alarm. I use “alarm” simply to indicate “something that wakes me up”. I enjoy being able to have whatever music I want wake me up.
On the periphery of my hearing, I’m picking up a typical tale of male aggression that probably goes back to the Stone Age. Some Housekeeping guy is bragging about how some other Housekeeping guy kind of “came up” on him and “looked to start sumpin’”. The first Housekeeping guy blah blah blah. Now he just keeps going on about how he’s lucky the guy “squashed the beef” because “it just comes naturally…BOW!” I’m assuming that means that usually he would have fought the guy but because he didn’t push it, it was resolved. Jesus. You fucking retard. YOU EMPTY MY GARBAGE! I would be aggressive if the middle phase of my life focused on emptying someone’s garbage. He probably gets pugilistic in hopes that someone will kill him and end his sorrow or that he’ll be able to sue someone and live the rest of his life in money. Great. Now he’s talking about his strategy for taking me down because I’m so tall. Christ. He said he’d use a bat and work on my “technical parts”. Doth he mean my testicles? Doth he mean my engineering degree? What in the bleeding hell is this mongoloid talking about?! I’m floating in a sea of massive neurological dysfunction. I wonder if my immersion in this environment will affect me through osmosis or something. When I went from comics to Harry Potter to the Count of Monte Cristo it was evident that something was wrong. Was it indeed Harry Potter or has this atmosphere been slowly killing of my thought processes and higher brain functions? I’m not challenged by my work at all so I’m not receiving any stimuli except for that which I present myself…could this place be devolving my mind? This could be serious. I need to spend my time here writing, thinking, reading things that aren’t Harry Potter…I’m glad I caught this before something irreversibly happened…
12:42 PM
Here’s something interesting…I just noticed that when someone calls me to make an outside call, I will always repeat the number and say the opposite of their pronunciation of the word/number zero/0. In other words, if someone calls up and says “four oh seven” I will repeat it as “four zero seven” and if someone calls with “three zero one” I will say “three oh one”. Is it because I am a disagreeably prick or because certain numerical phrases have a better cadence when the zero and oh are switched? Hey, why can’t it be both? Excellent.
2.23.2006
Bad 23rd
2.23.06
4:19 PM
Bad 23rd.
It’s amazing how my day can be ruined so easily.
So, you all may or may not know that I have a nemesis here at the Hospital. Her name is Debbie Buntin and she is a lot of the things I hate. She is greedy, fat, loud, stupid and dishonest. Long story short, her scheduled time is Saturday and Sunday, 7am to 7pm. Aside from those days, I should NEVER see this tubby cunt. However, she is greedy and loves her money, so she bitches and moans in order to pick up more hours during the week. Specifically, the 11am to 7pm shift. That means I have to see this thing every once in a while. You know, I can’t even talk about her I hate her so much. I think what I might do is start writing her home phone number on bathroom stalls or something. I don’t know. I can’t think clearly right now. My mind has been clouded. I’ll just hit the highlights: Every payday she shows up with a magnifying glass and a calculator. She finds even a PENNY missing and she makes an appointment with the head of finance, claming that she was cheated out of money. She is constantly claming to work when she doesn’t. She opts to not take a lunch break in order to demand that she be paid time and a half for it. She gossips and tattles like an unpopular third grader. An unpopular, FAT third grader. And the thing that really amplifies all this shit is that Monday through Friday; she is a Reverend at a nearby church. There is just something so fundamentally loathsome about that. The fact that she is greedy, gluttonous, petty, oversensitive, scummy, a cunt AND a reverend just makes me sick to my stomach. And the fact that I have to share the same earth as her makes me depressed.
On the upside though, if she continues with her eating habits, she’ll be dead in no time so…clouds and silver lining and al that.
On the further upside, I downloaded a bunch of excellent Nine Inch Nails boots, both audio and video AND I finally saw the Prince performance from SNL. Amazing. He destroys and then reconstitutes his guitar. The second song (with this R&B soundalike, Timar) was less impressive. So far I’ve heard four songs of the new album (3121 in stores March 21st) and two have been awesome while the other two have sounded like typical light Latin jazz and shitty R&B respectively while the other two have been quite excellent, a true return to form for Prince. Whatever the quality of the new album, I think seeing him in concert hen he comes around to New York would be a good idea. His live thing on SNL was blistering and I want MY skin peeled off.
I am also eagerly awaiting the delivery of my eels live DVD. I went around to three different stores on Tuesday and although they had copies listed as being in the stores, they were nowhere to be found. So I popped for the extra ten bucks for two day delivery. By the end of today I shall be watching it. Or heads will roll.
Saturday is my 6th anniversary with Christina. So, if anyone wants to do a movie or something, I’m not doing anything.
Just kidding.
I’ll be having sex.
Most likely with Christina. My girlfriend. Not Christina Nongirlfriend. That would be sick. Especially since she is banging someone else at the time. Yeah. Sloppy seconds.
Anyway, that’s it. If anyone has any extra negative energy in their lives, feel free to point it towards Debbie Buntin.
Thanks.
8:00PM
Day improved markedly with the advent of my package from UPS and the creation and consumption of one of the best meals ever. This day turned out all right after all.
Now I will read comics.
4:19 PM
Bad 23rd.
It’s amazing how my day can be ruined so easily.
So, you all may or may not know that I have a nemesis here at the Hospital. Her name is Debbie Buntin and she is a lot of the things I hate. She is greedy, fat, loud, stupid and dishonest. Long story short, her scheduled time is Saturday and Sunday, 7am to 7pm. Aside from those days, I should NEVER see this tubby cunt. However, she is greedy and loves her money, so she bitches and moans in order to pick up more hours during the week. Specifically, the 11am to 7pm shift. That means I have to see this thing every once in a while. You know, I can’t even talk about her I hate her so much. I think what I might do is start writing her home phone number on bathroom stalls or something. I don’t know. I can’t think clearly right now. My mind has been clouded. I’ll just hit the highlights: Every payday she shows up with a magnifying glass and a calculator. She finds even a PENNY missing and she makes an appointment with the head of finance, claming that she was cheated out of money. She is constantly claming to work when she doesn’t. She opts to not take a lunch break in order to demand that she be paid time and a half for it. She gossips and tattles like an unpopular third grader. An unpopular, FAT third grader. And the thing that really amplifies all this shit is that Monday through Friday; she is a Reverend at a nearby church. There is just something so fundamentally loathsome about that. The fact that she is greedy, gluttonous, petty, oversensitive, scummy, a cunt AND a reverend just makes me sick to my stomach. And the fact that I have to share the same earth as her makes me depressed.
On the upside though, if she continues with her eating habits, she’ll be dead in no time so…clouds and silver lining and al that.
On the further upside, I downloaded a bunch of excellent Nine Inch Nails boots, both audio and video AND I finally saw the Prince performance from SNL. Amazing. He destroys and then reconstitutes his guitar. The second song (with this R&B soundalike, Timar) was less impressive. So far I’ve heard four songs of the new album (3121 in stores March 21st) and two have been awesome while the other two have sounded like typical light Latin jazz and shitty R&B respectively while the other two have been quite excellent, a true return to form for Prince. Whatever the quality of the new album, I think seeing him in concert hen he comes around to New York would be a good idea. His live thing on SNL was blistering and I want MY skin peeled off.
I am also eagerly awaiting the delivery of my eels live DVD. I went around to three different stores on Tuesday and although they had copies listed as being in the stores, they were nowhere to be found. So I popped for the extra ten bucks for two day delivery. By the end of today I shall be watching it. Or heads will roll.
Saturday is my 6th anniversary with Christina. So, if anyone wants to do a movie or something, I’m not doing anything.
Just kidding.
I’ll be having sex.
Most likely with Christina. My girlfriend. Not Christina Nongirlfriend. That would be sick. Especially since she is banging someone else at the time. Yeah. Sloppy seconds.
Anyway, that’s it. If anyone has any extra negative energy in their lives, feel free to point it towards Debbie Buntin.
Thanks.
8:00PM
Day improved markedly with the advent of my package from UPS and the creation and consumption of one of the best meals ever. This day turned out all right after all.
Now I will read comics.
2.17.06
4:36 PM
So sleepy! I suppose that’s what I get for waking up early to do laundry. Silly, clean-smelling Paul. Stupid, fat Hobbits.
A reoccurring beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep type alarm keeps going off down here. There is nothing I can do about it but try to focus my annoyance into a beam of light with which I can destroy it. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I hanker for pizza…
Do you hanker for something? I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you do. Lots of dollars. Like forty. Tomorrow looks to be a fun day just as much as Sunday looks to be a looooong, tiring day during which I shall be wearing make up.
Also, tomorrow is my “Is Paul Psychic?” Day.
Hm. I just belched and now I want chicken tenders.
I think that announcing my psychic glimmer might have canceled out whatever was going to happen. Well, since that is most likely the case, let me make specific predictions pertaining to Nine Inch Nails.
Now, all I remember is Nine Inch Nails had something to do with the number “2.18”. Tomorrow night, NIN is playing in Kansas City. This is the fifth or sixth date on the latest leg of the tour and so far they have brought back some older songs (“Mr. Self Destruct” and “Please”) but nothing crazy new/never played before has been seen. Perhaps tomorrow night that will happen. NIN is also going to release their new single “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” soon. Tomorrow might be the release date announcement, or perhaps the posting of the music video on their web site. Aside from those things, the DVD release of their ’97 live video and video collection could be announced, but I can’t imagine anything else. Frankly, I can’t imagine any of those things happening. I am shocked when NIN announces any sort of release date. Anyway, those things are the most feasible and the first things that pop to mind, but anything else (new album news or some crazy out-of-the-blue release date) is not expected at all. I suppose we’ll find out soon…together…
4:36 PM
So sleepy! I suppose that’s what I get for waking up early to do laundry. Silly, clean-smelling Paul. Stupid, fat Hobbits.
A reoccurring beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep type alarm keeps going off down here. There is nothing I can do about it but try to focus my annoyance into a beam of light with which I can destroy it. Wish me luck.
At the moment, I hanker for pizza…
Do you hanker for something? I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you do. Lots of dollars. Like forty. Tomorrow looks to be a fun day just as much as Sunday looks to be a looooong, tiring day during which I shall be wearing make up.
Also, tomorrow is my “Is Paul Psychic?” Day.
Hm. I just belched and now I want chicken tenders.
I think that announcing my psychic glimmer might have canceled out whatever was going to happen. Well, since that is most likely the case, let me make specific predictions pertaining to Nine Inch Nails.
Now, all I remember is Nine Inch Nails had something to do with the number “2.18”. Tomorrow night, NIN is playing in Kansas City. This is the fifth or sixth date on the latest leg of the tour and so far they have brought back some older songs (“Mr. Self Destruct” and “Please”) but nothing crazy new/never played before has been seen. Perhaps tomorrow night that will happen. NIN is also going to release their new single “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” soon. Tomorrow might be the release date announcement, or perhaps the posting of the music video on their web site. Aside from those things, the DVD release of their ’97 live video and video collection could be announced, but I can’t imagine anything else. Frankly, I can’t imagine any of those things happening. I am shocked when NIN announces any sort of release date. Anyway, those things are the most feasible and the first things that pop to mind, but anything else (new album news or some crazy out-of-the-blue release date) is not expected at all. I suppose we’ll find out soon…together…
2.17.2006
Mas tequila negro.
Just got back from the Jose Cuervo audition. Apparently, Jose Cuervo Black is a new tequila they are trying to market as drinking tequila. Then want you to sip this tequila. I don't think I booked it because I'm sure they frown upon vomitting on their audio equipment. Dang.
Wow.
So what's better than getting paid a lot to do nothing? Getter paid a lot times two for the same nothing. I got a call from my agency and the people paying me for the most recent VO I did are going to double my rate. Good day so far.
A little later I have an audition for Jose Cuervo Black Tequila. How fucking poisonous does that sound?
A little later I have an audition for Jose Cuervo Black Tequila. How fucking poisonous does that sound?
2.16.2006
I went with the Psycho Nachos.
2.16.06
4:15 PM
I picked up my official copy of my Evergreen Investment voiceover thing today. Man is it dry. Like burning sand in your ass crack dry. Like powdered cheese dry. Like grandma pussy dry. Well, like most people’s grandma…not mine. Mine died at sea. Ba dum ching! Now I simply need to get the Capital Lighting voiceover and I can start assembling my reel, or more correctly, pay someone to assemble my reel. Then, AFTRA here I come. Residuals xmax. If I thought working at the Hospital was like getting paid to do nothing, just wait until I actually get paid…for nothing. Rrrrrrock.
I hope something happens on the 18th. I hope I don’t die or something. I had a talk with Chris last night about how every time we casually say goodbye to someone, some tiny, dark part of our minds insists this is the last time we will see them. “We” as in people, not “we” as in just Chris and I. That they will die or disappear and we will never have another moment again. This is a common construct in the human mind, although an unsettling one.
However, Chris had also consumed a few spoonfuls of DayQuil and I was snorting coke of my wet, dead grandmother, so things might have been a bit…skewed?
I am struggling. I cannot decide if I will order cheese fries and chili or the Psycho Nachos from Phat Burger for dinner tonight. Choices choices, oh the voices!!!
Watched “The Forgotten” last night. AMAZINGLY like “Identity” as far as it started out good with a strong premise but as the story unfolds you realize that there are feces at the center. Julianne Moore is sooooooo pretty. I prefer her outfit in the Gutterballs scene from “The Big Lebowski” though. Rowr. Damn would I love to sink that 7-10 split…with my dick. Yeah.
4:40 PM
P.S. I think I’ve decided on the Psycho Nachos. Hooty hoo.
4:15 PM
I picked up my official copy of my Evergreen Investment voiceover thing today. Man is it dry. Like burning sand in your ass crack dry. Like powdered cheese dry. Like grandma pussy dry. Well, like most people’s grandma…not mine. Mine died at sea. Ba dum ching! Now I simply need to get the Capital Lighting voiceover and I can start assembling my reel, or more correctly, pay someone to assemble my reel. Then, AFTRA here I come. Residuals xmax. If I thought working at the Hospital was like getting paid to do nothing, just wait until I actually get paid…for nothing. Rrrrrrock.
I hope something happens on the 18th. I hope I don’t die or something. I had a talk with Chris last night about how every time we casually say goodbye to someone, some tiny, dark part of our minds insists this is the last time we will see them. “We” as in people, not “we” as in just Chris and I. That they will die or disappear and we will never have another moment again. This is a common construct in the human mind, although an unsettling one.
However, Chris had also consumed a few spoonfuls of DayQuil and I was snorting coke of my wet, dead grandmother, so things might have been a bit…skewed?
I am struggling. I cannot decide if I will order cheese fries and chili or the Psycho Nachos from Phat Burger for dinner tonight. Choices choices, oh the voices!!!
Watched “The Forgotten” last night. AMAZINGLY like “Identity” as far as it started out good with a strong premise but as the story unfolds you realize that there are feces at the center. Julianne Moore is sooooooo pretty. I prefer her outfit in the Gutterballs scene from “The Big Lebowski” though. Rowr. Damn would I love to sink that 7-10 split…with my dick. Yeah.
4:40 PM
P.S. I think I’ve decided on the Psycho Nachos. Hooty hoo.
Another unreasonably beautiful day outside. I suspect treachery...
I just woke up from a dream in which 95% of the Earth had been destroyed by an alien missile. The only surviving chunk was a large patch of forest in which there was a mall. All the survivors were in the mall and at the point I woke up tensions were running high. The food was starting to spoil and the first anger killing wasn't too far away. Chris and I were there with someone else. The stress was about to warp Chris and we had just met up with Sarah Vaghari (who seemed to be in some kind of shock) when I woke up.
I just woke up from a dream in which 95% of the Earth had been destroyed by an alien missile. The only surviving chunk was a large patch of forest in which there was a mall. All the survivors were in the mall and at the point I woke up tensions were running high. The food was starting to spoil and the first anger killing wasn't too far away. Chris and I were there with someone else. The stress was about to warp Chris and we had just met up with Sarah Vaghari (who seemed to be in some kind of shock) when I woke up.
2.15.2006
Update
2.15.06
3:15 PM
Yesterday I pretended to have a history of epileptic seizures to get a flickering light changed.
Also, I negotiated with the Great Satan and we got the rent increase slashed dramatically. By March 2007 however, Chris and I will be in a new apartment.
The Tori Amos video collection came out yesterday and I highly recommend it. Almost every video on there is excellently directed and she is just SO cute and skilled. Like a juggling puppy.
The eels live album was released on iTunes yesterday as well (a week before the physical release) with three bonus tracks, one of which is eels’ cover of “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” by Prince. The album is incredibly moving and I suggest you check it out either now or when it’s officially released next week (2.21).
A while back I had a dream that somehow related to Nine Inch Nails and at the end I saw a date on a calendar “2.18” so in a few days we will see if I am physic or not.
I am considering purchasing a Katamari Damacy shirt. They were designed with the idea that you don’t need to look like a fanny bandit just because you are wearing video game clothing. Personally, I think the jean Daisy Dukes achieve that goal nicely, but, whatever.
3:15 PM
Yesterday I pretended to have a history of epileptic seizures to get a flickering light changed.
Also, I negotiated with the Great Satan and we got the rent increase slashed dramatically. By March 2007 however, Chris and I will be in a new apartment.
The Tori Amos video collection came out yesterday and I highly recommend it. Almost every video on there is excellently directed and she is just SO cute and skilled. Like a juggling puppy.
The eels live album was released on iTunes yesterday as well (a week before the physical release) with three bonus tracks, one of which is eels’ cover of “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” by Prince. The album is incredibly moving and I suggest you check it out either now or when it’s officially released next week (2.21).
A while back I had a dream that somehow related to Nine Inch Nails and at the end I saw a date on a calendar “2.18” so in a few days we will see if I am physic or not.
I am considering purchasing a Katamari Damacy shirt. They were designed with the idea that you don’t need to look like a fanny bandit just because you are wearing video game clothing. Personally, I think the jean Daisy Dukes achieve that goal nicely, but, whatever.
1.26.2006
1.26.06
4:12 PM
A pall has been cast over any and all happiness that I would normally feel this week. Also, I have become paranoid that the recent utter silence from the Downstairs Cunts is somehow tied into this.
My mind is working against itself.
Mark Scharfman has ruined my Birthday.
That motherfucker.
If this doesn’t stop soon, I will develop ulcers.
Tomorrow, I plan to wake up at 8 or so to be one of the “first served” by the pro se attorney’s office at the Housing Department.
I hope for good news, but I fear the worst. I always fear the worst…on top, but underneath everything, underneath me telling myself “expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst”, the very bottom of me, my heart of hearts, is thinking “but it won’t be the worst, it just won’t.” Fucking brain. I’m a god damned optimist. Fuck.
I just want to stay where I am until I am ready to move on. I don’t want this outside influence in the form of a greasy slumlord.
This occurrence has darkened my world.
I want vengeance.
I promise myself (and everyone I know in this city) that if I am forced to leave…I will make Mark Scharfman a sad, sad man. I will also include the Downstairs Cunts and their ugly baby in that sadness. The moment a lawyer tells me that neither my credit, nor my father’s (my guarantor) will be affected by simply giving Scharfman the finger, I will rain down the Most Righteous Wrath of the Paulitoshpere on this apartment. You think repainting Chris’ bedroom is going to be a pain? How about as many coats of black latex paint that I can afford sloshed all over the place? The thing is Scharfman only cares about the money, so why would he allow me to stay jeer for less than he could get with new tenants? He wouldn’t; he doesn’t think that way. So I have to hit him where he’ll notice: his bankroll. If the dick is inflexible about the rent increase, then we will destroy his apartment. Any of you wondered just how thin my floors are? One way to find out. Anyone wondered what a refrigerator falling four stories into an alley sounds like? I have. You ever been curious what would happen if someone overflowed the toilet, bathtub AND sink? I have. I swear to everything that matters: if I am forced to leave this place against my will, Mark Scharfman will remember me as a financial loss. A taller-than-is-allowed financial loss.
Bring it the fuck on, you slimy villain. Understand what happens when I have nothing to lose and no strings attached.
I just found these:
http://citylimits.org/content/articles/weeklyView.cfm?articlenumber=108
http://nypress.com/17/6/news&columns/property.cfm
4:12 PM
A pall has been cast over any and all happiness that I would normally feel this week. Also, I have become paranoid that the recent utter silence from the Downstairs Cunts is somehow tied into this.
My mind is working against itself.
Mark Scharfman has ruined my Birthday.
That motherfucker.
If this doesn’t stop soon, I will develop ulcers.
Tomorrow, I plan to wake up at 8 or so to be one of the “first served” by the pro se attorney’s office at the Housing Department.
I hope for good news, but I fear the worst. I always fear the worst…on top, but underneath everything, underneath me telling myself “expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst expect the worst”, the very bottom of me, my heart of hearts, is thinking “but it won’t be the worst, it just won’t.” Fucking brain. I’m a god damned optimist. Fuck.
I just want to stay where I am until I am ready to move on. I don’t want this outside influence in the form of a greasy slumlord.
This occurrence has darkened my world.
I want vengeance.
I promise myself (and everyone I know in this city) that if I am forced to leave…I will make Mark Scharfman a sad, sad man. I will also include the Downstairs Cunts and their ugly baby in that sadness. The moment a lawyer tells me that neither my credit, nor my father’s (my guarantor) will be affected by simply giving Scharfman the finger, I will rain down the Most Righteous Wrath of the Paulitoshpere on this apartment. You think repainting Chris’ bedroom is going to be a pain? How about as many coats of black latex paint that I can afford sloshed all over the place? The thing is Scharfman only cares about the money, so why would he allow me to stay jeer for less than he could get with new tenants? He wouldn’t; he doesn’t think that way. So I have to hit him where he’ll notice: his bankroll. If the dick is inflexible about the rent increase, then we will destroy his apartment. Any of you wondered just how thin my floors are? One way to find out. Anyone wondered what a refrigerator falling four stories into an alley sounds like? I have. You ever been curious what would happen if someone overflowed the toilet, bathtub AND sink? I have. I swear to everything that matters: if I am forced to leave this place against my will, Mark Scharfman will remember me as a financial loss. A taller-than-is-allowed financial loss.
Bring it the fuck on, you slimy villain. Understand what happens when I have nothing to lose and no strings attached.
I just found these:
http://citylimits.org/content/articles/weeklyView.cfm?articlenumber=108
http://nypress.com/17/6/news&columns/property.cfm
1.23.2006
Paparazzi's Panda Palace
I needed to post a comment on Ray's film blog (the blog for the film we are working on, not a film blog belonging to Ray) so I had to sign up for a blog. I now have a blog and nothing to do with it. Any suggestions? If nothing tickles my pickle, I might just do nothing...
1.18.2006
1.18.06
3:12 PM
Events of today have (mostly) made up for the emotional and spiritual fecal storm of late. Had an excellent recording session this morning. They had lox at this place. It was also just so well designed. The entire team was very casual and fun to work with. I found out what exactly this was…
Capitol Lighting is a lighting store with four locations in Florida and one in New Jersey. This was a TV commercial and I did all the VO for it. It’s actually a pretty funny commercial and not nearly as boring and terrible as I thought it would be.
The beginning shows a bunch of people doing regular things with lampshades on their heads. Some of these things include playing catch (mildly amusing) and charades (very funny). Anyway, these people are bumbling around like me in a dimly lit room to the perfect music and then my VO comes in. The direction was deadpan, devoid of energy and just not giving a shit. It was hilarious. Sort of Steven Wright-ish.
Anyway, the whole thing was superfun and my voice was in top form. Not only did I have a voice today…but I also knew just what to do with it.
Also: the final version of my dry-and-white-bread-as-a-cracker Evergreen Financial thing is up on the production company’s external site. Watch it and try and pick out the sentences that don’t make sense to me.
Party is looming.
Happy is good.
Fuck Mark Scharfman.
3:12 PM
Events of today have (mostly) made up for the emotional and spiritual fecal storm of late. Had an excellent recording session this morning. They had lox at this place. It was also just so well designed. The entire team was very casual and fun to work with. I found out what exactly this was…
Capitol Lighting is a lighting store with four locations in Florida and one in New Jersey. This was a TV commercial and I did all the VO for it. It’s actually a pretty funny commercial and not nearly as boring and terrible as I thought it would be.
The beginning shows a bunch of people doing regular things with lampshades on their heads. Some of these things include playing catch (mildly amusing) and charades (very funny). Anyway, these people are bumbling around like me in a dimly lit room to the perfect music and then my VO comes in. The direction was deadpan, devoid of energy and just not giving a shit. It was hilarious. Sort of Steven Wright-ish.
Anyway, the whole thing was superfun and my voice was in top form. Not only did I have a voice today…but I also knew just what to do with it.
Also: the final version of my dry-and-white-bread-as-a-cracker Evergreen Financial thing is up on the production company’s external site. Watch it and try and pick out the sentences that don’t make sense to me.
Party is looming.
Happy is good.
Fuck Mark Scharfman.
1.12.2006
Ya viene ayuda en camino
1.11.06
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
1.11.2006
1.11.06
4:28 PM
Feel tired today. Channeling Phil: need chocolate, but good chocolate.
Had good rehearsal with Ray and Michael. This going to be a lot of fun. Here is a link to the film's blog http://rzthesis.blogspot.com and here is Ray's site: http://www.rayzablocki.com/ You can see me in Ray’s “Dova”. Not the best work since the woman in it will make you hate all actors for the rest of your life, but good because she makes me look even better. She’s really bad though.
Listened to Demon Days again. Gets into your brain. Stays there and eats some of your brain then poops rhythms into it.
Before I left for rehearsal this morning I decided that I DO need an iPod. I was sitting on my bed, sifting through the 226 odd CD’s in my CD holder (mp3 CD’s included) and finding I didn’t want to hear any of them…I wanted to hear them ALL. I think the 60GB one would be perfect. I have about 30GB of music on my PC now and it has about 1 GB free at this moment. I’ll need space soon because the new season of “The Shield” just started last night. If I get the 60GB, I will not only be able to clean A LOT of shit off my PC, but I will still have 20GB of room to grow.
I think a black one with the simple inscription:
bizagitronicon
xmax
would be perfect. The image looks excellent in my mind’s eye, but then again, there is a lot of scar tissue on my mind’s macula and that might makes things look better or worse depending.
In other news, I am almost over my sicky, so kisses for everyone except Gia and Christina Nongirlfriend since because we hung out while I was sick you are probably both sick. Sorry. Sorry for both the “no kisses” and the “getting you sick” thing.
Also, if you read this and have not RSVPed to my pizzartitronicon xmax, get on that. I need specific numbers in order to have the right abundance of foody and drinky poos. If you don’t RSVP by the 14th…you are politely invited to go fuck yourself. With metal spoons.
Finally, I have been contacted by Elizabeth Margid of Fordham University’s directing program and invited to take part in the Directing III final project again this year. I would be in one or more of the students’ scenes from Chekhov’s Cherry Orchard. Should I or shouldn’t I? Does it matter? Hmmm…
4:50 PM
Huh. I have just been informed that it is raining…pretty hard too. Will this stop me from chocolate? Is it too cold for chocolate? Nay, I may be channeling Philip, but it is never too cold for chocolate. Or sex. Never too cold for sex and/or chocolate. And that is where we differ.
God damn I am going to eat this chocolate like a motherfucker that eats chocolate.
4:28 PM
Feel tired today. Channeling Phil: need chocolate, but good chocolate.
Had good rehearsal with Ray and Michael. This going to be a lot of fun. Here is a link to the film's blog http://rzthesis.blogspot.com and here is Ray's site: http://www.rayzablocki.com/ You can see me in Ray’s “Dova”. Not the best work since the woman in it will make you hate all actors for the rest of your life, but good because she makes me look even better. She’s really bad though.
Listened to Demon Days again. Gets into your brain. Stays there and eats some of your brain then poops rhythms into it.
Before I left for rehearsal this morning I decided that I DO need an iPod. I was sitting on my bed, sifting through the 226 odd CD’s in my CD holder (mp3 CD’s included) and finding I didn’t want to hear any of them…I wanted to hear them ALL. I think the 60GB one would be perfect. I have about 30GB of music on my PC now and it has about 1 GB free at this moment. I’ll need space soon because the new season of “The Shield” just started last night. If I get the 60GB, I will not only be able to clean A LOT of shit off my PC, but I will still have 20GB of room to grow.
I think a black one with the simple inscription:
bizagitronicon
xmax
4:50 PM
1.10.2006
1.10.06
3:03 PM
The new Gorillaz album Demon Days came out a while ago and, quite honestly, I was not impressed. It had maybe two or three songs I dug and the rest? Repetitive, uninspired stuff. Or so I thought…
Over time I have been enjoying more and more tracks. At first it was just Dirty Harry and Feel Good Inc. (the singles) and O Green World. Then I added Kids With Guns (excellent, excellent song). Soon after, I heard there was another video for another song of the album and I checked that out. The video was okay, but I didn’t remember the song being that good. I went back and checked it out again and then added that one (Dare) to the list. After that, I just started playing the album and about 85% of it is awesome. Much better than the first album. I was surprised at how many levels this one has. So many different sounds and textures. The rappers are a bit lacking but then again we can’t all be Method Man or ODB can we? Whatever the case; check out the album but remember to give it a few listens before you say, “Man, that Paul sure has bad taste in music. I don’t know why I ever listen to him. In fact, based on this bad advice he gave, I will stop listening to him altogether…about everything. Why would I ever listen to him again after a terrible mistake such as this? Jesus fucking Christ what a faggot douchebag asshole! I can’t believe he wasn’t aborted…twice just to make sure, you know? Fuck, man. Why wasn’t he terminated?! Late term, so he would have felt it. Son of a bitch, I am so angry about this now…I need a cigarette and a hand job…”
On a completely unrelated note: the last few weeks of The Simpsons have been very impressive. Might this be the start of a turnaround for the faltering 17-year franchise? I hope so, because that would be SUCH a fucking downer if The Simpsons got canned.
Also, yesterday I read some of the fiction Phil sent Will and me. Some is good and one was fucking spectacular. After the three or so short works, I started reading his first novella entitled Moses. Not sure if it’s based on me or not…I suppose we’ll find out.
Finally, I had another Katamari dream last night. If the game doesn’t kill me, I might have to kill myself.
3:03 PM
The new Gorillaz album Demon Days came out a while ago and, quite honestly, I was not impressed. It had maybe two or three songs I dug and the rest? Repetitive, uninspired stuff. Or so I thought…
Over time I have been enjoying more and more tracks. At first it was just Dirty Harry and Feel Good Inc. (the singles) and O Green World. Then I added Kids With Guns (excellent, excellent song). Soon after, I heard there was another video for another song of the album and I checked that out. The video was okay, but I didn’t remember the song being that good. I went back and checked it out again and then added that one (Dare) to the list. After that, I just started playing the album and about 85% of it is awesome. Much better than the first album. I was surprised at how many levels this one has. So many different sounds and textures. The rappers are a bit lacking but then again we can’t all be Method Man or ODB can we? Whatever the case; check out the album but remember to give it a few listens before you say, “Man, that Paul sure has bad taste in music. I don’t know why I ever listen to him. In fact, based on this bad advice he gave, I will stop listening to him altogether…about everything. Why would I ever listen to him again after a terrible mistake such as this? Jesus fucking Christ what a faggot douchebag asshole! I can’t believe he wasn’t aborted…twice just to make sure, you know? Fuck, man. Why wasn’t he terminated?! Late term, so he would have felt it. Son of a bitch, I am so angry about this now…I need a cigarette and a hand job…”
On a completely unrelated note: the last few weeks of The Simpsons have been very impressive. Might this be the start of a turnaround for the faltering 17-year franchise? I hope so, because that would be SUCH a fucking downer if The Simpsons got canned.
Also, yesterday I read some of the fiction Phil sent Will and me. Some is good and one was fucking spectacular. After the three or so short works, I started reading his first novella entitled Moses. Not sure if it’s based on me or not…I suppose we’ll find out.
Finally, I had another Katamari dream last night. If the game doesn’t kill me, I might have to kill myself.
Katamari XMAX!!!
1.9.06
4:29 PM
On Saturday I purchased a PlayStation 2 video game called “We Love Katamari”.
This is the sequel to a game that came out in 2004 called Katamari Damacy. It is the strangest videogame ever created.
The “plot”: While drunk, your father, the King of the Cosmos, destroyed the Universe in Katamari Damacy and to rectify his mistake, he got you, Prince, to create katamari’s and give them to him to remake the Universe. (A katamari is a big ball of stuff that gets bigger and bigger as you roll it over things. At first, it can only pick up paper clips and coins, then small fruits, then checkers, then toy cars, then small animals, and so on and so forth until you can roll up people, cars, buses etc. That is the simplest and clearest explanation.). This game Katamari Damacy became a huge hit (in the world of the video game and in real life) and the King of the Cosmos became famous. SO, the “story” of We Love Katamari is that people liked Katamari Damacy so much, they are asking to King to basically do stuff like that again. As a character you wander around a meadow that it filled with people and you will go to them and they will say things like, “Katamari Damacy was so much fun, can you roll one up now?”, “My grandson likes this game and I would like to play it with him, may I try?” and so forth. Other people will has tasks or specific games they want to play. For instance, a skinny sumo wrestler will ask your help I making him big for the fight. You then have to roll him around eating things so he can gain weight. In another, a student has been studying so hard that he forgot to pay his electric bill so his lights have gone off. You have to roll up fire flies to light his room. When you finish a goal, the person who asked you to do it will appear on the King’s shoulder (the King is huge) and will say thanks and give the katamari to the King. He will then throw it up into the Cosmos and it will become a planet or a satellite. Your final task (asked of you by a dog) is to roll up the sun. In order to do this, you must go around the cosmos and roll up all the planets and moons you have made (along with stardust) and then, if you katamari is big enough, you can roll up the sun. I have yet to do this since my katamaris aren’t big enough yet. That is the game in a nutshell.
Anyway, along with bizarre characters, dialogue and mission goals, there is a soundtrack that Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has said he puts on a high volume to bother the shit out of his sound engineer. He also said that while on the tour bus, they have been playing this for months.
Anyway, I got this two days ago and I have played it for a total of six hours or so, no more than 8. I woke up this morning singing the We Love Katamari theme (the chorus which is as follows “Naaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy! Naaaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy!” This sung by a very nasal Japanese man) and as I continued through the day, remnants of my dreams came to me in ribbons: I had been dreaming about We Love Katamari all night. Not one dream I kept returning to, but several different dreams.
The thing of it is I have had dreams that feature recent events in my life, but none as intense as these. This game will be the end of me…
4:29 PM
On Saturday I purchased a PlayStation 2 video game called “We Love Katamari”.
This is the sequel to a game that came out in 2004 called Katamari Damacy. It is the strangest videogame ever created.
The “plot”: While drunk, your father, the King of the Cosmos, destroyed the Universe in Katamari Damacy and to rectify his mistake, he got you, Prince, to create katamari’s and give them to him to remake the Universe. (A katamari is a big ball of stuff that gets bigger and bigger as you roll it over things. At first, it can only pick up paper clips and coins, then small fruits, then checkers, then toy cars, then small animals, and so on and so forth until you can roll up people, cars, buses etc. That is the simplest and clearest explanation.). This game Katamari Damacy became a huge hit (in the world of the video game and in real life) and the King of the Cosmos became famous. SO, the “story” of We Love Katamari is that people liked Katamari Damacy so much, they are asking to King to basically do stuff like that again. As a character you wander around a meadow that it filled with people and you will go to them and they will say things like, “Katamari Damacy was so much fun, can you roll one up now?”, “My grandson likes this game and I would like to play it with him, may I try?” and so forth. Other people will has tasks or specific games they want to play. For instance, a skinny sumo wrestler will ask your help I making him big for the fight. You then have to roll him around eating things so he can gain weight. In another, a student has been studying so hard that he forgot to pay his electric bill so his lights have gone off. You have to roll up fire flies to light his room. When you finish a goal, the person who asked you to do it will appear on the King’s shoulder (the King is huge) and will say thanks and give the katamari to the King. He will then throw it up into the Cosmos and it will become a planet or a satellite. Your final task (asked of you by a dog) is to roll up the sun. In order to do this, you must go around the cosmos and roll up all the planets and moons you have made (along with stardust) and then, if you katamari is big enough, you can roll up the sun. I have yet to do this since my katamaris aren’t big enough yet. That is the game in a nutshell.
Anyway, along with bizarre characters, dialogue and mission goals, there is a soundtrack that Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has said he puts on a high volume to bother the shit out of his sound engineer. He also said that while on the tour bus, they have been playing this for months.
Anyway, I got this two days ago and I have played it for a total of six hours or so, no more than 8. I woke up this morning singing the We Love Katamari theme (the chorus which is as follows “Naaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy! Naaaa, na na na na na naaa! Katamari Damacy!” This sung by a very nasal Japanese man) and as I continued through the day, remnants of my dreams came to me in ribbons: I had been dreaming about We Love Katamari all night. Not one dream I kept returning to, but several different dreams.
The thing of it is I have had dreams that feature recent events in my life, but none as intense as these. This game will be the end of me…
1.05.2006
1.5.06
7:34 PM
Oh Lordy Lordy! Phat Burger has destroyed me. I thought, “I’m hungry, but not TOO hungry. I won’t get a burger.” I had been hankering for a nice bowl of chili allll day so I figure, “A nice bowl of chili and some cheese fries will quell this belly beast.” So I order at 6:55 and arrive back at work mere minutes before it shows up. At first, I am worried because there appears to be very little cheese on this bright orange waffle fries…wait…bright orange? I didn’t order sweet potato fries! What is this bullshit? I open the container to see my healthy potato friends have been drowned in a veritable OCEAN of melted sharp cheddar. I orgasm twice in quick succession, not being able to tell where one ends and the next begins. Then I open the chili container. BAM! Three more orgasms. My pants are a mess now, but I hardly notice the sliding warmth in my boxers. I dig in, dipping the cheese fries in my chili and smacking my lips audibly, stopping every few seconds to sip from my (glass) bottle of root beer. After about ten minutes or so, the fries are gone and my vision is getting hazy. There is a mote dancing behind my eyes and it is getting bigger and bigger, blocking my vision. Through its stringy, spinning mass I can see the empty fry container…and the three quarters full chili cup! “Good God…” I mutter, “Good God!” I scream. This makes no sense. I have eaten my fill but I still see delicious food in front of me! What has happened to me?! Am I bewitched? Am I shrinking? Has my sickness flipped some switch inside of me?
I was still grappling with this realization when I started typing. At this moment, I am still full and when I look at the chili cup still containing MORE THAN HALF of its original contents, I do not curse under my breath, I do not weep a silent, cheese-flavored tear…I merely smile and whisper the word…“oog”.
In other news I watched Boiler Room today. Not as bad as people made it out to be. Giovanni Rabisi was iight. Ben Affleck was tolerable. Vin Disel was great. I dug the soundtrack and how all the stockbrokers were whiggers xmax. Very funny stuff. The ending was pretty good too.
You know I think someone might have drugged this chili. I feel like I’m wrapped in a big, warm blanket. There is a buzzing in the back of my head. It agrees with and supports all my thoughts and ideas. It is my friend. I like it. Good. It’s as if I am underwater.
I am planning on seeing Sufjan Stevens in concert on Saturday the fourteenth. He is playing in the Allen Room at the Jazz at Lincoln Center space where Megan works. I might get to hang out with him. This isn’t like a Nine Inch Nails or They Might Be Giants thing; I am a fan of what this guy does but I don’t know him or his music (he has five albums (or eight if you count the three Xmas EP’s), I’ve heard one in totem) well enough to be obsessed. His music is deep and layered, beautiful and sad. And he has a song about zombies. Will put a track from his latest album on his Bite the Music submission and Christina Girlfriend fell fast in love with that track. The album (“Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”) is very thick. It is the second in a series of “state albums”. He has already released “Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State!” and plans to write and release an album per state. Take that, John Linnell, you lazy robot! At this point, I am hungry for new music. Last year sort of spoiled me. Two new They Might Be Giants’ releases (both of which turned out to be rather lean indeed), a new Cake album (excellent), a new Beck album (nothing genre defining, but excellent nonetheless), a new eels album (monumental) that resulted in an amazing live show (which is coming to CD and DVD February 21st) and a new Nine Inch Nails album which has yet to leave my stereo (see, I bought the regular CD and the Dualdisc versions…). On top of that, Depeche Mode’s new release was a pleasant surprise as well. I saw a few concerts: Beck (very energetic), They Might Be Giants (fun as always, but nothing earthshaking), eels (amazing) and Nine Inch Nails (the definition of “100% perfection”). As far as 2006 looks, there is the eels live CD/DVD of the concert I saw (literally the concert I saw. They videotaped and recorded the Town Hall show that Phil and I were at), Cake with some others at the Unlimited Sunshine Tour (not going), talk of some new half-assed TMBG release and NIN is coming around for another leg of its tour. As far as that goes, I’m pensive because the last one was really perfect, I’m not exaggerating. Musically speaking, none of the aforementioned bands are planning any new material (except some tiny thing from TMBG which, based on their past two efforts, will not wow me). Trent Reznor has said he wants to have a new album out before 2007 but it has been NO LESS than FIVE YEARS between proper album releases for NIN, so I’m skeptical. You know, I’m just going to make a list of things to which I am looking forward…goddamn dangling participle.
Bullet Time…
• “eels With Strings” live CD/DVD (look for Phil and I standing for the last two songs)
• Something new by Beck (considering he has a lot of new stuff lying around)
• Not one, but TWO new Stephen King novels (Cell on 1.24.05 and Lesley’s Story on 10.24.06). Retired my ball sac.
• The Complete Tori Amos video collection (finally)
• Nine Inch Nails concert (hope it surpasses or at least lives up to the one before. This will be more like the first two of the With Teeth tour, but he has discussed doing a solo piano tour. That would be…indescribable.)
• Whatever stopgap release They Might Be Giants are planning (Something along the lines of the kids picture book Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed with a four song CD but “more Edwardian”. Any idea what that means?)
• Silent Hill the movie (although based on interviews and stuff, I feel like I am going to be disappointed and that totally blows. At least Uwe Boll isn’t involved…)
• The PS3 (drool)
• Acting in Ray’s film and John’s play. I like acting.
• The release of The Simpsons Season Eight, my favorite season, containing such excellent episodes as “The Springfield Files” guest starring David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as Mulder and Scully, “Homer’s Nemesis” guest starring John Waters as John the gay guy, “You Only Move Twice” guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio and, my all time favorite episode of The Simpsons, “The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer” (although the original title is in Portuguese). This episode guest stars Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote, is chock full of excellent lines and has one of the best endings in Simpson history. In fact, almost all the episodes in the eighth season have excellent endings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, seasons six through ten are pure gold.
Now, these are all things to which I am looking forward, most of them (you will be surprised to notice) are material possessions. These are not goals, they re products. What goals do I have? Nothing but getting into SAG and then, instead of making stupid good money on my acting shit, I’ll make Ariel Sharon post-stroke money on my acting shit. Yeah, paralytic mumblin’ dollaz y’all.
7:34 PM
Oh Lordy Lordy! Phat Burger has destroyed me. I thought, “I’m hungry, but not TOO hungry. I won’t get a burger.” I had been hankering for a nice bowl of chili allll day so I figure, “A nice bowl of chili and some cheese fries will quell this belly beast.” So I order at 6:55 and arrive back at work mere minutes before it shows up. At first, I am worried because there appears to be very little cheese on this bright orange waffle fries…wait…bright orange? I didn’t order sweet potato fries! What is this bullshit? I open the container to see my healthy potato friends have been drowned in a veritable OCEAN of melted sharp cheddar. I orgasm twice in quick succession, not being able to tell where one ends and the next begins. Then I open the chili container. BAM! Three more orgasms. My pants are a mess now, but I hardly notice the sliding warmth in my boxers. I dig in, dipping the cheese fries in my chili and smacking my lips audibly, stopping every few seconds to sip from my (glass) bottle of root beer. After about ten minutes or so, the fries are gone and my vision is getting hazy. There is a mote dancing behind my eyes and it is getting bigger and bigger, blocking my vision. Through its stringy, spinning mass I can see the empty fry container…and the three quarters full chili cup! “Good God…” I mutter, “Good God!” I scream. This makes no sense. I have eaten my fill but I still see delicious food in front of me! What has happened to me?! Am I bewitched? Am I shrinking? Has my sickness flipped some switch inside of me?
I was still grappling with this realization when I started typing. At this moment, I am still full and when I look at the chili cup still containing MORE THAN HALF of its original contents, I do not curse under my breath, I do not weep a silent, cheese-flavored tear…I merely smile and whisper the word…“oog”.
In other news I watched Boiler Room today. Not as bad as people made it out to be. Giovanni Rabisi was iight. Ben Affleck was tolerable. Vin Disel was great. I dug the soundtrack and how all the stockbrokers were whiggers xmax. Very funny stuff. The ending was pretty good too.
You know I think someone might have drugged this chili. I feel like I’m wrapped in a big, warm blanket. There is a buzzing in the back of my head. It agrees with and supports all my thoughts and ideas. It is my friend. I like it. Good. It’s as if I am underwater.
I am planning on seeing Sufjan Stevens in concert on Saturday the fourteenth. He is playing in the Allen Room at the Jazz at Lincoln Center space where Megan works. I might get to hang out with him. This isn’t like a Nine Inch Nails or They Might Be Giants thing; I am a fan of what this guy does but I don’t know him or his music (he has five albums (or eight if you count the three Xmas EP’s), I’ve heard one in totem) well enough to be obsessed. His music is deep and layered, beautiful and sad. And he has a song about zombies. Will put a track from his latest album on his Bite the Music submission and Christina Girlfriend fell fast in love with that track. The album (“Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”) is very thick. It is the second in a series of “state albums”. He has already released “Greetings from Michigan, the Great Lakes State!” and plans to write and release an album per state. Take that, John Linnell, you lazy robot! At this point, I am hungry for new music. Last year sort of spoiled me. Two new They Might Be Giants’ releases (both of which turned out to be rather lean indeed), a new Cake album (excellent), a new Beck album (nothing genre defining, but excellent nonetheless), a new eels album (monumental) that resulted in an amazing live show (which is coming to CD and DVD February 21st) and a new Nine Inch Nails album which has yet to leave my stereo (see, I bought the regular CD and the Dualdisc versions…). On top of that, Depeche Mode’s new release was a pleasant surprise as well. I saw a few concerts: Beck (very energetic), They Might Be Giants (fun as always, but nothing earthshaking), eels (amazing) and Nine Inch Nails (the definition of “100% perfection”). As far as 2006 looks, there is the eels live CD/DVD of the concert I saw (literally the concert I saw. They videotaped and recorded the Town Hall show that Phil and I were at), Cake with some others at the Unlimited Sunshine Tour (not going), talk of some new half-assed TMBG release and NIN is coming around for another leg of its tour. As far as that goes, I’m pensive because the last one was really perfect, I’m not exaggerating. Musically speaking, none of the aforementioned bands are planning any new material (except some tiny thing from TMBG which, based on their past two efforts, will not wow me). Trent Reznor has said he wants to have a new album out before 2007 but it has been NO LESS than FIVE YEARS between proper album releases for NIN, so I’m skeptical. You know, I’m just going to make a list of things to which I am looking forward…goddamn dangling participle.
Bullet Time…
• “eels With Strings” live CD/DVD (look for Phil and I standing for the last two songs)
• Something new by Beck (considering he has a lot of new stuff lying around)
• Not one, but TWO new Stephen King novels (Cell on 1.24.05 and Lesley’s Story on 10.24.06). Retired my ball sac.
• The Complete Tori Amos video collection (finally)
• Nine Inch Nails concert (hope it surpasses or at least lives up to the one before. This will be more like the first two of the With Teeth tour, but he has discussed doing a solo piano tour. That would be…indescribable.)
• Whatever stopgap release They Might Be Giants are planning (Something along the lines of the kids picture book Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed, Bed with a four song CD but “more Edwardian”. Any idea what that means?)
• Silent Hill the movie (although based on interviews and stuff, I feel like I am going to be disappointed and that totally blows. At least Uwe Boll isn’t involved…)
• The PS3 (drool)
• Acting in Ray’s film and John’s play. I like acting.
• The release of The Simpsons Season Eight, my favorite season, containing such excellent episodes as “The Springfield Files” guest starring David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as Mulder and Scully, “Homer’s Nemesis” guest starring John Waters as John the gay guy, “You Only Move Twice” guest starring Albert Brooks as Hank Scorpio and, my all time favorite episode of The Simpsons, “The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer” (although the original title is in Portuguese). This episode guest stars Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote, is chock full of excellent lines and has one of the best endings in Simpson history. In fact, almost all the episodes in the eighth season have excellent endings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, seasons six through ten are pure gold.
Now, these are all things to which I am looking forward, most of them (you will be surprised to notice) are material possessions. These are not goals, they re products. What goals do I have? Nothing but getting into SAG and then, instead of making stupid good money on my acting shit, I’ll make Ariel Sharon post-stroke money on my acting shit. Yeah, paralytic mumblin’ dollaz y’all.
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