8.16.06
5:16 PM
In early 1997, the Coca-Cola Company released a new caffeine charged soft drink called Surge. It was the green of a cirrhosis patient’s piss and tasted like rotten fruit infused with ultrasugar.
I drank it like babies drink breast milk.
(For some reason or other) I stopped drinking it for a short period of time. After that period was over, I picked up a can, opened it and drank deep of the poison sweet within.
I never drank Surge again…until today.
Yesterday I picked up the 8th season of the Simpsons on DVD (my favorite season) and doing so spurred me to contact an old friend from high school, Sunir Joshi.
Hang on, that’s not fair.
Sunir and I were. It’s hard to describe and grasp. We just were. And now, like before, we just is. We just is SuPaul, we just is on this Web, still wondering who the Spider REALLY is (it might be Mr. Snow, but no one can really know for sure…), we just is not allowed to be in the same room as Phil and Will or everything will just not be.
He is about to become a doctor (Infant rape counselor, transsexual anal gynecologist, something along those lines) and that is more frightening than the idea of me babysitting visually impaired, pre-adolescent albino Negroes…..wait…
So we spoke for a bit yesterday and he told me that there is a new Coca-Cola “energy drink” out called Vault and that it reminded him of me as soon as he tried it. He told me to find some and find some I did. Ladies and gentlemen, Surge has returned Granted it is now called Vault and being marketed as an energy drink, but it’s Surge. It even comes in the same green bottle with the same black cap it used to. Those bastards. Filthy dog-fucking whoresons. I have promised not to play their game, but as I type this manifesto of rebellion, I am searching for a vein in which to stick the IV.
Hm.
Just kidding, this shit tastes worse than Surge. I don’t know if they altered the formula a bit or if it’s just what Surge tasted like all along. Yeech.
Changing the subject.
The plans for this weekend have been altered. I am joining Will, Will’s Ladyfriend Megan (maybe there’s an “h” in there, I don’t know but she strongly resembles Jessica Alba so does it really matter?) and Will’s brother, Dr. Drew, in New Haven, Connecticut for the best pizza in the galaxy (this is what Will has actually been working on since he graduated Harvard), something called a “double-fried donut” (which, if it’s anything like chicken-fried steak, I will have lots of and then experience chest pains and osmotic diarrhea) and a documentary about the increased number of reptiles in the field of aviation. It’s a think piece.
True, I won’t be able to see it with Bob Franklin, but maybe he and I can just hit a titty bar next time I go to D.C.
I bet he abuses strippers. It probably all starts out with him using his fame to get the best looking ones and then he jokingly grabs their throat, putting them on guard, but then he smiles his disarming, I-tamed-Madonna-with-this-smile smile and all is forgiven…until he pins their arms behind their head and then finishes the job. He’s probably got dozens of people to clean up his trail of dead prostitutes…
What price, fame?
Also caught the new Scissor Sisters video today. Funky, scary and fagtastic like all their stuff even though the song is a bit of a letdown when compared to their other singles.
And I have been a bad little consumer recently but, fuck, if I’m going to be dead before I’m 32, I am going to use the money I’ve accumulated over my time here. Seriously, what’s eight DVD’s in the grand scheme of things? Carpe diem! Memento mori! Vichyssoise! VICHYSSOISE!!!
S E G U E
Beck has put out quite a lot of his new album by either putting up tracks on his website or putting the videos (the album comes with a DVD containing videos for each of the 15 tracks) on his myspace page. The overall sound is funk like skunk, baby. There is a lot of his other albums’ sound on this one and I am just fine with that. He also seems to have done a lot of “rapping”. I call it “rapping” because it isn’t as idiotic as a lot of rappers out there rapping today. I should probably call it “talking fast with a set meter”. Yeah, there is a lot of talking fast with a set meter and it is blistering. After listening to some of these bits (the talking fast in a set meter bits) I hearken back to something Beck said about his relationship with lyrics in his music. He said something along the lines of the lyrics being the most and least important thing in his music. From anyone else that would sound conceited or stoned, but Beck not only professes it, he proves it. In fact, he fucking LIVES it. I mean, Midnite Vultures makes hardly a lick of sense, but it fits together like Tetris.
Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to the Soviet embassy?
I saw “Capote” the other day.
Laughed my ass off.
I have a feeling that the length and…diffusion (?) of this entry might possibly in the slightest fashion be because of this foul green ichor I have introduced to my unsuspecting body.
Take thy beak from out my heart and take thy Vault from off my wang.
Like a chicken egg to the Gnome King…poison.
8:28 PM
Goodness gracious it has hit me!! Energy drink Xmax!!! Begin the procedure! Hit me with your rhythm stick and sew up the wounds will rain clouds.
I have the inside in my mouth and the dancers are all upstairs except for Joe who is renting the cabin on the third floor (beware the dripping faucet) and dodging the hair attacks when the loon coo coos at 6:35PM. Bad mojo, man. The baddest. Only you can prevent me from preventing forest fires and I ask politely that you don’t. Just let me be. Let me be.
Christ on horses my hands are shaking almost too much for me to communicate to you and the world just how FUCKED UP THIS DRINK IS!!!! IF WE FEED IT TO THE BABIES, THEY WILL DIE OF ANOREXIA AND OTHER DISEASES WITH "X"s IN THEM!!!!
THE
PHONE
IS
RING
It stopped.
IT FUCKING STOPPED!! GLORY BE THE PHONE IS RUNG OUT!
Leaping Jesus it’s like my brain is moving faster than my fingers. If only I had smarter fingers. They would know what to do. They would call someone in charge and report this heinous violation of finger policy. I could lose my finging license for this infraction. Back to the beginning!!! Cigarette smoke! This room smells like cigarette smoke and I can’t do a thing about it. Fire the cannons! YES! I sank your battleship and now I will sink your dream boat. Bam. Sweet, sweet candy. Bam. Touch it!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Chasing my thoughts down like Elmer Fudd.
Wow.
Okay.
Calm down.
I just took a few breaths of this nasty air (armpits…FOUL armpits) and it seems to have worked. I don’t know if this stuff it affecting me this way because I have only had a bowl of cereal today or because there is a lot of “energy” in the drink. Either way my tongue feels scummy. I plan not to drink this piddle again, even though this was a fun little waste of time. My food should be arriving soon and everything will stop blurring then…I hope.
Pray for my blood sugar.
Showing posts with label Sugar High. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sugar High. Show all posts
7.06.2006
CaffffinnneeesugarsuagrsuagrsuagrsuagrSPEEEED!!!
7.6.06
6:08 PM
I have just tried a new flavor of Pringles, Fully Loaded Baked Potato. It’s like a scene out of Willy Wonka with the full meal chewing gum.
Life is good.
Also, BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX was the shit and we have the shirts to prove it. It was 100% except for Chris and Lauren having to leave early. I am fully planning on arranging a house for next year so if anyone is interested is having an awesome week in laid-back, family oriented Ocean City, NJ, let me know.
There were a lot of hot Russian women as well. In case anyone is into that.
Yeah.
8:41 PM
I THINK…I may have had a bitty toooo much sugar this evening. Beeecaaaaause……this irritable old woman who always calls and blathers on about this or that just called up telling me she spoke to EVERY ONE IN THE BUILDING but no one will take her to the bathroom. Rather than simply sending her to the nurse’s station and telling her (with that butter/syrup tone of voice only I possess) to feel free to shit herself and then fuck herself with that same aforementioned shit, I took it upon myself to initiate a James Bond-esque chain of events involving three-way phone calls, bedpans and forcing nurses to confront THE MOST cantankerous old twizzy I have encountered in my three years at this establishment.
This woman is madness.
She is a heap of broken images where the tree gives no shade.
She is fear in a handful of dust.
And I am fucking with her like windmills and Don Quixote.
Actually, that is NOT accurate. I am fucking with the whole system like the aforementioned Don Coyote and his trusty friend, Sancho Panda. I am fucking with the crotch, the nurses (not) taking care of the crotch, the woman supervising the nurses (not) taking care of the crotch and the administrator on duty (who is a tremulous little cunt hair) here at the Hospital where the crotch resides.
I am a massive cock.
A Mega Cock set to stun and amaze. To enter my presence is to become cold cocked.
I have never gone off half cocked, only full cocked.
You came to see a rock show.
A big, gigantic cock show.
FEAR ME.
BIIIIIG MUNAH! BIIIIIIIIIG MUNAHHHH!!
And now the lazy fools have left me alone in the security office in charge of EVERY GOD DAMN PHONE IN THE PLACE. I THINK I WILL CALL FRANCE! MAYBE SOME HOT, SEXY 900 NUMBERS!
PERHAPS I WILL ACHIEVE AN ERECTION AND PROPEL MY SEED ONTO THE SECURITY OFFICER’S CHAIR!! THEY WILL SIT IN MY SEED BEFORE THIS DAY IS FINISHED! MARK MY FUCKING WORDS!!! MARK THEM YOU SANS A BELT WHOOOORES!!! WHOOOOOOORES!!! AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!
YOU.
CAME TO SEE A ROCK SHOW.
I WILL REFLECT THAT WHICH IS SHONE UPON ME.
RECOIL FROM THE REFLECTION OF THINE EVIL DEEDS.
RRRROCK SHOW!!!
YOU CAME TO SEE A ROCK SHOW!!!
A BIG, GIGANTIC COCK SHOW!!!!!!
I am filled with roiling chaos. The only thing separating it from the rest of the world is a thin veneer, an eggshell. My body is that eggshell.
And if that woman calls me one…more…time…the shell will crack.
(shatter)
And my madness will consume this whole world and everyone in it. She will be the first to die and from the jagged tones of her caterwauling it will be a mercy. The rest of Everything will NOT be counted as lucky. It will know pain and decay and time before I have fully devoured and digested it all.
Everything will fall before me.
And when Everything is gone, consumed by the unleashed essence of my fury and confusion…there will only remain Nothing.
And I will command that Nothing.
But my voice betrays none of this.
Despite the thick blackness pulsing and churning on the inside of me, my voice comes out like sun dappled fruit on a tree, waiting to be plucked by a beautiful young girl and her loving grandfather who still has years and years to live. Like a dollop of fresh honey applied lovingly to a priest’s morning tea as he sits and reflects on the true meaning and manifestation of God’s Love. Like a shimmer of sunlight of the face of a freshly minted coin that will be used to contact a loved one and tell them good news of upcoming nuptials.
It will be a complete surprise when my head splits open and I emerge.
I will swallow all the worlds that are or ever will be with the black fire of my heart.
You will not be spared.
6:08 PM
I have just tried a new flavor of Pringles, Fully Loaded Baked Potato. It’s like a scene out of Willy Wonka with the full meal chewing gum.
Life is good.
Also, BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX was the shit and we have the shirts to prove it. It was 100% except for Chris and Lauren having to leave early. I am fully planning on arranging a house for next year so if anyone is interested is having an awesome week in laid-back, family oriented Ocean City, NJ, let me know.
There were a lot of hot Russian women as well. In case anyone is into that.
Yeah.
8:41 PM
I THINK…I may have had a bitty toooo much sugar this evening. Beeecaaaaause……this irritable old woman who always calls and blathers on about this or that just called up telling me she spoke to EVERY ONE IN THE BUILDING but no one will take her to the bathroom. Rather than simply sending her to the nurse’s station and telling her (with that butter/syrup tone of voice only I possess) to feel free to shit herself and then fuck herself with that same aforementioned shit, I took it upon myself to initiate a James Bond-esque chain of events involving three-way phone calls, bedpans and forcing nurses to confront THE MOST cantankerous old twizzy I have encountered in my three years at this establishment.
This woman is madness.
She is a heap of broken images where the tree gives no shade.
She is fear in a handful of dust.
And I am fucking with her like windmills and Don Quixote.
Actually, that is NOT accurate. I am fucking with the whole system like the aforementioned Don Coyote and his trusty friend, Sancho Panda. I am fucking with the crotch, the nurses (not) taking care of the crotch, the woman supervising the nurses (not) taking care of the crotch and the administrator on duty (who is a tremulous little cunt hair) here at the Hospital where the crotch resides.
I am a massive cock.
A Mega Cock set to stun and amaze. To enter my presence is to become cold cocked.
I have never gone off half cocked, only full cocked.
You came to see a rock show.
A big, gigantic cock show.
FEAR ME.
BIIIIIG MUNAH! BIIIIIIIIIG MUNAHHHH!!
And now the lazy fools have left me alone in the security office in charge of EVERY GOD DAMN PHONE IN THE PLACE. I THINK I WILL CALL FRANCE! MAYBE SOME HOT, SEXY 900 NUMBERS!
PERHAPS I WILL ACHIEVE AN ERECTION AND PROPEL MY SEED ONTO THE SECURITY OFFICER’S CHAIR!! THEY WILL SIT IN MY SEED BEFORE THIS DAY IS FINISHED! MARK MY FUCKING WORDS!!! MARK THEM YOU SANS A BELT WHOOOORES!!! WHOOOOOOORES!!! AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!
YOU.
CAME TO SEE A ROCK SHOW.
I WILL REFLECT THAT WHICH IS SHONE UPON ME.
RECOIL FROM THE REFLECTION OF THINE EVIL DEEDS.
RRRROCK SHOW!!!
YOU CAME TO SEE A ROCK SHOW!!!
A BIG, GIGANTIC COCK SHOW!!!!!!
I am filled with roiling chaos. The only thing separating it from the rest of the world is a thin veneer, an eggshell. My body is that eggshell.
And if that woman calls me one…more…time…the shell will crack.
(shatter)
And my madness will consume this whole world and everyone in it. She will be the first to die and from the jagged tones of her caterwauling it will be a mercy. The rest of Everything will NOT be counted as lucky. It will know pain and decay and time before I have fully devoured and digested it all.
Everything will fall before me.
And when Everything is gone, consumed by the unleashed essence of my fury and confusion…there will only remain Nothing.
And I will command that Nothing.
But my voice betrays none of this.
Despite the thick blackness pulsing and churning on the inside of me, my voice comes out like sun dappled fruit on a tree, waiting to be plucked by a beautiful young girl and her loving grandfather who still has years and years to live. Like a dollop of fresh honey applied lovingly to a priest’s morning tea as he sits and reflects on the true meaning and manifestation of God’s Love. Like a shimmer of sunlight of the face of a freshly minted coin that will be used to contact a loved one and tell them good news of upcoming nuptials.
It will be a complete surprise when my head splits open and I emerge.
I will swallow all the worlds that are or ever will be with the black fire of my heart.
You will not be spared.
1.12.2006
Ya viene ayuda en camino
1.11.06
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
9:10 PM
I just learned to say “help is on the way” in Spanish for all the Spanish residents who do nothing but scream in Spanish. It’s my way of adjusting and adapting to the culture in which I am immersed every day.
I also bought fifteen dollars worth of Lindt chocolate. It was the best Duane-Reade had to offer and enough to satiate my unexpected craving. If I start bleeding from my genitals…man, I don’t know.
I bought three packages of the Lindor Truffles (white chocolate in white chocolate), two bars of milk chocolate squares filled with milk chocolate and two bars of pure white chocolate. Hm. I have an erection.
Anyway, I hope they last more than a few hours considering that one pack of three truffles is 69% of my daily allowance of saturated fat. On the upside it’s 0% of my iron, so I don’t have to worry about iron poisoning…at all since I don’t think that exists.
I was reflecting the other day about that lazy ass afternoon Phil, Gia, Kaitlyn and I spent playing cards at my apartment a while back. Man, was that the stuff dreams are made of.
Now Phil and Kaitlyn are on some other continent and there aren’t two other people that are willing to waste their time playing cards on my floor. Sigh.
I have to stay an extra hour tonight because my usual relief has called in sick. At least my sneaky, manipulative supervisor is the one who will have to take one for the team if she can’t find a replacement. Justice is sweet…like…chocolate…white chocolate Lindor Truffles…
I have to poop.
11:11 PM
BOOYAHKAH! Turns out, I am doing the whole damn night shift. I am very excited for some reason. Is it because I haven’t been paid to watch movies in such a long time? Is it because I enjoy the feeling of being the “Night Operator” once again? Or might it be the half pound of chocolate I have tearing through my system at this moment? Fuck my scumhole I believe it’s all fucking three!!!!! HOOTY HOOOOO!!!!!!
I have brought with me:
The Shawshank Redemption
Monty Python’s Holy Grail
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
Family Guy Volume Three (commentary time!)
12 Monkeys
They Might Be Giants – Venue Songs (DVD)
National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion (starring Judge Reinhold)
I also have Gorillaz’ Demon Days, Weezer’s Make Believe, V.A.S.T.’s self titled abortion and Royskopp’s A.M. Melodies on an mp3 disc in case my eyes get tired.
It’s all about options, people.
I also have white AND colored chocolate, Brita-filtered AND official Poland Springs water, Lemon-Mint AND Original Ricola aaaaaand….a Red Bull. One, single, solitary Red Bull. In case things get…difficult and I become curious whether or not Red Bull has any lasting side effects.
And as of three seconds ago, I have a VERY strong cup of Jamaican coffee chasing the chocolate within me. ZHIGAH BOOOOOM!!! I think I am going to play some solitaire first and then get Divvy wit it.
I’ll keep you updated in case I drop any jewels at the wee hours.
Ciiiiiiao.
1.12.06
3:08 AM
Played solitaire for a while. Just put on “National Lampoon’s Holiday Reunion”. High points so far include Judge Reinhold and co-star Bryan Craston (Hal from Malcolm in the Middle) washing each other in the shower. Very predictable and made for TV. Whatever. Judge Reinhold and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a hippie is enough for me. Also the chocolate helps.
P.S. There are also these two hot, untalented actresses. That’s good too.
4:31 AM
Wow. There was nothing right about that movie. The music, the transitions, the acting, wow. Even Judge Reinhold looked weird. Swollen and wrinkled. Bryan Cranston was depressing. There was one funny line in this movie and I’ve already forgotten it.
National Lampoon stopped being funny after Christmas Vacation. I hung my head…I hung my head.
10.14.2005
The troofus...xmax.
10.14.05
3:32 PM
Just now some woman from Mt. Sinai Hospital asked for some patient info from me. After that, she asked what department she was talking to. I have only had a venti caramel Frappuchino (I don't feel bad about misspelling that since it isn’t really a word...) and a Starbuck’s crumb cake for sustenance today and because of this I was almost unable to surpass the urge to inform her that this was the “Bootylicious Department. I think I found out how caffeine and sugar still affect me: when they are A. the only things in my body and B. when they are combined. I am as jittery as a chipmunk and I feel a diarrhea hurricane building up inside of mine anus, but I am enjoying myself nonetheless. Will wants me to shriek, “Shut the fuck up!” into the intercom of some annoying patients’ room and today he might just get his wish.
In other news, I am planning a Batman party for next weekend. The only tricky thing is I have a wedding either Saturday or Sunday and whichever day it isn’t, will be the Batman party. This party will consist of a screening of Batman and Batman Begins (maybe Batman Returns if I pick it up). After that, we will listen to the Batman soundtrack. If you don’t dig on Prince, begone. Then maybe some Bat Martinis and Bat Cakes. God I’m energetic.
I’ve recently taken to playing Su Doku. You should all check it out if you have vast gulfs of time that need filling with something aside from staring blankly and drooling, although there is nothing wrong with either of those activities.
HA! I just shocked a woman into silence by saying “HellothisistheoperatorhowmayIhelpyou?” in half a second. WOO! My lord. I feel like Beavis in his Cornholio state. Cornholio, but more focused. I dig it, ‘all. I. Dig. It. SHOVELS PEOPLE! Fuckin’ shovels.
Is “gerbit” a word? It certainly should be. [GUR-bit].
4:24 PM
I was just leafing through today’s Daily News to get to the Su Doku and saw the headline “1 Killed, 2 Hurt by Gunfire”. My first thought was, “Yup, gunfire’ll do that.”
3:32 PM
Just now some woman from Mt. Sinai Hospital asked for some patient info from me. After that, she asked what department she was talking to. I have only had a venti caramel Frappuchino (I don't feel bad about misspelling that since it isn’t really a word...) and a Starbuck’s crumb cake for sustenance today and because of this I was almost unable to surpass the urge to inform her that this was the “Bootylicious Department. I think I found out how caffeine and sugar still affect me: when they are A. the only things in my body and B. when they are combined. I am as jittery as a chipmunk and I feel a diarrhea hurricane building up inside of mine anus, but I am enjoying myself nonetheless. Will wants me to shriek, “Shut the fuck up!” into the intercom of some annoying patients’ room and today he might just get his wish.
In other news, I am planning a Batman party for next weekend. The only tricky thing is I have a wedding either Saturday or Sunday and whichever day it isn’t, will be the Batman party. This party will consist of a screening of Batman and Batman Begins (maybe Batman Returns if I pick it up). After that, we will listen to the Batman soundtrack. If you don’t dig on Prince, begone. Then maybe some Bat Martinis and Bat Cakes. God I’m energetic.
I’ve recently taken to playing Su Doku. You should all check it out if you have vast gulfs of time that need filling with something aside from staring blankly and drooling, although there is nothing wrong with either of those activities.
HA! I just shocked a woman into silence by saying “HellothisistheoperatorhowmayIhelpyou?” in half a second. WOO! My lord. I feel like Beavis in his Cornholio state. Cornholio, but more focused. I dig it, ‘all. I. Dig. It. SHOVELS PEOPLE! Fuckin’ shovels.
Is “gerbit” a word? It certainly should be. [GUR-bit].
4:24 PM
I was just leafing through today’s Daily News to get to the Su Doku and saw the headline “1 Killed, 2 Hurt by Gunfire”. My first thought was, “Yup, gunfire’ll do that.”
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