Hey...I won...yeah...

Mm hm.
'pointless' won the first week of the 2nd Annual Shortened Attention Span Festival.
AND, I got a review on nytheatre.com!!
I've never been reviewed!
How fucking cool is that?!
I GOT A REVIEW!!

Review:
(As the previous play ends), Death enters, juggling three clocks as a young woman holds up a sign that says "a metaphor." This marks the beginning of the final item of the evening, which is pointless. The eight performers of pointless offer 20 vignettes written by Paul Guyet, with frequent, often very humorous, announcements reminding the audience that these sketches are all, well, pointless. In one, a man stands alone onstage. Another enters, and asks him what he's waiting for. He replies, "Godot." In another skit, a banana is murdered during a party. In a third, Edgar Allan Poe is caught dancing to "Too Sexy" and says he's having a "laudanum freak-out." Some of the vignettes are very funny and others just very vulgar, but they are all performed by a very strong, energetic ensemble.

WOO HOO!
VERY FUNNY!
VERY VULGAR!!
WOO HOO!!!!!
Ray taped the first night and, although it's TOTALLY going to lose something in translation (hopefully not Scarlett Johansson's amazing ass *CHOMP*), I am going to put it (or most of it) up on my You Tube.

Thanks to all the superawesome people who made it out.
And to those who didn't?
I just HOPE you need some of my blood or semen someday.
Oh ho you shall FEEL my grudge...

what's that smell?/totally fucked

6.2.08
4:02 pm
In Stephen King's 1991 novel, The Dark Tower III: The Waste Lands, a character enters a run down, creepy house in Dutch Hill.

At one point, the character, Jake, enters a room that smells horribly.

Here is how King describes the smell: It was as if someone had set a mattress on fire, let it smolder a while then put it out with sewer water.

I now know what that smells like because, on my way to work while passing the trash heap that changes daily in front of the projects, I saw that very mattress and, like it or not, I smelled it.

I enjoy living in LIC oodles more than Spanish Harlem.

And that is the truth.

Also, this week 'pointless' goes up.

I was a little nervous until last night's rehearsal.

It went so well that I got a Theatre Boner.

And those are the best kind.

I am a little pensive since the head of security at my job is coming.

Man, is he going to learn a lot more about me than he should.

Also, my sainted aunt Gerry is coming as well.

Holy beans, is this going to be an eye opening experience for some people.

At times I reflect that "it won't be that bad", but the ONE line that keeps echoing back to me is "so anyways, I says to the guy, I says..."

The next family reunion should be interesting.

At least it'll be a change from the usual list of questions I'm asked.

Hopefully 'pointless' will just blur by for those that shouldn't see it.

Like the photos of the dead people in 'The Ring' or something.

Hm.

I'm totally fucked.

Paging Mr. Cock

5.12.08

3:43 pm

I just had to page a resident named Harry Johnson.

No shit.

So, in case you (person) haven't heard, 'pointless' is coming back to the world at large, jaws wide and dripping jaw water.

You should go, because it's real.

It's Thursday, Friday and Saturday (June 5th, 6th and 7th) at 8pm and Sunday the 8th at 3pm.

All at the Player's Theater on 115 MacDougal Street.

Take trans to the West 4th stop and it's around there.

Google it, you lazy bastards.

You can all 212-352-3101 or 866-811-4111 (toll free) for tickets.

Tickets are $18 at the door and $20 if you order them from those numbers.

I apologize for that but here's how this thing works...

'pointless' is one of five plays at this festival.

It's called the Shortened Attention Span Festival because each of the five shows are 20 minutes or less.

Get it?

Although, seriously, people with a REAL shortened attention span can hold onto something for, what? three minutes?

The good news is 'pointless' is a collection of about twenty one-minute vignettes, so it's designed specifically FOR people with actual shortened attention spans BY people with shortened attention spans.

It's was mostly written by me with help from Heather DuCharme who disappeared into the UK last time I heard, and there is one or two contributions from Will.

So, on top of being a Harvard X-Prize astronaut who's dating a chick named Lady, he is also a playwright.

He also saved Latin.

You should see it because, as Christina says, it's me...made slightly accessible.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry I'm not more...expansive today.

Feel like an old rug.

Whatever the case,old rug or new, it's going to be good.

We got some Fordham alums (Jessica Howell, Marco Formosa, Gia Frisillo and Sarah Bell) as well as some non-Fordham alums (Kevin Rockower and Colin Goldberg) so, whether or not you went to Fordham, there's something for everyone!

YAY!!!! 

Seriously though,these are some funny motherfuckers I got.

And you will laugh...until you die.