It is up.

BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX '06
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugSjRNdTd5E

BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX '06

Later today I will be putting up on You Tube the EPIC battle between Sex and Glory that was captured in ONE ass-shakin' shot over two years ago.
Here's a spoiler: They BOTH win.
And so do you.
Prepare to get funked.
I mean fucked.
Sorry.

Just recently checked out Coldplay's new album "Viva La Vida (or Death and All His Friends)" and Beck's upcoming (7/8) new album "Modern Guilt".

Both have left me with a warm, good-music-y (music-y not mucous-y) feeling on my face.

I've never really been much of a Coldplay fan.  I think have one or two songs from each of their earlier albums on my iPod and you can probably guess which ones.  That doesn't mean they're bad, it just means that they know how to make a radio playable single, and there's nothing wrong with that.  If people don't hear your stuff, then you don't get to keep making stuff, but as far as sitting and listening to a full album, Chris Martin's high notes get a bit old, just like the typical (watery U2) guitar, bass, drums BUT WITH A PIANO thing.

On this new one though, they are being as experimental as Coldplay can be and it completely pays off.  The first track is this building instrumental (which is revisited with lyrics at the end of the album) which leads into "Cemeteries of London".  This track lets people know this isn't the same Coldplay that put out Parachutes.  Next is "Lost" which has a sad-yet-hopeful choir feel to it.  Later on there's "Yes", which is the most multifaceted Coldplay song I've ever heard.  There's some more good ones on there and only two or three that I tend to skip.  One thing I really noticed that I never noticed in any Coldplay release before is the drumming.  Whoever this guy is, he should get a raise.  I won't be attending any of their concerts, but goodness gracious have they made a solid, utterly listenable new type of Coldplay album.  Bang on, you British fag rockers, bang on.

As for the new Beck, I have had less time with it, but the time I've had I've enjoyed immensely.  This album is produced by Danger Mouse and, Lord Peanut, does it ever show.  More on some tracks than others.  Some of them sound like straight up classic Beck but with a programming twist here or there, but some others sound like Danger Mouse guest starring Beck...but they all fit very well into this project.  Lyrically the whole album is typical Beck (subjects include but are not limited to: dust, walking, bones, the desert, wind blowing, not knowing where you're going or coming from, being confused et al) and I'll never fault him for that, but musically it feels very "The Information" but, like I said, with some really nice new elements.  "Gamma Ray" sounds like 50's surf rock and Beck's blurry vocals are the perfect accompaniment.  "Chemtrails" is a ghostly, echo-y piece that sounds like Beck in an abandoned church but, at the end of church, instead of eating Jesus, you get a kick ass guitar solo.  I'll take that over sanguinism any day.  "Youthless" has great energy and a vocal treatment that makes Beck sound like a malfunctioning robot (although not as much as in some or his earlier work).  "Walls" and "Replica" are the least Beck (or most Mouse?) tracks.  "Walls" has something almost like a reggae beat with a violin attached which is innovative, but not my favorite experiment he's ever undertaken, but "Replica" is, in my professional opinion, The Shit.  A ragged, grinding drum loop (which sounds almost Aphex Twinny) explodes throughout, aided only by a truncated piano sample.  As the track progresses, the piano part is augmented by a beautiful string arrangement that (I can only imagine) was put together by Beck's father and long time collaborator, David Campbell.  The rest of the tracks are, for the most part, solid Beck tracks that are slightly reminiscent of earlier solid Beck tracks, but a solid Beck track is a solid Beck track and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise.

Meanwhile at the Patent Office, I have returned from my time at BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX.  It was refreshing and card gamey.  And there were rides...excellent rides. And shitty movies; some shitty because of bootleg quality and some because of George "Destroy My Own Legacy Just Like the Axl Rose of the Film Industry God I'm Such A Fucking Asshole" Lucas.  There were also fire alarms.  Motherfucking fire alarms.  But then again, they do say "better woken up after five hours of sleep by a fucking demonic symphony of smoke detectors that burned to death in your sleep".  I would ask that those who subscribe to that philosophy put it to the test before getting the sampler made though, just a suggestion.

In other meanwhile, I am engorged over Hellboy 2, Dark Knight and (to a lesser extent) Hancock but I am rendered flaccid by the New York movie theater going crowd, so I might do something brilliant and isolationist: see one or more of them alone in the afternoon before work.

Here's why: aside from the army of chattering bastards that seem to ruin every popular movie I've seen in theaters for the past forty years, I have missed two huge movies in theaters because, although I know twenty people who want to see them, they see them on days when I can't go or  are in other states or whatever.

No offense, but shit.

Now, something excellent and unexpected...

So, there's this shitty movie Wanted out now.

It's shitty, don't bother.

But, the guy who wrote and directed it (same guy that did Nightwatch and the sequel Daywatch some years ago) based a large part of it on the Nine Inch Nails song Every Day Is Exactly The Same from their 2005 album.

This song is used quite overtly in the film.

If you hear this song then go to You Tube to see if there is a video, you will find the video that Ray put together from Binding Silence footage for that NIN video contest thing.

Long story short, since this movie came out we've been getting at least one thousand hits per day, sometimes more. 

I'm also getting all the You Tube comment notifications that are (more or less) "I herd this SOng in tHat movie".

But whatever, as of yesterday, we've clocked in over 186,000 views.
Ah coattails.
That double 't' looks weird.

It was destroyed it was destroyed!!!

6.14.06
3:12 PM
Today I am here to sing the praises of Advil. I woke up at 6 this morning with a terrible, ligament snapping pain in my leg. I tried stretching, and a whole bunch of other shit to try and stop the pain, but nothing worked. I had no clue what was wrong. Anyway, I woke up, took three Advil and tried to go back to sleep. When I woke up at 11 or so, the pain wasn’t just dulled, it was fucking gone. The upside is that the Advil worked great for pain relief, but the downside is I can totally see myself getting addicted to painkillers later in life when Advil just doesn’t cut it. Meh. I always thought I would make a good junkie.

6:35 PM
I just ordered some dinner from La Famiglia and the guy called me Paulie. Awesome. I’m a Goodfella now. The excitement of the NIN concert this Saturday has almost completely consumed me. Ray and I are going to set out stupidly early and get sunburns in order to see a soundcheck and/or meet and greet. Ray plans on giving Reznor a copy of the EDIETS video and Binding Silence if he sees him.
Also, I must now begin to download songs for BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX. I’m sorry if this sounds like a dictatorial decision, but I am planning on not allowing any albums to be played while we’re there. Not for my benefit but think about it, can you think of one album that 7 people can agree on? Chris mentioned Sergeant Pepper and Achtung, Baby and I thought maybe some Guns N Roses, but who knows. I plan on downloading Billboard’s Top 100 from the early 90’s and burning them onto several CD’s although Gia suggested an mp3/iPod solution. Whatever the case, the time is rushing up. This is going to be dumb fun.
Pizza is here.
Ha-whooot!

Semprini?

3.28.06
9:15 PM
Oh ho! I was quite the tricky devil today, I tell you!! After my morning audition for something called Cablevision (I fucking loathe Cablevision auditions) I was ready to be a depressive asshole ALL DAY until it was Hospital time. BUT I tricked myself into going to swim instead. I remembered that I had switched part of my shift with another operator so I didn’t go on until 5pm. I realized that swimming at 11:32 am was totally feasible…and I did so. In fact, I did a hooty poo more than that…
I took my regiment from 70 to 80 laps (to see if my body could handle it/tell the difference) and that went great, then I enjoyed a steam and a stretch in the Totally Hetero Steam Room (not to be confused with the Hyper GAIDS in Your Poop Chute Steam Room…NEVER to be confused with that one…oooooh no, not unless you want to open your brown eye in terrible, piercing surprise…) after which I had a pleasant (and also totally hetero) shower in the Totally Hetero Shower Room. I then had my shoes shined (yes, there is a Shoe Shine Boy enlisted at the New York Athletic Club (I’m sure to no one’s surprise)) and met up with Chris for Dog Bottling and lunch. I had a large lunch. Tres grand. Very tres grand. While I was waiting for Chris to return the celebrity dog to its handlers I stopped into a nearby Tower Records and blew some money on Peaches’ “Fatherfucker” and Prince’s “Lovesexy”. I figured if I am to truly enjoy Peaches when I see her (against my will) in June, I should know her stuff. “Fatherfucker” is her second album and, although it won’t be showing up as a Short List nominee any time soon, it is a far cry better than her first album It is still simple and vulgar, but there is some sort of dirty complexity to it that was absent from her first “effort”. As far as “Lovesexy”? Well, as a man who uses that to describe himself, I feel like I should own the album for which the term was coined. Also, I don’t own NEARLY enough Prince albums.
Going back to the June NIN concert for a moment, tomorrow is the super advanced fan club pre-sale (which will last about three minutes). It starts at noon sharp and I have another Evergreen Financial voiceover booked from 9 am to 11am. I am INCREDIBLY worried I will not make it back to my PC in time but I have my trusty sister as a backup. If she sleeps through my call, she will not live to see her next Birthday. This last leg of the tour (early June to 7/09) will be the last NIN tour in the U.S. for a while (said Trent Reznor in a recent post) and he assures everyone that they will not be disappointed when they come to see it. I caught one show from the first leg (sort of a “getting used to the new material” leg, nothing major as far as production), one from the second (100% perfect in every way), missed this current (third) leg (mostly bumblefuck towns scattered around the U.S.) and I plan to catch the nearest one to me on this fourth and final leg. In fucking Long Island’s Jones Beach Amphitheater. Fucking asshole tour booking agent. Camden, NJ, Long Island, NY and Saratoga, NY. Yeah. Good one. Anyway, I’m not like those people that see the five (or twelve) shows nearest them. I like to have one night, one image in my head with which to associate the current live interpretation of the band. According to the chick from the production house (Paula Satorius…LOVE that fucking name, like a Bond villainess…) we’re booked from 9 to 11 so I should have an hour to get from Broadway between 49th and 50th to my home. I am planning on taxiing like a ‘mofugger jet plane and (I’ve always wanted to do this) telling the driver there’s an extra five or ten in it for him if he gets me there by 11:50. Actually, that reminds me, I have to hit the ATM before I leave for the studio tomorrow. Hang on, I’m going to do that now…

10:00 PM
Iight. All set. Just a note for you all that read this and that gave me checks, a lot of them are going to clear my account tomorrow and one is going to clear Thursday. The down payment ($750) will be deducted very soon (probably this week) and then the rest after that. I don’t know if I have told you all about this vision I had or not but; I see myself making a HUGE breakfast of eggs and bacon and cantaloupe for everyone in the house. Gia will be bringing her Waffle Maker so, that’s sexy. As far as beds and who is sleeping where goes, refer to my earlier entry (somewhere on this page) for the order of confirmation and bed preferences. There are four bedrooms (two with queens and two with two twins) and a queen sofa bed. We can go by the list, or we can work out who goes where when we all get together. The only two couples are Chris and I and Lauren and Ray (but they will not be able to stay the whole seven days, maybe four or so) so anyone with a problem with the sleeping arrangements can switch with them when they vacate. Also, we are/aren’t expecting four other people (Will, Jen, Lisa and Leah) who might be able to crash in, on or around the extra bed(s) if everyone wants to stay where they started. Again, bring your own beach towels, linens (bed sheets, pillow cases etc.) and condoms. Any condoms given out by me will be covered in sand, inside and out (if you’re into that, call me later), you have been warned.
I think I am done here…

Rejoice, my milquetoast babies!!!

3.20.06
7:20 PM
What the fuck is going on?! It’s like the goddamn beginning of Winter out here!
It’s too cold to be March.
On the good side though, last night I saw People Are Wrong with Mel, Christina Nongirlfriend and Dorothy and since we just happened to sit right next to Robin’s (one of the writers and the wife of John Flansburgh) parents, she came right over at the end of the show. I sat there awkwardly hoping that she wouldn’t think I had intentionally sat by her parents (something I did accidentally at an earlier performance of PAW) until she looked over and say, “Oh! Hi…Paul, right?” Then things got a little less creepy. And part of me thinks the whole “does she think I’m a stalker” thing is moot since she’s seen me in “Lysistrada: The Musical” and since we ran into each other at that Crispin (Hellion) Glover movie thing (that was a singularly weird experience made even weirder by the fact that John Flansburgh’s wife was there, sitting right behind me.).
Anyway, I found out that the reason they were doing PAW at Joe’s Pub was to get in shape for the recording of the official studio version in a week or two. I have been waiting for that since I first saw this back in the Summer of 2003. So that totally rocks.
Another thing that rocks is my doublefat check from the Capitol Lighting thing has come in and I’m picking that up n Wednesday or so.
PLUS the shoot on Saturday went fucking awesome and, according to Ray, we have some amazing footage.
On top of all this, Berger Realty sent the lease and I have sent the down payment for BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX. We are locked in, friends. Start your anticipation.
Aside from the 10 Big Shots who will definitely in attendance, we might be visited by the four ghosts of I-Couldn’t-Commit-For-Some-Reason-Or-Another-mas: Lisa (of whom 74% is actually, legally owned by the Japanese), Jen (intimidated by cooperate thugs), Leah (under the influence of Derek) and Will (victim of Hyper X-Prize GAIDS). Our home will have four bedrooms, two with two twin beds, two with a queen each and a queen sized sofa bed. Sex is freely encouraged as is sleeping in the ocean. According to the lease, this house DOES NOT provide linens or towels or anything (apparently that is a house by house basis) so bring your own towels, bathing things, shampoos and soaps, blankets, sheets etc. Don’t freak out if you forget something because you can always nip down to the nearest (chain store where these things are readily available) and get a placebo. God damn is this exciting! I have a beach boner that will last until the first of July at least. I have “The Big Chill” arriving from Netflix in a few days. I am considering on formulating our trip around the plot and events of this movie. Who wants to commit suicide? Actually, never mind, I don’t want to lay any of the stress on you. I’ll handle it.

Ladies and gentlemen...announcing, for the first time EVER...
BEECHOUZATRONICON XMAX!!!
I am calling the realtor tomorrow and by the end of this week we will be locked in like angry beavers!! Also before the end of the week I will have collected your checks (made out to me) for $220 ($2200 for the week without taxes taken into account, so you might need to kick in a few more bucks, but $220 is the entry fee and obviously none of them will be cashed until things are totally finalized).
Starting Saturday, June 24th running until Saturday, July 1st, we will be in control of the 2nd floor of 1135 Central Street, Ocean City, NJ. Amenities include three televisions, DVD/VCRs, washer/dryer, dishwasher, microwave, ceiling fans, A/C, a patio, a roof top deck, an outside shower, garage and more.

24 Hour Party People (in order of confirmation):
Paul the Tall
Christina the Girlfriend
Becca the Birthday Lesbian
Alan the Dark Bellboy
Gia the Obelisk
Lauren the Psychotherapist
Ray the Unnameable
Christina the Nongirlfriend
Dorothy the Hamilton of Holscher
Mel of the Gibson

Will and Jen are STILL not sure (they have the most serious and binding jobs of all of us aside from me) so if they are able they might swing up for a few days of floor sleeping and general insults hurled by us. Anyway, expect me at your respective door some time this week looking for checks.
Oooooh, I can practically feel the sand in my bunghole...

Life's a beach...I mean, bitch. Life's a bitch, sorry.

From June 24th to July 1st I am renting a beach house in Ocean City, New Jersey (NOT Ocean City, Maryland...whatever state THAT fucking is). The house is amazing with multiple bedrooms, bathrooms, a porch with deck furniture, a grill, washer/dryer, ceiling fans, television, outside shower, parking and other amenities. It will break down to about $200 per person for the week. We are within walking distance of the water and a two mile stretch of boardwalk with dozens of homemade ice cream and fudge shops, restaurants, kitch shops, bookstores, amusement parks, putt putt golf and other stuff. We are also going to be about a half hour from Atlantic City, so you could conceivably pay for the whole week (or quadruple your losses) in a matter of minutes. The first people to get in touch and confirm with get the best rooms so get in touch ASAP.
This is going to fucking rock.
Phil and Kaitlyn, if you are back in the U.S. this is extended to you two as well.