10.18.06
5:10 PM
I took a short nap today and it was fucking awesome.
I went to work at 4:30 today and when I stepped outside to head over, I noticed that the weather was perfect. No, wait…Perfect. Yes, Perfect, with a capital “P”.
It was so Perfect that it brought back every memory of every Perfect day I have ever had in my life, climatically speaking.
Days in Central Park mostly, although a few in Florida popped up as well.
I smiled a six year old’s smile and dug it. Dug it xmax.
On a less Perfect note: myspace.
I have several friends. Some friends I consider closer than others. Some people started off as friends of friends and then became friends. I don’t need to explain this.
People I see on a regular basis I usually consider close friends, although there are some friends I see once or twice every few months, and yet they are closer than these friends I see on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis. Then there are the acquaintances. I consider these people the friends of my friends that I never became friends with. Are you still following my gravy train (avec biscuit wheels) of thought? There are people I hung out with who hung out with other people. It’s these other people I am talking about. I don’t hate these people, or even strongly dislike them for that matter, but I certainly don’t consider them my friends and in some cases, I don’t really know them very well at all. They are friends of my friends who never became anything more or less.
Now, in the case of NEW friends of my friends, there is still a very real possibility they might become my friends if my friends and their friends and I continue to hang out together, but in the case of the friends of my friends in college, for instance? That ship has pretty much sailed. You had four years to get to know me, to befriend me, if you will.
Now, I’m sure the smarter among you can see where this is going, but for the friends of my friends’ friends, let me break it down:
As it relates to myspace, I now have these aforementioned “other people” sending me highly coveted and seldom awarded “friend requests”.
I was just then being facetious.
I wonder if there was ever a moment, even the briefest shimmer of an instant when this meant something, ANYTHING to anyone before it became as unimportant and banal as deleting dick enlargement spam from your inbox.
I wonder if anyone out there over the age of twelve really believes that when someone sends you a “friend request” that they care about you as much as friends are supposed to.
I wonder of anyone still (or ever) gives a second thought before sending out dozens of these nonexistent, meaningless “friend requests” a day.
Don’t misunderstand, if I was someone’s acquaintance in school or at some other point in my life, sure, send me a “friend request”, but if you were a friend of my friend who knew my thought them and didn’t really hang out with me unless they were around because in reality you didn’t really like meat all, why the fuck would you send me a “friend request”? So that all the names on your friends’ “friend list” match up with yours?
Fuck that.
You don’t want to be my friend. You could have done that easily back when we were hanging out with the same people for the better part of four years (college) or six years (high school). You want the poor, bored bastards who trawl the Internet at three o’clock in the morning waiting for their Hentai to download so they can bust their greasy nut and go to sleep to see your “friend list” and fucking balk. You want them to say, “437 friends?! I don’t even KNOW that many people!” Chances are that you don’t either though.
You don’t know them, but they’re your “friends”. They leave comments and messages and blogs and they all know you and love you.
You’ve certainly met them all face to face and had long-lasting, meaningful relationships with them.
You’ve read all their journal entries, you share all their interests and you know everything there is to know about them.
In fact, you probably know them so well that you don’t even NEED to see them face to face or even talk to them on the phone! You know them so well that you can just click and clack on your keyboard and that relationship just gets stronger and more meaningful with each and every click of the mouse.
Hey, you profile picture and the song you have on your page say it all. We were meant for each other.
I fucking loathe what things like myspace have done to human relations. Myspace has actually managed to make the word “friend” mean less. That is fucking amazing.
Sure, you can now hang out with people you didn’t hang out with in high school, but what the fuck for? If you really wanted to see someone, you’d see them. If you really wanted to talk to them, you’d call them. You wouldn’t have to Google their goddamn user ID and cross reference it with their AOL screen name. And DO NOT mumble any weak shit about how it takes so much time and effort to keep in touch with people when your spending HOURS of your life pimping out your fucking blog.
Myspace has made it even easier to not give a shit about people.
Just “click”, now you’re my friend and I don’t have to do anything else.
It’s depressing, but then again, it’s where we’re headed.
I can bitch and bitch and post my angry little entries right here on myspace AND the underappreciated and Amish-by-comparison LiveJournal and the best part is that no one will ever read it.
Why would you? You’ve got more “friend requests”, e-cards, e-vites and video posts to make.
Well, prove me wrong “friends”. All you people on whose periphery I was when you knew me as a flesh and blood person and not as a picture, screen name and headline, read this and tell me why I’m your friend. Why the fuck do you want a whiny, hypocritical, Luddite, spastic ganglo-freak as your friend? Is it because you’re trying to rival that unspeakable techno-twat Tila Tequila? (If that is the case, by the way, kill yourself) How about I just assume so until you prove me wrong.
If you prove me wrong, excellent, I will hopefully find in you a new friend and our surface relationship that we’ve had thus far can deepen into something that means something.
If not? Fuck it. It isn’t like I’ve seen you in years, ever see you now or plan to see you ever again. You’re not even going to read this because it’s more than a paragraph, you lazy anus.
True friendship matters to me.
A true friend is more valuable than anything in this world.
10.18.2006
10.17.2006
PMDG to see TMBG
Yo. I just found out that They Might Be Giants are playing at Southpaw in Brooklyn on Saturday, December 16th at 4pm (kid show) and 8pm (adult show). Since I haven't seen them in so long, I'm going to both. The shows are $25 each and tickets and info are here. I'm going to have a great time no matter what, but if anyone wants to see me have a great time, you should come.
Rock on.
Rock on.
Put Your Hand Near The Bug (we are so much like him)
10.17.06
3:36 PM
The Rite of First Refusal
Prepare the tear-stained cannons.
Fire sorrow in salute.
Dark and brooding; the candles’ flames are blue.
The rain stings your face.
Sharpen the dolorous dagger.
Bring your tears as offerings.
Your reward will be dissatisfaction.
Uncertainty.
Sleeplessness.
Regrets and questions.
Unasked and unanswered.
Unimportant and unremarkable.
The silence heard is yours.
I found out today I was put on hold for a booking. What that means is that I should keep the day of the shoot (10/25) open. Usually, the term used is “on hold”, but today I was told that I had “the right of first refusal” for this thing. That got in my head. It sounded awesome and archaic, like something inscribed on the inside of a sacrificial victim’s skull. Then I thought, what if it was “rite” instead of “right”? Then I wrote this.
I don’t write poetry well. I remember something I wrote in 8th grade or so…it was so laughably terribly ATROCIOUSLY bad is gives me goosebumps to this day. I think there was only that one though, a fact for which I am VERY grateful.
One of the only things worse than bad poetry, in the literary world, is bad poetry that you yourself have written.
3:36 PM
The Rite of First Refusal
Prepare the tear-stained cannons.
Fire sorrow in salute.
Dark and brooding; the candles’ flames are blue.
The rain stings your face.
Sharpen the dolorous dagger.
Bring your tears as offerings.
Your reward will be dissatisfaction.
Uncertainty.
Sleeplessness.
Regrets and questions.
Unasked and unanswered.
Unimportant and unremarkable.
The silence heard is yours.
I found out today I was put on hold for a booking. What that means is that I should keep the day of the shoot (10/25) open. Usually, the term used is “on hold”, but today I was told that I had “the right of first refusal” for this thing. That got in my head. It sounded awesome and archaic, like something inscribed on the inside of a sacrificial victim’s skull. Then I thought, what if it was “rite” instead of “right”? Then I wrote this.
I don’t write poetry well. I remember something I wrote in 8th grade or so…it was so laughably terribly ATROCIOUSLY bad is gives me goosebumps to this day. I think there was only that one though, a fact for which I am VERY grateful.
One of the only things worse than bad poetry, in the literary world, is bad poetry that you yourself have written.
10.14.2006
All the B-boys are naked…and the hot tub’s looking real dope.
10.13.06
9:40 PM
Went to Best Buy to get all 11 “Friday the 13th” movies but the collection (1-8) was $64 and the only other one they had was “Freddy Vs. Jason”.
It was all or nothing for me, but even I wouldn’t pay $64 for those pieces of shit.
I found them on Amazon for like $47 plus all the others for $6.97 each, I shit ye not.
I might reconsider since they are so bad.
I think what I really need is a financial advisor to slap me when I come to him with potential expenditures like this.
Disposable income indeed.
10:23 PM
I am currently pumping the “Sexxlaws” single. It has a remix and it is funky. In fact, it has put me in the mood to quote and then expand upon a joke that I made up based on the quote that I think is funny-poos.
First, the quote:
“Brief encounters in Mercedes-Benz
Wearing hepatitis contact lens
Bed and breakfast getaway weekends
With Sport Illustrated moms”
Now, it goes without saying that this is an excellent line, period.
However, Beck has a habit of sort of slurring his words, blurring letters into something they were never intended to be and a word might come out sounding different than how it is written.
For example, in the above quote, “brief encounters” comes out sounding like “beef encounters”. I know it is “brief encounters”, but every time I think of the context of the song and then insert “beef encounters”, I fucking lose it. I love to sing it as such.
I think you should try it too; it will brighten up your day.
“Beef encounters in Mercedes-Benz”
Brilliant.
Also, the cover of the Sexxlaws single portrays Beck and some chick in their underwear sitting on a bed. You can see her boob.
It rocks.
9:40 PM
Went to Best Buy to get all 11 “Friday the 13th” movies but the collection (1-8) was $64 and the only other one they had was “Freddy Vs. Jason”.
It was all or nothing for me, but even I wouldn’t pay $64 for those pieces of shit.
I found them on Amazon for like $47 plus all the others for $6.97 each, I shit ye not.
I might reconsider since they are so bad.
I think what I really need is a financial advisor to slap me when I come to him with potential expenditures like this.
Disposable income indeed.
10:23 PM
I am currently pumping the “Sexxlaws” single. It has a remix and it is funky. In fact, it has put me in the mood to quote and then expand upon a joke that I made up based on the quote that I think is funny-poos.
First, the quote:
“Brief encounters in Mercedes-Benz
Wearing hepatitis contact lens
Bed and breakfast getaway weekends
With Sport Illustrated moms”
Now, it goes without saying that this is an excellent line, period.
However, Beck has a habit of sort of slurring his words, blurring letters into something they were never intended to be and a word might come out sounding different than how it is written.
For example, in the above quote, “brief encounters” comes out sounding like “beef encounters”. I know it is “brief encounters”, but every time I think of the context of the song and then insert “beef encounters”, I fucking lose it. I love to sing it as such.
I think you should try it too; it will brighten up your day.
“Beef encounters in Mercedes-Benz”
Brilliant.
Also, the cover of the Sexxlaws single portrays Beck and some chick in their underwear sitting on a bed. You can see her boob.
It rocks.
10.13.2006
The Pun'kin Patch
10.12.06
9:32 PM
Had two auditions today, one just fine and the other was a gem.
What I thought was to be a voiceover turned out to be an on screen.
Good thing I am always camera ready.
The Twinings (pronounced TWINE-ings) thing turned out to be a lot more rocking than I expected. I picture some soft faux-British accent whispering about how soothing their teas are.
I have GOT to learn to stop underestimating the tea companies.
Twinings is introducing something called “Options”, which appear to be a set of flavored teas.
I really don’t know.
The plot of the commercial is a woman (Stacey) goes on a speed dating thing and meets several types of guy, each with a flavor of tea on a sign on their chest. There was a Black guy, a Latino guy, a fireman, an older guy and a bunch of others. Basically, all of them have something wrong with them except for the last guy who is listed as the “good looking guy”.
I was brought in as…the really tall guy.
BUT
It was much more than the typical “be tall” audition. I was brought in and the camera chick was playing the girl. I was a bad choice for Stacey because I constantly brought everything back to my height. In other words, I got to improv and it went great. The director and the camera chick seemed to dig it.
I know in the end that no matter HOW good it felt, it really has more to doing with the color of my hair, but whatever the result, it was an awesome audition.
The one later on was some breathy, vaguely European perfume ad.
L’Occitane en Province.
It went well, but it was more straightforward.
Whatever.
Probably smells like the vaginas of French prostitutes.
I’ll take two.
After that I swung by Best Buy and picked up the second season of Harvey Birdman and the re-release of Depeche Mode’s “Songs of Faith and Devotion”, my favorite album of theirs. They have been suping up and re-releasing a lot of their older albums. They are all remastered and come with a DVD with the album in 5.1 with bonus tracks, remixes, b-sides etc. Also each album comes with a documentary about the making of and touring for that particular album. It is very well done. Apparently this album almost ended Depeche Mode because of all the crazy shit going on at the time. I also learned that Flood produced this album. I should have known by the feel of it.
After SOFAD he worked on a little project called “The Downward Spiral” with Trent Reznor.
My next project (in the world of video games) is to finish Resident Evil 4 on super fucking hard mode. I expect trouble ahead…
And, last night I checked out “Click”. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I’d say there was maybe a good solid half hour of funny scattered throughout the movie, but that’s about it.
Be forewarned.
Again I find myself listening to “The Information”.
If you haven’t already, fucking buy it.
Fucking buy it and then fucking make your own album art.
I am about 100 pages or so into the new King book. It is one of the most adult things he has ever written and it’s weird. Very mature. The writing is sooo much better than “The Ruins”, but I’m a huge fan of King and that is a little unfair.
But “The Ruins” is pretty bad.
So are “The Runs”.
You know.
Liquid poop.
Chocolate water.
Hershey squirts.
Also, I just now heard a VERY stereotypical Hispanic gentleman threaten someone with a switchblade…jokingly?
*Sigh*
There were so few stereotypes in Oregon…just a bunch of fragrant hippies.
I can handle the hippies.
I can dig the hippies.
I groove with the hippies.
And if I didn’t think that potheads were worthless crab scabs on the rotten testicles of society, I’d probably join them.
I like Phish.
I’ve heard a song or two by the Happy Dead…no, that’s not it…the Groovy Dead?
Eh. Whatever.
Fucking hippies.
Get a goddamn job.
10:14 PM
Just realized that tomorrow is Friday the 13th.
I feel like celebrating it.
Anyone up for watching all eleven “Friday the 13th” movies?
It’s all or nothing people, no flaking.
You pussies.
You make me sick.
Go fucking smoke up with the hippies.
Douchebags.
Organic granola douchebags.
9:32 PM
Had two auditions today, one just fine and the other was a gem.
What I thought was to be a voiceover turned out to be an on screen.
Good thing I am always camera ready.
The Twinings (pronounced TWINE-ings) thing turned out to be a lot more rocking than I expected. I picture some soft faux-British accent whispering about how soothing their teas are.
I have GOT to learn to stop underestimating the tea companies.
Twinings is introducing something called “Options”, which appear to be a set of flavored teas.
I really don’t know.
The plot of the commercial is a woman (Stacey) goes on a speed dating thing and meets several types of guy, each with a flavor of tea on a sign on their chest. There was a Black guy, a Latino guy, a fireman, an older guy and a bunch of others. Basically, all of them have something wrong with them except for the last guy who is listed as the “good looking guy”.
I was brought in as…the really tall guy.
BUT
It was much more than the typical “be tall” audition. I was brought in and the camera chick was playing the girl. I was a bad choice for Stacey because I constantly brought everything back to my height. In other words, I got to improv and it went great. The director and the camera chick seemed to dig it.
I know in the end that no matter HOW good it felt, it really has more to doing with the color of my hair, but whatever the result, it was an awesome audition.
The one later on was some breathy, vaguely European perfume ad.
L’Occitane en Province.
It went well, but it was more straightforward.
Whatever.
Probably smells like the vaginas of French prostitutes.
I’ll take two.
After that I swung by Best Buy and picked up the second season of Harvey Birdman and the re-release of Depeche Mode’s “Songs of Faith and Devotion”, my favorite album of theirs. They have been suping up and re-releasing a lot of their older albums. They are all remastered and come with a DVD with the album in 5.1 with bonus tracks, remixes, b-sides etc. Also each album comes with a documentary about the making of and touring for that particular album. It is very well done. Apparently this album almost ended Depeche Mode because of all the crazy shit going on at the time. I also learned that Flood produced this album. I should have known by the feel of it.
After SOFAD he worked on a little project called “The Downward Spiral” with Trent Reznor.
My next project (in the world of video games) is to finish Resident Evil 4 on super fucking hard mode. I expect trouble ahead…
And, last night I checked out “Click”. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I’d say there was maybe a good solid half hour of funny scattered throughout the movie, but that’s about it.
Be forewarned.
Again I find myself listening to “The Information”.
If you haven’t already, fucking buy it.
Fucking buy it and then fucking make your own album art.
I am about 100 pages or so into the new King book. It is one of the most adult things he has ever written and it’s weird. Very mature. The writing is sooo much better than “The Ruins”, but I’m a huge fan of King and that is a little unfair.
But “The Ruins” is pretty bad.
So are “The Runs”.
You know.
Liquid poop.
Chocolate water.
Hershey squirts.
Also, I just now heard a VERY stereotypical Hispanic gentleman threaten someone with a switchblade…jokingly?
*Sigh*
There were so few stereotypes in Oregon…just a bunch of fragrant hippies.
I can handle the hippies.
I can dig the hippies.
I groove with the hippies.
And if I didn’t think that potheads were worthless crab scabs on the rotten testicles of society, I’d probably join them.
I like Phish.
I’ve heard a song or two by the Happy Dead…no, that’s not it…the Groovy Dead?
Eh. Whatever.
Fucking hippies.
Get a goddamn job.
10:14 PM
Just realized that tomorrow is Friday the 13th.
I feel like celebrating it.
Anyone up for watching all eleven “Friday the 13th” movies?
It’s all or nothing people, no flaking.
You pussies.
You make me sick.
Go fucking smoke up with the hippies.
Douchebags.
Organic granola douchebags.
10.12.2006
I Am A One-Armed Duck Fucker.
10.11.06
4:57 PM
Yesterday Ray was handed a copy of Lisey’s Story, the new as-yet-to-be-released Stephen King book. He has lent it to me. That fucking rocks.
I am going to do my best to give away as much of the book as I can at the talkback on the 24th (the actual release date of the book).
In other news, I have started filming my second short films collection. It is tentatively titled “Donation”.
Once I have finished filming and editing them, I must wait for my DVD burner to be returned to me by the HP fucktards over in Cali. Then the heads will roll.
I am speaking literally about the heads.
Tomorrow I have an audition for Twinnings, the British Tea Company. I am very excited because not only do I use their product, I support it wholeheartedly.
I think that will come through in the audition.
Their Earl Grey is delicious.
You should try it.
5:31 PM
Ray just got invited to participate in a make your own Doritos commercial contest for the Super bowl by the people he did the Yahoo! Spot for. He and I are going to win this. You just wait.
7:54 PM
When I have to be, I can be pretty funny.
Funny and marketable.
4:57 PM
Yesterday Ray was handed a copy of Lisey’s Story, the new as-yet-to-be-released Stephen King book. He has lent it to me. That fucking rocks.
I am going to do my best to give away as much of the book as I can at the talkback on the 24th (the actual release date of the book).
In other news, I have started filming my second short films collection. It is tentatively titled “Donation”.
Once I have finished filming and editing them, I must wait for my DVD burner to be returned to me by the HP fucktards over in Cali. Then the heads will roll.
I am speaking literally about the heads.
Tomorrow I have an audition for Twinnings, the British Tea Company. I am very excited because not only do I use their product, I support it wholeheartedly.
I think that will come through in the audition.
Their Earl Grey is delicious.
You should try it.
5:31 PM
Ray just got invited to participate in a make your own Doritos commercial contest for the Super bowl by the people he did the Yahoo! Spot for. He and I are going to win this. You just wait.
7:54 PM
When I have to be, I can be pretty funny.
Funny and marketable.
10.09.2006
10.09.06
7:03PM
I got on a plane at 11:55 pm in Portland, Oregon, and I got off at 8:10 am in New York.
No fun.
However, the trip rocked stones.
The H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival received about 225 film submissions.
Fifty were chosen to be screened.
We got best short film and dominated.
It was pure excellence.
After the screening, total strangers were coming up and praising me like a Fatboy Slim song. This festival was good for my withered ego. I’m still unsure but this definitely helped.
Also, Lauren and I had some of the best brunch ever eaten.
I took pictures.
And I got some rare vinyl while I was there.
I now have a finished copy of the movie too (complete with bloopers, behind the scenes stuff and production stills of me in my underwear), so some time (if anyone gives a shit) we can watch it.
I am still feeling pretty fucked up and looking forward to sleep so…yeah.
Very good stuff.
Much better than Philly in July.
Right now I am unwinding with Beck and pondering some Su Doku since I can’t handle “The Ruins” right now. I’m only about 50 pages in but the writing isn’t very good.
ALSO
Big news, Binding Silence will be at the New York Horror Film Festival on Sunday, October 22nd at 3pm. I would love for people to come out and see it. I think tickets are $15 (for a block of films, not just mine). Since not many people read this, I’ll probably be letting people know about this individually, but if you want to be a bit more autonomous, you lazy, infected whore douche go here and buy your tickets for the NYHFF.
7:03PM
I got on a plane at 11:55 pm in Portland, Oregon, and I got off at 8:10 am in New York.
No fun.
However, the trip rocked stones.
The H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival received about 225 film submissions.
Fifty were chosen to be screened.
We got best short film and dominated.
It was pure excellence.
After the screening, total strangers were coming up and praising me like a Fatboy Slim song. This festival was good for my withered ego. I’m still unsure but this definitely helped.
Also, Lauren and I had some of the best brunch ever eaten.
I took pictures.
And I got some rare vinyl while I was there.
I now have a finished copy of the movie too (complete with bloopers, behind the scenes stuff and production stills of me in my underwear), so some time (if anyone gives a shit) we can watch it.
I am still feeling pretty fucked up and looking forward to sleep so…yeah.
Very good stuff.
Much better than Philly in July.
Right now I am unwinding with Beck and pondering some Su Doku since I can’t handle “The Ruins” right now. I’m only about 50 pages in but the writing isn’t very good.
ALSO
Big news, Binding Silence will be at the New York Horror Film Festival on Sunday, October 22nd at 3pm. I would love for people to come out and see it. I think tickets are $15 (for a block of films, not just mine). Since not many people read this, I’ll probably be letting people know about this individually, but if you want to be a bit more autonomous, you lazy, infected whore douche go here and buy your tickets for the NYHFF.
10.02.2006
Snickerpuss
10.02.06
10:36 PM
Goodness gracious, all those zeros in the date…I feel like I am in the future.
Found out last night that Binding Silence was accepted into the New York City Horror Film Festival. It runs October 18th through the 22nd at Tribeca Cinemas (54 Varick St.) . How fucking awesome is that?
Prepare to be penetrated New York City…
God I hope they don’t think I suck.
See, with instances in which I actually “act”, I can never tell if what I’m doing is good or not. I mean I don’t think I’ve really done any acting in any of my commercial things, but when I was in theatre at Fordham and now with Binding Silence, I can’t tell if I’m doing good or not. When people I know tell me it’s good, it’s nice to hear, but there’s always uncertainty. I think going to the Lovecraft thing with total strangers seeing the film with be a telling experience. And hopefully it will tell me what a part of me has always believed…I am the shit.
Tomorrow (after a Disney VO audition) I am going to pick up the new Beck (and possibly Thank You For Smoking and the second season of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law if they are out). I have had a chance to listen to it a few more times and I think this album is going to prove to be one of his best. So far I like it better than “Guero”. “Guero” had a bunch of good songs, but “The Information” has a more cohesive feel to it. I dig that.
Also, my folks sent me some Japanese White Sauce from Kobe steak house in Florida. I am planning on celebrating soon at Benny Hana’s.
I think that is all.
10:36 PM
Goodness gracious, all those zeros in the date…I feel like I am in the future.
Found out last night that Binding Silence was accepted into the New York City Horror Film Festival. It runs October 18th through the 22nd at Tribeca Cinemas (54 Varick St.) . How fucking awesome is that?
Prepare to be penetrated New York City…
God I hope they don’t think I suck.
See, with instances in which I actually “act”, I can never tell if what I’m doing is good or not. I mean I don’t think I’ve really done any acting in any of my commercial things, but when I was in theatre at Fordham and now with Binding Silence, I can’t tell if I’m doing good or not. When people I know tell me it’s good, it’s nice to hear, but there’s always uncertainty. I think going to the Lovecraft thing with total strangers seeing the film with be a telling experience. And hopefully it will tell me what a part of me has always believed…I am the shit.
Tomorrow (after a Disney VO audition) I am going to pick up the new Beck (and possibly Thank You For Smoking and the second season of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law if they are out). I have had a chance to listen to it a few more times and I think this album is going to prove to be one of his best. So far I like it better than “Guero”. “Guero” had a bunch of good songs, but “The Information” has a more cohesive feel to it. I dig that.
Also, my folks sent me some Japanese White Sauce from Kobe steak house in Florida. I am planning on celebrating soon at Benny Hana’s.
I think that is all.
9.27.2006
And in the end...
9.27.06
10:47 PM
You know how there’s that long standing joke about never being able to dry your hands thoroughly on those air blowing things in public bathrooms? Well, all those people just don’t throw themselves at the problem head on; they don’t give themselves over to the task fully. If you have a minute, maybe a minute and a half, you can get your hands bone fucking dry. If I, one of the MOST impatient people I have ever known, can take a moment (literally) to do this, all you can too.
Soon it will be cold again and I will say goodbye to sweat for another 7 months.
Also, my new laundry bag is working out great. I feel like the headmaster of a well-to-do private school in New Hampshire.
10:47 PM
You know how there’s that long standing joke about never being able to dry your hands thoroughly on those air blowing things in public bathrooms? Well, all those people just don’t throw themselves at the problem head on; they don’t give themselves over to the task fully. If you have a minute, maybe a minute and a half, you can get your hands bone fucking dry. If I, one of the MOST impatient people I have ever known, can take a moment (literally) to do this, all you can too.
Soon it will be cold again and I will say goodbye to sweat for another 7 months.
Also, my new laundry bag is working out great. I feel like the headmaster of a well-to-do private school in New Hampshire.
9.23.2006
This jam is real.
9.22.06
7:03 PM
I feel like something changed while I was on my break. I lay on my bed for about 30 minutes or so then my alarm brought me fully back from the strange place between wakefulness and full sleep. Outside, the sky is a thick gray/blue, full of clouds. I feel something approaching. Something with teeth.
Some of this might be attributed to a few cuts off the new Beck (leaked, d’oh). While he isn’t redefining music anymore (he stopped with “Sea Change” in my opinion), he is still doing interesting things with what has already been created in his musical universe (although not as interesting as he used to, but then again this is my first impression of my first half listen and it needs time to grow on me). “Guero” didn’t grab me like “Sea Change” or “Midnite Vultures”. Some tracks did, but not the whole thing. We’ll see how “The Information” fits into this pattern.
************************************
Also, don't ever watch "Dune". Ever.
7:03 PM
I feel like something changed while I was on my break. I lay on my bed for about 30 minutes or so then my alarm brought me fully back from the strange place between wakefulness and full sleep. Outside, the sky is a thick gray/blue, full of clouds. I feel something approaching. Something with teeth.
Some of this might be attributed to a few cuts off the new Beck (leaked, d’oh). While he isn’t redefining music anymore (he stopped with “Sea Change” in my opinion), he is still doing interesting things with what has already been created in his musical universe (although not as interesting as he used to, but then again this is my first impression of my first half listen and it needs time to grow on me). “Guero” didn’t grab me like “Sea Change” or “Midnite Vultures”. Some tracks did, but not the whole thing. We’ll see how “The Information” fits into this pattern.
************************************
Also, don't ever watch "Dune". Ever.
9.19.2006
I can't decide whether you should live or die...
6:50 PM
Over my hour and a half break, I have consumed 6 Smirnoff Ice's. Let the fun begin...
7:02 PM
Everything is a bit sway-y. Coming down the stairs was fun. I brought a few CD’s with me. Any updates will be made as they appear necessary.
Xmax.
7:08
I have to do this more often.
I wouldn’t say drunk, I’d say…blurry.
7:10
Dialing numbers is 17% more difficult than usual.
The rolling office chair I use is 38% more entertaining than usual.
7:13
I have developed hiccups.
The age old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job challenging has yet to be answered, sadly, but the day old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job more fun has indeed been sufficiently answered: 6.
7:18
I have cured my hiccups. SHAMAN! HEALER OF THE PEOPLE! THAT IS I.
Okay. A crack in my façade. I just announced a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and couldn’t help but laugh a little. Whoops.
7:21
I just held a conversation and at no point did the other person suspect I was tipsy. By which I mean they didn’t say: “Hey…are you tipsy?”
Move confidently into their midst.
I am reminded of the first time I was ever really noticeably affected by alcohol. It was on Brut champagne at the cast party for “Charley’s Aunt” (a play I was in) in my Junior or Sophomore year. I knew I was affected by alcohol when it became fun to jump. I was just in the bathroom and, friends, it is fun to jump.
7:32
I am 20% more friendly on the phone than usual.
7:34
I should have brought more fun music. Right now Cake’s Pressure Chief is the hip-hopinest thing I have. DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.
10:05
Sober. Chris showed up and we had dinner. After she left I spent a quiet time reading Blender and refocusing on the world. Security now has cameras that allows home invasion. I fear.
I’m going to put on Sea Change and by the time it’s over I will be home.
This was fun and shall be done again.
Over my hour and a half break, I have consumed 6 Smirnoff Ice's. Let the fun begin...
7:02 PM
Everything is a bit sway-y. Coming down the stairs was fun. I brought a few CD’s with me. Any updates will be made as they appear necessary.
Xmax.
7:08
I have to do this more often.
I wouldn’t say drunk, I’d say…blurry.
7:10
Dialing numbers is 17% more difficult than usual.
The rolling office chair I use is 38% more entertaining than usual.
7:13
I have developed hiccups.
The age old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job challenging has yet to be answered, sadly, but the day old question of how many drinks would it take to make my job more fun has indeed been sufficiently answered: 6.
7:18
I have cured my hiccups. SHAMAN! HEALER OF THE PEOPLE! THAT IS I.
Okay. A crack in my façade. I just announced a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and couldn’t help but laugh a little. Whoops.
7:21
I just held a conversation and at no point did the other person suspect I was tipsy. By which I mean they didn’t say: “Hey…are you tipsy?”
Move confidently into their midst.
I am reminded of the first time I was ever really noticeably affected by alcohol. It was on Brut champagne at the cast party for “Charley’s Aunt” (a play I was in) in my Junior or Sophomore year. I knew I was affected by alcohol when it became fun to jump. I was just in the bathroom and, friends, it is fun to jump.
7:32
I am 20% more friendly on the phone than usual.
7:34
I should have brought more fun music. Right now Cake’s Pressure Chief is the hip-hopinest thing I have. DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.
10:05
Sober. Chris showed up and we had dinner. After she left I spent a quiet time reading Blender and refocusing on the world. Security now has cameras that allows home invasion. I fear.
I’m going to put on Sea Change and by the time it’s over I will be home.
This was fun and shall be done again.
9.18.2006
Paul is Japanese.
9.18.06
3:35 PM
Today I am doing my job 110%.
All phone calls will be answered within a second of their first ring, every patient will be responded to in the same amount of time and every call will be sent exactly where it is supposed to without question or error.
With respect to juxtaposition, tomorrow I will come in drunk and see how different my performance is.
Completely unrelated to this, I am trying to find a place on-line where I can custom (as in design your own from scratch), textured, double-sided business cards.
One side is black (less a textured paper and more a cloth) with white text and the other side (black on white) with my e-mail and phone number.
Does ANYONE have any idea where I can put this childishly simple design into practice? Please let me know.
4:44 PM
Christ, this is fucking boring! I pity every person I know who has a job like this. I might just get drunk on my break to speed the rest of this time by. Fuck. Thank God for books (both comic and non-comic), CD players, Su Doku and Microsoft Word.
And may Satan curse the weight of the seconds not filled with distraction in the form of food or entertainment.
3:35 PM
Today I am doing my job 110%.
All phone calls will be answered within a second of their first ring, every patient will be responded to in the same amount of time and every call will be sent exactly where it is supposed to without question or error.
With respect to juxtaposition, tomorrow I will come in drunk and see how different my performance is.
Completely unrelated to this, I am trying to find a place on-line where I can custom (as in design your own from scratch), textured, double-sided business cards.
One side is black (less a textured paper and more a cloth) with white text and the other side (black on white) with my e-mail and phone number.
Does ANYONE have any idea where I can put this childishly simple design into practice? Please let me know.
4:44 PM
Christ, this is fucking boring! I pity every person I know who has a job like this. I might just get drunk on my break to speed the rest of this time by. Fuck. Thank God for books (both comic and non-comic), CD players, Su Doku and Microsoft Word.
And may Satan curse the weight of the seconds not filled with distraction in the form of food or entertainment.
9.15.2006
Starwood like you mean it.
9.15.06
3:39 PM
I have taken to grinning really hugely whenever I am furious. I feel it adds an element of I-will-tear-your-skin-off-and-eat-it-at-my-leisure to my usual tantrums. Not that I’ve had any today mind you, just something I’ve started doing.
Today I had my most artistic booking ever. After seeing some of David Lynch’s commercials from the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s, I have decided to compare it to them. It was for Starwood Hotels. And when people come to learn about their hotels (?), they will be treated to a video with meaningful images on the screen narrated (after a fashion) by me. The text consisted of about 130 words and phrases (mostly words) that interact somehow with the images, either contrasting them, juxtaposing them, expanding upon their meaning etc. It was very serious and the people involved really liked the quality of my voice. And these aren’t the slick voiceover people I have had dealings with in the past, these guys all looked like museum curators and we all know that neither museum curators nor people that resemble museum curators lie. Not to voice actors at least. I’ve known a museum curator or three that lies to the occasional anthropologist or archeologist. I should have a copy in about a month as they have yet to finish every aspect of it. They mentioned that my voice might be intercut with other talents (women) doing the same VO.
Meanwhile, the new Scissor Sisters has leaked and, although it doesn’t have as many instant favorites as their first album, I think it’s very solid and will grow on me like gay fungus from the 70’s. There is one track that will most likely find its way into the next MET for Sex.
Speaking of which, the next MET for Sex will probably take place after November first, so as to give Will a chance to see it done right. The first one was fucked up by Asians and queens respectively.
I might gather a peoples to see Jackass 2 this weekend and just let my mind float away.
I have started reading “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. So far it’s excellent.
What is NOT excellent is the fact that “My Humps” and L’il Jon exist in this world. I heard “My Humps” for the first time a few minutes ago on the phone with Will. The song itself is terrible and nauseating enough, but the fact that it reached number three on U.S. AND fucking U.K. charts makes me hate SO many people.
As for L’il Jon? Shit, fucking look at this retard. He’s like an aborted Rick James fetus. All he adds to the songs he works on is discomfort and yelling. It’s like listening to a song while a shrieking proctologist goes prospecting. The good news is, if he really is as stupid as he looks and sounds (and if he isn’t, give this motherfucker an award), then he should be dead and forgotten by 2008. It will probably go on the death certificate as heart failure or something, but we’ll all know he just forgot to breathe or something. Maybe he’ll drown in the shower. Or maybe he’ll just burst into flames in a rare occurrence of cosmic reparation.
It’s been a long week.
And now it is over.
9:35 PM
From “Good Omens”: (He was) gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
3:39 PM
I have taken to grinning really hugely whenever I am furious. I feel it adds an element of I-will-tear-your-skin-off-and-eat-it-at-my-leisure to my usual tantrums. Not that I’ve had any today mind you, just something I’ve started doing.
Today I had my most artistic booking ever. After seeing some of David Lynch’s commercials from the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s, I have decided to compare it to them. It was for Starwood Hotels. And when people come to learn about their hotels (?), they will be treated to a video with meaningful images on the screen narrated (after a fashion) by me. The text consisted of about 130 words and phrases (mostly words) that interact somehow with the images, either contrasting them, juxtaposing them, expanding upon their meaning etc. It was very serious and the people involved really liked the quality of my voice. And these aren’t the slick voiceover people I have had dealings with in the past, these guys all looked like museum curators and we all know that neither museum curators nor people that resemble museum curators lie. Not to voice actors at least. I’ve known a museum curator or three that lies to the occasional anthropologist or archeologist. I should have a copy in about a month as they have yet to finish every aspect of it. They mentioned that my voice might be intercut with other talents (women) doing the same VO.
Meanwhile, the new Scissor Sisters has leaked and, although it doesn’t have as many instant favorites as their first album, I think it’s very solid and will grow on me like gay fungus from the 70’s. There is one track that will most likely find its way into the next MET for Sex.
Speaking of which, the next MET for Sex will probably take place after November first, so as to give Will a chance to see it done right. The first one was fucked up by Asians and queens respectively.
I might gather a peoples to see Jackass 2 this weekend and just let my mind float away.
I have started reading “Good Omens” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. So far it’s excellent.
What is NOT excellent is the fact that “My Humps” and L’il Jon exist in this world. I heard “My Humps” for the first time a few minutes ago on the phone with Will. The song itself is terrible and nauseating enough, but the fact that it reached number three on U.S. AND fucking U.K. charts makes me hate SO many people.
As for L’il Jon? Shit, fucking look at this retard. He’s like an aborted Rick James fetus. All he adds to the songs he works on is discomfort and yelling. It’s like listening to a song while a shrieking proctologist goes prospecting. The good news is, if he really is as stupid as he looks and sounds (and if he isn’t, give this motherfucker an award), then he should be dead and forgotten by 2008. It will probably go on the death certificate as heart failure or something, but we’ll all know he just forgot to breathe or something. Maybe he’ll drown in the shower. Or maybe he’ll just burst into flames in a rare occurrence of cosmic reparation.
It’s been a long week.
And now it is over.
9:35 PM
From “Good Omens”: (He was) gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
9.09.2006
The Birth of Debra
Go here to see the creation process that resulted in Beck's magnum opus, "Debra". If you look closely, you can see me in the background, sweating and crying.
Biochemical jism hits you with its rhythm
9.8.06
8:02 PM
The subject line is a lyric from the new Beck album. The song is called “1000 BPM” and sounds jangly in a way that only Beck can make jangly sound. Pianos skipping and stuttering while a White boy raps.
I don’t really have anything to talk about.
Ray got Binding Silence into the H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival in Oregon and I’m going with him and Lauren. According to Ray, I will be famous there; autographs and pictures and everything. Rowr. I think the experience will be good for my ego, I don’t have a very big one and this will provide some Ego Meat. The director of the festival called Ray personally and said he loved the film and that it was going to be included on a DVD anthology of H. P. Lovecraft-esque films. Volume five or six of the anthology, Ray thinks. I will be in people’s houses…eating their brains…from the inside.
Meanwhile, Christina might be turning down a chance to work as Joaquin Phoenix’s personal assistant.
Idiot.
I mean...
Idiot.
Aside from all that, there is some discussion of my ability to give weight and meaning to a nonsense string of words.
We will see.
8:02 PM
The subject line is a lyric from the new Beck album. The song is called “1000 BPM” and sounds jangly in a way that only Beck can make jangly sound. Pianos skipping and stuttering while a White boy raps.
I don’t really have anything to talk about.
Ray got Binding Silence into the H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival in Oregon and I’m going with him and Lauren. According to Ray, I will be famous there; autographs and pictures and everything. Rowr. I think the experience will be good for my ego, I don’t have a very big one and this will provide some Ego Meat. The director of the festival called Ray personally and said he loved the film and that it was going to be included on a DVD anthology of H. P. Lovecraft-esque films. Volume five or six of the anthology, Ray thinks. I will be in people’s houses…eating their brains…from the inside.
Meanwhile, Christina might be turning down a chance to work as Joaquin Phoenix’s personal assistant.
Idiot.
I mean...
Idiot.
Aside from all that, there is some discussion of my ability to give weight and meaning to a nonsense string of words.
We will see.
9.07.2006
Socko!
9.7.06
3:43 PM
This morning and all throughout the day I have felt like scribbles. For the rest of the day I am going to try to be still and unfocused.
There are tentative plans for another “MET for Sex” party, it might be titled “Take Your MoMA”.
Details will be forthcoming.
********************************
I just finished watching "Ultraviolet". 85% bad CGI and 15% bad everything else. The movie features a collection of badly done Matrix cliche fight scenes and an unexplained (but that's okay because you don't want to have it explained) and uninspired plot all culminating in a flaming sword fight (the swords are actually on fire) that made me wish all my eye surgeries had failed. Don't wipe your ass with this one, it will make your ass smell worse.
3:43 PM
This morning and all throughout the day I have felt like scribbles. For the rest of the day I am going to try to be still and unfocused.
There are tentative plans for another “MET for Sex” party, it might be titled “Take Your MoMA”.
Details will be forthcoming.
********************************
I just finished watching "Ultraviolet". 85% bad CGI and 15% bad everything else. The movie features a collection of badly done Matrix cliche fight scenes and an unexplained (but that's okay because you don't want to have it explained) and uninspired plot all culminating in a flaming sword fight (the swords are actually on fire) that made me wish all my eye surgeries had failed. Don't wipe your ass with this one, it will make your ass smell worse.
9.06.2006
Bacardi xmax.
9.6.06
4:35 PM
While yesterday was not a good day, today was. Or is. Whatever.
The main reason is because I got an e-mail from Luigi Felotico, who worked on the Bacardi thing with me. He sent a link to a European website that catalogs commercials…Bacardi commercials.
The version up there is the tiny 30 second version, and, as far as I know at the moment, the only version. I called the production house and asked them about getting a copy and if there were any other releaseable versions. They said they had to check but that a copy (of the 30 sec. one) is on the way.
Now, I was pretty hush hush about this for some reason or other that I have forgotten, but I might have mentioned that there were three or four endings shot, two of which featured me heavily. They have chosen one of those two endings for this version.
Now, at this point, I know virtually nothing about the coverage of this spot, where or when or even if it will be shown. All I know is that it is apparently going to be huge and I cannot believe they would only have that 30 second version. Then again, I know almost nothing about it. As soon as I do, I will share it.
Here is the link. Click on the broadband version.
4:35 PM
While yesterday was not a good day, today was. Or is. Whatever.
The main reason is because I got an e-mail from Luigi Felotico, who worked on the Bacardi thing with me. He sent a link to a European website that catalogs commercials…Bacardi commercials.
The version up there is the tiny 30 second version, and, as far as I know at the moment, the only version. I called the production house and asked them about getting a copy and if there were any other releaseable versions. They said they had to check but that a copy (of the 30 sec. one) is on the way.
Now, I was pretty hush hush about this for some reason or other that I have forgotten, but I might have mentioned that there were three or four endings shot, two of which featured me heavily. They have chosen one of those two endings for this version.
Now, at this point, I know virtually nothing about the coverage of this spot, where or when or even if it will be shown. All I know is that it is apparently going to be huge and I cannot believe they would only have that 30 second version. Then again, I know almost nothing about it. As soon as I do, I will share it.
Here is the link. Click on the broadband version.
8.30.2006
Joanne, in Admissions.
8.30.06
3:08 PM
You know those petulant, sharp faces that peer at you from advertisements for clothing and products that you will never be able to afford? Well I met them today.
I had an audition at House (the production house on the absolute Western edge of Manhattan) and, at the same time, they were holding some sort of model audition. People, it was sexy/creepy. I felt like I was 6’1 and in a beautiful porno. It was a good way to start Wednesday.
After I got home I watched Le Samourai, a French film about an assassin that follows the code of Bushido. It was interesting to see an assassin movie without huge special effects or Sylvester Stallone. Not the best assassin movie I’ve ever seen, but it was good.
Aside from all this, I am feeling rumpled today. I’d like to be in a soundproof room without windows right now and not at this broken down Hospital populated by overloud stereotypes.
Why must stereotypes be so loud? That is a puzzler. Maybe they think that if they’re loud, people will think they are real and not just annoying shadows of the Real. If they think at all that is. Maybe there is some sort of hive mind. Like squirrels. Loud, stupid squirrels.
I wrote a song the other day. Usually when I do that, it remains at 4% completion: written but nothing else. This one reached at least 10% before I gave up on it. I have the melody for the first four lines and a few demos recorded of different ways to go about it. It might go further, it might not. On the upside, it is very easy to get a myspace musicians page.
Who knows.
May the grace of God deliver me from my enemies.
3:08 PM
You know those petulant, sharp faces that peer at you from advertisements for clothing and products that you will never be able to afford? Well I met them today.
I had an audition at House (the production house on the absolute Western edge of Manhattan) and, at the same time, they were holding some sort of model audition. People, it was sexy/creepy. I felt like I was 6’1 and in a beautiful porno. It was a good way to start Wednesday.
After I got home I watched Le Samourai, a French film about an assassin that follows the code of Bushido. It was interesting to see an assassin movie without huge special effects or Sylvester Stallone. Not the best assassin movie I’ve ever seen, but it was good.
Aside from all this, I am feeling rumpled today. I’d like to be in a soundproof room without windows right now and not at this broken down Hospital populated by overloud stereotypes.
Why must stereotypes be so loud? That is a puzzler. Maybe they think that if they’re loud, people will think they are real and not just annoying shadows of the Real. If they think at all that is. Maybe there is some sort of hive mind. Like squirrels. Loud, stupid squirrels.
I wrote a song the other day. Usually when I do that, it remains at 4% completion: written but nothing else. This one reached at least 10% before I gave up on it. I have the melody for the first four lines and a few demos recorded of different ways to go about it. It might go further, it might not. On the upside, it is very easy to get a myspace musicians page.
Who knows.
May the grace of God deliver me from my enemies.
8.28.2006
Jodie Foster will kill the President for me.
8.28.06
4:01 PM
What an interesting weekend. Saturday started with me at Ray’s to record some very badly written voiceover for some shitty product called TagAlert. Ray and I ended up rewriting most of it. After that was Lauren’s Birthday Extravaganza. It started with dinner in the Rape Zone at a place called The Park. During dinner, Angelica (who is a third year med student) told me about a 395 pound illegal immigrant woman whose surgery she had to assist with. Now, we’ve all seen doctor movies where people assist with surgery by handing people things, wiping sweat off people’s brows etc, for this particular surgery, Ange had to be a human brace for this woman’s fat rolls. This consisted of her throwing her body over the bulk of this leviathan and using HER WHOLE BODY to hold the rolls back. The surgeon planned to remove a 25 pound, 2 foot long, 6 inch thick strip of fat from this woman’s midsection because that would give her enough mobility to (hopefully) start exercising and lose some weight. Anyway, the doctor that performed the surgery had a pretty sick sense of humor. He was overheard saying things like, “Naw, she’s too skinny for me”, “I would totally hit that” and other colorful phrases. At the end of the 8 hour procedure, the presiding surgeon told the nurses to get a baby scale because he wanted to know how much he had removed. At that point, he HEAVED the 25 pound carpet of fat at the assisting surgeon and said, “That’s your girlfriend.” After this 8 hour period pressed against this open tub of guts, she was covered in blood and fat, and then, had to push an old Black man’s anus back into his rectum. This all happen in one 26 hour shift. A post script I must add: three weeks later, the woman (who was supposed to come back every three days for check ups) returned with a massive infection and Ange had to assist to removal of several more pounds of infected tissue, fat and pus from this woman’s stomach.
After she told me this story, I immediately ordered a crème brule and said I wanted to be a doctor. She informed me that I don’t. I paused, thought about it and decided she was right, I didn’t want to be a doctor, I wanted to recount her doctor stories to everyone I know.
And I will.
Once dinner ended, Lauren demanded we go to Red Rocks since Ange and I had ruined her dessert (it was an apple cobbler that began to look a lot like infected tissue, fat and pus once Ange’s story continued…). I was told it was a biker bar without bikers.
Hm, I thought, hm.
Inside we saw scantily clad biker bitch bartenders doing strange things with dildo guns. The less said the better.
Now, concurrent with these events, Christina was at the wrap party for the movie she has been working on. It was happening in Pressure, a club right above Bowlmore Lanes…where the third phase of Lauren’s Birthday Extravaganza was to take place. Once we arrived at the bowling alley, I was informed that it would be a 45 minute wait for a lane. I decided to meet Chris at the party. She escorted me in, offered me champagne, caviar, and anything I wanted from the lobster, meat or sundae bars. I was impressed…a little. The first thing I noticed was the Karaoke.
Now, I don’t do Karaoke. I don’t do Karaoke because I can’t sing very well and because I can’t see the huge fucking screen with the lyrics. I have done it twice before in my life, (both times with songs I knew by heart) sober on MTV’s Say What? Karaoke (Eminem’s “My Name Is”) and drunk at Heather DuChame’s graduation party (Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”). I don’t know why I wanted to do it now, maybe because Chris seemed a bit bored/isolated at the party, maybe because I thought the people up there sucked or maybe because I didn’t know any of these people and Chris was never going to see them again after this week so I figured I would blow their minds a little and give them a glimpse of the Paulitosphere. Whatever the case, Christina was VERY uncomfortable about the idea of me getting up and doing Karaoke by myself. I mean, she knows maybe a dozen people on this film and I ‘m her guest, you know? So I suggested we sing something together. After a quick perusal of their selection, we noticed that it sucked…then we found “Take Your Mama” by the Scissor Sisters.
Long story short…we quickly gained the approval of the audience and were told we had to go back up. After deciding upon “Time Warp” from Rocky Horror, we did. After that performance (which Jodie Foster witnessed in a state comprised half of trepidation and half of sheer, animalistic lust) we left the stage, never to return again…or did we? Again we were told to return to the stage and we closed our mndfucking set with the Beatles’ “Twist and Shout”. I screamed a lot.
Other highlights from that evening included seeing Jodie Foster’s drunken stunt double (as in her stunt double was drunk, not the stunt double used specifically for when Jodie Foster’s character is drunk…) sing “My Sherona”, seeing two people from the locations department sing “Fuck Her Gently”, scaring Jodie Foster away after “Time Warp” (she was going to sing right after us and backed down but came back a song later and did “Break Another Little Piece of My Heart” by Janis Joplin with a Cosmopolitan in her hand. It was adorable.), finding out that all the Karaoke was being shown on huge projection screens all over the party and, finally, hearing Neil Jordan’s wife say she was going to contact the Coen Brothers to do a movie about us. That last one is a direct quote and, I think, the coolest fucking compliment I have ever received. Also, the Shirley Temples were excellent.
Sunday was spent recuperating, brunching with Chris and Kelly and watching “Mulholland Drive”. Afterwards, Chris blew the whole mystery open for us and now I love her even more.
This was one for the books, folks.
One for the Sexy Good Weekend books.
4:01 PM
What an interesting weekend. Saturday started with me at Ray’s to record some very badly written voiceover for some shitty product called TagAlert. Ray and I ended up rewriting most of it. After that was Lauren’s Birthday Extravaganza. It started with dinner in the Rape Zone at a place called The Park. During dinner, Angelica (who is a third year med student) told me about a 395 pound illegal immigrant woman whose surgery she had to assist with. Now, we’ve all seen doctor movies where people assist with surgery by handing people things, wiping sweat off people’s brows etc, for this particular surgery, Ange had to be a human brace for this woman’s fat rolls. This consisted of her throwing her body over the bulk of this leviathan and using HER WHOLE BODY to hold the rolls back. The surgeon planned to remove a 25 pound, 2 foot long, 6 inch thick strip of fat from this woman’s midsection because that would give her enough mobility to (hopefully) start exercising and lose some weight. Anyway, the doctor that performed the surgery had a pretty sick sense of humor. He was overheard saying things like, “Naw, she’s too skinny for me”, “I would totally hit that” and other colorful phrases. At the end of the 8 hour procedure, the presiding surgeon told the nurses to get a baby scale because he wanted to know how much he had removed. At that point, he HEAVED the 25 pound carpet of fat at the assisting surgeon and said, “That’s your girlfriend.” After this 8 hour period pressed against this open tub of guts, she was covered in blood and fat, and then, had to push an old Black man’s anus back into his rectum. This all happen in one 26 hour shift. A post script I must add: three weeks later, the woman (who was supposed to come back every three days for check ups) returned with a massive infection and Ange had to assist to removal of several more pounds of infected tissue, fat and pus from this woman’s stomach.
After she told me this story, I immediately ordered a crème brule and said I wanted to be a doctor. She informed me that I don’t. I paused, thought about it and decided she was right, I didn’t want to be a doctor, I wanted to recount her doctor stories to everyone I know.
And I will.
Once dinner ended, Lauren demanded we go to Red Rocks since Ange and I had ruined her dessert (it was an apple cobbler that began to look a lot like infected tissue, fat and pus once Ange’s story continued…). I was told it was a biker bar without bikers.
Hm, I thought, hm.
Inside we saw scantily clad biker bitch bartenders doing strange things with dildo guns. The less said the better.
Now, concurrent with these events, Christina was at the wrap party for the movie she has been working on. It was happening in Pressure, a club right above Bowlmore Lanes…where the third phase of Lauren’s Birthday Extravaganza was to take place. Once we arrived at the bowling alley, I was informed that it would be a 45 minute wait for a lane. I decided to meet Chris at the party. She escorted me in, offered me champagne, caviar, and anything I wanted from the lobster, meat or sundae bars. I was impressed…a little. The first thing I noticed was the Karaoke.
Now, I don’t do Karaoke. I don’t do Karaoke because I can’t sing very well and because I can’t see the huge fucking screen with the lyrics. I have done it twice before in my life, (both times with songs I knew by heart) sober on MTV’s Say What? Karaoke (Eminem’s “My Name Is”) and drunk at Heather DuChame’s graduation party (Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”). I don’t know why I wanted to do it now, maybe because Chris seemed a bit bored/isolated at the party, maybe because I thought the people up there sucked or maybe because I didn’t know any of these people and Chris was never going to see them again after this week so I figured I would blow their minds a little and give them a glimpse of the Paulitosphere. Whatever the case, Christina was VERY uncomfortable about the idea of me getting up and doing Karaoke by myself. I mean, she knows maybe a dozen people on this film and I ‘m her guest, you know? So I suggested we sing something together. After a quick perusal of their selection, we noticed that it sucked…then we found “Take Your Mama” by the Scissor Sisters.
Long story short…we quickly gained the approval of the audience and were told we had to go back up. After deciding upon “Time Warp” from Rocky Horror, we did. After that performance (which Jodie Foster witnessed in a state comprised half of trepidation and half of sheer, animalistic lust) we left the stage, never to return again…or did we? Again we were told to return to the stage and we closed our mndfucking set with the Beatles’ “Twist and Shout”. I screamed a lot.
Other highlights from that evening included seeing Jodie Foster’s drunken stunt double (as in her stunt double was drunk, not the stunt double used specifically for when Jodie Foster’s character is drunk…) sing “My Sherona”, seeing two people from the locations department sing “Fuck Her Gently”, scaring Jodie Foster away after “Time Warp” (she was going to sing right after us and backed down but came back a song later and did “Break Another Little Piece of My Heart” by Janis Joplin with a Cosmopolitan in her hand. It was adorable.), finding out that all the Karaoke was being shown on huge projection screens all over the party and, finally, hearing Neil Jordan’s wife say she was going to contact the Coen Brothers to do a movie about us. That last one is a direct quote and, I think, the coolest fucking compliment I have ever received. Also, the Shirley Temples were excellent.
Sunday was spent recuperating, brunching with Chris and Kelly and watching “Mulholland Drive”. Afterwards, Chris blew the whole mystery open for us and now I love her even more.
This was one for the books, folks.
One for the Sexy Good Weekend books.
8.25.2006
Like a handjob for a cancer patient...
Not really, but I've had that one in there all day.
Had a bad day folks. Spent most of my time at work with the phone off and the switchboard on mute.
Cut myself a bit. The Nextel thing was released so I figured I'd release some blood as a fair trade. Haven't done THAT since, like 7th grade. I will say there was a sense of relief though. Wonder why that is? I should ask a psychologist.
I am about to eat Chinese food (steamed dumplings and chicken fried rice) and watch some mindless movie.
I will then go to bed.
Had a bad day folks. Spent most of my time at work with the phone off and the switchboard on mute.
Cut myself a bit. The Nextel thing was released so I figured I'd release some blood as a fair trade. Haven't done THAT since, like 7th grade. I will say there was a sense of relief though. Wonder why that is? I should ask a psychologist.
I am about to eat Chinese food (steamed dumplings and chicken fried rice) and watch some mindless movie.
I will then go to bed.
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