Having problems with my pictures? idiot?

I have put the pictures in my photobucket account. If you aren't signed up, take a moment and do so, it is fast and free.
http://s16.photobucket.com/albums/b15/guidopaparazzi/

A nice time was had by all...in Nice.

I have bundled my Nice photos, audio entries and journals into two .rar files. You can get them here...Photos and Ausio & Journal.
Let me know what you think.

Me. Naked.

Not really. I am about to head out to the premier of Binding Silence. It's going to be interesting to see what people who don't know me at all think of it.
Also, both Will and Dorothy saw my VH1 spot yesterday. That totally rocks. I don't really have anything for you.
I finished my account of the Nice thing so that should be up in a few days. Iight.
I'm out!!

Mr. Charisma Returns From France

5.22.06
8:50PM
I am officially back from France. I am also officially still feeling those six hours of time difference.
I am working on a media package of photos, audio clips and journals entries from the trip to distribute to anyone who is interested so for right now, I will just say a few things: It was absolutely incredible. It was not only the biggest production I have ever been involved in, but it was also the furthest I have ever traveled, the first time I have ever left the country and the most I have ever been paid for a job. It was a series of firsts that will not be soon forgotten and although only the people who were with me can truly share in the memories, hopefully the shadows I am preparing with shed some light on just how amazing this was to me and for me.
On the heels of this amazing moment in my life, I also have the premier of Binding Silence this week between 6pm and 8pm at the Swayduck Auditorium on 14th and University. You can find directions here. I would love for you to come. I plan to have the project (tentatively titled “Mr. Charisma Goes To London”) done soon. Right now I am feeling 2 am. And it is uuuuunpleasant.
Oh, tomorrow I am picking up a copy of my VH1 spot. So everyone has to come on over and chiggy check it out…or you could just turn on VH1 and love me live.
God I’m out of it…

Mr. Charisma Goes To France

5.11.06
3:21 PM
I feel like a mountain top. Snow-covered and slightly sleepy. Tickled by the cold, thin air. Solipsistic yet all-encompassing. I am alone with millions.
I just found a way to make a silly noise with this keyboard here. Hee hee hee.
It stopped. Man, I never get to have any fun.
I have changed my diet recently. I also have upped the frequency of my swimming trips. See, I consciously made a mistake a few days ago that cost me a lot of money and a wonderful travel opportunity, but hopefully that won’t happen again as long as I keep up the good food and continuous exercise thing.
Action/reaction.
Action/reaction.
Buy the ticket/take the ride.
It was quite a harsh punishment that I received as a reaction, but it was alllll me and I take full responsibility. In fact, rather than just saying, yes, it’s true, this man has no dick, I am working to repair the damage. I think it’s going well.
Let’s all take a moment to consider the word “dick”. Since when does that word have ANYTHING to do with a penis? Was some King Richard an asshole nicknamed Dick after being a penis? I mean, exegesis please! He-lloooo!! Ahoy hoy!!! Cthulhu hoy hoy!! Shub niggurath hoy hoy!!!!! Azathoth Nyarlathotep hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! R’yleh hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ygnaiih…ygnaiih…thflthkh’ngha hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! H’ehye n’grkdl’lh, h’ehye in the name of Yog Sothoth hoy hoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then we switch…

7:50 PM
Well, I guess I did something right.
Seconds after I walked into my apartment for my break, I found out that I booked the aforementioned money/travel thing.
From the 12th to the 19th I will be in Nice, France shooting a Bacardi commercial. We will be shooting in both Nice and Monaco.
Again: I am leaving the country. I am going to France. I will be paid to drink Bacardi and eat French food for a week. Holy goddamn Jesus Fucking Christ on un pogo stick in the water.
I AM GOING TO FRANCE.
PAUL MARK DAMIAN GUYET JR IS GOING TO FUCKING FRANCE.
I think I am on the Right Track.
Right after hearing it up to a few minutes ago, it hadn’t hit me yet. Part of it has and now I am vibrating with words, thoughts, feelings and emotions. My first thought was, “Am I going to get fired for this?” Once that was taken care of I had “I will be there without my friends”, and then I decided that I am going to buy a French Nine Inch Nails CD and everything became copasetic. Christina was on the phone with me and she said this place is basically paradise. I can do paradise. I plan to bring my video camera and my Polaroid in order to properly document this occasion. According to Christina, I will see mountains, castles, ruins (which I believe are very old castles) and cobblestones. Lots of cobblestones. I will be about a half hour from Italy, another country in Europe.
Holy fuck.
I am going to a place where there is a different currency, a different language, a different quality of food, life, air…
I can’t say I’m ready for this, but that doesn’t really matter because I’m being paid to do this. A lot. To eat French food and drink Bacardi.
In order to make new friends I plan to bring my DVD player and hook it up to the television in my room and play The Big Lebowski drinking game (with free Bacardi products), taking time out to consume crackers, analyze and reproduce the “Gutterballs” sequence, argue the significance of the “shadow pinky” and not finish the movie.
Just for the record, Bacardi is responsible for bringing me from this country into another.
I wash my hands of this.

I am going to France.

The trailer for Binding Silence is up here. Ray showed us a 99% final version of the film tonight and it looks great. I still can't judge my own merit as an actor, but the film looks great.

EDIETS and VH1

I just found out that the "Every Day Is Exactly The Same" video that Ray edited together from "Binding Silence" footage won 2nd place in the NIN Hotline contest. Woot. Check it out here.
Also, my VH1 Rock Honors commercial has started running. Keep an eye out and let me know if you catch it.

The vantage falling from the Ivory Tower

4.28.06
9:31 PM
Two things.
First, I am always happily amazed at how fast Tums eradicates acid reflux. It’s like fuckfuckfuckpaindeathgrogyaaaaaahfuckfuckgoddamnitwhoremastercuntrammerbastarddiediediefine.
Way to go, Mr. Tums.
Secondly, I was flirted with by an attractive woman today! I went to go pick up my Opel DVD from Convergence (the production company) and the editor (Lora, who was at the recording) was ALL UP IN MY GRILL. I was floored and superflattered. I strut like a mofugger all the way home. I think the reason she wanted to scale Mount Guido was because she was impressed with my talent and candor from the recording. I know that sounds immodest, but she certainly wasn’t after me for my looks. Anyway, I am officially a Sexy Beast. Me and Sir Ben are going clubbing this weekend.
Wanger.
Ding.
P.S. The spot looks awesome, y’all gots to come over and check it out.
Also, the short film I recently starred in “Binding Silence” will primer on May 25th at the New School (somewhere around 14th and University). I'll put up more details as they arise.

Porno for Pyros sucks.

Ready to rock. Music links are at the bottom along with a treat for some of you...a stroll through a vomit and cigarette littered memory lane...

Diggy bomb.

I found out a few days ago that the 2nd Avenue subway line has been confirmed. It will run from 125th to lower Manhattan and it is slated to be completely finished in 2030. I am planning on blowing it up. No reason in particular, but just because I have SO long to prepare something, I think it should be easy.
Anyway, I don't know if this is going to become something or not, but I recently made a CD of my current Winamp Frequent Plays and I put them on a disc before I went to Florida. There is a good selection of good music and I've decided to share it with you all. In a bit I'll post a link to my website where you can all download the CD (in three easy to swalllow parts) if you want. Enjoy.

Oh Michael...what have you done?

This is the real video for this track.
About halfway through you realize that he is destined to become a less sucessful, less sexy Tom Jones.

The Spirit of Truth

Spent some time in Florida with Phil. Here is something we did whilst there. We also saw Silent Hill and Thank You For Smoking. Two different movies. Trying to gather a bunch of people to see Silent Hill this Saturday or Sunday. Let me know if you are interested.

I am in Florida until Monday. Bite it.

You're such a dirty, dirty Rock Star

4.17.06
5:11 PM
You know how movie starts and celebrities can some times seem a bit aloof? A bit condescending? A bit…”better than you”? Well, I have it cemented just why that is. Between Friday’s VH1 shoot and this morning’s Opel voice over recording, I have gleaned insight on the subject of why movies stars and celebrities feel that they are different than us. Quite simply because they are treated like living gods; and for a few hours, I walked among them.
On Friday, I arrived at North Six about ten minutes before my call time. I was sent to Lita for costume approval. Then I was ushered to the “principal” tent. After talking with a few of the other principal actors, I was called in for make-up. Blair gave me some powder and stuff and deemed me camera worthy. That was at about 11 in the morning. Between 11 and 4 (when the shot I was in was ready to be shot) I lived la Vida Rock Star. After a few more minutes under the tent, the higher ups said that me and my friend (my friend in the shot, not in real life, although he turned out to be a fun guy) could hang out in the motor home. We did. I met some very fun people in there. I will spare most of the details.
At one point, I asked someone when lunch was, I was informed it was to be later, in an hour and a half or so. I said that I would probably be able to hold out that long and that I missed the hot breakfast. Then I was clued in on the “Snack Tent”. It was less of a tent and more of a mini-mart. Aside from the dozens of snacks (Goldfish, lollipops, cashews, boiled peanuts, dried fruit, cheese and crackers, vegetables and dip, bags of trail mix, Cheetos and potato chips, WHITE CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS, Raisinettes, Milk Duds, apples, oranges, Jell-O cups and more) they had a man whose job it was to stand around until someone wanted a smoothie. When someone wanted a smoothie, they went to him and he made them a smoothie. I found out that this type of Kraft Service is called “L.A. style”. Anyway, I’ll be frank, I abused the Snack Tent. Then, lunch arrived. By the Holy Gates of Babylon. There were five different types of bread, four different salads, a rice/bean dish that made me tear up, excellent pasta with both meat and vegetarian sauces and then there was the main courses. Since it was Good Friday they had swordfish (yes, swordfish…and it was delicious) along with a sumptuous chicken and a marinated sirloin steak that drove me insane. Then came dessert. Cake cake cake. Bunt, cheese, chocolate *insert Prince noise here*.
Anyway, long story short, these movie star types live this EVERY DAY, I am no longer surprised at their behavior. In fact, if I ever make it big, I am going to be hard pressed to not succumb to the Life.
And today was also excellent. I arrived at the studio a little early so I was sent into the lounge. Ohmygod. Three HUGE black, leather couches faced a 72-inch plasma screen HDTV hooked up to a top-of-the-line 7.1 system. There was a full bar and fridge, a pool table, a box arcade game with Galaga and Pac Man and a fully loaded jukebox. Aside from this AMAZING set up, there were autographed movie and play posters everywhere. To give you an indication of the caliber of the people they have recording in this studio, their bathroom had autographs from the full cast of Spamalot and The Rocky Horror Picture show. Along the hall leading to the studio I was in, I saw two autographed album covers: Tenacious D and some Jay-Z album.
As for the session itself, I have never felt more a part of the whole thing that this. At every recording I have ever been at, I read what’s written several times until they think they have it, and then I sit quietly while the production and editing people do their thing. Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with some fun people, but my role has been clear: the talent, just the voice. This was three people: the woman who actually found and assembled the footage (Lora), the editor (Joe) and me. We spent the first ten minutes just jabbering and once I got into the booth, everything went swimmingly. But when I came out, the THREE of us worked on lining things up, deciding which takes went the best with the video and discussing just how this phrasing made the image speak for itself while this one spoke for the image etc. Together. It was great. At the end, they both said they had a lot more fun then they usually do and I said the same.
To recap:
The last few days have been das shiznit because:
I had back to back acting gigs
I was treated like a living god
I was paid to Rock Out to Guns N Roses
I shot my first National on-screen work (since Shark Week) in two or so years
I recorded the highest paying voiceover of my career to date
I helped to edit said voiceover
I was guaranteed copies of both projects

I would say that the rest of this week is bound to suck, simply based on the strong start, but after tomorrow, I fly down to Florida and hang out with Phil while drinking in the cursed sunshine and (hopefully) being scared genderless by Silent Hill. All I can taste is victory.

P.S. The VH1 Thing is a promo for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, a show called “VH! Rock Honors” and for Rock itself and what it’s meant to people over the years. It should start airing May 1st. I was told it starts out with a windswept wheat field. I am very visible so keep an eye out. Also, although I should be getting a copy, if someone sees it before me, please let me know.
The Opel thing will not be aired, it was made specifically for trade show and the like, and that totally sucks. It is the funniest voiceover I have ever done. The gist of the project is that Opel (which is like the European “Ford”) is introducing a feature which allows you to test drive a car for three days before buying it. So the thing is what if you had three days to test drive everything in your life: your house, your vacation home, your job…and you wife. I shit thee not. Aside from the wife thing, almost all the video is tinged (or dripping) with sexual innuendo and it is hilarious. You’ll have to come over to see that one, but I promise it’s worth it.
Good times…

VH1: On My Dick

4.13.06
4:36 PM
What can I say? VH1 knows Pure Rock when they see it. Tomorrow I am skipping work to shoot a VH1 commercial at North Six in Brooklyn (the same place I saw TMBG for New Year’s). I was contacted by the make-up chick (Rita) and told that my motivation was “a Guns N Roses fan”. I have never been so honored. And I don’t even have to act. No phoning it in. I know very little of the show this commercial is supporting except for that it has something to do with a “reunion tour” show. This might actually be for the Guns N Roses Reunion Tour. I would be happier about that if their new music was better, but whatever, I can’t get everything I want out of a commercial shoot, just free food, free money and the chance to rock out to Guns N Roses. I’ll suffer through it.
Then, next Wednesday, I go to Florida to see Silent Hill with Philip. Although I have had two Silent Hill-esque dreams that will make this movie disappointing. If, despite these dreams, I enjoy the movie, it will be the best movie in the world because these dreams would have made excellent moments in it. Whatever. I am optimistic and thrilled out of my anus.
Puuuure Rock mother fuckers, Pure Rock.

4.7.06
12:00 PM
Working 11a to 7p today. Today my voice comes out as the sound of two puppies being rubbed together. I feel nice and soft today. Like blankets. Puppy Blankets. Or Rabbit Blankets. I sound like a tiny Bjork on the phone. I am super helpful.
For now.
No one has made these puppies angry…yet.
These rabbits can and will bite though, if given a reason.
I beg of you all, don’t make these bunnies bite.
You will regret it.
Regretation xmaxie.

There is a newspaper here.
Maybe I will read it.
Most likely I will not.

Hey.
How you fillin’?

Speaking dust accumulates.

Beer with raw eggs in it for breakfast.

Keys on a paddle.

Troublemaker.

Troublemaker.

Okay, I just decided my voice is NOT, after all, like puppies or bunnies or anything like that. I sound lecherous and creepy and I am making the people I talk to uncomfortable.
And that is just peaches with me.
A person thrown off is a person that can be transferred to the Dental Department without calling back to yell at you. They’ll just leave their message with Dental and weep themselves to lunchtime. At which point they will order a Chef’s Salad in which the ham will taste as bitter as ashes.
And it serves these pigs right. Eating pork on a Friday. Filthy pigs. FILTHY PIGS! LITTLE! FUCKING! PIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGSSAAAHHH!!!!
Hey pigs.

I’m remembering a little restaurant in Ocean City called Chi-Chi’s (not the terrible Mexican chain). There was an old golf game there called Golden Tee. It was fun. Maybe we can go to the Waterfront restaurant when we get to OC. It has excellent seafood.
I have a powerful lust for red salmon.

Wow. Debbie Cuntin is here.
And she's eating.
Imagine that.
Her.
Eating.

I have to give myself credit. While it’s not the cleverest nickname out there, it fits perfectly. Her name is Buntin and she’s a cunt. Her parents must have had visions.
I wish I could get a picture of her for you guys. She looks like Aunt Jemima's overweight sister. She is so fat that she doesn’t life her feet from the ground, she can only shuffle.

Her body will kill her soon.
And then I will hate no more...

And that's how I lost the job...

4.6.06
3:21 PM

VH1 is not ready for me. So. I had an (on screen) audition today from some VH1 thing. I was told that I was reacting to a KISS reunion tour. There was this dude with me and we were supposed to be friends. Anyway. It was allll improv. React to this, pretend you’re here etc. So the guy starts playing “Rock and Roll All Night (and Party Ev-Er-Ry Day)” and tells us to go nuts. Now, a question: aside from his music, what are the first two things that come to your mind when you hear “Gene Simmons”? For me it’s 1.) his crazy long tongue and 2.) all the diseases he’s contracted with and because of his tongue, in that order. So I start screaming, “Yeah! Woo!” and lolling my tongue and headbanging (sans hair tie, so I am a hair tornado, man) and playing air bass then I turn to the other auditioner (Richard, nice guy) since he and I are supposed to be good friends according to the copy and say, “Can you imagine how many women that tongue has been in?!” and then I start chanting “STD! STD!” Then the music seemed to end rather abruptly. Oh well. You think there’s NOTHING you can do to offend New Yorkers and then something ambiguous like this happens.
Also, I held a 3 month old chihuahua and it kissed me. IT WAS THE SMALLEST THING IN THE WORLD. I could have a pug or a chihuahua. I would have to get the smallest chihuahua available. It was SO CUTE. I would name the chihuahua Squiggles. It fit in the palm of my hand.

You. Fucking. Dickwhacker.

4.3.06
3:27 PM
I just opened a letter from the Museum of Modern Art with membership info and stuff like that. Like most places in the vein of MoMA they have different levels of membership for different amounts of money. Part of me wants to cut a check for $2,500 just because that same part of me feels like not only should I be a member, but I should also get special privileges and such. I could do it, but I can imagine a serious bout of (irreversible) buyer’s remorse kicking me in my throat some time soon after the check was cashed.
The film is done. I have to record a soul-tearing scream or two but the shooting is over. I feel mixed emotions, mostly good, but whatever. I have never truly trusted my emotions. When your emotional climate can be altered by candy, you shouldn’t trust it.
I don’t know if it’s the weather, the pancakes, the end of the film or the Nine Inch Nails tickets, but I am feeling spiritually tall at the moment. I feel a picnic coming on. Like a pre-game for BEECHOUSZATRONICON XMAX. Oh, also it could be the fact that I have my trip booked to Florida for the opening day of Silent Hill with Phil. I feel light and fluffy like clouds. Tall, sexy clouds.
Will is a gay robot. And I think he knows what the problem is…
This light feeling could be from something much bigger. Something that my mind is only allows hints of. Like the shadows of giants. Something cosmic and good. Something that makes me feel eight years old.
I shall arrange a picnic soon. None will be spared, gaze upon the terror of my picnic plans and tremble. My only regret is that Kaitlyn will not be at this picnic. She HATES to see me happy. Actually, she hates to see me period, but seeing me happy? That’s like HOT glass in her eyes.
I’M OFF!

3.29.06
9:35 PM
So it’s gotten to that point in the night when I want silence in which to read my book (American Gods, totally digging it) but this here security guard is jabbering VERY LOUDLY in Spanish. Laughing in that mean way and talking louder and louder. So…I tried something I have always wanted to try. I surreptitiously reached over to the phone and dialed the Code phone (read the Bat Phone). The instant it rang, he mumbled something in Spanish into the phone and hung up. I too acted surprised and then puzzled when I got no response from the other end. Hm. Anyway, it shut him up and now I am free to enjoy my book.
Thank you, Bat Phone.
Also, today falls into the (eventual) Good Day category. I recorded my third Evergreen voiceover today as well as scored some choice NIN tickets for the June 17th show. Goodness am I stoked.
All right, enough jibber jabber, back to Bookland.

3.30.06
4:40 PM

Had my own person al “what do you mean, ‘what?’” experience today. Although this was MUCH more professional. The guy had an actually liquor bottle, not a Snapple bottle and he also had an accomplice, wait, I’m sorry, a “4 month pregnant wife” (he made it very clear, several times that she was 4 months pregnant). I was coming back from the Laundromat with my clothes, carrying a big, heavy bag. I saw there was someone up ahead in the middle of the sidewalk so I went further over to the left so as not to bump them. Sure as sugar, as I walk past, he swerves and bumps into me. I thought nothing of it until I heard the sound of a liquor bottle hitting the ground.
Part of me knew INSTANTLY exactly what was going on, but another part of me was a bit wary. This wasn’t three big white guys in the middle of a totally empty Times Square at 4 in the morning; this was one big white guy in Harlem with a lot of gangstas keeping me in their periphery. I didn’t know how to react. Part of me wanted to grin and clap the guy on the back and say, “Been there, done that, Stinky.” But this guy was NOT having it. It went from “you broke my bottle” to “you hit me in the eye with your bag AND broke my bottle” to “you broke my bottle AND hit my in the eye with your bag AND I cut my finger on the broken bottle when I touched it trying to take it out of the bag to show you it’s really broken (thank you, Will, for putting the idea to ask him to show me the bottler into my head…)”. First he wanted me to go into the liquor store with him to buy him a new bottle of Cisco (sp) (I can’t remember what the first guy said we broke; I think it was vodka, but wouldn’t it be a kick if he also claimed it was Cisco?), then he wanted the cash equivalent ($12.50) and then he said he would “go half with me” and he asked for $6.25. Now, don’t think that he was in a jovial, bargaining mood. Oh no. He was quite the pugilist and totally unafraid of me. He was a FOOT shorter than me and was aaallll up in my grill. He yelled at me for “disrespekin’” him in front of his 4 month pregnant wife, then he started walking into to me as I was trying to walk away. Then he did The Reach and pleaded with me not to make him do something he didn’t want to do. I just kept apologizing and insisting that I was neither disrespecting him nor his beautiful 4 month pregnant wife and that I had no money sine I was just returning from doing my laundry. He asked how much I had spent on the laundry and I said 8 quarters at which point he insisted I could pay him in quarters. Anyway, eventually, his 4 month pregnant wife sort of gave him a signal and they both just left.
Soon after came the flood of should haves, could haves, would haves (just as the time before, except this time I didn’t have Phil or Will to bounce them off), a flood in which I am still caught up.
Anyway, the result of this is as follows: I am now officially a racist. This doesn’t mean I will start listening to Hatecore music (which sucks) or start wearing a hood or anything as dramatic as that, what this means is that from now on, every stereotype is guilty until proven otherwise. I can only go with what I know from MY OWN LIFE EXPIRENCE. I have had a few good experiences, hundreds of neutral experiences and several bad experiences, one which endangered Christina and resulted in a 40 ounce being thrown at my head). The bad officially outweigh the good and from this point on, I am prejudiced until I have been given reason not to be. Sorry, but every fucking action has an opposite and equally powerful reaction. This fucker called me names, accused me of injuring him and his pride and threatened me, all so he could get a few bucks off me. Proactive panhandling. Ha! At least I can’t accuse this dude of being lazy, mm? Is this because I was white? Because I was carrying a huge bag of laundry and he thought I would just say sorry, here’s some money? I have no idea. But from here on out, prove me wrong or fucking be profiled.
What a pity. I was going to post about today was such a beautiful day. Thanks, Stinky.