Exit, Stage Left

Jean-Paul Sartre said that hell is other people.
I have come to agree, but with a caveat: hell is blitheringly stupid, eternally prattling, farting-in-church-during-a-funeral loud, mouth-breathingly ignorant people.
If we are now going by that modified definition of "hell", then I have been in hell for a decade.

You know what? No more hell for me, thanks.

After precisely ten years and one month, I am leaving my job at "the Hospital" AKA Terence Cardinal Cooke Health Care Center.

There are exactly two negative aspects to this decision: the first is that I lose the best insurance coverage in the country, and, the second, is that I will no longer receive a bi-weekly paycheck to read comics, browse the internet, create artwork, devise questions and line up guests for my podcast, author this fuckrant page and a few other things that I'm actually not supposed to do while at work.

The positive aspects? Honestly, I seem to discover a new one every few hours, just popping into my mind like tiny, delectable marshmallows rising to the surface of a delicious mug of hot chocolate.

Let's list a few off the top of my head, shall we?

• Suddenly, I will have a social life, as I will no longer be working from 3 pm to 11 pm Monday through Friday.
• I will have fifteen more hours a week to audition for and book gigs, since the majority of auditions are held from 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday, and, because of this job, I have been missing those taking place between 2 pm and 5 pm...for ten years.
• I get to see my wife for more than two hours a week.
• I will never...ever be exposed to this brain dead bunch of yammering stool samples...ever...again. Just...imagine that for a second...if the most annoying people in your world...people you had to spend eight hours a day with for a large section of your life...just...disappeared... That's happening for me.
•  No more seeing my bus (a bus that comes every fifteen to twenty minutes after ten o'clock at night) just as it's pulling away as I round the corner, leaving me to stand, alone in the dark, wondering why...the fuck..was I still doing this fucking job.
• No more working under administrators that could easily be replaced by an old pair of shoes. Full of poop. One of the worst things in (office) life is to have a supervisor that is dumb. Aside from the silent suffering one must undergo, one must constantly struggle with the fact that somehow...somehow this person ended up in charge of you. The mind...boggles... 
• No more shitty lunches at the spatter of shitty restaurants up around here.*
• Although it's been common knowledge for the Department of Health, the FDNY, and the entire administrative department for years before I joined the ranks of these slack-jawed, shuffling corpses, the fire system here does not work. Now, I'm not saying it does not work correctly, I'm saying that it does not work. As in, if there is a fire, it will not tell us there is a fire. Although, I will give it props for going off, full bore, when it's raining outside or it's humid in the building or that, in general, everything's okay. Another way to put this is that I am at less risk of burning to death in a fire if I am not here anymore.
• I will no longer experience the spiritual torpor that engulfs me wholly when I think of the people who have been here longer than I have and who seem content...like a Bichon seems content...with it's glassy, depthless, unfeeling, unthinking eyes...
• But, perhaps the aspect I am most excited about (and that's saying something as I am fucking thrilled about ALL these other aspects) is that I will now have forty more hours a week to pursue each and every creative whim that dances its glimmering way through my sparking, little mind. So, if anyone out there wants to collaborate on anything, fucking call me; I have nothing but time and boundless, exuberant, soaring ebullience at this gift I have given myself.

Oh, and, one more thing: there's going to be a party.
I'll keep you updated.




* One exception is 3 Guys diner; it is rock solid diner food. God help you if you order anything more complicated than a tuna melt, but, as long as you keep it simple...and stay on the path...and stand...and be true...what the fuck was I talking about?
El Paso Taqueria is pretty awesome too.

A List Of Why Today Is Good

In no particular order.

1. In less than 30 days, I'm getting married (getting our license on Monday)

2. Tomorrow, my One and Only is going to surprise me with something here in the city. And I'm completely in the dark about what it could be.

3. I have another session with the wonderful and excellent Speakaboos next week.

4. My podcast (digressive_obscenity) is going strong, and I'm getting a bunch of new subscribers every day.

5. I'm in the midst of recording my second audio book and it's going great.

6. The new music I've been looking forward to isn't just not disappointing, thus far it's all been excellent (Eels, Atoms For Peace, How To Destroy Angels) AND it's not even all out yet (They Might Be Giants, Bowie).

7. Production has begun on the They Might Be Giants music video for "You're On Fire", starring Peter Firehead, who may or may not be the song's inspiration.

8. Seeing Eels LIVE in a week.

9. Had a psychic flash earlier today that, based on Reznor's promise of "big news next week", he'll announce Nine Inch Nails' return to the stage at the end of 2013...with opening band How To Destroy Angels.

10. I accidentally became a vegetarian (okay, pescatarian) for a few days and will continue being one, just to see what will happen. I hope this will somehow make up for my experience with Redbull some years ago.

A List Of Why Today Is Good (in no particular order)

1. My VO re-record for Lenovo went off without a hitch and was received by the L.A. cell of TransPerfect, also without a hitch.

2. My copy of Lollipop Chainsaw arrived.

3. I have the Fraggle Rock theme stuck in my head and I'm loving every second of it.

4. Didn't feel exhausted after working out.

5. Speakaboos is having me back for a 3 hour session next week.

6. A mind-boggling fifty people have read my review of Coil's Scatology, I think due so some French dude who favorited the tweet in which the link was contained. Vive la France! Vive Coil!

7. The legion of endorphins blasting through my blood stream thanks to number 4.

8. Chris and I are two steps closer to locking down our catering for the wedding.

9. I just found out that Cake is coming to the Bowery Ballroom about two weeks before my birthday.

10. Realized that today is Thursday and not Wednesday.

Today would definitely fall into the category of a good day. I woke up early to find that my Nine Inch Nails show had burned perfectly and, when I tested the DVD, I was amazed by how great the quality was. It was dead center from the balcony the whole time. The taper never jostled once and even threw in some pretty nice pans and close ups. The sound was excellent too. It could have been professional. After I test the DVD, I check my e-mail to find out that little nugget about the Bacardi and another piece of good news thanks to Mel. Then I check my usual web sites to find that TMBG has TOTALLY redone their old Dial-A-Song site (www.dialasong.com) with a Podcast themed shrine complete with archived downloads, three new songs and the news of TWO brand new albums coming in 2007, one for kids (I think it might be “Here Come the 1-2-3’s”) and one for adults. The site looks awesome too. I also grabbed the new Scissor Sisters track (I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’) from their upcoming album and it needs some time to grow on me but it’s far from shit. Then the Blood Gods of the Internet were pleased about something because they allowed me to download the two episodes of Nightmares & Dreamscapes I was hankering for in about 5 hours total. During that time, I filmed the last five films and am 90% done with everything except for actually recording the credits and burning the whole project to a disc. Granted, my burner could fuck me in the time between now and then, but all the problems I was having with it have seem to have gone away.
And, on top of all this love, just as I was writing that last sentence, my dinner arrived.
Yes, close the books people; it has been a good day.

P.S. I contracted AIDS from a Vietnamese transsexual who sodomized me.
P.P.S. Or did I?