The Most Interesting Voice We've Ever Heard

A few days ago, I was contacted for an audition which, due to my recent illness, I was unable to attend.*
Here's what the client was looking for:

The most interesting voice we’ve ever heard. He’s likeable and authentic. Distinct. Masculine. Confident. Comfortable in his own skin. Someone you look up to. A storyteller.

The most interesting voice we've ever heard.
While I know the client (it's a very mainstream product for very mainstream people) and their previous ad work (it's fucking everywhere all the time in New York), I'm not going to say the name, just in case, but, one thing I will say: in the end, this ad will not feature the most interesting voice anyone has ever heard.
But, Paul, they said they were looking for the most interesting voice they've EVER heard! It's right there in the spec!!!
Yes, Other Me I'm Making Sound Like An Idiot For The Purpose Of Proving My Point, I know, but, you have to understand, when people like this say something like that, they don't mean interesting to everyone, they mean interesting to their trudging, brain-dead demographic.
So, if one were to go in with a for-real-and-true interesting voice, these folks would probably grimace, say "weeeeeird-ooooo" and move on (after high fiving in assent).
Not that I consider my voice interesting. I believe it can do some interesting things, but I've never had anyone say "you have an interesting voice".
It's deep and rich like buttered sex leather (I actually have gotten that before) but I would not say it's interesting.
Crispin Glover has an interesting voice.
Alan Rickman has an interesting voice.
Emo Philips has an interesting voice.
But the idea of any of these actors doing a voice over for THIS company?
I can feel their wallets shriveling at the thought of trying anything so...risky.
God forbid that someone other than their demographic thinks something they do is interesting! Why, that might get them more customers and what kind of business wants that?!
More money? Thank you, sir, but, no, we'll do just fine with our brand of not-actually-interesting interesting.
Another hint as to how this will not, in any way, be interesting: all the words in that description: "likeable", "authentic", "distinct", "masculine", etc. are what's known as "bullshit".
These words appear in almost every voice over description out there (along with my top three favorites: "warm", "friendly" and "not announcery").
You see where I'm going with this?
How are you going to do something interesting if you only use old and tired buzz words?
There's no math to it...
Anyway, I can't wait to see what these guys think of for "the most interesting voice they've ever heard".
I'm willing to bet you'll forget this commercial before it's even over.

* But please believe me when I promise you this is not a "sour grapes" thing by any means. I go on enough auditions to not let these things bother me.