End of the Month Music Bitchfest - May 2012

Just a note for anyone who, for whatever reason, is here for the first time. Each month I complain about my five favorite bands (Nine Inch Nails, They Might Be Giants, Eels, Beck and Cake) and anything else relating to music that's in my Cone of Perception. If I don't mention one of my favorite bands, it's because, literally, nothing is happening with them...or at least nothing they are sharing with us, the people who BUY THEIR FUCKING MUSIC AND PUT FUCKING CLOTHES ON THE BACK OF THEIR STUPIDLY NAMED CHILDREN. so that's what this is.

Nine Inch Nails
Posted on Twitter at around 5:45 on Thursday, May 31st:

"Getting the plan together for @destroyangels. You will hear new music later this year. Stay tuned."

How 'bout you stay fucked?

Later this year? Reznor said this album was coming out quarter one of 2011.

That's the first four months of the year 2011, in case anyone doesn't get how time and calendar and shit work.

How about this: if this turns out to be a double album, all is forgiven. A double album could possibly have taken this fucking long, but if you assholes squirt out some 12 track, fifty-five minute thing in motherfucking December...I'm going to buy it and all the merchandise associated with it.

And see you in concert when you come around my way.

Seriously, who the fuck am I kidding?

Beck
I am utterly speechless.
So much so that I'm just going to post a link.
The Apocalypse MUST be coming.

They Might Be Giants
The band continues to release their amazing, free podcast weekly. While listening last week, I had a realization: TMBG is, essentially, bringing back the mix tape with this podcast. It's a guy with a HUGE collection of forgotten and rare tracks which he's releasing every week to those who are interested. Way to fight the future, Flans.
Aside from the podcast, Flans is keeping fans apprised of the recording of their new, as-yet-untitled album, expected early 2013.
What TMBG is doing, keeping people updated as things happen in the studio is so refreshing after the cryptic mindfucking of Nine Inch Nails, the smug silence of Cake and the utter absence of Eels.
You'll notice I've left Beck off that list as I am STILL floored by the above link.
Holy SHIT.


In other news, this month marked the release of the new Marilyn Manson, Garbage and Scissor Sisters albums.
I've talked at length about the first two (review of the shitty new Manson, review of the pretty good new Garbage) and, as for the new Scissor Sisters, Magic Hour, I'll have a proper review up soon, but, sadly, it isn't nearly as solid as I had hoped. There are a few rock solid tracks on it, but not nearly enough. Sad, sad, sad. Oh well, at least I'll always have "The Backwoods Discotheque".

 And, remember that super-rare-only-2500-in-the-world St. Vincent vinyl?
Well, they released it on iTunes.
Which, honestly, I couldn't care less about as I was going to have the record converted to mp3 anyway.
If we've learned anything from the Terminator films it's that you cannot resist the future.
*sigh*

Finally, the latest Ramona Falls album, Prophet, is astounding. The first album, Intuit, was amazing, a rock solid, stand out proof of concept, but this new one is the magnificent tree that's grown out of its incredible seed.
Ramona Falls has the same sad, beautiful complexity that can be found in a lot of Sufjan Stevens' music, but, while I find some of Stevens' stuff a bit inaccessible, most everything by Brent Knopf grabs you almost immediately and doesn't release you until the album is over. I don't think I've been more excited about a band's follow up album since finishing Intuit, and Prophet has delivered a thousandfold.
Ramona Falls is doing what indie artists should: being awesome, deep and unique.
Listen to Prophet if you like things that are good.

LINKS
Hear new Ramona Falls album
Ramona Falls - "I Say Fever" music video
Ramona Falls - "Russia" music video



* unless there is nothing to complain about...which is rare

A review of Garbage's "Not Your Kind Of People"

Automatic Systematic Habit - First things first, you are Garbage. You blazed a trail in the 90's by, not so much creating the hot-female-fronted-dark-pop-rock-band-with-some-electronics-thrown-in-there, but certainly by perfecting it and carving a niche for yourselves in pop culture. 

You are not Britney Spears or Madonna or some other shitty/bland product that needs autotune and nastee hott tekno beatz to get people's attention...as you've done with "Automatic Systematic Habit".

You're better than that.

Now that we've agreed on that, we can focus on the fact that it is a very brave song. For this to be the first track on their first album in seven years is very courageous. It's shows evolution of sound and concept and that is always exciting to see.

Just wish the song was better.

Big Bright World - Ah, here we are. I'm beginning to understand why everyone who heard this album said it sounded like the first one: because it's great. This is the kind of track that made Garbage stand out, that grabbed the mainstream's attention. It's not dark and smoky and sexy like some of their other stuff, it's bright and open and hopeful, which is just as welcomed as the former. Love the sound of this. I want to see someone set footage of Doctor Who to this song.

Blood For Poppies - A bit radio-y for my taste; not bad, just a bit...soft, I suppose. There is some new ground tread on here which is always nice.

Control - Harmonica is a bit weird...  Something about it reminds me of the feel of Use Your Illusion II. Interesting, but not really great. Oh and that singing-into-a-fan vocal effect towards the end...yikes.

Not Your Kind Of People - Starts off kind of weak. Remains weak. On the whole a pretty forgettable song. I thought this would be a lot more aggressive and confrontational based on its title. But it's more sad and proud; a low energy anthem for outsiders. A lot of this album seems dedicated to said outsiders.

Felt - This feels like a b-side. A really good b-side. Not bad at all, just a bit incomplete maybe. Love the guitar and chords. Shirley's...yodeling at the end is an odd choice...

I Hate Love - Excellent, rock-solid 90's Garbage. Total call back to what made them great. I hope this is the next single.  At times it has the feel of (another) Bond theme. And the ending?  "And then your love dies"? Dark.

Sugar - Really dig this one. Don't know if anything Shirley Manson does could ever be as sensual as "Supervixen", but this comes in a close second (or third if you count "#1 Crush"). Her sultry little husk is still intact after seven years of disuse. Or, to put all this into one word: rowr. Although, much like with Lykke Li, I have trouble believing that either of these talented, gorgeous, artistic women really has problems finding men to love them.

Battle In Me - Very strong, very forceful track. I really enjoy the guitar/drum breakdown at the chorus. Not sure why this was the first UK single and America got the far less interesting "Blood For Poppies". Then again, all these record companies are reaching senility and making less sense, so...I guess that explains it? Either way: great song.

Man On A Wire - Kind of sounds like Peaches. This brings up an interesting aspect of Garbage's music. More often than not, it isn't good Garbage songs versus bad Garbage songs, it's super catchy and well written radio playable Garbage songs versus skippable Garbage songs. I can't really think of an out and out bad Garbage song, just a bunch that I'd rather not listen to in favor of a different, better Garbage song. The delineation is clearest, I feel, on their second album Version 2.0. There are two types of songs on that album: the radio singles and those that are not radio singles. The former just have that perfect mix of hooks and melody and everything else that makes a song great and super replayable, and the latter just feels a bit...wrong. It isn't really something I can point out, just this abstract feeling of "these are better than those". All this to say: "Man On A Wire" is skippable. For me at least.

Beloved Freak - A disclaimer: I'm a huge Eels fan, and, as the title reminds me of "Beautiful Freak", the two songs will always be compared in my mind and the Garbage song will always be found lacking. Sorry guys. Also, I don't really like the song a whole lot. It's too smaltzy and saccharine. "You're not alone, you're great, you're special, let your light shine...". It all just sounds like a grade school teacher consoling a kid that all the other kids are calling a weirdo because he like Magic cards instead of baseball cards or plays D&D or wears a cape or something. Honestly, I blame my own cynicism. It's a sweet, warm, encouraging song and my sensibilities just don't lie that way...even though a own a cape.

Overall, this album shows that Garbage is still capable of evolution. Maybe not lyrically so much, but sonically. Most of the music on this album has so much going on under the drums, bass, guitar and vocals that it makes listening with headphones and listening on speakers two very different experiences, both rich and highly enjoyable.

I'm very interested in hearing the other eleven or so songs the band wrote and recorded for the album, as they're known for having some really excellent b-sides out there, many of them better than some album cuts, in my opinion. I don't think I'll consider Not Your Kind Of People truly complete until the other half has been released and can be fit in and around this first half. In any case, Garbage is certainly back and, hopefully, able to step right back into where they were almost ten years ago.

Oh, and also, Butch Vig is fucking awesome.

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - April 2012

BITCH-CUITS AND GRAVY.

Beck

I think Beck might be mocking me...

Over the past month, he has released two covers: the kind of creepy oldie, "I Only Have Eyes For You" and "Corinna, Corinna".

He's managed to make the former even creepier and the latter features him and his acoustic guitar, nothing else.

While neither is a new album, I do enjoy hearing his voice.

He's playing a bunch of festivals this summer and maybe he'll tell his fans about a new album...or that he's retiring.

Nine Inch Nails

"Mulholland test drive of the finished new HTDA record".

Fuck you, Twitter, allowing artists to be even more vague than they used to be.

What the fuck does this mean?

That he played the album in his car while driving up and down Mulholland Drive?

That he went door to door playing the album for those who were interested?

Fuck!

Q1 of 2011 is lasting a HELL of a long time.

They Might Be Giants

Although they are no longer touring, the band is anything but silent.

Each week since their tour ended, they've been releasing their free podcast, stuffed with rare, live, weird and very weird tracks.

They're hard at work on the 2012 Instant Fan Club ringtones and their new album and EPs.

Plus, the IFC tumblr account, manned by Flans, is working with about 24 of turnaround time.

I'm running out of things to ask him.

The first of the 2012 IFC swag should be arriving soon...

Just at the start of the month, both Marilyn Manson and Garbage released music videos for their new singles.

And I WATCHED THEM.

First, "Blood For Poppies" by Garbage.

Somehow this radio friendly "hi everyone, we're back!" song feels incongruous with the flickering, black and white film grain of the video.

Oh, maybe because it is.

The video itself is an homage to a  whole bunch of old films which I can't remember from my college film classes.

On the whole, it isn't anything spectacular, although everyone looks great.

As for Marilyn Manson's "No Reflection" video?

Well, there are some vaguely Mormon overtones, some chicks sexy dancing while Manson holds (not plays, but holds) a guitar, and then all the girls at this dinner party smash up the place and then die.

Perhaps because they heard the whole of Manson's brand new album, Born Villain, which just came out on Cooking Vinyl Records!!!!

Honestly, this looks like it could have been made in the early 2000's.

There is NO new ground broken here.

Although I do like Manson's make up.

Switching gears to an artist with talent: for Record Store Day I bought a copy of St. Vincent's exclusive 7" vinyl release.

It features two songs, "KROKODIL" and "GROT".

They are loud and harsh and explosive and screaming and I love them...although I'm probably going to get them converted to mp3s because A.) I don't break out my record player that often and B.) I can barely understand what the fuck she is saying.

Did I mention the screaming?

Also, coming at the tail end of May, there is a new Scissor Sisters album titled Magic Hour.

Which, I think, has something to do with handjobs at sunset...I think.

After I found out this was happening (the upcoming release not the handjobs...although I did just say 'upcoming release'...), I relistened to the three albums the Sisters have put out thus far.

While Ta-Dah and Night Work both have some really good stuff on there, neither comes close to their debut, self-titled album.

I've heard a couple tracks off Magic Hour, namely, "Shady Love" and "Only The Horses" and, based on those, I'm sort of predicting the same thing; a solid album with some strong stuff and some forgettable stuff, none of which holds a candle to their first release.

And, honestly, I'm fine with that, as their first album is AMAZING.

Here's hoping.

Around the end of April, the music video for "Only The Horses" appeared on scissorsisters.com.

It features horses and paint.

Stuff I've Been Overlistening To

Marilyn Manson - Murderers Are Getting Prettier Every Day

Not that the song is so amazing, I just want it to make the rest of the songs around it better.

Music doesn't have an associative property, does it?

Nine Inch Nails - Get Down, Make Love

Originally a cover recorded for their "Sin" single, NIN started playing this live on their first tour in 1988, and, aside from their Lights In The Sky tour in 2008, have played it on every tour since.

The studio version was produced by and features Al Jourgensen of Ministry on guitar and, sorry Freddie, it's better than the original.

Or at least a lot angrier.

I took myself on a tour of the song's live performance evolution over the years and have determined that my favorite version is from the Self Destruct tour from the mid-90's.

The song remains whimsical and a bit silly, but with the fury that permeated that entire tour, a fury that's further enhanced by bassist Danny Lohner and guitarist Robin Finck screaming "Get down!" and "Make love!" at the top of their lungs in the background.

I also enjoy Reznor changing the line, "You say 'it's enough', looks like it's too much" to "You say 'it's enough', looks like it's too big".

Heh heh...dick joke.

David Bowie - I'm Afraid Of Americans

Not really.

I just listened to the EP that has every interpretation of this song that Trent Reznor (and Ice Cube?) could come up with.

Plus a shitty drum 'n' bass remix than none of them had ANYTHING to d with.

But three looks better than two, so yeah.

A review of Marilyn Manson's "Born Villain"

For the last 8 years, being a fan of Marilyn Manson has been like being in an abusive relationship.

I remember the good old days of Portrait Of An American Family and Antichrist Superstar and his next few albums...but then came Lest We Forget...a best of. That was a slap in the face, but, hey, some record labels require a "Best Of" in their contracts and, I could reason away a slap. I mean, it isn't like he really hit me...he slapped me...and he was tired and I was nagging him about taking out the trash...I sort of deserved it... But then, in 2007, Marilyn Manson released Eat Me, Drink Me which was, for the purpose of this allegory, the shove down the stairs that caused a miscarriage; which is what that album happened to be...a miscarriage. But a miscarriage that could squall off-key and spout bad puns all while sounding exactly the same throughout. Which is impressive for a dead fetus, but not for an established musician. In 2009, he released The High End Of Low*, which was about as pleasant as a broken wrist and bruises that last a month; not as bad as a miscarriage, but certainly not enjoyable.

When I heard there was a new album stumbling down Manson's absinthe-and-hyperbole-soaked pipeline...damn it...I couldn't help myself.

I thought, "Well, if Twiggy is involved, maybe it could be good..." and "I love Chris Vrenna's stuff, maybe that'll find a place on the album" and "Manson's dad sure seems to think this is going to be a great album...why would he lie?"

Will I never learn?

Well, the new album, Born Villain, is now out and I have listened to it and I'm here to tell you...it isn't as bad as getting beaten up by your significant other. Please don't think this is a compliment, most of this album is just the seemingly random croaking, hysterical screaming and de-lib-er-ate-o-ver-e-nun-ci-a-tion of bad word play that might seem original and inspired to a fourth grader that we've come to expect from Marilyn Manson over the past eight years. And, I'll solve a mystery for you: know why the songs on this album are longer than average? Two reasons, first, because a bunch of them have inordinately long intros consisting of uninteresting noise or, in one sad, silly case, a quote from none other than William Shakespeare, and second, because Manson sings stuff over and over and over, repeating himself as if he were playing for the elderly or children with ADHD. "Yes, Marilyn, we heard you the first time and we weren't impressed then, repeating the same lyrics six more times isn't going to grant us some amazing insight, it's just going to make us skip to the next track." Some examples of this "style choice" can be found in "Children of Cain" (which almost has some cool stuff going on) and "Disengaged", which both have sections where Manson is, literally, just rambling like a (very disturbed) three year old until he runs out of steam before repeating what he just said...again and again and again...*sigh*...I pity anyone buying this album on vinyl...

Oh, and keep first time listeners away from the pair of shit Twinkies that is "Pistol Whipped" and "The Flowers of Evil" unless you never want them to take anything Marilyn Manson has ever done seriously...ever. The former, because it is loaded with his awful pun babbling and silly turns of phrase spoken slowly and frequently as if they are the most mindblowingly poignant sentiments ever expressed by man ("I want to have your ache/and beat you too")**, and the latter because, aside from the horrible, repetitive lyrics, Manson's voice just sounds like garbage on it. Look, Marilyn Manson will never be compared, vocally, to Celine Dion, but he used to have some semblance of vocal control over the tone, pitch and timbre of his screeching, yowling, husking and wailing; those days are long gone. Just search for "Marilyn Manson live 2012" on Youtube and enjoy the train wreck.

"But I thought you said this album wasn't as bad as getting beaten up by your significant other."

True, and here is why.

There are four, count them, four good tracks on this album.

Namely, "Hey Cruel World", the regrettably-titled "Slo-Mo-Tion", "The Gardener" and "Murderers Are Getting Prettier Every Day".

"Cruel World", the opener, while repetitive, increases the energy behind each repetition until exploding in a genuinely catchy chorus with some of the best Manson screaming we've heard in a while, a great track to re-announce his presence. "Slo-Mo-Tion" equates itself in my mind to Peter Gabriel's "The Barry Williams Show" and it works. This isn't Manson screaming and crying about how the whole world is this and he is the destroyer of that, it's him as a greasy talk show host...which is believable. No matter how much hot air he blows up fans' asses, he'll always be more Howard Stern than Hitler in his philosophies, manifestos and proclamations. "The Gardener", the lyrics of which stand out from the rest of the album as they are less silly, repetitive and "clever", are spoken over a simple beat and, rather than addressing bullshit effluvia from Manson's assbrain, focus instead on a woman and a simple metaphor involving flowers. Always good to know your limitations. "Murderers" has a great beat (thank you, Chris Vrenna) and a jagged, hard sound reminiscent of Antichrist Superstar (thank you, Jesus). Add that to a chorus that's shrieked at the world in general ("Fall on your knees and hear the horrid voices of someone else's angels") and, folks, you've got a pretty solid Manson song.

And, although there is some of Manson's lyrical diarrhea in this happy handful, I have figured out that when it's being tossed off like an errant thought like in "Gardener" or screamed at the top of Manson's tattered lungs like in "Murderers", it's not only forgivable, but sometimes...it actually works.

Another up side: overall, the music on this album is better than anything Manson has put out in years. Songs don't blur together in my mind as much as with previous releases and some have some pretty cool aspects to them...a fact I am attributing pretty much solely to the use of Chris Vrenna (of Nine Inch Nails and tweaker) for programming, percussion, synthesizers and keyboards; but, a nice, well-designed car full of severed dog penises is still a car full of severed dog penises.

And I'm not cleaning them up.

In the end, does Born Villain harken back to the glory days of the well-written, fully-realized, relevant music from Manson's early career?

No, of course not, but it's better than a handful of broken fingers and a jawful of loose teeth.

Maybe next time, Marilyn...maybe next time...

* Or, as I came to call it, "The High End Of Low Expectations". ZING!

**The first time I heard this line I actually said, out loud, "Oh, go and utterly fuck yourself, you grade school poet laureate."

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - March 2012

COURTNEY LOVE ON HER PERIOD

Beck
I’m…I’m sorry…what? A new what? A new…Beck song?!
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Yes.
March 20^th, Beck released “Looking For A Sign”, a song recorded for the soundtrack for the new comedy Jeff, Who Lives At Home.
It’s an okay song, feels a bit Mutations, a bit Sea Change.
Nothing to get too excited about, sadly.
But, hey, at least he isn’t dead.
Unless he died and his label released this song posthumously.
Which would be awful.

Cake
Cake released a pretty half-assed video for one of my favorite songs off their latest album. It's 95% fans lip syncing to the song and maybe 5% flickered clips of the band smiling at how clever they are when it comes to music videos that A. don't cost them anything, B. are eco-friendly and C. make them look clever.
Guys, it was pretty novel in 2001, when you did something singular and wacky and non-formulaic for the "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" video, but some time has passed and you're not going to reinvent the medium so HURRY UP AND MAKE A NEW GOD DAMN ALBUM YOU LAZY HIPPY CUNTRAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They Might Be Giants
Finishing up their Join Us tour with an amazing show at Terminal 5, They Might Be Giants have certainly earned a rest…which they have declined to take.
Between now and early 2013, the band will release THREE brand new EP’s (two adult and one for kids) and a brand new album (expected early 2013).
THAT is what I’m talking about.
Looking forward to periodic updates from TMBG regarding there “working vacation” and the sporadic perks from becoming a Super President member of this year’s They Might Be Giants Instant Fan Club.
To read said review of said TMBG show, scroll down said.

Nine Inch Nails
So...I guess...maybe Reznor forgot about the new How To Destroy Angels album...?

On March 7^th, Los Angeles’ KROQ played the first single off the new (totally real and actually coming out) album by
Marilyn Manson.
The song is called “No Reflection” and it made, literally, no impression on me.
You ever have that happen?
It’s like you find yourself at the bottom of a page but without being able to remember actually having read it?
This song is like that, but, rather than being distracted and not absorbing the information, as with a book, this was just so…not mentionable.

I gave it a few more tries to see if there was something making it disappear from my mind, but, nope, it’s just not strong enough to leave any sort of impression.
Although, I did, eventually figure out that the chorus sounds almost exactly like the chorus from another forgettable Marilyn Manson song from the equally forgettable “High End Of Low” album, namely “Leave A Scar”.
I would say you should listen to the choruses of both just to see what I mean, but that wouldn’t do anyone any good and you’d have listened to two bad Marilyn Manson songs, so please don’t.
I just hope that “No Reflection” wasn’t the song early reviewers were calling "super catchy… could do the K-ROQ rounds", because, if so, this is going to be yet another squirty fart from Manson’s shitty ass.

On March 23^rd, Manson posted the cover art and track listing for his new “effort”.
I’m not even going to bother posting this ridiculous bunch of song titles because you’ll think I just made them up.
I will, however, make an official declaration: the new Marilyn Manson album will be awful.
Not as awful as “Eat Me, Drink Me”, but perhaps as awful or more awful than “The High End Of Low”.
I’m not just basing this on one song and the track list…here’s a quote from Manson regarding his new album: 

“It's the first record where I repeat verses. I just sing the words in a different key the next time. I've never done that before, because I've always felt like I needed to write a lot of words in the past …”

Wait…what? No, that’s not how it works. What “key”? What “sing”? You haven’t “sung” in “key” since…ever. You lack that ability.
You have different sounds you’re able to make, mostly pertaining to volume and pitch, but you can’t sing, Marilyn…
You can whisper, growl, scream, croak, bark, yell, husk, howl, screech and squeak…but not sing…
*sigh*
Does ANYONE have this guy’s phone number?
I think we need to talk.

Garbage dropped their first single, “Blood For Poppies”, on the 20^th as a free download from their site, www.garbage.com.
And it is VERY…poppy!
BWA HA HAHA HA H AH AH AH AHA HA HA HAHH AH A!!!!!!
No, it’s not that great.
It’s a little too radio friendly (just listen to the bright, shimmery chorus to understand what I mean) and doesn’t stack up to
the majority of their singles they’ve released over the years.
It just doesn’t have that edge usually associated with their music
The band can still play, but nothing about the track really grabbed me.
I’m not judging the book by the cover though as Butch Vig is a god and Shirley Manson is a goddess.
The video for "Blood For Poppies" comes out April 3rd.

At the end of March, the band released their first UK single, "Battle In Me".
Now this, THIS sounds like classic Garbage, but with some modern studio tweaks.
Good stuff.

 
Meanwhile, the E-starved twink buried deep within me (helllooo) had an urge to hear the new Madonna album.
I heard that single and, as much as it made me want to destroy my radio and every device capable of broadcasting said single in a ten miles radius, it was catchy as all get out.
So I listened to the new Madonna album, MDNA, which I thought might have something to do with genetics, but apparently not.

Listening to the new Madonna album can be equated to eating a huge bag of Jolly Ranchers and glitter, then vomiting, then listening to said sparkling, rainbow-colored effluvia while in a club. Her lyrics here reflect nothing of her 12,000 years of pop queendom. In fact, if Britney Spears had recorded and released this album ten years ago, it might have been ground-breaking, but in Madonna’s case…it’s almost like she recalls nothing of her career, it’s like she’s starting over; not in a good or fresh way, on the contrary, it sounds laughably naïve.

This album has depth like a mosquito bite: you scratch it, it feels good in a bad way, then it gets infected and scabby. There are one or two interesting moments on here (“Falling Free” and “I Fucked Up”) and you can not deny the contagious (like the Motaba virus) nature of “Give Me All Your Loving” (I’ll not rape the English language on your behalf, you craggy bint), but I couldn’t help feeling a sense of annoyance while listening to this, as if I were be put upon somehow.

At the end of one of the two songs that grunty, spazzy rapper Nicki Minaj guest stars on, she informs the listener that “there is only one queen” and that “it’s Madonna…bitch.” That last word is almost spat between her gritted teeth, not
sounding emphatic here, like a statement of fact,…only desperate, as if saying it loudly and angrily enough will make it
so…but it won’t. And neither will removing letters from your name.

And, finally, Damon Albarn's latest side project (with Flea and Tony Allen), "Rocket Juice and The Moon", came out on
March 27th.
Okay...maybe I don't like funk, but this whole thing really feels kind of flat.
There are familiar faces from some Gorillaz album guesting on vocal, as well as one or two tracks with Albarn singing (and
every time I hear his voice I picture 2D), but overall nothing is really standing out here.
I'm blaming myself more than the artists involved.
I just don't like Damon Albarn doing funk.
Probably wouldn't like Nine Inch nails doing country either.
I wish this had been something I dug, but, whatever, it's a side project.
Next up: some new Gorillaz.

As it turns out, I haven't been obsessively overlistening to anything this month.
Maybe the medication is working...

A review of They Might Be Giants at Terminal 5, March 10th, 2012

Better late than shut the fuck up and read my review.

Saturday, March 10th marked the end of They Might Be Gants' Join Us tour and their last (real) show until December 2012, and they made it count as such.

Although I and the lovely Christina arrived three hours before doors to attain the best possible placement at Terminal 5, we were among about twenty fifth and sixth in line, respectively.

It was at that point I realized that I'm not as obsessed with They might Be giants as some people think I am...Will.

I also realized that a lot of these people really creep me out and, afterwards, Chris and I had a long discussion about these aspects.

But I won't bore you.

Eventually, we were joined by the Ultimate Tag Team: Jim Potenza and Jen Chua.

We had as good a time one can have in 40 degree weather and, eventually, were allowed in.

Jim and Jen were sent to the rooftop holding area, while Chris and I waited to obtain my special TMBG Instant Fan Club tickets to the show.

Because of a ridiculous lack of communication between the band's people and the venue (with more blame focused on the venue since I've seen this kind of thing work smoother at Madison Square Garden and Terminal 5 is NOT Madison Square Garden) the IFC members were asked to go BACK outside until our names appeared on a list.

While waiting to die slowly of exposure, Sylvia and Bryan showed up and, after a moment of discussion, went inside...the lucky ass bags.

About ten minutes before the normal people were allowed in, the IFC folks got their tickets, special goodie bags (a half-assed t-shirt "designed" by the band's current favorite minimalist graphic designer, Paul Sahre-- think heavily-outlined, day-glo objects placed on a white background and you've got this guy's "style" down pat, MORE window decals and a hand drawn "Certificate of Thanks" for being a member, signed by both Johns, obviously the winner of the bunch) and entrance to the venue.

I am happy to report that we were dead center, on the rail, my favorite place to be at a They Might Be Giants concert.

There was much waiting to be done, but, at some point, Jonathan Coulton hit the stage.

His set was, for the most part, enjoyable and his band totally brought it, playing "Code Monkey", "Still Alive (not as good without GladOS), "Re: Your Brains" and "I Feel Fantastic" as well as "Now I Am An Arsonist" with Suzanne Vega (1).

After a relatively quick set change, TMBG took the stage, opening with "Birdhouse In Your Soul", one of their standards that has yet to get old (for me, at least. Flans once commented in an interview that "if you severed the band members' heads from their bodies, we would still be able to play "Birdhouse"...we're saving that for our final show").

I'm happy to say that I pogoed for the majority of the song, much to the annoyance of the tiny girl to my right, but, seriously, fuck her, if this had been a Nine Inch Nails concert she would have been sliced open and served like smoked salmon where she was.

Then, "Cowtown", the first song Flansburgh and Linnell wrote together, another treat.

Other highlights included a new rendition of "Particle Man" which I'd never heard before and enjoyed immensely (I always marvel at the ways TMBG finds to keep these songs they've been playing for decades sounding fresh), "Snowball In Hell" (which featured an excellent spoken segment performed by the Avatars of They), "Ana Ng", "Don't Let's Start" (always a pleasure), "New York City" (I've probably seen them perform this song fifty times, but not for a few years and it always makes me happy to hear it), "When Will You Die?" (a new song that I hope grows into a live staple...did I already say that?) and just John and John (with an accordion) singing "How Can I Sing Like A Girl?".

Only two flaws on an otherwise perfect gem of an evening were fucking goddamn "Damn Good Times" and the starting-to-get-old show closer "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)".

I can think of, literally forty other TMBG songs I'd rather have in place of the former and about a dozen closers to replace the latter.

I also want them to start doing Factory Showroom shows and John Henry shows...with a FULL horn section, not just Mark "Smugman" Pender.

Anyway, yeah, amazing show; miles better than their lackluster 30th anniversary show back in January.

They're taking a working break as far as touring until December when they plan to do some "holiday shows", so I guess I'll be there, and they have a new album they are currently working on slated for an early 2013 release.

Once again, They Might Be Giants have delivered on the live front, no questions asked.

A Mini-Review of Madonna's "MDNA"

So, the E-starved twink buried deep within me (helllooo) had an urge to hear the new Madonna album.

I heard that single and, as much as it made me want to destroy my radio and every device capable of broadcasting said single in a ten miles radius, it was catchy as all get out.

So I listened to the new Madonna album, MDNA, which I thought might have something to do with genetics, but apparently not.

Listening to the new Madonna album can be equated to eating a huge bag of Jolly Ranchers and glitter, then vomiting, then listening to said sparkling, rainbow-colored effluvia while in a club. Her lyrics here reflect nothing of her 12,000 years of pop queendom. In fact, if Britney Spears had recorded and released this album ten years ago, it might have been ground-breaking, but in Madonna’s case…it’s almost like she recalls nothing of her career, it’s like she’s starting over; not in a good or fresh way, on the contrary, it sounds laughably naïve.

This album has depth like a mosquito bite: you scratch it, it feels good in a bad way, then it gets infected and scabby. There are one or two interesting moments on here (“Falling Free” and “I Fucked Up”) and you can not deny the contagious (like the Motaba virus) nature of “Give Me All Your Loving” (I’ll not rape the English language on your behalf, you craggy bint), but I couldn’t help feeling a sense of annoyance while listening to this, as if I were be put upon somehow.

At the end of one of the two songs that grunty, spazzy rapper Nicki Minaj guest stars on, she informs the listener that “there is only one queen” and that “it’s Madonna…bitch.” That last word is almost spat between her gritted teeth, not sounding emphatic here, like a statement of fact,…only desperate, as if saying it loudly and angrily enough will make it so…but it won’t. And neither will removing letters from your name.

End Of The Month Music Bitchfest - February 2012

BITCH NACHOS.

Nine Inch Nails
On February 11^th, How To Destroy Angels finished mixing their new, full length album.
So…there’s that.

Beck
Mr. Hansen will be performing at the Governor’s Ball this June.
He also “worked on” designing some Oliver Peoples sunglasses which you can buy for just $595.
At this point, I’d hand him the money personally just so I can punch him in the dick.
Fuck your sunglasses, DESIGN SOME FUCKING MUSIC.

On February 23^rd, Gorillaz released a new track called “Do Ya Thing”, featuring Andre 3000 of Outkast and James Murphy of the
recently defunct LCD Soundsystem.
It’s free on www.converse.com and it’s fucking awesome.
One of the best verses from Andre 3000 since The Love Below; lots of energy.
Catchy, ass-shakin’ beats and happy, blippy keys make this an excellent Gorillaz track; hopefully indicative of a new album, but, one can never nail down Gorillaz.
Like I said before: Damon Albarn just loves to have fun and do stuff.
And this track is both: fun and stuff.
Go and get it.
And then there’s the video which dropped just yesterday.
In it, literally nothing happens.
It’s amazing.
You can also find that on converse.com.

Also, in less than a month, Damon Albarn’s NEW side project with Flea and Tony Allen, Rocketjuice and The Moon, will be released.
Very much looking forward to that as well.

And…oh my goodness gracious…
Marilyn Manson posted on his journal about a week ago that he is just beginning his new world tour…he’s calling it…the “Hey Cruel
World…Tour”.
One more time: the "Hey Cruel World…Tour”.
Ladies and gentlemen, Marilyn Manson is now a pubescent girl.
Also, I found some more details about his album, “Born Villain”, which, based on his tour schedule, will have to be out in the U.S. by
the end of April, or else he’ll be performing songs that no one has ever heard.
Mostly, just the names of some songs.
By the way, the names of these songs don’t make me feel better about this album.
Book by its cover and all that, but, as we all know, it’s a cruel world…tour.

• Overneath (The Path of Misery)
• No Reflection
• S-Low Mo-Ti-on

Let me be clear: my hopes are not up, especially since the first title sounds like the over-angsty reflections of a mascara-slathered faux
cutter, the second like a reject from some shitty vampire show…which it is, and the third like some awful “surrealist” spoken word that
Manson wrote while “inspired” by the tooth-rotting excess of absinthe he imbibes each day.
Or, more likely, based on the majority of his last two albums, three songs that sounds so much alike he might as well not have bothered
to give them individual titles.
So, no, my hopes are not up, they are buried in a time capsule with “Portrait of An America Family” and “Antichrist Superstar”, and
THAT is why I’m going to listen to this album at least once.
Maybe.
Some random web site claims that the new (and, again, TOTALLY REAL) Marilyn Manson album will be released on May 1^st.

Garbage posted a video with a snippet of their first single, “I Hate Love”.
On Valentine’s Day.
How very rock and roll.
Hopefully, this was just the chorus, as it sounds kind of…repetitive.
Can’t really tell anything at all about the album based on said snippet, but at least this is proof that there actually is an album
Marilyn, I’m looking at you…
The band shot a video for “I Hate Love” which should be out soon.

During the month of February, I’ve found myself listening to a few songs over and over.
I have listed them here and might continue to do so.

St. Vincent – Your Lips Are Red
From her first album, “Marry Me”. I dismissed most of this album, but there are a few really solid tracks. Landmines, Paris Is Burning,
The Apocalypse Song and this one among them. There’s a barely restrained fury in the first half of this song that makes one afraid of
this 95 pound waif, it’s just terrifying; a great juxtaposition with the last half.
Really wish I hadn’t hesitated in buying tickets to see her at Webster Hall. A mistake I do not intend to make again.

Clams Casino – Waterfalls
Not a TLC cover. This is third and most amazing track from Clams Casino’s “Rainforest” EP. The whole EP is pretty amazing and has a monstrous, enveloping feel to it. Also, each song is just the right length. This is electronic music and artists in that genre tend to…ramble. But I don’t think there’s a song longer than four minutes on this EP. This track is what I want the new Nine Inch Nails to sound like. It won’t happen, but that should give you some indication as to how much I enjoyed it. Another way to describe the music on this release: This is what cyborg ice vampires listen to while fucking in the rain.

Prick - Other People
From their first (and only good) album in 1995. Four of the tracks, including this one, were produced by Trent Reznor and it shows
clearly on Other People. Very mid-90’s industrial with a few Reznor tweaks that make it stand out (some gentle synth to soften the
driving, pounding beat). There’s the incessant bass/drum pulse through the whole song, exploding briefly for the chorus and getting
turned completely on its head during the electro-synth bridge that sound straight off of “Further Down The Spiral”. Interscope
dropped these guys after their first album didn’t make them enough money so they didn’t make a new one until 2002. It’s called “The
Wreckard” and it’s awful.
It might have been cool to see what lead singer, Kevin McMahon and Reznor could have come up with for a second attempt, but, thems the breaks.

Gorillaz – Do Ya Thing
Can’t stop.
Neither will you.

Cavalcade of Links!!!

Gorillaz’ “Do Ya Thing” music video
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNeF30RverQ
 
Download “Do Ya Thing” FREE
www.converse.com
 
“Your Lips Are Red” by St. Vincent
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFrCIVoVj7A

 "Waterfalls" by Clams Casino
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KIQLbZPdIw

“Other People” by Prick
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ1iQrBugD8

UPDATE!!!!
Just today, Gorillaz posted the full, thirteen minute version of Do Ya Thing.
This thing goes EVERYWHERE and everywhere is goes is AMAZING.
www.gorillaz.com

My Trip To L.A.

Some pre-flight ruminations:

In the cab, on the way to the airport, I passed so many shitty, little places (Chinese restaurants, Laundromats, delis etc.) with the grandest names imaginable: Olympic Cleaners, Great King Chinese Food, Excellent Deli and so forth.
At some point, I’d like to open these types of establishments, but name them things like Pretty Good Chinese Food, Not Filthy Cleaners and Won’t Give You Leptospirosis Deli.
There was, or maybe still is, a place in the 80’s on Madison called “Ok Market” and there used to be a deli on 98^th and Madison called “Just Another Deli”.
I dug the truth in advertising.

Ever since college, every flight I took departed from La Guardia, which meant I would pass through Queens and that massive cemetery flanking the road.
Some part of me always felt better for having done it because it was as if, by passing through that graveyard, I’d been exposed to a lot of death and that, for some reason, meant that my plane wouldn’t crash.
Or something.
I’m sure that other, people have reflected on that, probably better than me, but, whatever.
I’m also usually up way too early on the days I travel and am sleepy; so, take that into account as well.

While flying over the galaxy of glittering lights that make up Memphis, Tennessee, I reflect that, every one has its own story and that I could not give a fuck about any of them.

Great thing about airports?
No homeless people.

All right, now to The Account.

From Thursday the 26^th to Monday the 30^th of January, I was in Los Angeles, staying with my good friends, Will and his wife, Diana.

Both legs of my flight went excellently, as I was able to get exit rows on each for my dainty, five foot long legs.
The layover in Memphis went as beautifully as anything can go in an airport: I walked off my plane from New York made a pee pee in the toity, walked up to the friendly, heavily accented lady behind the desk who gave me my new seat, then walked on to the plane.
Seamless as a baby.

I then spent most of the flight watching Moneyball, a movie about things with the framing of baseball.
Much like Black Swan, which was also a movie about things, but framed by ballet, it didn’t win me over to the framing device.
I still don’t give a shit about ballet or baseball (although my interest in celebrity lesbian sex scenes has increased a thousand fold).

Between the two flights, everything went so swimmingly, I ended up arriving in LAX (which stands for Los Angeles Xairport…the ‘x’ is silent…) a half hour early.
But LA traffic did a splendid job of fucking that right up.
Eventually, Will picked me up in his Prius, which is capable of launching small satellites, a feature only granted to graduates of the International Space University.
Which is a real place.
We arrived in his home in Glendale, at which point I freaked out his dog, Sampson (or maybe it’s ‘Samson’, I never actually asked the dog…) by being taller than his master and having longer hair than his mistress.
He barked until I sat down and then we were fast friends.
Soon after, Diana arrived home and we all went to accomplish the first item on my short list of things to do in Los Angeles; namely: eat a Zankou Chicken.
A quick aside: all of my LA goals had been gleamed from movies (The Big Lebowski) and music (Beck’s “Debra”), so don’t be surprised when I don’t make a point of going to the Hollywood sign.

Once we arrived and ate at Zankou Chicken, I had a much better understanding of not just Beck’s “Debra”, but the entire Midnite Vultures album.
Their garlic butter was, however, without equal.

We returned to Will’s and then, around 11 o’clock our time and 2 o’clock Phil’s time decided that Philip had to know, via caterwauled guitar/ukulele song, that there was no water on mars.
So we called him, twice, since we didn’t know if he had maybe already found out and panicked or whatever.
He later told us that he was too busy sleeping to answer his phone.
One thing I will say about Phil…he is a professional grade sleeper.
Then, we slept.
Another quick aside: because of my idiotic sleep schedule here in New York, I was able to play it totally normal in LA, blending in like a ninja in a ninja costume factory.
I, infiltrator.

Friday morning, I awoke to find an e-mail from TransPerfect asking if I could record one final line for my on-going Lenovo voice over session I’ve been recording on my home studio stuff. I informed Emily that I was in LA until the 30^th and if it was possible to get it to her by the 31^st.
She then suggested I record it in their studio in Culvert City.
Less than 12 hours in Los Angeles and already I was booking gigs.
Good. Omen.
I bounced the idea off Will and he agreed.

But, first…I plugged Will’s Beatles Rock Band mic into his Mac in order to make something amazing with Garageband.
Mission accomplished.
Throughout my time there, Will and I (and our supa-produca, Samson…I’m pretty sure it’s Samson…) worked on an original piece inspired by our urgent messages to Phil entitled “Water On Mars”.
Expect it some time Q4, 2013.

Will was able to avoid work for the remainder of Friday and we hit In & Out Burger on our way to Culvert City.
Burger = 8
Shake = 8
Fries = - 6
What…the…fuck…is wrong with their fries?*

After this bipolar lunch, we headed over to Culvert City, but not before Will drove me by the “Times Square of L.A.”.
We passed the tourists and maniacs out in front of Grauman’s Chinese theater and, you know what, I could handle never going there again.
There was something just so…greasy about it…
Anyway, we arrived at the studio, I met Emily, said my line (“Eastern Standard Time”) three times in fourteen seconds, racking up the most money for the smallest amount of work done in my career thus far…and then we left. Back to Will’s to continue work on “Water On Mars” and to await the advent on one Mister Dan Delgado AKA “Blades” Delgado, the notorious highwayman and chemist who was to join us that evening for Jay and Silent Bob Get Old, which records every Friday night at Universal City Walk at the Jon Lovitz Podcast Theater.
He arrived and, after a short discussion involving the September 11^th attack on New York City, hurting animals and a smattering of other awful stuff, we left.
But not before I imbibed a delicious ginger pear cider.
Nummy num!

I was dazzled and disgusted by the garish nature of the place which made the Universal City Walk in Orlando, Florida look like an abandoned monastery.
After sitting down and shocking our heavy-drug using tablemate into silence with a TOTALLY HETERO discussion about jerking each other off in the parking lot in order to relieve tension so as to better focus on the show, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes took the stage.
Then came a thirty minute monologue about how Kevin Smith’s 14-year old dog, Scully, the lynchpin of his family, is dying and, further, how his inability to deal with it is negatively affecting his marriage.
But it was still funnier than Jersey Girl.
I was praying for Mewes to interject something, anything, but this really wasn’t a back and forth kind of situation.
Eventually, Smith lightened the mood (slightly) with a story of how his daughter’s big tortoise, Snappy, has taken to raping her little tortoise, Snipper, by mounting it and making a high squeeing noise.
Yeah.
Then, Mewes told a story about shitting himself while working with a personal trainer and the results of said shart.
Finally, as they do at the end of every Jay and Bob Get Old, they played a game.
Sometimes it’s Let Us Fuck, where Kevin Smith will call out some geeky sexual position (the Boba Fetish etc.) and you and Mewes have to discuss then demonstrate said position, sometimes it’s Acting With Youse and Mewes (where Smith will direct you and Mewes in a scene from a popular movie) and, a few times, it’s been Do You Remember More About The 90’s Than Jason Mewes? (a very simple trivia game which Mewes almost always loses as he was totally fucked on heroin, oxycontin and crack for most of the 90’s).
This evening it was Do You Know More About the View Askew Movies** Than Jason Mewes?
Smith asked for a player from the audience and people started pointing at their friends and yelling at him to pick them, but, at Dan and Will’s urging, I merely stood up and was consequentially called up on stage.
I shook Smith’s hand and told him it was an honor, then did the same to Mewes, who, upon seeing how tall I was, bent over the table, imitating Snipper, the dominated tortoise.
So I fulfilled my role as Snappy and dry humped Jason Mewes while making a high pitched squeeing sound.
Happy Birthday to me.
We were then instructed, since there were no buzzers, to hit the table in front of us with our hands in order to “buzz in”.
If you’re truly interested in the outcome of this titanic battle, I’ll direct you to the recording of said podcast, which should be up around the end of February on Smodcast.com.
Here’s a hint, I was fucking shocked and worried for the majority of my time on stage.
That junkie knows a lot more about the movies he co-starred in than I had thought…

The three of us then made our way to Roscoe’s Chicken ‘N Waffles (another L.A. food staple) where we were joined by Diana.
I was informed by both Will and Dan that the choice wasn’t to have chicken OR waffles, but whether or not your chicken would be served “smothered”.
It was…unnaturally good.
By which I mean bad.
My only problem was that the chicken wasn’t served ON the waffles.
We had an enlightening conversation about the meaning and state of being “mad dogged” and then we retired for the evening.

Saturday morning, Will, Diana and I met up with a friend from Fordham who I wish I’d gotten to know better during our time there, the ever-salacious Graham Slipper.
We were also joined by his silk-dancing assassin girlfriend, Jordan and his absolute pussy magnet of a dog, Mustafa.
Graham has suggested a pleasant little place called Home which provided me with yet another amazing meal.
More excellent food and more excellent company.

Stuffed, we made our way to the Arclight Theater (a Los Angeles landmark) to pick up tickets for the new Mission Impossible then Will and I headed across the street to Amoeba Music (another landmark).
This place made me roll a tear, bringing back all the wonderful memories I’d had at various Tower Records/Video during my time in college.
This place was the fucking Platonic Ideal of Tower.
Sadly, crushingly, now that I’m a filthy deadbeat music downloader, there was nothing I was looking for.
I was thinking how impersonal and unexciting things have gotten with regards to new music these days…
There’s no more lining up at a Tower at midnight on a Monday in order to be one of the first fans to hold in your hands the new thing from your favorite artist/band.
Now it’s all about trawling the torrents sites for the earliest leak with the highest bit rate.
*sigh*
Will, however, had no problem whatsoever finding a panoply of physical media to bring home.
The lucky dog owner.

Then, off to the movie and fresh caramel popcorn.
Even though the movie was pretty straightforward action pap, the experience was pretty great.
I wish I’d seen The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo or something else where the sound was more than just explosions.
Not a bad movie though.

Once the movie had ended, Will and I dropped Diana at home and headed out to UCLA for They Might Be Giants’ thirtieth anniversary concert.
If you’re truly interested in this, I direct you now to scroll down a few inches and read my full review.
Overall, while it was a solid concert, I felt they could have made a bigger deal over this marking thirty years of them playing live together.
Plus the energy felt a bit low, probably because it was a seated venue and they’d done a family show earlier that day.
God damn do I hate seeing them in seated venues when they’ve performed a family show earlier that day…

One thing I will mention, as it has me utterly flummoxed and managed to truly shake my world view: after Jonathan Coulton had finished up and Will and I were waiting for TMBG to take the stage, Will asked me how many times, at this point, I had seen They Might Be Giants live.
I told him it was between 55 and 60 since my first show in March of 1998 in Orlando.
He balked and said that was a huge number.
I countered that there were people there tonight who had seen them more than that, much more, 300 times, at least, maybe more.
He scoffed, did the math and said I was insane.
I then put my money where my mouth is and bet him five bucks that, if he went down to the front row and asked how many times the people sitting there had seen TMBG, that he’d get at least ONE person in triple digits, closer to 300 than not.
I figured since we were in row V and those folks were in row A, well, yeah.
So, Will went down and, a few minutes later, returned, demanding his money.
I asked for the total and he said, after polling the first AND second rows, the highest number of shows seen…was fifteen.
Fifteen.
So, it appears that I am somewhat obsessed with They Might Be Giants.
Who knew?

We got to Will’s and, as the three of us were feeling a bit peckish, whipped up a delicious little meal that included magic sauce for potatoes and fresh guacamole and fajitas.
An upside to not having a 24 hour run-of-the-mill diner a thousand feet from your front door…
Then, more much needed sleep.

Sunday morning was spent with our friend from high school, Hillary who lives in L.A. and brought along her husband, Alex, and her suspiciously adorable kids, Finley and Nico.
Hillary has been doing well in L.A., to put it mildly.
It was truly great to catch up with her and Alex, who I hadn’t seen in about six years or so.
We talked about being handicapped in the industry and how stupid people are and whatnot.
Good times.
Yet another great meal with great conversation.
Things were beginning to feel a bit scripted at this point…

Soon after, Hillary, Alex and their unnaturally cute kids left and the three of us unwound with Memento.
Guy Pierce sounds like it should be a porn actor’s name.

After that, Will and I left to see Eddie Izzard at the Coronet, something that popped up at the last minute a day or so before.
We swung by and got our (amazing) seats then Will took me to the final, insane dinning experience of my trip: a little place called Milk.
After several days of meat and meat and meat, I decided to have a nice, light pasta dish with pesto and other things that weren’t meat…and some chicken.
I’m not a fag, okay?
Then (and this is what the place is known for), I got some dessert, Coffee Toffee ice cream, to be exact.
Haven’t had ice cream that good in quite a while.
Then, off to the Coronet to have my brain blown out the top of my head by the one and only Eddie Izzard.
His set covered why God doesn’t exist, the whole of human existence and why Latin is a dead language.
My two favorite moments were the Latin thing and his joke about picky badgers (which included an amazing impression of bok choy…yes, he did an impression of bok choy…the Chinese cabbage) which culminated in a delicious and truly awful pun.
I’ve decided that I need to see him every single time I can from now on.
I saw him once in Philly with Lauren and Trevor, but he was sick and we were tired (still, an utterly amazing show).
There is just SO MUCH packed into one of his sets that you can’t help but find something so funny that you can’t breathe.
I think I’m ready to declare Eddie Izzard, Patton Oswalt and Stella my favorite comics.
Call someone.
Tell the others.

With that, ostensibly, my trip to Los Angeles was over.
I packed, slept and then, the next morning, bid Will and Diana goodbye as the Super Shuttle pulled up.
On the way to the airport, I began talking with the only other person on said shuttle, a postal worker named Sabin, who waited for me to stop talking long enough to interject stuff I really had no interest in hearing…except for one thing.
I commented that the burgers at In & Out were pretty good, but that the fries were awful.
He informed me that it was because they were natural.
“They fry them in veggie oil, add salt and that’s it.”
An interesting possibility, and yet…no.
These fries were really fucked.

Aside from the typical airport shit and a delicious pulled pork sandwich in Memphis, that was it.

My very first time out there and I can’t imagine anything else living up to it.
I mean, amazing food at every turn, getting on stage with Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, seeing They Might Be Giants and Eddie Izzard, booking a (hilarious, weensy) gig, collaborating on a hit song, not to mention the amazing friends and the weather and everything else?
Come on!
The only things I didn’t do on this trip were coke, experience an earthquake and punch a supporter of Proposition 8 in the genitals while screaming “THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE DOING TO THESE PEOPLES’ HEARTS!!!”.
The one issue I could see if I ever ended up out there would be the lack of transportation.
Or rather the abundance of shitty transportation.
I don’t want a repeat of Florida, which utterly stripped me of my independence when I was at my most independent.
One of the main reasons I’m in New York is that one does not need anything more than a pair of legs to get oneself around.
And, god DAMN are my legs beautiful…
But, I suppose I can burn that bridge when I cross it.
This was an exceptional weekend, populated by exceptionally friends.
California truly does know how to party.
Yes they do.

 


* I would meet an unlikely someone during my last hour or so in Los Angeles who would posit an answer to my query…

** Namely: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike back and Clerks: the Animated Series.