Shut The Fuck Up About The Earthquake

8.23.11

3:17 pm

Sweet merciful fucking Jesus with a hard on.

I've been here seventeen fucking minutes and everyone is talking about this fucking thing.

IT'S STOPPED.

THE EARTH HAS STOPPED MOVING.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

It lasted, what, 45 seconds?

I've had orgasms that last longer and you don't hear me screaming about it.

Usually.

I think I might have to move to California, if only to avoid anymore of this Chicken Little bullshit.

I feel as if acting awe-struck by a 5.9 in L.A. would get you slapped.

"My car was shaking! My car was shaking!"

"You have to stay inside or the ground will SWALLOW YOU UP!!!"

"I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!"

How are these people going to react in sixteen months when the fucking Ice Giants and Fire Beasts start getting down, Ragnarok style?

Badly, I'll wager..

Very badly.

In other news, chapter twenty eight is recorded.

Not as brutal as twenty seven, but still quiet annoying.

I have a funny feeling that the traffic in my neighborhood from 2 am to 4 am is somehow getting worse...

Why that is, I have no idea.

Do you have any enemies that are writers, Phil?

Enemies that have control over the traffic patterns of Long Island City from 2 am to 4am, maybe?

If so, can you please take care of this?

I mean, it's your book after all.

All right.

It's time to go to work.

10:40 pm

I've just started reading Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy.

I'm about a third of the way through the first book and, compared to Larsson's Girl trilogy, there are a lot less library scenes, a lot less rape and I can't recall wanting to see a sixteen year old girl kill people more than I want Katniss to do so.

SUCH a likable character...
Thus far, the book is feeling half The Running Man and half The Long Walk, so obviously, Collins is a King fan.

Which suits me just fine.

Oh, good, the next shift is here and they're talking about the earthquake...