PANIC

8.9.11

8:24 pm

 

I am writing this for my life.

For if I do not, I will fall asleep.

And then I will be fired.

Probably.

Actually, most likely not.

But I needed some sense of drama or else the whole thing would have fallen apart.

Like it just did.

 

So.

Today was a bag of bees.*

I woke a full half hour earlier than I should have, due to dreams of not making my appointments on time and thus ruining everything.

First off, I had a noon audition for Harley Davidson.

They were looking for someone to basically sound like the most bad ass motherfucker WITHOUT ANY SENSE OF ARTIFICE so that the real most bad ass motherfuckers in the world, namely, those who own and ride Harley-Davidson motorcycles, would know that the latest piece of bad ass motherfuckery on two wheels was available for purchase.

To be frank, it took a lot out of me.

 

After that, I shook my dainty little buns up to 86th and third where I took in Captain America: The First Avenger, which was...a movie.

At this point in the Avengers-related web of movies, I have to say I enjoy the Iron Man movies the best.

Not only is Tony Stark more human than the rest, he is just the perfect asshole, thanks to his brilliant portrayal by Robert Downey Jr.

A man who officially passed on the blockbusting sleeper hit Dead Prostitute Vagina Burger.

His loss.

 

Anyway.

I'm curious as to what the threat in the Avengers movie will be as they have quite a team set up to defeat it...

We'll see...

 

After the movie, I picked up a copy of Paul (the movie, not the me) then had a delightfully disappointing lunch at Subway (I would have gone with my earlier plan to get hot dogs and papaya juice, but it was pouring a dirty bitch out and I was already soaked to the bone without having to worry about keeping hot dogs dry.

 

Then to work where I created about nine new Peter Fireheads.

 

A note regarding my movie going experience: they have recently started showing a Fanta commercial before the show.

In a nutshell, it's a guy being chased around because he has a Fanta and then finishing the Fanta, to the crowd's disappointment, but only for a moment, before he opens another and the merry chase begins again.

 

Two things: first, an ad for Fanta? Really? That's a little like an ad for a Tyler Perry movie, isn't it?

In a word: unnecessary.

Just like Tyler Perry movies have a built in audience, Fanta does as well.

And, as it turns out, they are the same built in audience: people without taste, both artistically and literally.

Second, in the ad, there is, as I said, a crowd chasing this guy who is drinking a Fanta.

I think they want to kill him for drinking a Fanta, or maybe ask him why he's drinking a Fanta.

If that is the thrust of the ad, awesome, I'd gladly kill someone for drinking a Fanta, BUT, if they are implying that alllll these people want to be his friend only because he is drinking a Fanta...?

Well, then that's just awful.

Who would want a friend who is only there because of the soda you are drinking?!

I'll tell you who: people who watch Tyler Perry movies.

YOU SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER?

FULL CIRCLE MOTHERFUCKER!

 

Also, this morning at around two, I booking my trip to Los muthafuckin' Angeles.

The last Thursday in January to the last Monday in January.

I plan to hang hang out with Will, see the 30th Anniversary They Might Be Giants show and Jay & Silent Bob Get Old.

I also plan to eat at all the food places mentioned in both The Big Lebowski and Beck's Debra.

Other than that?

Maybe kidnap Steven Spielberg.

I'll let you know.

 

Now I shall feed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Busy.