The Fuckest Upest

8.18.10

4:42 pm

Jumping right the hell in.

Nothing.

NOTHING in the world could have prepared me for Cube Zero...

It wasn't shit.

At least not compared to Cube and Hypercube.

It was still pretty bad on its own with a plothole or two that really can't be ignored, but not nearly as apocalyptically shitty as I had expected.

Way to go, Ernie Bambaras or whatever your name is.

One or two of the actors could actually act.

It was....weird.

And there was a really fun, if slightly over the top, character that showed up at one point.

I would certainly not recommend this to anyone.

Now, the important stuff: how the hell do I gain a sense of objectivity with regards to my five favorite bands?

Or anything I gush over, for that matter?

Do I read reviews and compare notes?

Do I assume that no one gives a shit about the things I give a shit about as much as I give a shit about them?

What about people who are MORE into the stuff I'm into than me?

What the fuck?

Example: I own all of They Might Be Giants' albums and have seen them about 50 times since 1998.

FIFTY times in twelve years.

That's a lot, right?

But what about the person who has seen them fifty times in eight years?

Or fifty times in a year?

Or fifty times in six months?

I suppose the word "relatively" will crop up here, a la, I am a big fan on my own, but a relatively small one compared to those people who have seen them hundreds of times.

But what about regular people?

I have brought a few people who weren't huge TMBG fans to TMBG shows and, unless they were just lying to not hurt my feelings, they enjoyed themselves.

Bottom line: How good is the music I'm listening to?

I'm almost one hundred percent certain that the answer, for all five bands and most of the other stuff, is "not nearly as good as I'd like to think".

Otherwise more people would like them, right?

The shows would be in bigger venues, the songs would be played on the radio more, the tickets would cost more, the albums would leak earlier, there'd be more merch, right?

Thing is, I can pretty much envision what I'd do with the answers I seek; most likely I'd shrug, think, "well, that's your opinion" and listen to "The Fragile" for the three thousandth time.

Hm.

Segueing nicely from that line of jibbering...for some reason, the new Eels has leaked yet.

I swung over to Amazon and found they had thirty second clips from each song up there, so I figured, "I'm obsessed, let's do this" and I checked them out.

This is going to be the most varied of the three albums, sonically, but as far as lyrically, I think we might still be looking at some straightforward stuff.

Oh well.

Three albums in less than two years though?

Gift horse, let's skip the dentist and get you some cotton candy.

And, as I've said, it isn't like these are shit; they aren't my favorites, especially "End Times", but there's great stuff scattered here and there.

About a month until they come to NYC.

No one got tickets so I'm going it alone.

I hate that.

So goddamn boring, but at least E always finds really weird substitutes for openers.

Apparently, at their first gig on this tour, he hired a really awful ventriloquist.

THAT is an exciting prospect.

I suppose we'll see.

I have stuck to my promise about not seeking out setlists or bootlegs until after I've seen them.

And speaking of seeing them: Cake is coming in about three weeks and those cranky eco-fags haven't put out the fucking album they're meant to be promoting.

I have to wonder if they left their record label or if they were kicked off it.

I could honestly see them leaving because the company refused to print their CDs on papyrus or something.

Honestly, Britney Spears switching to carbon free CDs would have an impact, like it or not, she sells millions of the things, but Cake?

What do they sell, like 100,000 CDs every decade?

You aren't important enough to change anything, Cake, you might as well make the music and distribute it before all your fans have lost interest.

Which probably won't happen.

They sold out Terminal 5 last year.

And I don't really think people would join me in boycotting a band for being too whiny and trying to be less harmful to the environment.

Then again, what do you think is more important to Cake fans, the planet or Cake's music?

Be honest.

If not with me, then at least with yourselves.

Had an audition that was an excellent opportunity for massive exposure and a nice piece of money today, but I don't have very high hopes.

Why?

Just because.

I'll let you know though.

And then there's Philip, out there somewhere being eaten by wolves.

Will and I were discussing the fact that he was probably totally unprepared for this camping/hiking trip, bringing such food items as a cheese wheel, but, then again, a wolf or bear or puma attacking you will probably go after a cheese wheel before going after freeze-dried tomato paste and you.

So, well played, Mr. Tucker, well played.

We all look forward to your safe return.

And also your purchasing of tickets to New Mexico.

And remember to renew your passport(s) before you go to the airport to leave for Colombia.

You stupid bastard.

Bring me back a pelt.

Bring us all back a pelt.